THE RELUCTANT BRIDE (35 page)

She
could feel his eyes on her but she still couldn't meet them. “I'm
not going to ask you about Caroline. I know it's none of my business.
But – I just hope you're not going to get hurt again.”

“
Do
you care if I'm hurt?”

She
lowered her head. “Yes.”

There
was a long silence, then he leaned back against the headboard.
“Caroline and Jeremy have split up. I suppose even good old
Jeremy has a financial limit. Anyway, he's currently negotiating for
Wife Number Three and Caroline – well, Caroline has never
believed in standing on her own two feet, she much prefers to stand
on someone else's – preferably a man's – and as she'd
heard that I'm now co-owner of a reasonably large company with
potential she thought she'd sound me out.” He smiled cynically.
“Of course, she's interviewing a few other prospects as well. I
wouldn't say I was top of the list by any means.”

“
Doesn't
she know you're married?”

“
Oh
yes, I reminded her. But that's a minor obstacle for Caroline.”

“
She
sounds -”

“
A
bitch. Yes, I suppose she is.”

“
But
… you still care about her?”

He
thought about it. “No, I don't think so. I was very much in
love with her at the time but I realised later that I loved someone
I'd invented, not the real Caroline. But I can't help feeling some
responsibility.”

“
You
feel responsible for so many people. It's one of the good things
about you that I never understood.” And if he wanted to go on
being responsible for his ex-wife, Gabriella resolved that she
wouldn't stand in his way. She looked up. “If you want to help
Caroline – if you want to see her now and then ...”

He
looked at her and a half smile lightened the sombreness of his face.
“Oh, come on, Gabriella, stop being so saintly, it doesn't suit
you.”

“
I
just meant -”

“
I've
no wish to see Caroline. I shall probably keep an eye on her from a
distance for a while but I'm sure she'll find another husband before
too long. And she won't do too badly from the share-out with Jeremy
when the divorce goes through. She must be amassing quite a good bank
balance by now.”

He
looked at Gabriella thoughtfully. “Well. Thank you for talking
to me. I shall look forward to dealing with the new grown up
Gabriella!”

She
was tempted to leave it at that but knew she couldn't. The hardest
part was still to come and she began to tremble again. She turned
away so that he could not see her face.

“
There's
something else,” she whispered. “I feel I owe it to you
to tell you, after the way I've behaved. I hope you'll hear me out –
and that you won't find it too embarrassing – and you mustn't
feel under any obligation -”

She
took a deep breath and he waited while she struggled for words.

“
This
is nailbiting stuff!” he said at last, keeping his voice light.
“Whatever it is, you don't have to tell me, you know.”

“
I
must,” she said. “The thing is – God, it's so hard
to say. Please don't look at me.” She took another deep breath.
“The thing is – I've discovered – I love you, Rod.”

Now
it was her turn to wait. And then he said, “This is rather
sudden,” and she thought he was mocking her, but risking a
glance at him she saw that his face was grave.

“
It
isn't really. I know now that I was drawn to you right from the first
day I saw you. It scared me. I didn't want to fall in love with
anyone – and most of all, I didn't want to fall in love with
you!”

“
Why
not?” he asked, his voice quiet.

“
Because
– because I was frightened of you, I suppose. You were so
handsome, so attractive to women. I kept thinking of my father. I was
frightened of repeating all my mother's mistakes. And when I saw you
taking out various girls from the office -” She lowered her
head. “I suppose it was self defence in a way. I let myself see
only the things in you that were bad – or rather, that I
thought were bad. But deep down I've known all the time that I could
love you. Wanted to love you. And I just kept fighting it.”

She
looked up at him then. “Rod, I know I don't deserve anything
after the way I've behaved. I don't expect you to love me but –
do you think you could ever forgive me?”

“
I
tried to make allowances,” said Rod. “After you told me
about your father I thought I understood the way you were. I wanted
to help you but it seemed that everything I did was wrong. You went
on condemning me without any evidence.”

“
I've
been such a fool.”

“
It's
hard to keep trying when someone treats you like some sort of
monster,” he said. “In the end I lost heart.”

