The Real Soccer Moms of Beaver County (20 page)

B
aby Blitz

"Why the hell are you living in Divorce Court when your baby daddy lives in a gated complex?" Blanche asked as we pulled through the wrought iron fence and around a pristine in-ground pool.

"Because he probably has this nice little one-bedroom apartment with fancy appliances and furniture without stains, while I have two messy kids and a broken bed," I said.

Blanche pulled the large SUV in front of his apartment with "Tucker" written on the little white mailbox in front.

"Do you guys want to go in with me?" I asked, turning to Luna in the backseat then Blanche in the driver's seat.

They both shook their heads.

"This is for you to do yourself, sweetie," Luna said.

"But I don't want to see Miles' ass through the window like we had to see Brady's," Blanche added and Luna stuck her tongue out.

I sucked in a deep breath and opened my door. "Okay. Here goes nothing."

My heels clicked on the cement below, as I slowly made my way to the bright white door. I knocked once, then twice, praying maybe he wasn't home.

Of course he was definitely home and opened the door with a huge grin on his face. "Moira! I didn't expect to see you here! Actually, I've never seen you at my apartment. How did you know where I live?"

"Um, it's on all of the team registration forms. Sorry is this weird? Do you want to go somewhere?" I asked, chewing hard on my bottom lip.

He smiled even wider, putting his arm around my waist and pulling me into his apartment before shutting the door. "Not when you look sexy and nervous. I never want you to leave."

He went to kiss me but I turned my head, and instead he got a mouthful of hair.

Jesus, no wonder I'd never been to his apartment. The whole place was white. White walls. White carpet. A small white kitchen opened to the white living room and patio door, that wasn’t covered in finger prints.

There was no way in hell my kids or a baby could live there or that he'd want to live with me.

"Hey are you okay? I was just joking, well not joking, but not trying to be an ass at least," Miles said, smoothing my hair.

I didn’t even know how to approach the subject. I never even knew Harry's dad's real name so I never had to tell him. With Doug, my mom marched over to his parents’ car wash and demanded they do something, while I waited in the car and got the death glare from Doug. This was the first time I actually had to tell a man I was pregnant with his child.

I always dreamed of a fairytale life, with a husband and a house with a picket fence and a pregnancy we'd announce in the newspaper. Well, none of that fell on Moira the Whoira, so I just had to suck it up and get it over with.

"I'm pregnant and it's yours, and I'm keeping it," I blurted all at once, keeping my eyes on the stark white floor.

When Miles didn't say anything I finally looked up to meet his wide eyes.

"If you never want to see me again and want nothing to do with me or the baby, I understand. I'm just the slutty mom you wanted to have a good time with and didn't expect this to happen. You won’t have to deal with us. I'm not here to beg for money or anything; I just wanted you to know." I turned toward the door, but was stopped when Miles put his hand on my shoulder and turned me toward him.

"Well, this definitely wasn't what I was expecting to hear," he said.

"Tell me about it," I grumbled.

"And we may have gone about everything the wrong way. You just wanted friends-with-benefits, and I tried to give that to you and I couldn't. Maybe this is some higher power's way of saying that this all was supposed to happen," Miles said.

"That we were supposed to fuck our brains out and I'd have another kid to drag to the soccer field?" I asked.

Miles stepped forward and put both arms around my waist. "That we'll be taking to the soccer field, or to the science lab, or wherever he or she wants to go. It's going to be you and me doing this. You, me, Brannigan, and Harry. We'll be a family."

I smiled, but it didn't reach my entire face. "That's nice of you to say, but I can’t imagine my kids in this nice clean apartment or you staying in my rat trap of one."

"Then we'll buy a house. There was one for sale in the little neighborhood on the way out to Clancy's."

I put my hands out. "Whoa. House buying? I don’t know about all of that. Maybe we should just see where this pregnancy goes first."

"How about we get married, then house hunt, then have the baby?" Miles asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Um, is this your way of proposing?" I asked.

Miles let go of me and ran down a small hallway.

"Um, are you okay? Do you have the nervous runs?" I yelled.

Miles came back out and stopped in front of me before dropping down to one knee, and held a high school class ring in his hand. "I don’t have a nice ring or anything prepared, but I can promise you, Moira, that I'm going to be here for you and for our family in sickness and in health. Will you marry me?" he asked.

My eyes welled up with tears and without even thinking before I spoke, I yelled out, "Yes!"

He stood up and put the ring on my finger, before lifting me off the ground and spinning me.

I giggled and then he put me down, looking me in the eyes. "How does this afternoon sound? We can head to the courthouse now."

"What? Right now?" I asked, wide-eyed.

"Sure. Why wait?"

"I...I thought maybe we'd be engaged for a while. Maybe I'd have a dress or the kids there at least."

"Okay then how about tomorrow?" Miles asked, his face completely serious.

"What?"

He took a step closer. "Moira, I'm ready to start our lives together. Let's do this the right way. What do you say? Will you marry me tomorrow?"

I didn’t think. I just smiled. "Yes."

W
edding Bells

Somehow, a simple courthouse wedding with a judge, turned into a gathering at the funeral home with Grandpa Morningwood presiding.

“This is all kind of creepy, you do all know that, right?” Blanche said as she zipped up her black dress.

With less than twenty-four hours to plan a wedding, I told Luna and Blanche to get in black dresses as bridesmaids, and I even bought Brannigan a new black strapless dress when I went to find the first wedding dress I could. With the thought of it being a courthouse wedding, I thought the simple white lace halter would be fine. But as I looked through the doors of the parlor into the elaborate room full of flowers, I was starting to have second thoughts.

“Momma Storm’s visitation isn’t until seven. We have plenty of time to get in, have Dad do the ceremony, and get out. This is way better than a half-ass courthouse wedding,” Luna said, strapping her shoe.

