The Redemption of Lord Rawlings (14 page)

Sebastian was silent.

Phillip laughed. “Sorry to say, but I’m not sure I’m the man for the job.”

“
So you won’t take her?”

“
She might say no.” Phillip quickly grabbed a glass of champagne as the tray went by him.

“
And if she agrees?”

“
She won’t.” The sting on his cheek reminded him of their last discussion. “But by all means, ask her. I don’t know what you want me to do. Why does it feel like I’m to be looking after her like some asinine chaperone?”

“
She’ll be without a chaperone. Not that you should have any trouble with that considering she’s like a sister to you.”

“
Right.” Phillip looked at the floor.

“
And I don’t see any problem, since I’ve given you my consent. Besides, I doubt anyone will be out that early in the morn.”

“
How early do you have in mind?”

“
Six.”

“
So you mean to kill me?”

“
Not yet.” Sebastian winked. “Shall we expect you in the morn?”

Gritting his teeth, Phillip ground out a yes.

Sebastian slapped him on the back. “Good fellow. Oh, I nearly forgot myself! Phillip?”

Please, no more favors. No more watching after the temptress. No more marriage contracts, rakes, Mrs. Peabody—really, he couldn’t take any more of it.

Sebastian motioned for him to lean closer. “It’s my suspicion she has set her cap for someone, but he’s rejected her.”

So this was hell.

Chapter Thirteen

Ruin: a person’s downfall or breakdown. This author has it on good authority that a pillar in society is about to be ruined, quite thoroughly. After the events at last night’s ball, one can easily put the pieces together. One cannot sin in secret, and dear friends, I know all of
yours.

—
Mrs. Peabody’s Society Papers

Abigail was awakened by her maid with an order to ready herself for the morning ride with Rawlings.

Cursing Sebastian and her sister for misreading her silence, she quickly put on her dark blue riding habit and donned her riding boots.

They thought her sad or heartbroken, when really she was just trying to keep to herself and make them proud. Had Rawlings not found her last night…

She shuddered.

Rawlings. It was all his fault. If he hadn’t made her fall in love with him and then stomped on her heart the way he had, she wouldn’t be in this predicament—going for a ride in the early morning air with the one man she wanted nothing more to do with.

He insulted her, mocked her, made a show of how innocent she was, and then had the audacity to provoke her into feeling guilty for wearing the new dress Emma had given her for her upcoming birthday. A birthday that must have slipped Rawlings’ mind. Not that she thought he would remember. The last time she’d celebrated it she had been all of fourteen with stars in her eyes. He had given her a bouquet of daisies and kissed her on the cheek.

She had vowed that day to marry him.

It was also the unfortunate day that Emma had been found in the hunting lodge near her parents’ estate, bodice ripped, crying. It was the same day Rawlings had walked away, not only from Emma, but away from Abigail as well, leaving her in broken-hearted anguish.

She had hated her sister after that day. It had been all Emma’s fault Rawlings had wanted nothing more to do with her family. Of course, now she knew the truth—Emma had been attacked, and Rawlings had merely used it as an excuse to break the contract, so he could whore about the streets of London.

But she knew the pain he had felt when he discovered the very man who had attacked Emma was his half brother. And the loss he felt when Emma was no longer his to protect. She also knew how distraught he must be, having no family other than his stepmother, who made it no secret how much she despised him. Lady Rawlings was, in a word, ashamed of her son.

As Abigail made her way down the marble stairs, she started to soften toward Rawlings. He had been dealt a life-altering blow when his father passed away. What father demanded his son marry before he could receive his inheritance? And what type of mother relished the thought of her son going to debtor’s prison? Or living on the streets? Even a stepson.

She sighed heavily and hardly noticed the person waiting in the entryway.

“
Woolgathering? Or are you ready?”

Abigail’s stomach growled, but she didn’t want him to think her weak, so she nodded for him to lead the way, pulling on her gloves and following him into the cool morning air.

“
Have you readied the mounts?” Abigail hadn’t looked up because her gloves weren’t buttoning just right.

She heard Rawlings sigh. “Are you questioning my ability to ready everything? I feel the need to inform you, I never went to sleep last night.”

Abigail’s head snapped to attention. Why wouldn’t he sleep? Dark circles surrounded his eyes. Had he been out gambling? Drinking? Or with a mistress?

A sickening feeling washed over her. Of course he was. After all, he was Rawlings. What else would he do when no proper ladies would dance with him for fear that their parents would disinherit them, or that they would be ruined by his close company?

Abigail mounted her horse in silence, watching Rawlings do the same. Although he looked tired, his clothes fit him beautifully, hugging every masculine plane of his body. He kicked the horse into a trot. She followed, enjoying the view of his male beauty as he guided the animal toward the park. So lost in thought was she that she failed to notice he had picked up his pace until he nearly disappeared ahead of her.

Obviously he had a lot on his mind for him to desire solitude so soon on their ride. She followed him over the hill at a leisurely pace. When she caught up to him, his horse was motionless, and he had dismounted. He stood with his gaze fixed on the horizon.

It was still dark, almost eerie. They were the only two people in the park. But what did she expect at six in the morning?

“
Who is he?” Rawlings asked the minute her horse halted beside his.

Abigail looked around, not seeing anyone. “Who?”

“
The man you’re so smitten over. Oh, wipe that look of innocence off your face. We both know you’re not that innocent, though I must admit you play the part admirably especially when you want something. I gather you’ve been properly kissed since that last encounter.” He looked down at his gloves and sighed. “If you don’t tell me, I shall make inquiries. I owe Sebastian that much, don’t you agree?”

Abigail had no clue what to say. Did he really want her to be honest? To tell him the truth? She was so tense, she thought she would snap. The thick silence in the air worsened her mood.

