The Redemption (42 page)

“He didn’t say, but something inside me thinks he really was close to death that day. Something made him want to apologize to you and I’m guessing he wanted to go with a clear conscience.”

“I’m guessing it was the drugs,” I remark dryly.

Tommy pushes off the wall, and says, “I’m gonna go. We should talk about the tour soon. Call me next week.”

“I will,” I say, nodding.

I watch as he goes over to Dex and Gage, shaking their hands. Dex’s eyes meet mine across the crowded room before he looks back at Tommy. Once Tommy leaves, a few other mourners talk to them as I make my way over, weaving between small groups of people. I veer to the back door and nod toward it when Dex looks at me. He smiles though I can tell he feels guilty for the small act of happiness when he’s supposed to be sad. I remember battling the same contrasting emotions.

Outside, he finds me smelling the roses. While I’m bent down, his hand slides over the curve of my hip. I turn to him and smile. “Frisky?”

“I couldn’t resist.”

“You’ve been resisting for a while now. What gives?”

“The company is in the capable hands of my cousin and Gage has reconciled with his wife.”

“What about you?”

“I have a tour to prepare for, the album releases soon, and there’s this girl I’ve been meaning to talk to you about. Is now a good time?”

My heart drops to the pit of my stomach. But I’m not surprised. It’s Dex—handsome, funny, so sexy, and famous. He has his pick of women and I guess over the last month or so, he decided not to pick me. I raise my chin a bit, hoping I’m come off as strong, something he said he always admired about me. “Sure,” I say while looking away from his brown eyes that hold me captive every time I look into them.
Stay strong.

His fingers grace my cheek. “Rochelle, look at me.”

When I finally look up, daring to meet his intense gaze, he says, “I’m in love with you. I always have been. But, I’m no good for you right now.”

“I don’t understand. Why are you the judge and jury when it comes to me?”

“Because you have responsibilities that I can screw up. I’ve got to get my life together. But I’ll make you a promise right here. I won’t be with anyone else. I don’t want to be. I only want you. I’m just hoping you can hang on a little longer and wait for me as well.”

“How long, Dex? My heart can’t take this back and forth.”

“I want to give you answers. I do, but all I can say is that we’ll know when it’s right. I need to deal with my family first… Gage will always be my brother whether we share the same blood or not. He’s the only family I have left.”

“You’ve got me and the band, the boys, and Tommy. Dex, you have so much goodness. Don’t lose it to the troubles of today.”

“I have to get my mom’s estate settled. I’ve had a lot of time to think. It’s been good for me. I don’t know the last time I really blocked out the noise of my life, but I liked it. I also thought a lot about us. About you. Nothing new there, but I just want you to know that I love you. I keep saying it hoping you’ll believe me.”

I touch him, my fingers around his hand. “I believe you. I just want to be with you. I shouldn’t. Not with how you’ve left me in the past, but I love you too much to let this fade away as if it never happened.”

“You’re so damn beautiful.” He laughs and looks around. “The old me would take you upstairs in the middle of this depressing party and fuck you.”

He makes me smile with his confession and I ask, “And the new you?”

“The new me wants to take you upstairs and make love to you.”

Laughing, I squeeze his hand. “You know, you don’t have to change on my account. I like all your sides.”

“You’re the best reason for all the changes in my life. I don’t do drugs anymore. I don’t have seizures anymore. I wake up with a clear head though sometimes my heart is cloudy.”

“Sounds like a song.”

With a grin, he says, “It is. I want to play it for you soon.”

“Dex?” Gage calls from the back door. He doesn’t see us and Dex doesn’t make a move to respond either.

He finally says, “I should get back. You were right.”

“About what?”

“Being here. You once told me that you never had a chance to be weak because you were so busy being strong for everyone else.” He signals over his shoulder toward the house. “That’s what this is. It’s about helping everyone else through the loss they’re experiencing.”

“What about you?”

He smirks. “I could ask you the same.”

“I’ve mourned. It may have taken me a long time to do, but I’ve done it. I’m choosing to live my life now.”

Leaning down, really close to my ear, he whispers, “You’re incredibly sexy. Go home. I’m gonna kick everyone out shortly. I’ll give you a call.”

“I hope you do. Oh, and why are you sorry?”

“Sorry?”

“Back in Barstow. You told Tommy to tell me you were sorry. Sorry about what?”

“Dex?” his brother yells outside again.

Dex says, “That’s my cue. We’ll talk soon.”

I watch the drapes blow in the breeze slipping in through the cracked open French doors. Rolling onto my side, I grab the other pillow, cuddling it to me. I know it won’t satisfy, though I’m hoping it does, like it can somehow fill the void that Dex has left. I wish we could go back to those times where it was just the two of us, happy. I wish I could take away his pain and heal him. Thinking about the last four years and the roller coaster of our relationship, I smile. Ridiculous I know, but Dex makes me smile… still.

