The Reef (16 page)

She found the doctor's surgery and waited her turn. She flipped through an old gossip magazine until the doctor called her into his surgery. He was an old-fashioned fellow, comfortable in tweed jacket and woollen tie, and she didn't mind him calling her Dear.

He did seem to be thorough and finally he peered at her over the top of his glasses. ‘Just as I expected. No surprises here, nothing wrong with
you, dear. No wonder you've been feeling “off colour”, as you describe it.' He paused and smiled. ‘You're just pregnant, that's all.'

‘Pregnant?' Jennifer's hand flew to her mouth in shock.

‘You hadn't considered the possibility?'

‘No. I hadn't. I mean . . . my life, my routine, has been a bit upset, with the move and all . . .'
Oh God, what is Blair going to say? How am I going to tell him?

‘You're fit and young, you'll have to come over from the island for regular check-ups and, closer to the due date, make other arrangements. I assume you'll have the baby here? It's rather a good little hospital. Can't imagine there will be complications. Even though you have little information about your family history.' There was a faint hint of disapproval in his tone.

Jennifer knew nothing of her father's or her grandparents' medical background, nor anything about her mother's except for a few minor problems in the last few years. It had never occurred to her to ask about her or her brother's birth. That was taboo territory.

‘So. Congratulations, my dear.' The doctor's attention was shifting to the waiting patients. ‘See the receptionist on the way out, she'll give you all the basic information. Diet, vitamins and so forth.' But Jennifer didn't seem to be reacting as he expected. He studied her for a moment, then said, ‘You're not pleased about this news?'

‘We hadn't planned this. I mean, I went off the
pill after I read how bad it could be. But I thought . . . we were being careful.'

The doctor airily waved a hand. ‘Babies are heaven sent. You can't always control these things.'

Jennifer's mind was racing. That's why she'd felt so odd. Now what? She tried to think laterally. How would they deal with this? She had nine months. Less. Blair had a twelve- to eighteen-month contract and part of their deal had been no children. Maybe she'd go back to Sydney and have the baby there, but where would she live? At Vi and Don's with her mother? She felt her heart sink at the idea.

The doctor was looking at her.

‘I'm just concerned for my husband's job. I don't think children were part of the package when he was hired.'

‘What about you two . . . had you planned on a family at all?'

‘Well, yes, eventually. We agreed we'd wait, and be careful . . .'

‘Sometimes you only get one chance. How would you feel if you didn't go through with this only to find you couldn't conceive when you do decide you're ready?'

Jennifer bit her lip and he continued in a more kindly tone.

‘I'm not being judgmental. An infant who's happy, healthy and comfortable shouldn't be too much trouble. My concern is you and your baby. But that's why we schedule regular check-ups.' He
turned back to his notes and scratched something on her file. Any further decisions were up to her.

Jennifer sat in the car outside the doctor's rooms in a daze. Eventually she drove to the harbour and parked close to the car storage. The reef cat was coming into the wharf and would be making the trip back to Branch in forty-five minutes.

She watched the holidaymakers disembark looking tanned, relaxed and happy, and wished she felt so carefree. She couldn't adjust to the idea that she and Blair really could create a child. That she would be a mother. This would change their lives. But Blair would not be happy at this slip-up. She felt sure he would love the baby, but she was scared to tell him just yet. She just knew he'd be upset at the upheaval in their lives. His career might suffer and they'd already had a discussion about putting off a family. Would he want her to have an abortion? How did she feel about that?

Jennifer sat with her hands pressed to her belly. She wanted to cry. She felt very young, not ready for this. Could she go through with terminating the baby and never tell Blair? No! She was suddenly flushed with a strong emotion that surged in her like someone had thrown hot water on her. Why was her first concern for Blair and his damned career? She was carrying this child. They would discuss the future together, how best to rejig their lives. But Jennifer resolved with unflinching certainty that the decision about this baby was hers and hers alone.

She returned the car, ordered a cold drink, and waited for the call to board.

Vera spotted her and called out, ‘Where's all the shopping? Couldn't find anything?'

