The Redwood Rebel (The Redwood War Book 1) (17 page)

‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ Her usual authority was returning, but she still looked uncharacteristically uncomfortable. ‘Not now. Not yet. Not with anyone.’

‘I understand, and I won’t push you, but I just…’ Arun struggled with his words for a moment. ‘I just want to know why you didn’t tell me. It would have made things so much easier on us both.’

She looked up at him, and he recognised the displeased look in her eye, that irritated twist to her lips and quirk of her brow. ‘You were deliberately going to marry Adrienne. You knew what she’d done, what she was responsible for. She murdered her own family--most of us, at least--for the sake of gaining power. She has run Ffion into the ground, sucked the life from it for no other reason than vanity and riches, and at the expense of the people who suffer and starve under her rule. You knew all of this, and you were still going to marry her.’

‘I’ve already told you that I’d decided not to unless she proved herself worthy,’ he said, defended himself and feeling hunted.

‘A very short, and not particularly probing conversation, if memory serves,’ she reminded him flatly, and hearing it said in such a way made him uncomfortable. Crossing her arms, her expression softened slightly and she shook her head. ‘I know how it works, of course I do. I understand that there are expectations placed on you about who you take as a wife, but you were going to marry her, despite all her atrocities simply because she was royalty. That’s fair, isn’t it?’

It was a genuine question, and he thought hard about his answer. He had chosen to accept Adrienne as his wife partly because he felt responsible for Ffion’s troubles, their instability caused at first by his war with Tsumetai. His marriage to Adrienne would give them the power and finance they needed to get back to normal and begin trading properly again. That was the most honourable answer to her question, but he knew it wasn’t all there was.

He needed Ffion to begin farming again. Ilios depended on their produce and livestock, the wood from their forests. They were part of a delicate balance, and one he had taken it upon himself to help restore, but could only accomplish by marrying their Princess. In the end, it was both true and fair to say that he had chosen to marry Adrienne because, no matter how illegitimate her claim to the throne, she was the ruler of Ffion. He nodded.

Naomi smiled, but looked sad. He wished he could have given her a different answer, one she had been hoping for.

‘If you were willing to take her as your wife, despite all the evil she has done, then now you know I’m royalty, you won’t ever let me go.’ The sad smile faded and she frowned down at the ground. ‘For all you think I’m a liar and a whore.’

It was like a punch in the gut, and he was left reeling by the cruelty of his own words coming back to haunt him. He knew he’d hurt her at the time, but hadn’t given it a great deal of thought since. It had obviously left a mark on her, and thinking back he realised he had never seen her as angry with him as when he’d called her that.

Clenching his fists, he forced himself not to grab her, as instinct was dictating, and fought to keep his voice level. ‘I should never have said that to you and I’m truly more sorry than I can say. I was angry and foolish. It wasn’t for me to judge your actions, and I’ve recently come to the realisation that in your place I would likely have acted in the same way.’

He meant every word of it, and did his best to make sure she believed that without touching her or projecting his emotions through their Bond. Naomi looked surprised, as though she hadn’t expected that reaction at all, and the small, sad smile came back.

‘I appreciate your apology, but we were both in the wrong. Mostly me, in actual fact. You’ve been wronged by me and I won’t do you the discourtesy of trying to spare myself through attempting to justify my actions.’ She seemed to wilt slightly and he hated to see the fight going out of her like this. ‘In truth, deciding to be a party to the deception against you was the most selfish thing I’ve ever done. I’ve tried to dress it up as my only way to get revenge, to take back the country and bring peace and prosperity to the land, but it wasn’t about honour or duty, not really. I just didn’t want to die in that hole, and it was my best chance to see the sky again.’

He felt her pain as if it was his own, and inhaling sharply, he carefully placed his hand on her shoulder. She looked up, a scowl mingling with surprise at the contact, but before she could protest, he spoke quickly. ‘You can hit me as much as you like afterwards, but I’m asking your permission to hold you.’

She looked ready to protest, but he cut her off. ‘Please. Just for a moment.’

There was a long silence, and he was sure she would refuse. Her face had darkened considerably in embarrassment, but the small nod of acceptance was enough for him.

Without even a second of hesitation, Arun pulled her into his arms and wrapped her up tightly. He knew how she felt about physical contact, but this was different. He wasn’t trying to dominate her, he was just trying to offer comfort. If she had continued to fight him he would have let her go, but he could feel her soul crying out for contact. She had been alone so long, only touched when someone meant her harm, and he wanted--needed--to show her that taking comfort from another was nothing to be afraid of.