“Do you have your something borrowed, old, new, and blue?” Blanche asked.

“Um, well the dress is new?” I say.

“That’s a start,” Luna said, taking off her glittery headband. “Here, put this on for borrowed.”

“Um, okay?” I put the sparkly headband on and pulled back my long black waves.

“I have some Xanax if we need something blue,” Queenie said as he finished the final touches on Brannigan’s curls.

Luna gave him a look then tapped her finger on her chin. “There has to be something here or in my office. Or maybe there’s a collar on one of the animals in yours!”

Brannigan tapped her feet together. “Maybe my blue flip flops?”

I look down at my little girl, who looked so grown up in the strapless dress with her winged eyeliner and big curls. I remembered when I first found out I was pregnant with her and thought my life was over, little did I know it was just beginning.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

Brannigan slipped off her flip flops. “It’s like your Cinderella, Mom. You’ve been stuck all your life and now you finally get your Prince Charming, so you should get the shoes to go with it.”

I didn’t know if it was the hormones or my little girls sweet words, but the tears started falling down my face as I took Brannigan in my arms and held her.

“Hey! None of that crying! I don’t want your makeup ruined! That shit is the good airbrushing!” Queenie said.

I pulled back and wiped my eyes. “Okay. Are we ready, soccer moms?” I asked, looking around at my new best friends.

“Ready,” they said.

* * *

M
iles
, Harry, Brady, and Clancy, stood at in front of the altar next to Grandpa Morningwood. An array of different funeral flowers behind them. I expected all of that, but what I didn’t expect was for my mom and grandma to be sitting in the front row next to Grandma Morningwood, or Miles parents to be on the other side.

I didn’t even make it all the way down the aisle, and Luna had to stop old lady Harper from her organ playing.

“Mom…Grandma…Mr. and Mrs. Tucker? What are you guys doing here?” I asked, staring between all of them.

I felt an arm on my back, before I looked up to see a smiling Miles. “I invited them.”

“You?” I asked.

“A wedding is more than just about us. It’s about joining our two families. We may not be perfect and neither are they, but till death do us part, we’re all family,” Miles said, putting his other arm on my mother.

Mom smiled slightly. She was actually dressed a little more demure for her, in a blue dress with a peter pan collar. “I wouldn’t miss my baby marrying the man of her dreams,” she whispered before hugging me and grandma followed suit.

“I’m so sorry for not believing in you,” Mom whispered as she pulled me tight.

That’s when the waterworks started again, and I had to pull away so Queenie wouldn’t yell at me.

“Shall we get married?” Miles asked.

“One more thing,” I said and looked to my mother and grandma. “Will you two walk me down the aisle the rest of the way?”

Both women smiled, and each took one of my arms. Luna instructed old lady Harper to go back to playing, and the two women who raised me gave me away to my future husband.

Grandpa Morningwood started in with the traditional vows, and Miles and I exchanged rings that we bought at the pawn shop that morning. Eventually I’d get him something nicer, but for now I wanted that symbol. A circle, like the soccer ball that brought us together, and something that would never end.

Grandpa Morningwood opened his mouth to go on with the next part of the ceremony, when the double doors at the end of the parlor opened and Ted the embalmer wheeled in a half-dressed Mrs. Storm on a gurney.

“Ted! What are you doing here? The visitation isn’t for another four hours!” Grandma Morningwood barked.

Ted shook his head, wheeling the body toward the front. “Quinn said he’d be down to help me finish the makeup and hair, and I couldn’t wait any longer. I’ve got somewhere to be.”

“Can’t you see we’re doing a wedding here? And it’s Queenie, by the way, Kitten,” Queenie said, putting his hand on his hip and holding out his bride-man bouquet.

Ted threw his arms up in the air. “Whatever. I’m clocking out.”

I looked down at the dead woman in her underwear and then to Grandpa Morningwood. “How about we finish this up so my husband and I don’t have to stare at a dead body any longer on our wedding day?”

Grandpa Morningwood smiled. “By the power invested in me by the state of Iowa, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride!”

F
inals

There was no time or money for a honeymoon. Miles and I got married, and put a deposit down on a three-bedroom apartment in his complex. We’d have plenty of time for house hunting, but first we had to get through the final game against our arch rivals: Dollywood.

“So now that Coach Tucker is getting nailed on the regular, does this mean Harry is going to get more playing time and we can expect to lose?” Queenie asked, setting up his chair.

I rolled my eyes, and set my chair up next to my mom and Miles’ mom who insisted she needed to watch her new grandchild play soccer, even if he wouldn’t cut off his man bun.

“My husband’s been practicing with Harry. Don’t worry, by next season he’ll be running circles around everyone!” Miles mom said.

Queenie pulled out his flask. “You know, gals, it started out with all of us hating each other, and now we’re stuck together. For better or for worse, we’re the real soccer moms of Beaver County and we should toast to that!”

“I’m good without alcohol,” I muttered.

“Yeah, me too,” Blanche said.

“Me three,” Luna said, bouncing her baby on her knee instead of having him constantly under her shirt.

Queenie raised an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me all you bitches are knocked up now?”

We all looked between each other.

My mom and Miles mom stared at me in open-mouthed shock. We were going to wait at least another month to tell them, but I guessed it was now or never.

“Surprise?” I said.

All of us girls hugged and squealed, and talked about the future generation of soccer babies. All of us except Queenie.

When I broke away from the group I sat down next to him. “You know, you can always adopt a baby. Maybe you’ll even meet a man that wants to have one with you. What about those drag boys?” I asked, nudging his shoulder.

Queenie took a drink from his flask and smiled. “Maybe. But for now, no more baby talk. Let’s watch the current Little Beavers kick some Dollywood ass!”