The Reluctant Bride (24 page)

“I feel like I could stay here forever,” Tanzy said.

Those words should have hit him like cold water in the face, but they had nearly the opposite effect. He
wanted
her to stay. That didn’t make sense. What the hell was the hold she had on him, and how was he going to break it?

“You just said you couldn’t stay in a place like this, that you had to have people around you.”

“I’d like to go to town occasionally to see other women, but I could be very happy here if I had a husband who respected me and children to love.”

“Don’t you want a husband who loves you?”

“Every woman dreams of that, but I’d settle for one who respects me.”

He almost said he could respect a woman if he found one who deserved it, but he wasn’t sure he’d be telling the truth. It seemed incredible to him that any man would let himself be advised by a woman, much less act on her advice when it went counter to his own opinion. “I think many men love women, their mothers, wives, daughters, but they love them as helpless creatures who need a man’s strength and guidance.”

“I wouldn’t want to marry a man who thought I was so weak, stupid, and helpless I couldn’t survive without him.”

“A man doesn’t want a wife who’ll argue with him over everything.”

“I wouldn’t argue with my husband over everything, but I would expect him to respect my opinion enough to listen and give it fair and honest consideration.”

Russ couldn’t restrain a small chuckle. “Where do you think you’re going to find a man like that?”

“The same place you’ll find a woman who’ll marry you.”

“Then we’ll both be single I’m a lying, thieving ex-con.”

“You’re smart, ambitious, hardworking, kind, and thoughtful.”

She sounded like she really meant it.

“Some people might give you the ambitious and hardworking, but not the rest.”

“Everybody treats Tardy like some kind of idiot, but you’ve gone out of your way to make him feel better about himself.”

“In a way he reminds me of myself years ago.”

“You must have done something to have earned your men’s loyalty.”

“I pay them.”

“There’s more than that. You said yourself they’d stick with you no matter what. Men don’t do that without a good reason. I wish the people in Boulder Gap could see what I’ve seen tonight. I think some of them would change their minds.”

“Not Stocker or Ethel.”

“Maybe not, but not everyone feels about you as they do.”

“They’d never let on.”

“I know. They’re cowards. At least nobody can say that about you.”

Russ was having a difficult time believing anyone other than Welt could think so well of him. It sounded as if she liked him. He had a feeling he was about to start liking her, but maybe this new feeling was all right. She didn’t want to marry him and he didn’t want to marry anyone, so liking her was safe.

Deciding that seemed to release a ball of tension inside him.

“What are you sighing about?” Tanzy asked.

He hadn’t realized he’d made any sound. “Just thinking how nice it is to be standing outside on a beautiful summer night talking with a woman who doesn’t think I’m the devil’s son. It’ll take a while, but I think I could get used to it.”

“I’ll get Tardy to help.”

He didn’t want Tardy’s and Tanzy’s feelings about him combined. He wanted them separate so he could tell exactly what she felt.

“Boys like Tardy can’t help admiring somebody who stands up against the same forces that have belittled them,” Russ said.

“You might be the one person who can save his life.”

“You’ve done that.”

“I only started. He needs a man to take him the rest of the way.”

“And you think I can be that man?”

“I think you’re the
only
man who can do it.”

Russ wasn’t certain what he was feeling just then, but he was certain it could be very dangerous if it got out of control. This experiment in liking a woman wasn’t going very well. It hadn’t been five minutes and already he was starting to feel unlike himself. He’d better bring this attempt to a close in a hurry.

He put his fingertips under Tanzy’s chin and lifted her head until he could look into her eyes. “No one’s ever said anything that nice to me. Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me for telling the truth.”

“I don’t know that you have. I’m thanking you for believing in me.”

He leaned down to kiss her. He’d intended to kiss her cheek, her forehead, even the end of her nose, but he somehow found himself kissing her lips. The shock was so great he couldn’t move. Then, once he could, he didn’t want to.

He’d never known something as simple as a kiss could reach out and yank him off his feet so quickly. He’d never realized a woman’s belief in him could make him want to cling to her, to put his arms around her and pull her to him so she could never get away.

He suddenly realized his arms
had
encircled Tanzy’s waist, that he
had
pulled her to him. She hadn’t broken the kiss, she hadn’t tried to pull away. He couldn’t tell whether time stood still or his brain stopped functioning, but the kiss seemed to go on forever.

“Russ, where are you? Welt says I can’t sleep in the bunkhouse.”

Tardy’s voice cut through the night with the sharpness of a thunderclap. Russ came to his senses to find Tanzy wrapped in his arms in a passionate embrace. He released her and nearly jumped back. He didn’t know what the hell had gotten into him.

“Russ, where are you?”

“Sorry,” Russ said to Tanzy. “I just wanted to thank you, but things sorta got out of hand.”

“For a man who doesn’t want to get married, you sure have a dangerous way of saying thanks.”

“I never thanked anybody like that before.”

“I’m sure your cowhands are grateful.”

“Dammit, Russ, where are you? Why can’t I sleep in the bunkhouse?”

“We’re over here by the fence,” Russ called out. “I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. The boys will never forgive me if I drive you away the very first night.”

“That was unexpected, but it’s a very nice way of saying thank you. Maybe you ought to try it more often.”

“You saying you wouldn’t get mad if I did it again?”

“I’m saying it might make a few ladies think differently about you.”

“More likely it would get me shot.”

“Welt says I have to sleep in the house to protect Tanzy,” Tardy said, coming close. “What are you standing out here for? It’s dark.”

“Somebody needs to protect my reputation,” Tanzy said, “and you’re the only one who can do that.”