She didn’t hold him back, her arms by her sides and fists clenched as though ready to defend herself at a moment’s notice, but he didn’t expect her to. When she finally relaxed enough to plop her forehead against his shoulder, he felt an immediate sense of gratification. How long had it been since she had been able to lean on someone else, even a little bit? She had been mistreated by a great many people, and he was one of them.

He didn’t release her, not wanting her to feel she had to let go if she didn’t want to, but loosened his hold on her. Naomi didn’t seem to want to stay any longer, and as she stepped back a little unsteadily, he saw how red her face had become and the way she looked everywhere except at him. The expression she wore was one of mild annoyance, and when she punched him in the shoulder afterwards it was playful, with no real weight behind it.

Smiling wryly, he made a decision.

‘I’ve told you numerous times that the Bond is unbreakable, and that’s true,’ he said. ‘The problem we’ve had is that I haven’t given you the opportunity to see it for yourself.’

Arun reached into his magic and found the restriction spell that tied down her movements. It only took a swift tug to unravel the magic, and Naomi was free. She gasped, placing a hand over her heart and pitching forward. After a few gulps of air, she looked up through her messy hair in utter shock.

‘I should never have done that to you,’ he admitted softly. ‘I don’t want to be your gaoler, little Firefly. I want to be your partner. Not because of your lineage or because you feel you owe it to me, but because we’re already Bonded to one another and there’s no way to sever it. Will you at least think on that before you try to run?’

She was watching him, suspicion in her eyes, and he could feel her searching the magic to make sure that the restriction spell really was gone. It was no surprise that she was looking for the trick, and he waited patiently for her to reach an answer.

After a long moment, she stood up straight and held out her hand to him. ‘I give you my word that I won’t leave without first giving you an answer.’

He took her hand, and shook it in accord. The Bond magic shifted bestially inside him, showing its acceptance of this decision. It was growing stronger every day, but at last they were getting somewhere.

Chapter Seventeen

Naomi woke up slower than usual, feeling achy, but comfortable. Her eyes were sore and heavy, but she forced them open, and immediately had to keep herself from hitting Arun in the head again. She growled low in her throat, and tried to untangle herself from his limbs without waking him and getting caught. How did they even manage to get into these positions, anyway? When she had gone to sleep, it was with her back to everyone and pressed up as close to the mossy wall as possible. Granted, he had obviously decided to come and sleep near her, and so deserved a portion of the blame, but she could see that she had moved from her original position as well.

Irritated and grumpy, she eventually managed to get free, and confident that he still slept, she stood and moved away to where her boots, jerkin and gloves were neatly piled. Pulling on her boots, careful not to be overturned by the soft, plush moss that coated the ground, she felt eyes watching her, and turned to see Tristan nursing a small fire on the far side of the enclosure. He wasn’t looking at her now, but she knew he had been, if only from the amused smirk tugging at his mouth.

Combing her fingers through her sleep-mussed hair, she grabbed her jerkin and slung it on as she picked her way through the sleeping soldiers towards where he sat, rolling up her shirt sleeves as she went. Everyone was sleeping deeply, probably passing a more comfortable night than they had in days, due to both the soft, cushiony ground, and the safety of their location. Tristan had come wandering out of the woods after Arun’s unexpected display of decency, with the great creature they now travelled in following along behind.

She had heard of the Moss Tortoise, but had never seen it for herself before then. It was vast, its whole form a thriving ecosystem on its own, made completely of raw land magic. Now housed inside the hollow shelter of its shell, they were safe and comfortable, while travelling at a constant pace. It could move through the forest with ease, its form moulding around trees as it passed through, the magic displacing the trunks inside the shell and leaving its passengers undisturbed.

She had been both fascinated and awed by the creature, moving around to its large head and sleepy eyes despite Arun’s obvious nervousness before the massive animal. As she touched its nose, rubbing gently with the flat of her hand as she would a horse, it made a soft keening noise that brought a smile to her face. Tristan explained that the Moss Turtle had agreed to take them to the edge of the forest, and that no one could enter the hollow enclosure of its shell without permission. They could rest in safety, and should any soldiers come near, the animal would appear as nothing more than a large, mossy hill.

It was difficult to tell what time it was, with no way of looking out to the passing world, and the dome that encompassed them nothing but soft green, with veins of shining land magic. It was still early morning, she was sure, but looking at the exhausted Korenians, she knew the comfort and safety the Moss Turtle offered had probably contributed to the deep sleep that had taken them.