“
I'm
sorry,” she whispered, her eyes beginning to fill. “Oh
God, I'm so sorry. I've ruined everything and now you hate me!”

He
was silent for such a long time that she stumbled to her feet. She
had to get back to her room and bury her humiliation and despair
beneath her pillow.

And
then, “Is that what you think?” he asked. She turned and
stared at him through a blur of tears and he held out his arms. “Come
here, my little idiot!”

She
flung herself at him, hardly daring to believe that he didn't hate
her after all. He wrapped his arms around her, his chin resting on
the top of her head.

Lying
against his chest she heard the slow beat of his heart, breathed in
the warm essence of him, tickled her nose on the dark hairs that ran
down to the taut planes of his stomach, and thanked God for giving
her a second chance.

He
tilted up her chin until she looked at him. “Did you really
think I hated you?” he asked gently. “Even if I never
said it, couldn't you see that I cared for you?”

“
My
mother said so.”

“
A
clever woman, your mother.”

“
I
was wrong there, too.”

He
burst out laughing then. “Oh, Gabriella! You really have been
seeing life upside down, haven't you?”

She
managed a tiny smile and nodded. “It seems I've been wrong
about everyone. You. My mother. Bernard. Sue. Your wife. My father.
How could I have been so blind and stupid?”

“
Here.”
He reached over, flipped open a drawer and pulled out a handkerchief.
“I buy them by the dozen now.” He blotted her eyes and
cheeks. “Blow,” he ordered.

She
did and felt better. “Oh Rod,” she whispered. “I
love you so much.”

He
looked down at her. “When I watched you walk down the aisle at
our wedding … You were so beautiful. You looked like an
enchanted princess. Unawakened. I wanted to be the one to waken you.
I wished so much then that we were marrying for the right reasons.”
He brought his hands up to her face and cupped it, gazing deep into
her eyes. “And then on our honeymoon I began to hope that
things would work out. I was sure that you wanted me as much as I
wanted you.”

“
Oh
Rod, I did! You don't know how many nights I've lain awake since,
wanting you.”

“
And
how I've managed to keep my hands off you night after night is a
miracle!” he added huskily.

“
Why
did you?”

“
Pride,
I suppose. You had such a poor opinion of me, I was damned if I was
going to chase after you. The first move had to come from you.”

“
When
I came to your room -” No, this was not the time to tell him
that she had had a different motive entirely. She sighed. “We've
both wasted so much time.”

He
bent his head and tenderly traced his lips down over her eyebrows,
her eyes and the corners of her mouth. “I love you, Gabriella.
I've wanted to say that for a long time.”

“
You
really love me? In spite of everything?”

“
In
spite of. Because of. Both, I suppose. Even though you've driven me
nearly insane!”

She
smiled and slid her hand round his neck into the thick curling hair.
“Darling, you don't have to now,” she murmured.

“
What?”

“
Keep
your hands off me.”

He
looked at her and the naked desire in his eyes turned her dizzy. Her
lips trembled as they met his in a kiss that banished all the
frustrations and misunderstandings of the previous weeks.

Just
for a moment when Rod pulled away saying, “This isn't right,”
an echo of an earlier fear cast a shadow over her but when he added,
“We're in the wrong place,” she understood. He rose,
lifted her into his arms and carried her to their room.

He
sat her down gently on the edge of the double bed and knelt before
her. “I love you, Gabriella,” he whispered.

“
I
love you too, Rod,” she answered gravely, knowing that now at
last they were making their true marriage vows.

Burying
his hands in the long pale strands of her hair he brought her mouth
to his and then slowly he began to undress her, his lips moving
tenderly over each part of her body as he uncovered it, as if he were
staking his ownership. His lips sent long shivers through her and she
knew that beneath the tenderness lay a passion he could only just
control.

“
There
was always a special magic between us when we made love,” he
murmured. “I should have trusted my instincts.”

“
Trust
them now,” she breathed. “Trust them now!”

With
a low half smothered sound he lifted her into the centre of the bed,
and then the strength and urgency of their desire blotted out all
thought.

Some
time in the early hours of the morning as they lay side by side,
momentarily sated, he spoke.