The Ranchers Son (20 page)

“Different how?”

“I think Dad suffocated
Justin as he grew up. Saw him as fragile, which he sure as hell wasn’t. So
yeah, they clashed big time.”

They fell silent,
and it was enough just to be next to each other and to explore more of the ranch.
They came to a fork in the path. Left would take them down to the river
crossing, right, up to Silver Pond. Ethan had had enough of revisiting past
hurts right then. He hadn’t been up to the pond since his brother vanished.
Despite Lightning pitching a mini fit, Ethan had him heading down the hill,
crossing by the boulders, and clambering up the other side; he paused to watch
Adam expertly guide Easy the same way.

Adam was grinning
when he came to a stop next to Ethan, and Ethan couldn’t help himself. Words of
love just had a habit of slipping out where Adam was concerned. “I love you,”
he muttered, aware he sounded like a madman.

Adam’s eyes
widened, probably at the tone, and he leaned over to kiss Ethan, which was a
hundred kinds of awkward and near impossible to accomplish. Somehow their lips
met in a soft touch before Adam moved back, wincing.

“C’mon cowboy,
let’s pick up the pace,” Adam said and, with encouragement, Easy quickened the
pace.

They made it past
the Creek Cabins and up to Ember Bluff. While they couldn’t take the horses all
the way to the lookout point, they could get high enough and dismounted at a
point where they could look down at the ranch, tying off the horses on a low
hanging branch.

“I own some of
that,” Adam murmured, and he sat on the ground cross-legged, even though it
clearly took effort for him to get down there. Ethan joined him and they sat in
the damp grass, quiet and peaceful.

“I remember
sitting here,” Adam’s words slipped out gently. “When, or with whom, I don’t
know, but I do remember this.”

“Close your eyes,”
Ethan said.

“You mean my eye,”
Adam smirked.

Ethan poked him.
“Smartass. Close your eye, and don’t think I haven’t noticed your other eye is
looking better.”

“Okay, so my eyes
are closed. Now what?”

“Nothing. Just
don’t think at all.”

Ethan arranged his
jacket and gently eased Adam back to lie cradled in his arms. Adam fussed a
little to get comfortable and then sighed into Ethan’s embrace. Together they
lay with eyes closed, and Ethan tried not to think about a single thing.

But the one thing
that kept nudging at him, besides the need to keep Adam close and safe, was
that one big thing.

I love this man;
he is the other half of my heart.

Adam rolled over
in bed and groaned as his muscles reminded him that he wasn’t healed, not by
any stretch of the imagination. Movement was getting easier each day, but it
was slow work. Two weeks at Crooked Tree and there was still nothing from Ryan
as to who the hell he’d been. Apparently Ryan was meeting the same red tape as
Jen had back in Missoula, and Adam was half-relieved and half-pissed that he
didn’t know much.

Apart from the
memories. They caught him by surprise. The taste of banana cake conjured up a
memory of a food fight; the scent of a wood burner had him recalling an old
cabin on the outskirts of the ranch where the boys would stay for days here and
there in the long, hot summers. Slowly the memories slipped back into his head,
but they were of a gentler time: his childhood and the moments that shaped who
he’d become.

Ethan was in them
all, but not Justin. It was as if his mind couldn’t handle recalling Justin,
and given the nightmare he’d had about the fire when he first arrived here, he
had to think something awful had happened to his friend.

Ethan probably
thought the same thing, but he never voiced what was in his head. In fact, he
was the perfect companion, very rarely leaving Adam alone and always carrying
his weapon, even on their frequent horseback treks to the corners of Crooked
Tree.

They planned on
visiting Silver Pond today, and to say Ethan was apprehensive was an
understatement. The place had been the last point where Justin and Adam had
been seen, and the site of the moment where, trapped in rising water, Adam
began to fear enclosed spaces. The place was going to be a trigger and he knew
it.

Ethan knew it too.

But for now Ethan
was sleeping—his hair mussed, his stubble with its hint of red in the brown,
his body sprawled this way and that—with the sheet pushed down to his waist.

They had condoms; they
had lube. They’d used the lube, but the condoms… Adam had to admit he was
apprehensive, but he guessed he’d been through this before when he’d done it
all before.
If
he’d done it all before.