It had been a difficult few days, and she knew they had all been pushed hard, including herself. At this rate of travel, they would reach the edge of the forest in half the time, and she was glad to give them the chance to rest. It would take almost a full day to cross the farmlands, leaving them open to attack, and with nowhere to run or hide. It was likely that even when they reached the port town of Pearpetal, there would be some kind of ambush lying in wait. Still, there was little she could do about that at this point, and they still had time to try and formulate a plan, at least. Today they would recuperate.

‘Sleep well?’ Tristan asked lightly as she sat next to him, legs crossed comfortably.

‘Shut it,’ she returned, knowing he was teasing her. ‘You’re in enough trouble.’

He laughed, stirring the large pot of what smelled like porridge. Her stomach bubbled with hunger, but she was glad it didn’t make a noise. She’d eaten last night after they had taken shelter here, but she still felt absolutely ravenous. Tristan wordlessly spooned a large helping into a bowl and offered it to her, and she accepted it eagerly. They had never stood on ceremony, the two of them, and she felt completely comfortable in digging in to the food happily. Then she noticed he was staring at her.

‘What?’ she asked, frowning.

Tristan smiled and reached across to ruffle her hair. ‘I’ve missed you, little sister.’

‘I missed you too,’ she replied, though with a degree of difficulty. ‘I was worried. I thought perhaps… they had found and killed you, too.’

A childish feeling, one of anger she knew she had no right to tried to taint her words. She filled her mouth with more porridge and willed it away.

‘I mourned you. The whole forest did,’ he told her slowly, and she found herself unable to look at him. ‘The Dryads wept for two seasons together, you know.’

‘Two season, huh? As much as that.’

The words left her and she immediately cursed herself. There was so much bitterness in her tone, and she didn’t mean it. Not really.

‘I thought you dead, little sister.’

Trying to find something to occupy her, she shoved yet more porridge in her mouth and mumbled passively. ‘I know you did.’

It was hard, but she had to hold on to the knowledge that it was Adrienne that had done this to her. Tristan wasn’t to know her fate, of course not. Even if he had known she lived, what could he have done? He had taken vows to the forest, and he was forbidden to leave them. He couldn’t have come for her, no matter what. The angry little ball of betrayal lost some of its power then, and she acknowledged that despite the length of her torture, half a year was a long time for Dryads to mourn.

‘I’m sorry I revealed your secret to the King,’ he continued at last, chuckling quietly. ‘I didn’t realise there was a dispute about the marriage. It seemed logical to me that you’d already told him.’

‘It doesn’t matter,’ she shrugged. ‘He would have found out sooner or later, I suppose.’

‘He didn’t seem very surprised, actually.’

Naomi blinked at that, scooping up the last of her demolished breakfast and thinking hard. She hadn’t really been looking at Arun’s face, but he had taken the news in his stride with relative ease. Had he already guessed? Perhaps Lord Rayan had clued him in days ago, who knew?

‘Probably dug it up while he was leaving dirty footprints through my private thoughts,’ she grumbled. ‘That man has no sense of boundaries.’

To her surprise, Tristan laughed. ‘You didn’t seem to mind while you were snuggling up to him through the night.’

‘He’s warm, that’s all,’ she defended herself immediately, pursing her lips. Tristan looked disbelieving of her, and she scowled. ‘If he never came within five hundred leagues of me for the rest of my days, it would still be too close, too soon.’

‘I’m sure,’ he smirked, infuriating her further.

‘Shut up. He’s a complete ass. I’ve never met anyone with such a warped idea of what’s acceptable behaviour before.’ Naomi shook her head, remembering the way her parents and her uncle had gone on for months about how wonderfully clever and open minded Koren’s new King was. ‘I have no idea why everyone came back from his coronation praising him as forward thinking.’

‘He doesn’t seem so bad.’

‘Oh yes?’ she raised her eyebrows. ‘If you like him so much,
you
marry him.’

Tristan laughed. ‘I’ll pass, I think. Besides, he seems to believe himself already taken. Quite taken, if I don’t miss my guess.’

Just what was that supposed to mean? She scowled down at the empty bowl in her hands and decided not to indulge that stupid line of thought any further. ‘Not my problem, as I’ve repeatedly told him. Until I consent, and I haven’t, no matter what he tries to say, there is no marriage. He can believe himself as taken as he likes.’

‘But you did have sex with him.’

There was a faint accusation in that statement that Naomi knew anyone who wasn’t close to Tristan would have missed. Thumping the bowl down on the soft ground, she stood quickly and looked down at him.