“Is that true?” Tardy asked.

“Nobody in town would believe Tanzy was innocent if any one of us slept in the ranch house.”

“No, but—”

“You said you were coming to protect her reputation,” Russ said. “I’m afraid you’re going to have to do what you promised.”

“Why wouldn’t they doubt her reputation if
I
slept in the ranch house?” Tardy demanded. “I’m a man.”

Russ remembered all too clearly feeling much the same way. “Because they trust you, people will believe you if you say Tanzy’s virtue is safe.”

“Is that true?” Tardy asked Tanzy.

“Your aunt would never have asked you to look after me if she hadn’t trusted you.”

It was apparent Tardy had previously looked on that task as a chore rather than an honor, but he appeared willing to reconsider. “Okay, but as soon as she leaves, I’m moving into the bunkhouse.”

“Agreed. Now we’d all better go to bed. We get started early in the morning.”

It was much later before Russ felt any desire to sleep. The kiss in the schoolhouse had been impulsive, something he hadn’t anticipated and therefore wasn’t prepared for. He didn’t have a similar excuse this time. He knew how dangerous kissing Tanzy could be and he’d done it anyway. He could tell himself it was in appreciation for her believing in him, but that wasn’t the whole truth. He
wanted
to kiss her, had been thinking about it nearly the whole time since he’d decided to bring her to the ranch. He hadn’t been consciously planning to kiss her, but ever since Tanzy arrived, he’d wanted to do all kinds of unexpected things.

Why the hell had Welt written those letters? If it would do any good, he’d break his head all over again. Only Tanzy would still be there, believing that he was good, that he was kind, that he was thoughtful. Now, God help him, he wanted to be all those things. Maybe he ought to watch the pass for the next few days. He needed time to think, and helping Tardy turn into enough of a cowhand so he didn’t kill himself was hardly going to leave him extra time to pee.

Tanzy undressed slowly, mechanically, her mind elsewhere. Russ’s kiss worried her. It upset her that a man as strong, determined, and successful as Russ would be so grateful that someone could believe in him. Something truly awful must have happened to make him so thankful for a little bit of praise. She wasn’t saying he was a hero or anything. Yet he’d kissed her like a man desperately eager to find a reason to believe in himself.

Then there was the kiss itself. Never mind his reasons for it; what about her reasons for letting him kiss her, for kissing him back? Was she just grateful he’d rescued her from an uncertain future, or was it more than that?

She’d already admitted she was attracted to him, but now she
liked
him. She empathized with him. She also admired him and was grateful to him. With all those feelings mixed up together, it was hard to separate out the pieces and decipher just what each meant.

Still, it wasn’t the common practice to go around kissing people you admired, at least not like Russ had kissed her. And even if western men did do that, she shouldn’t have been so willing to melt into his embrace. She couldn’t deny that was exactly what had happened. If the kiss had lasted much longer, she might have dissolved entirely. She wasn’t sure whether she was grateful or angry about Tardy’s interruption.

That in itself was another sign that something was wrong. She always knew her own mind, never had any problem articulating how she felt, never vacillated or changed.

Things were different out here. Maybe a person had to be ready to change her mind, look at things in a different way. But flexibility could be dangerous, too. A person who swapped her principles every few weeks would soon have no principles at all. Maybe she needed to learn to interpret her principles a little differently, apply them with more latitude, not break anything but bend a little.

She wasn’t going to decide anything tonight. She was too tired. Too much had happened. She understood too little. She needed to sleep, to clear her mind. Tomorrow she’d figure out what to do.

“That was a mighty fine breakfast, ma’am,” Tim said. “I want you to know if it ever comes to a vote, I’ll vote we send Welt off and keep you.”

“You’re not fooling anybody,” Oren said. “You’d vote to keep her if she bumed the biscuits.”

“Not if she burned the biscuits,” Tim said, reaching for another before he finished the one on his plate in case someone else got it first. “A man’s got to draw the line somewhere.”

“I’m sure she’s drawn the line at listening to the foolery of a stripling,” Welt said.

“I’m young, but I’m pretty,” Tim said.

“Not as pretty as your horse,” Oren said.

“Ma’am, I ask you if it’s right to be so cruel to a man before he’s finished his breakfast.”

“The only way to make you finish your breakfast is to take your plate from you,” Welt said.

“I’m going to ask her to marry me and make me biscuits for every meal.”

“Miss Gallant wouldn’t marry any cowhand,” Tardy said. “She knows enough to be a schoolteacher.”

“I know enough not to insult a man who puts in an honest day’s work,” Tanzy said. “You ought to apologize to Tim.”

“But he was making fun of you,” Tardy protested.

“He was just joking,” Russ said. “No one at this table would ever think of making fun of Tanzy.”

“Sorry,” Tardy said.

“Don’t worry,” Tim said. “I’ll never fault a man for defending the honor of a lady.”

“Whew!” Orem said, getting to his feet. “I’d better relieve Buck before things get too rich for my blood.”

“You don’t have any blood,” Tim said. “It was drained out of you at birth.”

There was a good deal more ribbing before the men finished breakfast and headed to the corral to saddle their horses for the day.

“Why don’t I have a job?”

“You don’t know the ranch yet,” Russ explained. “You need a few days to get familiar with things before I let you go off on your own.”

“How can I get lost in a valley?”

“Come on. I’ll show you.”

“What time do you want supper?” Tanzy asked.

“We’ll be back about dusk. We’ll have supper whenever you get it ready.”

“It’ll be ready half an hour after you get back.”

Tanzy could hardly keep from grinning at the way Tardy danced around Russ like a frisky puppy.