Maybe I can heal him, slowly. Maybe I’m what he needs. Pushing down my doubts, I pick up my phone wanting to get past all the hurt and I text him:
You make me so mad sometimes.

A minute later, my phone pings with a message from
Dex:
When you’re mad, you have this fire that burns on the inside and sparkles in your eyes.

Awwww
. That’s so sexy of him to say. I don’t let him win though. I need to get this out. My fingers begin flying over the letters as I type:
When you push me away, it hurts my feelings
.

I stare at the phone for a minute before the next message pops up:
I envy your ability to stay strong when everyone else is weak.

Me:
Your long hair used to annoy me.

Dex:
Good thing I cut it off then. You can do better than that, Lovely Rochelle.

Me:
You use sunglasses on stage like a shield to protect your heart.

Dex:
I never wear them around you.

Me:
Your arrogance is not as charming as you think.

Dex:
So you admit it is charming though…

Me:
I admit nothing.

Dex:
You’re stubbornness is sexy.

Me:
You’re always horny.

Dex:
Only for you.

Me:
I’m sorry for any pain I’ve caused you.

Dex:
Rochelle, you only bring me happiness.

Me:
I’m sorry for dropping you off at rehab like I did.

Dex:
It was worth it in the end. I’m sorry for hurting you when you visited. You were the only one who visited btw.

Me:
I visited two other times, but never got out of the car.

Dex:
I know. I saw you.

Me:
I missed you.

I gulp and go for it, putting my heart on the line again for this sweet, vulnerable, mess of a man. I type:
I miss you now.

There’s a pause and my heart starts to beat a little faster from waiting. When my phone dings again, it reads:
I miss you between every sunrise.

I take in his words like a word problem, then it dawns on me and I reply:
You miss me every day?

Dex:
Every day, all night long.

I stop, holding my breath as I read his message over and over again. I finally press the key I should have pushed long before now. When he answers, I say, “Come over.”

“If I come over, this is it for us. There’s no more late night or early morning goodbyes—”

“Only good mornings and goodnights.”

“So we’re on the same page?” he asks.

“We’re on the same everything, Dex. Come over.”

“I’m on my way.”

The phone goes silent and I finally understand that giving into him doesn’t mean giving up on other things. He makes my life more vibrant and brings a steady rhythm to my days. Dex makes me feel and crave, reach and strive for more. More that I didn’t know was possible before.

He gave that to me. So when he shows up just after midnight, I let him not only into my house, but into my life. Open arms. Open heart. Wholeheartedly. “Come in.”

With a soft smirk playing on his lips, he says, “I love you, Rochelle. And I want you to know that I’ve waited a lifetime for this day, for you. I would have waited another if I had to.”

“This was all about my life too, right? Me not mourning how I should have?”

“Yes. You weren’t ready before. I know you think you were, but you weren’t.”

“So, I had to lose it all again to see what I missed?”

“Did you mean what you texted me? Did you miss me?”

“So much.” I step forward and lift up. Just before my lips press against his, I say, “I love you, Dex.”

She pulls me by the belt into the bedroom and shuts the door. After locking it and with a fucking sexy smile on her face, she asks, “Why are you wearing so many clothes?”

With a chuckle, I reply, “You stole my line. You seem to have a knack for stealing things of mine.” She knows what I mean without me having to say it. I slide my hands under her old Nirvana t-shirt. “Sleeping with the competition I see.”

“They were never competition,” she says and takes the shirt off abruptly.

Her hair covers her, so I push it behind her shoulders and look her over. Her tits are perfection—pert and begging to be touched, fucked. Reaching up, I take them in hand and squeeze, watching as her eyes struggle to stay open. “Make love to me, Dex.” Her voice is raspy, exposed, and completely sexy.

She unbuttons my shirt, then pulls it down over my shoulders and arms until it falls to the floor. Her lips are wet when they press against the skin of my chest as her hands undo my belt and pants. She moves around, her hands caressing my shoulders as she kisses my back. I feel her fingertips outlining the tattoo she’s never seen before. I say, “The Phoenix rising.”

She doesn’t question, just responds, “I like it. It suits you.”

Even more turned on by her approval, I help her along by flipping off my shoes, spinning her around, and moving her toward the bed. Her legs hit the mattress and she falls back. My pants drop. I take off my socks as she removes her underwear. Both of us naked brings back all the good that we’ve always been together. Like a predator, I hunger for her, to taste her, to feel her all over again.

Her hands go from my neck up into my hair, her body leaning until I’m on my back and she sits atop of me. Moving until I’m positioned, she looks up at me.