The Reason Why (5 page)

“I
can't believe that you agreed to do this,” Pam said, smiling.

Chino shrugged. “It's officially our second date, so that calls for a special sacrifice on my part.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

“I'm the C-H-I-N-O, don't you know? I can do this. I can do anything. Don't you realize that? You ain't fucking with no ordinary nigga. Girl, I'm like Superman, except I don't even bar no kryptonite.”

“Yeah, well, what do you bar, Superman?”

“What all niggas bar. The courtroom, and them Klansmen in them black robes.”

Pam threw her head back in laughter. “Boy, you silly.”

Chino finished lacing up his ice skate.

“You don't have to do this,” Pam told him.

“Hey, a promise is a promise. I said that you could pick the second date, and this is what you picked.”

“I just wanted to see if you would agree to it. I don't want you to fall down and kill yourself. What would your mother have to say to me? She'd come after me!”

“Don't worry about that. My moms was killed by some people who wanted their secrets kept when I was twelve. Besides, ice-skating is just like roller-skating. And back in the day, your boy Chino couldn't be faded on them roller skates.”

Pam's eyes softened. “No, Chino, it's not like roller-skating.” She paused. “I'm so sorry about your mother. It has to be rough without a parent.”

“Yeah, I know all about that. My pops is in lockup and won't be out any time soon. Charge it to the game.”

“I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say.”

“It's nothing you can say. You know what I mean, see what I'm sayin' is some walk it, some talk it.”

“Chino, you making a joke about something that's not funny.”

“Sometimes you laugh to keep from crying. My father is doing life for drugs and my mother is dead for drugs. And I sell drugs.”

Pam and Chino sat quietly on the bench outside the rink. Pam glanced up at Chino, who was staring down at his skates. She placed her hand on top of his. Chino folded her hand into his and smiled to himself. He shook his head and stuck his leg straight out into the air.

“See these blades on the bottom? They just like razor blades. And I can work a razor blade blindfolded. When it come to blades and white shit, I'm the master. Don't start panicking
if the fiends see me out here cutting up and want to start bagging up this ice and shit.”

“Boy, be quiet!” Pam stood up, held out her hand, and Chino clasped it. She gently pulled him up, and he began rocking back and forth and swinging his arms, trying to gain his balance. Pam wrapped her arms around him to keep him from falling. “Be careful!”

Chino leaned in and kissed her. “Wheew! Works every time!”

“Boy!” Pam pulled away. “I should push you down!”

“For stealing a kiss?” Chino shook his head, smiling. “Damn, you're a hard one.”

“Come on, hold my hand,” Pam said, leading him onto the ice in the rink.

The Chiller was a popular indoor all-year-round ice-skating rink, and the perfect excuse for new couples to hold hands or wrap themselves around each other to prevent spills. The hot chocolate bar was always crowded with pairs of all ages warming up after a flirty four dozen trips around the rink.

“Whoa!” Chino shouted, again thrashing his hands about, trying to gain his balance.

“I'm not falling for that again,” Pam warned him.

Chino fell on his behind, pulling her down to the ice with him.

“Chino!”

“You could have kept me from falling!”

“I thought it was another one of your tricks to steal a kiss.”

“Like this?” Chino said. He leaned in.

“Chino!” Pam softly called out his name and moaned. His kiss had her feeling moist in places. She didn't want that, at
least, not yet. She wasn't ready to take that big step in her life. She had held on to her virtue for sixteen years, and she wasn't sure about giving it away. Since age fourteen, Pam had been pleasuring herself more and more with each passing year. She wanted to experience a man, but the fear was overwhelming. Especially with a boy she had just met . . . a boy like Chino. He was nice, and sweet, and cute, and funny, but still . . .

She had heard moaning in bed one night and woke to find Tomiko's ex-boyfriend on top of her roommate, handling his business. Tomiko sounded like the angels were beneath those covers blowing her like she was a trumpet. It was the first time she had ever had an orgasm listening to someone else make love. Tomiko told her that her ex, Daryl, had a dick like a brontosaurus bone. Who wanted something like that up inside them? Tomiko promised that it didn't hurt, and that it felt good in places that she didn't know existed until she had a stiff one up in her.

Despite Tomiko's guarantees, Pam still felt that she wasn't ready. But still, Chino had her nipples swollen, as well as her labia. She had never had feelings like this for a boy. High school was all about the academics, and social activities with her girlfriends. Her mother and stepfather were protective, making sure that teenage boys weren't on the agenda.

Pam wondered if she was just caught up in being on her own in a new and thrilling city, with a boy who was two years older than her. He was more than just older too; he was completely independent and making it without a college education.

She wanted to try having sex, but then again, she didn't.
Her mother had always told her that she would know when the time was right, and when she was ready to take that step. “Just make sure you protect yourself,” was the advice her mother had given. Damn, why couldn't there be a manual that said, when this happens, do this. When you reach this age, you're ready for this.

“You okay?” Chino asked.

Pam snapped out of her thoughts. “Yeah, I'm all right.”

Chino stood, and helped Pam up.

“Hey, you stood up by yourself!”

“Duh, no shit, Sherlock!”

“Chino, you better not!”

