The Red Thread (30 page)

I find Adam in the living room with his jacket on and keys in hand.

“I f-f-forgot to sh-show you
D-Doctor Who
,” he states, his disappointment obvious.

“We can watch an episode now… if you’d like?”

His smile grows, and he throws his keys and jacket onto the couch. He grabs my hand and pulls me into the bedroom like a small child dragging their parent. He all but throws me down onto his bed, not sexually at all, and grabs his laptop. We kick off our shoes, and he cuddles up close to my body, setting the laptop on top of his stomach.

“Are, are y-you excited?”

“Yeah,” I answer. I mean, the show should be good. I hope.

He starts it up, and a man with a bow tie is introduced.

“Is that Doctor Who?” I ask.

“J-j-just the D-D-Doctor,” he responds. “He’s the, the r-r-r-reason I s-s-s-s-started wearing b-bow ties.”

If this show started that adorable trend for him, it can’t be all bad. And for a forty-minute show it wasn’t bad. I was involved enough, and by the end I wanted to see what happened next.

“S-s-so what d-did you, um, think?”

“I, uh, liked it. It’s weird.” It’s
really
weird. “But, yeah, I liked it.”

“Yay,” he shouts.

“Calm down,” I giggle.

“S-s-s-s-sorry, I’m j-just s-s-s-so happy you l-liked it.”

We watch another episode. I half do it to make him happy, because I love seeing that smile, and the other half of me actually wants to see more of the show. After watching three more after that, we finally put the computer away, and I listen to him as he tells me the entire history of the show. I can’t help but smile as he goes on and on and on, but he does it with such enthusiasm that it makes me enthusiastic. I can’t even be bored because of how adorable he is right now.

“I’m confused,” I tell him… and goddamn, I’m confused. This show’s history is longer than the last
Harry Potter
novel.

“It’s o-okay. You w-w-will learn. I sh-sh-shall t-teach you.”

“Cool.”

“C-c-cool,” he repeats with a sly smile.

“Cool,” I say once more.

He takes my hand and rubs circles with his thumb over my knuckles.

“C-c-can we g-go outside?” he asks, with the most pleading puppy-dog eyes I’ve ever seen.

“Yeah, sure. Where do you want to go?”

“L-let’s go t-t-to the park.”

“The one where we sat on the swings that night?” I ask.

“Th-that’s the one.”

After only dating a short while—I’m a terrible boyfriend. I don’t remember the exact date—we’re going back to one of the places we first met. Well, one of the three. Technically we would have to go back to The Book Revue to relive that again.

We grab our coats, and we decide to walk. We clasp hands as we make our way through the neighborhood, and I like the image of it: the two of us holding hands walking around. We really are a couple, aren’t we? The last time I got this close to a relationship was when some guy I met online pretended to like me just because he wanted to fuck me. That was two years ago.

The day is warm, and I love it. The snow has completely melted, and the sun is bright. I’m even able to keep my coat open. The only way it could be better is if it was actually spring. We come up to the playground, and we see that the swings are still empty. We jump onto them, and before I know it, we’re swinging as high as we can. I’m soaring through the air, feeling the wind on my skin as it brushes through my hair. I look over to see Adam smiling, and I hear his giggles. I laugh at the image of us—two grown men swinging and giggling like schoolchildren. It’s ridiculous, and I love it. We stop swinging, and we just laugh.

I don’t know how long we laugh, but it’s like every bit of anger or disgust is leaving my system. I feel free of the darkness. I am no longer trapped in that place that has so long held me prisoner.

I am here.

I am alive.

I feel wonderful.

“You l-l-look happy,” he says.

I look over at him and smile. “That is because I am. I never knew I could be happy like this, but I am happy.”

His smile grows, and I can’t stop mine. Happy. Happy. Happy. I am happy. I am exquisite. I am ecstatic to be alive, and I’m joyful at the thought of being here with Adam.

“I’m g-g-glad we’re t-t-t-together,” he admits.

I just smile and nod. I don’t want to ruin the moment with my awkwardness, so I just stare at him. I’m amazed someone so wonderful could ever exist. I don’t want to be self-deprecating, but who am I kidding? When am I not? I am honestly amazed he could like me. He must be some sort of masochist.