Jennifer held up one small bag. ‘Just a few gifts. I'll have to come back over, didn't hit all the shops.'

‘You look more relaxed. Glad you had a nice day. Got a couple of honeymooners going over this trip. Weather isn't looking crash hot. Still, don't suppose they'll care if they have to stay indoors for a few days.'

Jennifer glanced at the sky, seeing the low edge of dark clouds. ‘How bad will the trip back over be?'

‘No probs. But stay inside, wind will bring the spray on deck. Do you get seasick?'

‘Ah, I'm not sure. Frankly, I'm scared rather than sick. It is safe, isn't it?'

‘Safe as houses. I'll get them to put a good video on, and the bar is open. Get a glass or two of champers, you won't notice a bit of see-sawing.'

Want to bet?
‘Oh. Maybe I'd better take a seasick pill.' Then she remembered. She was pregnant. She'd better not take anything that could affect the baby. God, how her thinking was changing already. ‘Ah, don't worry, Vera. I'll roll with the punches.' Everything in moderation would be her credo now.

She hated the trip back to the island. The water looked bruised. Wind whipped the tops off the greyish-blue waves and Jennifer had the feeling
that the light frame of the big catamaran was slithering to stay on top of some irritable creature as if it were an irksome tick on a beast's back. She sat near the air-conditioning vent and glanced at the video showing the wonders of the reef and its islands. While the tourists exclaimed in anticipation Jennifer sipped her glass of champagne and kept thinking about the tiny speck of life within her, trying to get used to the staggering idea that she would be a mother. She hadn't rung Christina back as she'd promised Vi. She had a good excuse with no mobile reception and only a payphone in the resort main area. Phones in the rooms were only connected to the resort reception. Jennifer knew her mother would sense something and drag out her news. She wasn't yet ready to announce to the world she was pregnant.

For two days Jennifer tried to plan how she would break the news to Blair. Over a romantic dinner? Or a sunset drink? Only trouble was they were rarely alone. And it was raining. Warm grey showers swirled around the island, keeping the dive boats at anchor though the fishing boats still went out. It didn't stop visitors from swimming or trudging along the beach. People socialised more indoors, the bar and terrace were crowded with happy drinkers and the table tennis and billiard tables were always in use in the recreation room. Blair decided a big clean-up was in order around the staff quarters and working bees were under way.

Jennifer felt energised too. She was feeling
better, her lethargy replaced by a surge of activity. She set up her laptop on the deck using an extension cord and began to answer the dozens of emails she'd accessed from Blair's office connection. She was working out there with piles of papers around her when Rosie came by.

‘Ah, Blair said you were back in busy mode. Though it isn't a very satisfactory office.'

‘It'll have to do. I can't believe the backlog of emails,' she said with a laugh.

‘Maybe we could find you a corner in an office somewhere.'

‘Would you like a coffee?' asked Jennifer.

‘That'd be lovely'

They sat in the back courtyard under the tree. ‘Now the rain has stopped, I like sitting out here and watching the birds.'

‘The turtles will start coming in to lay their eggs any day. It's an amazing experience. I was never much of a nature lover till I came here. The biggest attraction for me is scuba diving. What about you?'

‘Rosie, like I said, I don't like the ocean. I had a bad experience when I was a kid. My brother drowned and, well, there's a whole bunch of issues.'

‘Oh, that's right.' She recalled Jennifer's reluctance about swimming. ‘No wonder you don't seem happy, well, comfortable here. I wondered why. Blair's appointment must have been difficult. You had to give up your own pursuits.'

Rosie's sincerity and empathy brought Jennifer
to the edge of tears. ‘I never thought I'd have to make hard choices and compromise my life for a husband. My mother has always knocked men. She thinks they either mess up your life or leave. She had to struggle to bring me up and she wanted the very best for me. Or what she saw as best.' Jennifer choked up, thinking of the secret she now held within her. She was tempted to blurt her news to the warm and friendly Rosie. She had to keep reminding herself that Rosie was Blair's superior, as she felt her to be more her own friend. Rosie was around forty and her strong, good-natured personality came through in her direct gaze and her straight-talking honesty, which was very appealing.

