The Rental (11 page)

Cara had ignored me completely for half a year and I cared more about getting out of the cold than listening to a word more out of her slutty mouth. Her appearance piqued my interest, but it wasn’t enough, and I doubted her reason for returning ever would be.

She sighed. “I was a rat best friend.”

I quirked my eyebrow, pausing. “Agreed.”

“I didn’t mean to, but it doesn’t make it any better.”

I could only agree, but didn’t want to repeat myself, so I waited for her to continue.

“In fact, I could answer twenty questions to you to demonstrate every fuck-up I managed to do in one moment.”

“Thanks, but no thanks, Cara. High school is over. I’m too busy and I have other stuff in my life to take care of. I don’t have time for catch up.”

“I don’t want to play games. I need you back in my life. Please.”

My teeth chattered. “I need to go.”

There was coughing in the background, and suddenly, Mum’s footsteps. I swore under my breath, knowing nothing could be done to avoid the run-in. She opened the door in a robe and stuck her head out. Her hair was bundled up, and she sported a red nose and an otherwise pale face.

“That you, Cara?”

She beamed. “Nicky, hi! I hope you’re doing okay.”

Fuck, did she have to say that? How careless could she be to not realise that would dredge up bad memories?

“I’ve got a bloody cold.”

I looked at Mum. “You went to the doctors?”

“Yup. I’ve been struck down. I can take a couple of days off work. Have some medication and otherwise, just have to wait it out.”

Cara wrinkled her nose. “I’m so sorry to hear that. Colds suck you dry.”

The whole thing was unfolding as if I wasn’t there. Mum giggled and faced Cara. “Are you saying …”

“No, Mrs Wyland. You, of course, look fabulously non-sick.”

“Good save.”

I exhaled ragged breaths through clenched teeth during their back and forths. Cara was
not
doing this. She was
not
going to weasel her way into this house, or my life.

It was over.

“Would you like to come in?” Mum swung the door fully open. “We’re so sorry. Both of us have been working day and night and pretty much operating as hermits.”

“No, Mum,” I said, stepping in. I blocked Cara’s path. “She was just leaving.”

“I came to see you, actually.”

“I’ve been down all day,” Mum said before I could answer. She retreated farther inside, making her voice echo. “But I can make you girls a cuppa if you want.”

“Great,” Cara said at the same time, I said, “No.”

Mum’s ears must’ve been blocked up, too because she went through her business, not stopping or calling back.

“One chance. I miss you, Vee.”

I wasn’t sure what it was that made up my mind to let her in.

Part of it was being easier than telling Mum what happened six months ago. I didn’t think of Justin those first few days while Mum, Robert, and I bunkered down together trying to make sense of what had happened to our lives. After that, I didn’t give an ounce of spotlight to what Justin did, and that meant leaving out Cara’s despicable actions, too. I claimed I lost contact with everyone.

Part of it was also the recent exchange with Mum and I, and I felt I needed to protect Rick from Cara. I didn’t want her knowing I was speaking to him again in case she was in close contact with Justin. I doubted Rick wanted to let Justin know about our reunion, either. Agreeing with Cara would give us privacy away from Mum who could’ve innocently said something.

We sat at the stools under the kitchen bench with our cups of tea, drinking them both silently and in large gulps. Soon after, we went to my room. For a split second, Cara hesitated about sitting on the bed. Cara, Justin, and I spent nights hanging out in my bedroom, on this very bed. Did Cara and Justin do stuff together on my bed? For how long were things going on?

That was why I blocked all that stuff. The hammering feeling in my chest as I had now would’ve been overwhelming to experience all that time.

Cara sat there after the extended silence, but the memories were overwhelming to take with so much wrong between us. I sat on my desk chair and swivelled around to face her.

“I’m sorry about back there.”

“I don’t care if you are or aren’t.”

“I was just so desperate. Six months, Vee! I was going bat-shit cray cray without you. I didn’t realise how much you made a mark in my life until I spent every moment wondering about what I’d done and how you were.”

“Did you think of me when you were with Justin?”

Silence had never been so heavy. The air had turned to mousse and with every passing second, it expanded. It compressed down on me, shortening and shallowing my breaths.

