The Relic Murders (3 page)

Ah well, the passage of time! The crumbling of the flesh!

These things were yet to come. On that golden autumn day, with the sweat like silver pearls on my young body, I just stared at Agrippa and groaned. Dearest Uncle, Cardinal Thomas Wolsey, clad in his purple silk, was about to summon us in to the lair of the Great Beast.

Agrippa must have read my thoughts. He came to the foot of the ladder and stared up at me.

'No, no, Roger,' he whispered in that gentle parson's voice of his. 'You are not for court, my lad. I come to say goodbye to Benjamin.
‘
I
’
ve brought tender messages from his sweet uncle as well as the King's good wishes for both him and you.'

'Bugger off!' I snarled. 'There's mischief afoot, isn't there?'

Agrippa just shook his head. 'Come down, Roger. I've also brought a bottle of red wine from Italy; Falernian to wash the mouth and clear the stomach. And my boys, my retinue, would love to shake the dice.'

His boys! The nicest group of cutthroats you'd
ever hope to meet. Villains born
and bred. Old Agrippa knew I felt completely at home in their company.

I came down that ladder as quickly as a rat along a pipe. Little Lucy would have to wait a while before 1 finished my lesson in numbers.

Agrippa's rascals were waiting for me in the yard and fell about my neck like long-lost brothers. I drew my dagger and told them to stay away from my purse. They all laughed, slapped me on the back and said what a fine fellow I was and wouldn't I like to play dice? I told them to keep their hands to themselves and that I knew how many chickens we had in the yard. I then joined my master and Agrippa in the solar.

At first we listened to his chatter about the court and who was in favour and who was not. Later, as we feasted on beef roasted in mustard, our silver plates piled high with vegetables served in a mushroom sauce, Agrippa ordered the servants to be dismissed and the door closed. For a while he just sat and discussed Benjamin's forthcoming visit to Venice.

'You won't be there long,' he declared. 'Deliver some letters, give His Majesty's felicitations to the Doge and the Council and then
...
back to England.'

'Then why should I go at all?' Benjamin asked.

Agrippa pulled a face. He doffed his hat and hung it on the back of his chair but he still kept his gloves on. He glanced up; his eyes had changed to that fathomless black.

'You have to go, Master Daunbey. You are the Cardinal's good nephew. The Doge would see it as a great honour.'

'Yes,' Benjamin replied caustically. 'I suppose the King needs Venetian galleys to watch the coast of France?'

'Aye, and to seal the straits of Hercules,' Agrippa replied.

He fell silent, staring down at the white tablecloth, humming softly, rocking himself gently backwards and forwards. Darkness had fallen. The candlelight and the flame of the torches suddenly flared as a cold breeze swept through the room. The silence turned eerie. There was no sound except Agrippa's humming. A shiver ran up my spine. I felt we weren't alone: as if Agrippa was calling upon some dark force, beings who live on the edge of our existence. I glanced into the corner expecting to see some sombre shape lurking there. Benjamin too was caught by the spell so he grasped the good doctor's gloved hand.

'Master Agrippa!'

Our visitor kept his eyes closed.

'Master Agrippa!' Benjamin shook his hand.

Agrippa opened his eyes. In the candlelight his face had changed: it was younger, the skin smoother, taking on a more olive Italianate look. I had seen such a face upon a Roman fresco that my master had unearthed in a villa outside Norwich.

⁴
I am sorry.' Agrippa shook himself free of his reverie. 'But it's beginning
...'

'For God's sake!' Benjamin snapped. 'What is beginning?'

'The Mouldwarp, the Prince of Darkness, the Devil's Dance. The King is determined

'To do what?' I asked.

'Win back English lands in France. Outdo the feats of Henry V. Create an English empire in Europe.' He paused. 'And something else, secret, that even the Lord Cardinal doesn't know.'

I suppose we should have questioned him on that but Agrippa talked on hurriedly about Fat Henry's military ambitions. When he finished Benjamin groaned, and even I could see the folly of it all. The Great Beast hated Francis I: our King also saw himself as a second Alexander, a warrior more puissant than Edward III, The Black Prince or Henry V. Only Calais remained in English hands but Fat Henry wanted to change that: annexe Gascony, Normandy, Maine and Anjou. A war which would turn Europe into a living hell. Agrippa glanced at Benjamin.