Rosie leaned forward, recognising the vulnerable streak showing in Jennifer. ‘Jennifer, I like you. Blair is very fortunate to have you as a partner. While we work together, I would like you to consider me a friend outside the professional relationship with your husband.'

How diplomatic. Reversing roles. Blair would have put it that one worked for the other, not as a team.
‘That's nice of you, Rosie. I felt I knew you from the minute we met. I'm sure Blair will understand and be glad we have a friendship. I suppose it's difficult for you to have women friends here on staff when you're the boss.'

‘Ah, that's part of it. It's safer to keep some distance. And frankly, Jennifer, I'll level with you – I'm gay. I doubt anyone here knows, or cares, and that's my business. But I keep my private life
private and off the island. I have a girlfriend in Headland and it's a great relationship.' She gave a small laugh. ‘To tell you the truth, seeing your lover every two weeks rather than living together every day keeps the romance alive.'

Jennifer's momentary shock dissolved in laughter. ‘You know, that sounds like a great arrangement. I hope I'm not being unkind to Blair, but it's true, isn't it, about absence making the heart fonder? Thank you for telling me. Of course this conversation is just between you and me.'

‘I knew you'd treat it as such. Which is why I felt okay about telling you.' She put her cup down. ‘I'd better get going.' She stood up, giving Jennifer a smile, her voice gentle and concerned. ‘I'm not sure how, but maybe there's a reason you've ended up here, and perhaps this is your opportunity to come to terms with your childhood trauma.'

Jennifer was tempted to respond to Rosie's honesty by telling her about her pregnancy, but she felt that would be disloyal to Blair. Nevertheless, she felt better about their situation. While she'd never disclose any of this conversation to Blair, she felt more secure that Rosie would be understanding and supportive about the pregnancy issue. Impulsively Jennifer gave Rosie a hug. ‘Thanks, Rosie, I'm glad we had this chat.'

‘Hang in there, Jenny. I'll look into finding a better working space for you. In fact, I might talk to some people. See you.' She waved and headed off down the track.

Jennifer watched Rosie's tall shape dressed in
her white shorts and loose flowered staff shirt disappear in the trees.

Blair was on duty the following weekend and he promised they'd do something special on his two days off, Monday and Tuesday. ‘How about we go over to Sooty Isle? Have a picnic. Stay the night. And when I have a week's break we'll plan something.' He was feeling a bit guilty at leaving Jennifer on her own, though she seemed to have settled in at last, working on her laptop, and was more cheerful than she'd been.

Jennifer was relieved and decided their picnic off the island, away from his work, would be the right time to tell him about the baby. So late on Friday afternoon she packed up her paperwork and the laptop, pleased with what she'd done, and decided to take up Gideon's offer of calling by the Shark Bar.

The track over to the other side of the island seemed shorter as it was more familiar this time. As Jennifer came through the pandanus to the beach she could hear voices and laughter. She was glad she came. She grinned to herself, remembering the Thank God It's Friday get-togethers she and Trisha had occasionally shared after a week of hard work at the university. The Shark Bar, with its bare floor, thatched roof and rustic amenities, was a far cry from some of the trendy bars and cafes in Sydney where they had their TGIF gatherings.

Gideon, sitting in an old deck chair under the lean-to shelter, spotted her and lifted his hat in greeting. Shyly Jennifer waved to him, rather surprised at the large group of people. They seemed to be all ages. She recognised Professor Macdonald Masters whom she'd first flown over with. There were two other men in their forties, and a group of young men and women she'd never seen before. She caught a foreign phrase or two. It was hard to slot people into categories when they were all very casually dressed, barefoot or in thongs and sandals. Perhaps they were a group off a boat. Though there was no boat anchored and the dinghy was tied securely to its tree.

‘Excellent, welcome back, my dear Jennifer. I was hoping you'd come. This is Mac . . . Professor Macdonald Masters . . .'

‘Yes, we met when you first arrived.' He shook her hand and smiled. He was holding a beer can. ‘What would you like to drink?'