“I figure it doesn’t matter now.”

I asked, “What doesn’t?” Before it hit me, I fell for Cara’s trap. I seemed interested. And it shifted the balance in a way I didn’t want it to.

“He offered to supply me a night’s worth of coke if I fucked him at the party. It’s why I knew about Rick’s twenty-first earlier than you. He said you’d never do something like that, and that he was sick of waiting, and he wanted to be with me.”

“Justin had no cash for …” I shook my head. “Never mind. And you just did it?”

“Not immediately. He asked before, without the drugs.”

“Did you not think about being caught or was that part of the thrill?”

“No, like I said I wasn’t thinking!”

Cara crawled forward and reached for my hand, but I jerked back, out of reach. I gave a warning glare. “Don’t touch me. I don’t want any more shit from you.”

“You have to believe me. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship for money or drugs.”

“But, alas, you did.”

She sat up on her haunches. “But I didn’t
mean
to.”

“Cara … It doesn’t matter what you intended. It matters what actually happened. And that, Cara, says everything about what we had.” I shook my head to myself rather than at her. “I have too much shit going on for this.”

I stood and opened my bedroom door. I cocked my head into the open space.

“Please, let me explain. We didn’t even do it for long.”

“It? You mean you didn’t even fuck my boyfriend for long so it’s not so bad?”

“No, I didn’t mean it like
that
.”

“If this is your explanation, I’m done hearing it. You’ve spent all this time saying everything and nothing. Where are we now? You were my best friend and you cheated with my boyfriend. Keep it all, I don’t want any of it.”

“If you’re talking about your dad, I heard—”

“No diverting. I don’t want your pity or your apologies. You and Justin are deader to me than he is. If all you need is money or drugs to cross me, I can’t have you in my life.”

“I came to help, Vee! It was such a shit time, and I had to get it off my chest. We were all bad with the drugs, and—”

“You were,” I corrected. “I only dabbled in them. I was never addicted or spiralling out of control.”

Cara averted my gaze and shuffled her hands in her laps. The awkwardness in her posture seemed like she had other things she wanted to say.

“Justin wasn’t any different to me. We used often but didn’t say anything to you. How could we? You were this happy little thing who liked to experiment, and we hardly
loved
it—we did it because we
had
to. We loved you, and we didn’t want you disappointed in us when you barely used recreationally, like you didn’t care for how hard it was to stop. Like you had some superhero strength we didn’t.

“I didn’t like Justin initially, but our feelings changed after all those times when we were high and you weren’t. He was like a drug too, and soon I was addicted to wanting him. He was the same with me. Call it attraction to the darkness in each other or some bullshit, but it was what it was.

“And in the end, we were the weak ones. He wanted me so badly that night, he outright offered money, new pills from a better supplier … I wasn’t thinking when I should have, and in that split second, we went for it. I just didn’t care.”

My world was spinning, and though I had the handle of my doorknob, it wasn’t enough to keep me upright. I gripped it, white-knuckled and thrust my hand to the wall on the opposite side in the opening to my room.

Anger coiled in my hands, and I heard the squeak from the shiny knob as I crunched my fist down harder than ever. I was past this. I didn’t care, and I’d moved on.

So why did I hurt so damn much to hear it?

I steeled my eyebrows, lowering them to match the ferocity in my glare. “Stop. Shut the fuck up. Leave now.”

I stormed up to Cara, grabbed her by her wrist, and yanked.

“Let go!”

“Then get out. Now. Can you understand
that
?”

Cara blew out a breath, strands of hair flying up from her face. She passed me wordlessly, and I listened to her storm out as Rick had, the front door slamming with her departure. I slammed my own bedroom door, and then flicked the lock before Mum could ask me questions.

9

W
EDNESDAY,
I
WOKE
by seven a.m. I slept in one big gulp. It was a long, deep rest, and when I came to, my eyes snapped open with renewed energy. I put on my work shirt and dark tracksuit pants for my early shift, hoping by the time I was done, it would still allow plenty of time to get into the right headspace before my first rental booking.

I emerged from the hallway pulling my hair into a low-slung ponytail since it was slightly oily. I’d wash it after my shift.