“
Abigail, I’ve never known you to be silent. I do hope it’s not serious; you are only one and eight. Just tell me who the gentleman is so I can set Sebastian’s mind at ease.” He stopped and his breath suddenly came out in a loud exhale as he stared at her with accusing eyes. “Please tell me it isn’t Whitmore! I should have known it the moment I came upon you last night. You weren’t raising your arm to hit him, you were about to embrace him. I cannot believe it!”

Since Rawlings was doing such a lovely job of ruining everything, carrying on the whole conversation by himself, Abigail allowed him to continue, all the while silently praying she could control her threatening tears, no matter how badly they burned behind her eyes.

“
To think for one moment I thought you had changed, but you’re still trying to control and influence me, aren’t you? I was worried about you last night, Abby. I thought something had happened to you. And now…now I see the truth.”

“
And what is the truth?” she asked. The steadiness of her own voice surprised her.

“
So now you speak.”

“
Well, you’ve not given me the opportunity, have you? It seems you have found me out, my lord. Congratulations on your brilliant deduction.”

Rawlings swore. “So it is Whitmore! Who else, Abby? Don’t tell me there’s just one. There has to be more than one man you’ve set your cap for. After all, you have your pick of anyone you want.”

“
Do I?” Abigail kept her voice even.

Rawlings gave a mocking laugh. “Stop playing the innocent, Abigail. Of course you do. Though I do admit I’m surprised.”

“
Surprised?”

“
Yes, astonished actually, that you would so willingly go into Whitmore’s arms, but run from mine.”

“
Jealous?”

“
Hardly.” He snorted. “Why would I be jealous? You are like family.”

His cold admission made her stomach sicken with agony. But she managed a glare as she retorted, “Do you say that to convince yourself or me, my lord?”

“
Is this another one of your games to trick me into admitting an attraction for you, Abigail?”

Abigail wasn’t sure how to answer but opened her mouth to respond. And then with a curse Rawlings pulled her from her horse. She landed just barely on her feet. His muscled arms were around her in an instant, holding her, bracing her, trapping her.

“
You win,” he said as both his hands framed her face. “I want you. Are you happy, Abigail? Is this what you want? For every man, including the sordid Earl of Rawlings, to throw himself at your feet? Devil only knows how many you’ve already had do just that. Was I merely the first then? The easy target, because I was so vulnerable and depressed?” His eyes blazed with fury.

“
Never.” A hot tear slipped down Abigail’s cheek. Her heart twisted as if she had lost everything in the world—the love of her life, the opinion of the only one who mattered—with nothing left to lose, she took one last leap of faith. “The first. The last. Rawlings, you have always been the only one.”

And Abigail Gates attempted to kiss Rawlings for the third time in two weeks. But this time he met her halfway.

Desperate fingers wove into her hair. His lips were hot and frenzied against hers. Urgently, Rawlings pulled her against him. The hardness of his body inflamed her. He was wrong. She had never been truly kissed. Not until this very moment.

Suddenly, his hands were everywhere—touching her, caressing her, teasing her, until she thought she might cry out. It was such pleasurable pain, almost unbearable, when his teeth nipped and teased her neck. She felt marked, scarred, as if he was branding her as his own. And for a moment she was certain Rawlings had lost complete control, just as she had, the very minute she set eyes on him.

“
So beautiful,” he muttered before dipping his tongue into her mouth.

Was it so wrong of her to want more of him? To cling to him as if he was her last breath? He took and she gave. Willingly, wantonly, because she loved him. Despite his faults, he was hers, and in this moment, the unredeemable Lord Rawlings was perfect.

When his hands slid to the front of her riding habit and pulled at her short jacket, she leaned into him. But as his warm hand came into contact with the thin chemise, he froze.

Rawlings pulled back abruptly. Agony washed over his features, and he stared at her. Then finally a morbid smile creased his lips, and he laughed. “It would never have been that way with Whitmore. Never. But tell me, were you comparing us?”

Dumbfounded, Abigail could only stand there. Hair mussed, lips swollen.

“
Of course, I was,” she answered.

“
And?” His voice was strained.

“
You’ve been measured and found wanting. Good day, Rawlings.” Abigail shakily pulled at the reins and managed to climb onto her horse without bursting into tears.

****

He hated himself.

Loathed himself, actually.

How had things gotten so dreadfully out of hand? Had she any idea the power she held over him? It was as if he couldn’t keep his mouth from saying the things he continued to say to her—out of jealousy, possession, desire. His baser instincts demanded he make an excuse for the way he felt about her.

His mind played back the previous night—the look of terror, not passion, on her face. Trembling she had run to him.

“
I’m an idiot.” He ran his fingers through his hair.

Though, as his arousal dissipated, he realized she had kissed as an innocent, which should have hinted to the fact that he had misjudged everything. Miserably.

The woman was a maze of confusion. He hadn’t helped the situation by kissing her so desperately, as if he had no control over himself and was left with no recourse but to give into all he’d been struggling to keep inside.

Well, Sebastian was going to kill him.

It was inconceivable that Abby should go home and keep silent about his behavior. He had not only hurt her feelings, making false accusations because he was a coward and a rake, but he had thoroughly ruined her in the process.

Mounting his horse, he thought about his options. What if she said something? What if Sebastian were to demand they marry? Would it be so terrible? His lips still hummed with Abigail’s fresh taste.

The lying had to stop. The rejection—everything. Could he continue to deny himself happiness? Furthermore, was Abigail the happiness his broken soul had been searching for? His head hurt from all the thinking it had been doing of late, and his body was more than irritated with him for allowing things to get out of control without any release in sight.