A little girl and her mom walk onto the playground. Her curly blonde hair is done up in a small updo. She wears a little fake tiara and a long blue costume gown with a pair of plastic slippers. A hot-pink Disney princess backpack sits on her back.

“How c-c-c-cute.”

“Yeah, she is,” I agree.

“
C-C-C-Cinderella
. I love that movie.”

“What?”

Then I realize, the little girl is dressed as the famed Disney princess. Adam would love that movie. I look over at him, but he has jumped up from the swing, and I watch as he bends down in front of the tiny girl so he is at the same height as her.

“Oh m-m-my gosh. I have n-n-n-never s-s-s-s-s-seen a princess before. May I, I have your autograph?” Adam asks with such excitement in his voice.

The little girl’s face lights up like a Christmas tree.

“I don’t have a pen,” she answers in a high-pitched voice.

“W-wait here.”

Adam runs over with a wide smile on his face. Before he can even ask, I pull out a pen and a small pad from my bag. He smiles and heads back. I always keep a small notepad and pen in my bag for just in case. You never know when you’ll need it, such as your boyfriend asking a tiny little girl for an autograph. Her mother stands to the side, a pretty woman, not too old. Possibly early thirties. Her dark hair is held back with a clip, and she has a smile on her face.

Adam hands over the paper and pen, and she quickly scribbles something, and Adam thanks her, and the girl skips away to the sandbox. She takes off her backpack and pulls out a bunch of Barbie dolls. And I mean a
ton
. It seems like she just keeps pulling them out, one after another. Each doll is dressed up like a Disney character.

Adam sits back next to me. His smile is so bright, and he holds the paper in his hand. It’s just a bunch of scribbles with a smiley face next to it. The mom walks over to us. She speaks with a light, honey-sweet voice.

“Thank you. I think you made her life. She just got that dress. She wanted me to make her look like Cinderella today.”

“Sh-sh-sh-she looks like a p-p-princess.”

“That’s my little girl for you. Do you plan to have kids?”

“Oh we just started dating,” I respond.

“Oh sorry. You two just look so comfortable together. I thought you’ve been together for years.”

“We do?” I ask.

“You can always tell. Yes, some couples may kiss all the time and show their passion, but it’s not a true relationship. Sometimes you can just see on their faces and through the way they are together. You two seem like you have something real.”

Adam takes my hand in his, and I feel his thumb rub circles on my skin. She walks away, and I look over at Adam. He looks so happy, like he’s just floating on a cloud.

We sit in silence before I say, “So every New Year’s Eve my family orders way too much food, and I was thinking maybe you could come over and help us eat the food. I mean, I’m sure you have plans or something, but before or after you could stop by. That’s if you’d like to, but….”

“Sh-shut up. Yes, I’d l-l-love to c-c-come.” He jumps off the swing. “Now let’s g-g-get s-s-s-s-s-s-some food. I’m s-s-s-starving.”

I follow him off the swing, and he takes us back to his apartment where he cooks and I just imagine a future like this. Maybe one day we’ll have our own house, one with a wrap-around porch. Nothing too big. It could possibly be a sweet little cottage. It’d be painted yellow and have blue shutters. There’d be a garden with the most beautiful flowers, and nearby we’d overlook the lake. It would look like a house from a fairy tale. We’d be married, but we’ll be that disgustingly married couple who is so in love everyone hates us, and we’d have a kid or two.

And some animals, of course. I could not have a future without animals. When I was a kid I had a dog. He was a Shih Tzu named Snuggles. Not the most original name, but the name was true. He was the most snuggly, adorable dog ever. He passed away when I was sixteen, and I was utterly destroyed. I didn’t get another dog because I felt no other animal could live up to my baby, but in my future I’d love some animals. Maybe a lot of animals.

The more I picture this fantasy the more I want it, because every time I picture a future with Adam, it looks more and more like a fairy tale.

NEW YEAR’S
has passed, but I stand in the kitchen, which has been invaded with food. Mountains upon mountains of food. A six-foot hero sits on the table along with salads, macaroni and cheese, baked ziti, meatballs, and just so much more. I never understand why we do this because we don’t invite a lot of people over. It’s like my parents, or really just my father, are pretending to be a normal family. My sister has a couple of friends here tonight, and my father has two guys over from work. I tried calling Tommy and Alex, but neither would come. Jill is out with friends getting drunk, but Adam stands beside me. He wears a nice shirt with the top few buttons open, revealing part of that muscular chest I love so much, with an open cardigan over that.