“Ah, sleeping beauty!”

My mum waved a knife “hello” as I appeared. That wasn’t so good.

“Are the meds messing with your head?”

“Nope. I just wanted to do something together. I know it’s only breakfast, and I can hardly hear or smell, but if you don’t die from salt overload or blandness, then we should be right.”

I stepped up to the bench and shooed Mum away. She plopped onto a stool while I shaved the fat off the last rasher of bacon and threw the bacon into the frying pan. I fried eggs too, and then laid them on the plates for us. We chomped them down, the clinking of utensils on the plates loud in our silence. We hadn’t sat down to eat breakfast—any meal, really—together in months, so I was smiling, which made swallowing hard.

“I’m glad we’re doing this,” Mum said, pushing away her empty plate afterward. “We’re so busy with our own things.” Her mood became sombre. “I abandoned you. You fell right into Rick’s hands because I wasn’t there, didn’t you?”

“Mum, it’s not like that. He was nice, and I already told you he did nothing wrong.”

“Call me a monkey’s uncle but I’m glad I’m rundown. Do you remember how you always got colds before your exams? Always. I was on full steam up until I walked in and saw that scene. Woke me right up. I love you, Vee—so much that I can’t even put it into words.

“Cara turning up last night wasn’t ideal, but I hope things will be better for your friendship.”

“Umm,” I trailed off.

No, we weren’t friends now and never would be again. Not that there was a chance before, but for fucking
drugs!
What best friend went weak at the knees and lost her mind so much so, she cheated with her best friend’s boyfriend? Now that Cara was gone from my life, I could look back to see what she really was—a For Now Friend. She was fun and great to hang with, but was never loyal enough to hang around forever. Why couldn’t I see that at the time?

“Yeah,” I said, to end that conversation.

“She wasn’t there for you at all after what happened, was she?”

I rested my fork and knife over my nearly done breakfast and pushed it out of the reach of my fidgety fingers. “Nope. We’ve been … strangers. It was a mess.”

“Can I throw in my old lady two cent’s worth?”

“I have an inkling you will anyway.”

She nudged my shoulder.

It was just a little gesture, but it made me think of Dad. Of the times on the couch with the three of us bumping shoulders. Sometimes it turned into a war, and we’d be like three kids trying to rock a boat over.

I wiped my fingers under my lids and swept away the beginning of tears.

“Everything is worth a resolution. No matter how hard it is. I think it was good she came last night. And I wasn’t silly. I knew you didn’t want to see her. I hope you’re not mad. I heard the tension, though not what you were saying—so don’t worry—and thought I’d give you a little push.”

“Mum! No, I can’t see your point. I wasn’t ready.”

“Would you ever have been?”

I didn’t want to lie to her. I crossed my arms and pouted.

“I’m not sure you can say yes. Look, hate me now, but a good night’s sleep is worth the pain and hardship of facing your issues.”

I perked up. “What did you say?”

“Facing your issues …”

“No, a good night’s sleep.”

“I’d rather you sort out your problems now, darling. It was just a figure of speech. For your life. About moving on and being at peace with your inner self.”

Mum smiled, kissed my forehead, and trudged off to her room. I, however, stared at the spot where she was, and wondered about that coincidence. Maybe I slept so well because I ended my own conflict with Cara.

I drove to the Leisure Centre with the music louder than usual. Mum’s admission and advice circled me endlessly, and it dredged up my admission to Rick the night I saw him at the bar when I told him to not mention Justin. Those types of thoughts had to be suppressed while I was busy with other things.

And the music? It emptied the worry in my mind—worry that weighed down on me like it was burying me alive in my own bed of lies.

• • •

T
HE WAITING ROOM
was a little smaller than Amber’s office and a few doors down that corridor. For Rick’s arrival, I dressed in jeans, high heel boots, and a low-cut sweater with my hair down, behind my ears. I had showered and applied only mascara and blush. After our chat, I’d do it all up from head to toe.

Unlike Amber’s room, this one was nondescript, just these walls, me scratching the edge of the desk, and two chairs, one of them occupied with me. I was alone with my thoughts and the nerves that I took out on the desk for five minutes or so.