'That's why you are off to Venice. Master Benjamin. The King will need galleys to transport his troops.' He grinned at me. 'The King doesn't want you to go, Master Shallot. He's frightened that you'll start a war with Venice.'

'Tell him—' I started hotly but bit my tongue.

Agrippa filled his wine glass, which
in
the flickering light looked like a goblet full of blood. For all I know it probably was!

'There's more as well,' Agrippa continued. 'The King wants a great alliance with Emperor Charles V of Germany. In return the Emperor has asked for the return of the Orb of Charlemagne.'

'The what?' I asked.

'The Orb of Charlemagne,' Agrippa explained. 'It's hidden away, kept in a locked coffer in a secret chamber in the Tower. It's a gold ball studded with gems and surmounted by a silver cross and a large amethyst. Now, according to legend, this Orb was sent by Charlemagne to Alfred the Great, not as a gift, but as a symbol of friendship.'

'And the English never returned it?'

'Precisely. Now Charles V claims it back. Henry has conceded that the Orb is in England and, in return for Hapsburg gold and troops, the Orb will be returned.'

(I could just imagine that. Long-jawed Charles Hapsburg constantly worried about his soul. He was the ruler of Spain, the Netherlands and most of Germany, and had no difficulty in thinking he was God's Vice-Regent on earth, the reincarnation of the great Emperor Charlemagne. At times, old Charley-boy with his big jaw was like an old woman. Once he wanted something, it was nag, nag, nag until he got it. Catherine of Aragon was his aunt and Charles knew how to apply pressure on Henry. The English treasury was bankrupt. Henry loved his feasts and banquets but they all cost money.)

'The Orb,' Agrippa continued, 'is precious not only to the House of Hapsburg but also to France and the Papacy. Inside this orb are said to be miraculous relics of great power: some of the Virgin Mary's hair and a phial of Mary Magdalene's blood.' He glanced at Benjamin. 'You've heard the story?'

'Some of it,' Benjamin replied.

'Well, according to legend,' Agrippa continued, addressing me, 'Mary Magdalene, after the Resurrection of Christ, allegedly fled Palestine and took ship to Marseilles. She was accompanied by Lazarus and others who had known Christ during his lifetime.

Well, to cut a long story short, the legend says that Mary Magdalene married and from her line sprang the Merovingians, the sacred, long-haired kings of France who fashioned the Orb.' Agrippa sipped from his goblet. 'So we now have a pretty little potage. The Emperor's men are in London led by their ambassador the Count of Egremont. He is assisted by those they call the Men of the Night, the Noctales.' 'And the French?' I asked.

'They're here too, not to mention the Pope's envoys, all vying to buy the Orb.' 'And the King?'

'Oh, he's loving every minute of it, like a young maid being courted. First he favours one side, and then another, simpering and pouting.'

(I could just imagine it. Henry liked to see himself as the warrior, the huntsman, the great lover. Well, if the truth be known, as a warrior he could just about swing a sword. And as a lover? Alas, let's put it this way, he wasn't well endowed. Rather small like a little pig. You don't believe me? Well, I'm a man who has slept with Anne Boleyn and what she told me, between giggles, is not worth repeating, particularly if there are ladies about. My little clerk shakes his head in disbelief. I rap him across the wrist with my ash cane. Go down to the muniment room in the Tower, says I, and search out the last letter poor Anne sent to Henry whilst she lay in the Tower. She makes no bones about it then. What I really want to say is that I sometimes suspect Henry would have loved to have been a woman. He certainly liked to be pursued. He liked to simper and be coy and - no, don't think it's the time to tell you about the occasion I found him dressed in one of Anne of Cleve's gowns!)

'But Henry will give it to the Germans?' Benjamin asked.

'Yes, yes, I think he will. He's just baiting France and the Papacy.'

'But it doesn't concern us, does it?' I asked.

'No, I don't think it will,' Agrippa replied slowly. 'The Orb will be removed from the Tower - it needs re-burnishing - and then passed over to Egremont to verify that it's no forgery.'

(A wise man, Egremont, I wouldn't have trusted Henry as far as I could spit.)