“Better not what?”

“You better not have been acting all this time.”

“What? Acting like I couldn't skate?”

“Chino!”

“Tag, you're it!” Chino tapped Pam on her shoulder and took off. He sped around the rink like he was Scott Hamilton on steroids.

“Chino, you asshole!” Pam took off after him. “I can't believe you've been making a fool of me this whole time!”

“You're the one who assumed that because I was a dude I couldn't ice-skate!” Chino told her. “I'm from Cleveland, girl. There's only one thing to do in the winters when you can't drink, and that's ice-skate.”

“Chino!”

Chino spun around facing her, while skating backward at high speed.

“When I catch you, I'm going to kill you!” Pam shouted.

“You can't catch me, slowpoke!” Chino said with a smile. “Your head's too big, and it weighs you down.”

Pam sped up. Chino spun and accidentally bumped into some young ladies. He tumbled to the ground, and Pam slid to a stop next to him.

“That what your sorry ass gets!” Pam huffed.

“Sorry!” Chino shouted to the girls.

Pam extended her hand, and Chino clasped it. She began to pull him up, and then let go, allowing him to fall back down to the ground. “Now you're it!”

Pam sidestepped Chino and quickly raced off. Chino got up and went after her. He caught up with her halfway around the rink, and pulled her to the center of the rink, where he used his weight to pull her down.

“Chino!”

He pulled her close and kissed her again.

“Don't.”

“Don't what?” Chino asked softly.

“It's too soon.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“It's too soon for this.”

“I don't understand, but whatever it is, I'm cool with it. Don't worry about anything, Pam. I'll wait for you, for as long as it takes. We're in this thing together, understand?”

Pam nodded. Her mouth wouldn't say what her heart wanted it to say. Her brain had interceded. What she wanted to say was that it was too soon for her to be feeling the way she felt about him. What she wanted to say was that it was too soon for her to have fallen in love.

P
am strolled down Neil Avenue, on her way to her Sociology 100 class. She had on a pair of jeans, a jacket, and a scarf to keep her face warm. Pam's eyes teared as the brisk November wind snapped across her face. Drawing her scarf closely to her chin, she continued to walk, shielding her face with her textbook. Turning right to walk past Mirror Lake, one of her favorite outdoor spots on campus, she saw that the water was now sprinkled with orange, yellow, and red leaves from the various trees. She smiled at its spendor and its beauty. It made her feel special.

Although it was cold outside, she was anything but anxious to reach Mendenhall Lab in the South Oval. Pam was slacking off in school because she was either with Chino or thinking about him when she should have been listening to a lecture or studying. Her mom and stepdad crossed her mind. They wouldn't be happy with her upcoming quarterly report card.

“Hey! Pam!”

Pam quickly turned around. She hadn't heard the deliberate footsteps behind her. A tall, well-dressed boy stood before her, grinning widely. Pam searched his face but couldn't place him.

“Yes?” she asked as she stared at his beautiful smile with pearly white teeth. The brisk wind blew the scent of his cologne into her nostrils and she inhaled the smell. His skin was a smooth semisweet chocolate, pulled delicately against his high cheekbones and masculine jawline. He was dressed in a Karl Kani jean outfit. Her heart fluttered briefly.

“Hey, I'm Erik.” He extended his hand. Pam gave him a blank look. “I'm in this class.” She searched her memory again but still didn't recognize his face or name, and her face told it all. “You're in sociology, right?”

“Oh, yeah . . . Hi. I'm in this class.” She looked at him quizzically again. “What did you say your name was again?”

Erik thought he was tripping. He thought he had seen Pam in his class, but the way she reacted to him, he was now uncertain.

“Well, damn, I can see that I really made a good first impression on you,” Erik said playfully. “And again, my name is Erik.”

“I'm sorry, Erik, my mind is somewhere else.” Pam smiled, but only to be polite.

“C'mon,” Erik said as he began to talk toward the class. Pam followed; she didn't want to be late. When they reached the classroom, Erik opened the door and kindly extended his hand. “After you, my lady.”

Pam rolled her eyes and stepped inside. Erik laughed and followed her in.

“So, when we consider what is ‘normal' or what is ‘abnormal,' we have to evaluate the standards in regards to accepted and rejected, or ‘taboo,' behavior. Understand that African tribes operate at a completely different level of behavioral standards than—” The professor was cut off abruptly by a series of rapid beeps, signaling that class was over.

“Eesh, already? All right folks, remember that our exam review is next Wednesday, and don't forget that your research papers are due Monday. Oh, and I won't be in my office tomorrow. I have a seminar to attend. See you next week!”

Pam collected her things and walked out of the lecture hall. “Hey, what did you think about that lecture?” Erik asked, trailing behind her. “I think he was on point about what's considered normal versus abnormal. The rituals in other countries that are considered customs are barbaric and—”

“What are you saying?” Pam asked, continuing to walk.

“You weren't listening? Girl, you trippin'. Hey wait up! How could you not pay attention to that mind-blowing shit?” he asked sarcastically.

Pam laughed and slowed down a bit so Erik could match her pace. The stream of students that burst through the building's front doors were met with a fierce wind.