‘I’m actually sick to death of people trying to imply that I should be ashamed of myself,’ she said, her voice steady and confident. ‘I’m sorry for him. I used him and that was wrong, but I don’t regret my actions. If things had been different, if the course of my life hadn’t been so violently altered, do you think I would still be a virgin? Because I don’t. You’re allowed to be promiscuous, so why can’t I?’

‘It’s not about being promiscuous,’ Tristan frowned. ‘I don’t know what would have happened if life had been kinder, but I don’t doubt you would have scorned the attempts of we who cared for you to keep you pure for your wedding night and asserted your right to do as you chose.’

‘It’s my body. It’s my choice.’

He shook his head. ‘But you didn’t have a choice.’

‘I
did
have a choice,’ she crossed her arms and lifted her chin defiantly. ‘I chose to be free. I got myself out of there with the only weapon I had at my disposal and I don’t regret it. I never will.’

‘Then I’m sorry, little sister. I’m sorry you were in a position where you had to use something so precious as a weapon, and I’m sorry…’ He looked away from her and she could see the emotion swimming in his eyes. ‘I’m sorry I never came for you.’

A little taken aback by that, she could only stare for a while. She knew he didn’t mean to inflict old-fashioned morality on her, his belief that women should be held to a different standard than men, but she also knew he disapproved of her way of thinking in the matter. He always had, and it was clear that hadn’t changed. She knew for a fact that his first time with a woman had been paid for, so what made her own virginity that much more precious than his?

Still, in the face of his pain and guilt, she knew her argument could wait. In the end it didn’t matter what he thought about her views on sex. It didn’t matter what anyone thought about it except her. What mattered was that he blamed himself for something he had no power over.

Sitting quietly back down next to him, she reached across and placed her hand on his shoulder. He looked sadly at her and she felt her heart twist in her chest as he continued. ‘If I had known you lived, I would have come for you. I would have taken that castle down stone by stone to get to you, you know that, don’t you?’

‘Of course I know,’ she replied softly. ‘But you took an oath. I would never have wanted you to break that. Not for me.’

‘Instead you broke yourself,’ he sighed, reaching up to pat her hand. She was about to argue, but he laughed humourlessly. ‘I mean mentally. I don’t think you realise just how you’ve been marked by this. There was a time when you wouldn’t have even considered killing that boy, but last night, you didn’t even think twice. There was a time when you smiled and laughed with ease.’

Taking a deep breath, Naomi wondered if he realised it had only been eight days since she had struck her bargain with Adrienne and Cygnus. She was entitled to take her time recovering from an ordeal like this, and frankly, she wasn’t even sure she could go back to the girl he had known before. Of course she realised she had changed. Was it so shocking to find her altered by all the horror she had seen? Granted, she had never been a particularly jovial person, despite what he thought, but a lot had happened. She had seen the darkest side of life, and she wondered if Tristan even realised. No one could be the same after that.

‘War changes a person.’ she said at length, and saw him start in realisation. As well as all that had passed here in Ffion, she had fought in the Pirate Wars since she had seen Tristan last. His memory of her was of a fifteen year-old girl. With maturity came change, and while her maturity had come violently, he had to understand that she wasn’t a child any more. Still, he was all that she had seen of her old life, her loved ones, and she knew they had always expected her to be strong. To shoulder her burdens with honour and duty, as was the Redwood motto.

‘Does King Arun know about that?’ Tristan interrupted her thoughts, and it took her a moment to realise he was talking about the Pirate Wars.

‘Doubtful,’ she admitted. ‘It hasn’t come up, and if I’m honest, I have no idea how he’ll react to that particular little jewel of information. I can’t say I expect it to go down very well.’

‘It could be worse. If he had lost the war, it would be harder to swallow.’

‘Perhaps,’ she conceded. ‘I can’t help but wonder if that might have been better, at least for me. If I could only count on military help from the Empress, I could put Arun out of his misery.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘He said that if I agreed to marry him, he would help me set Ffion right again. I know he could, and I’m sure he would keep his word, if only because he has his own score to settle with Adrienne now.’

Tristan frowned. ‘Then what seems to be the difficulty? You share a common goal, a common enemy. Surely you realise you would have been married at some point had things… had things been different. It’s a good offer.’

‘A good offer…’ she repeated slowly, drumming her fingers against her knees rapidly.

‘Do you really think you would have had any choice in the matter usually?’

‘Of course not,’ she thumped her fist down on her leg in annoyance. Tristan was so full of contradictions, sometimes. He abhorred the idea of her having sex with a stranger, but not that she might marry one. ‘If I knew the state of things in Tsumetai, I might be able to get the military help I need without having to sell myself.’