'But it doesn't concern us?' I repeated, fearful lest the Great Beast invited us into his lair.

'I've told you I don't think it will,' Agrippa replied. He drummed gloved fingers on the table. 'Yet the King is a fool, he is playing with fire. The orb is no bigger than a tennis ball. It could be replicated, it could be stolen. Every footpad and counterfeit-man in London will hear of it. They'll smack their lips, narrow their eyes and speculate on what a fortune they could make.' Agrippa tapped his knife against the wine glass, the sound tinkling through the room like a fairy bell. 'There'll be trouble,' he declared. 'The Orb of Charlemagne is unlucky. Harold insisted on carrying it, and he was killed at Hastings. Rufus treated it like a bauble and he was mysteriously shot by an arrow in the New Forest. Edward
II
gave it to his catamite Piers Gaveston as a present and both were murdered.' He scratched his chin, a faraway look in his eyes. 'And I remember Richard II, that golden-haired boy. You have seen the Wilton diptych showing Richard between two white harts? In his hand he carries the Orb of Charlemagne. He was deposed and murdered.'

'In which case,' I retorted, 'Henry must be glad to see the back of it!'

'Ah, no.' Agrippa sipped from the goblet. 'If the Orb falls into the wrong hands, which so the legend goes are those who do not have a pure heart -' he winked at me - 'and if it is not treated with respect, then its power is unleashed. But for those who treat it with awe and reverence, it brings its own rewards. Anyway—' He scraped back his chair. 'Time for sleep. Tomorrow, Benjamin, we're for Harwich: the King's ship will take us down to London.'

'Don't say you are tired, Doctor Agrippa,' I teased. 'No, Roger.' He got up, shifting back the chair. 'I just want to sleep, perchance to dream.'

‘
Yes, that's where Will Shakespeare's Hamlet got it from!) 'Of what?' I asked.

'Of golden sands by blue seas. Of galleys laden with exotic perfumes. Well away from this cold Island and its vengeful King.'

In retrospect Agrippa was a prophet. Sometimes I wished I'd sailed to Italy and stayed there but, ah, the foolishness of youth! The next morning we woke well before dawn. Benjamin's bags were loaded on to sumpter ponies. He drew up letters, left me money and gave me hurried snippets of advice. And then we left in a cloud of dust, Agrippa's retainers fanning out before us, making fair speed to the port of Harwich. I won't describe the scene to you and make your gentle eyes weep. I embraced Benjamin and told him not to tarry long. I clasped Agrippa's hand, gave the most obscene gestures to the good doctor's retainers, and headed like an arrow to the nearest tavern to drown my sorrows.

Now I am not a hypocrite. I sat drinking and soon recovered my good spirits. Benjamin was an able, young man, well protected. He'd travel to Venice and then return, so whilst the cat's away
...
Nevertheless, I hadn't forgotten my master's look when he forced me to take that oath. No London! No Miranda!

A group of sailors came in, lusty men. everyone a charlatan or swaggerer, so I spent the rest of the day carousing and quaffing with the best of them. I remember a young tavern wench, golden and ripe as an apple, and us bouncing like fleas on her bed at the back of the tavern. Golden times! We giggled and we kissed all night long. The next morning I rose, bent on mischief and of course I found it. Yet, on reflection, life is strange and full of the most deadly coincidences. If I hadn't stayed at that particular tavern, and if I hadn't left it at that hour . . . but, isn't that the mystery of life? Out of the frying pan and into the fire!

I'd collected my horse and was halfway across the market square when I glimpsed the relic-seller, dressed in a colourful motley of rags, laying out his wares on the steps of the market cross. He was tall, and singular looking; his skin burnt brown by the sun, with clear blue eyes and lank, black, greasy hair. Now, one thing about being a rogue (and it's old Shallot's rule) is that you can recognise a good man when you meet one, whilst you can sniff a kindred spirit half a mile away. He introduced himself as Nathaniel Ludgate, and his villainy was as thick as clotted cream. I told him to hold my horse's reins, then walked backwards into the tavern to get us each a pot of ale. I kept my eye on the rogue, a grand idea forming in my mind. He stood grinning at me and, when I returned with the ale, toasted me, his eyes dancing with mischief.