We’re celebrating the holiday a few days late, so no ball dropping or midnight kisses as we ring in the New Year. With everything going on, my family and I have been scatterbrained. My parents want everything to be perfect this year since I’m home, so all the planning required an extra few days.

My eyes remain on the exposed flesh of his chest. I try to look away, but I picture my fingers opening each button one by one, taking my time to run my fingertips slowly over his skin.

“Jess, are you okay?”

I look up to see my mom’s worried look, and I instantly blush. Okay, my hormones need to calm down. I’m not some young boy anymore. I’m a man. I’m nineteen years old.

“Oh yeah, totally,” I halfheartedly respond, my eyes staying on Adam. He smiles at me, slightly sticking out his tongue. I break out into a laugh, and my parents and Clara turn to me. They all look confused and somewhat scared. They’re probably worried I’m about to have another breakdown again. Nope, I’m just in love. Although I guess falling in love is a lot like going crazy.

Are you okay?
Adam mouths to me. I nod in return. I can’t put into words just how more than okay I am right now. I like that Adam is my date for the small New Year’s Eve party at my house. I like that I have someone with me.

“W-w-what’s on your mind?”

“You,” I answer truthfully.

“Oh? Good s-s-s-s-stuff?”

“The best. This old theater in the next town is having a marathon of all three
Evil Dead
films back-to-back next week. Would you like to join me?”

I mean, I have all three movies on DVD already, but how can I give up a chance to see them all on the big screen? This trilogy is one of the defining moments of horror. It blends together horror and comedy so seamlessly, and it somehow works. Personally I hate when filmmakers try to add comedy to horror. It’s like you’re trying to scare me, not make me laugh. But
Evil Dead II
and
Army of Darkness
just know how to straddle the line between the two genres without going overboard. Most people would actually consider
Evil Dead II
to be a masterpiece… but I would disagree. For me
The Evil Dead
is still the best. I mean, yeah, Ash—the awesome Bruce Campbell—isn’t at his most badass, but the movie is so gory and over-the-top and disturbing…
I love it
.

“I’d l-l-love to,” Adam responds. I smile, and I pull him into a hug.

Clara walks over, and she and Adam start to converse about something. Honestly the topic goes over my head, so I totally zone out. I think it is about some musician. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket, and I look at the screen to see Tommy’s name. I jump up and tell everyone I’ll be right back.

“Tommy.”

“Yo, am I still invited?”

“Yeah, of course. Come over.”

“I’m actually outside.”

I hang up the phone and run to the door to find Tommy standing on my porch. He wears an old wrinkled button-up and a pair of baggy khakis. His shirt is too big for his scrawny body. The bruises his father left on him have faded away, and now he almost looks back to normal.

He walks inside, and he slowly follows me like a lost child into the dining room where everyone now sits waiting for dinner. There aren’t a lot of us, but the chatter is still pretty loud. My mom smiles at the sight of Tommy, and she pulls him into a hug and sets him a place. Dad doesn’t say a word. He just nods in his direction. Hey, it’s better than nothing.

“Let’s eat dinner,” my mom states.

We sit down at the rather large table in the dining room. We only eat in here on special occasions, such as Thanksgiving or Christmas, or if we have some guests over… which isn’t often. Adam sits on one side of me, while Tommy sits on my other side. Throughout dinner, Adam shovels back as much food as he can, while Tommy quietly eats whatever he takes. In fact, Tommy is quiet throughout all of dinner. He never looks anyone in the eyes, keeping them on his plate, as if he is afraid someone will steal his food if he looks away. Little by little he finishes his food.

“Everything okay?” I murmur.

He nods. “Yeah. Everything’s cool.”

Do I believe him? Not a bit, but I’ll let him live the fantasy for now. I’m just happy to have him here with my family today. After dinner, Tommy, Adam, and I end up in my bedroom… and we sit in awkward silence.

“Hi, I’m Adam, J-J-Jess’s b-b-b-boyfriend,” Adam states, putting his hand out into the air and introducing himself as if the scene at Markus’s house never happened.