Way to be like a sixteen-year-old
in a twenty-eight-year-old’s body.

He stared for a
long time as the room filled with more light and he could look at Ethan without
interruption. Ethan said he loved him, said it with so much conviction that
Adam believed him.

It was just the
not knowing. He didn’t have a framework for loving Ethan back. Yes, he wanted
him; yes, the lust was real; and yes, they were so good together in and out of
bed. But—and it was a big but—Ethan had years of knowing about Adam, while all
Adam had
were
a few memories.

Maybe that was how
it was supposed to go? Maybe he should just trust how he was feeling, none of
the crappy what-ifs. Because, clearly, if he’d been in a relationship before,
then it didn’t mean much if he’d forgotten it.

That was his
theory and he was sticking to it.

“Hey.” Ethan
yawned. He rolled up and out of bed, used the bathroom, and came back with
fresh minty breath.

Adam decided he’d
do the same thing, hoping to hell that Ethan was on the same page for some early-morning
fun.

“My ribs aren’t so
sore today.” He climbed onto the bed and straddled Ethan, pressing down on his
morning erection. “I think we should get on with things.”

Ethan smiled up at
him, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes, not really. “We don’t have to rush
anything. It’s not all about that.”

Adam wrinkled his
nose in protest and bent down to kiss Ethan, deeply and thoroughly. “Have you
not seen that porn?” he said. “I want to try everything.”

Ethan stayed
silent, then very subtly pushed upward against Adam and groaned, closing his
eyes. “Your ribs.”

“Are doing okay.”
Adam stole another kiss and put on his best soft, cajoling voice. “Just be
gentle with me.”

“I think you
should fuck me—”

“No, no way. C’mon,
Mr. Cop, lighten up.”

Adam tried not to
let any tension bleed into his voice. He wanted this. He wanted more—everything
in fact—and every time they made love, he had new memories and remembered old
ones.

“Adam—”

“Seriously, every
time we make love, I remember stuff.”

Ethan smiled, and
this time the smile reached his eyes. “You mean I’m healing you with my magic
penis?”

Adam snorted and
kissed him again, this time lying flat and enjoying cloaking Ethan’s body.

“It’s a thing, you
know,” Ethan said deadpan.

“Well, let’s give
it a try.”

Adam reached over
for the lube and condoms with his sore hand, and there wasn’t even a twinge.
This morning he felt good, hopeful, positive.

He lay back on the
bed, knees bent, and waited. “Come on, then.”

Ethan side-eyed
him. “You’re so romantic.”

“Who needs romance
when they have access to a magic penis?”

Laughing, they
kissed until the kisses grew heated and Ethan moved south to kiss and suck his
way to Adam’s cock, which was really into this whole thing.

This was
sunshine and floating in warm water, and the expectation of a wonderful day.

Adam shook off the
feeling of the “something else” that was poking at him, and he groaned as Ethan
stretched him, sucking his cock and tasting him, and pressing his fingers
inside.

It felt so good,
like nothing he’d ever felt before—a connection he needed like his next breath.

Ethan pressed his
cock inside, stopped, and waited for Adam’s body to relax, and Adam yanked him
down for a kiss. A tightening in his ribs warned him not to push it too much.

Ethan kissed him,
pressing forward, and that way Ethan was inside him, and Adam’s hard cock pushed
between them.

“Okay?” Ethan asked.

Adam wasn’t
convinced until Ethan moved a little, touching something that made him see
stars.

Stars, the
night sky, and the taste of beer.

Ethan rocked a
little, Adam groaned, and they moved together.

I’ve loved you
since I knew my own mind.

The words spun in
his head, fading away as his orgasm built. He was going to come like this, with
Ethan owning him and with memories just out of reach.

Adam grasped at
Ethan’s arms; his fingers dug into flesh and Ethan cursed into the kisses, but
he didn’t say Adam should stop, and Adam didn’t want to let go. He was so
close, and when Ethan moved them, a strong shift in their balance, and managed
to push a hand between them, circling Adam’s cock, it was game over.

He’d never felt
anything like this.

I love you. I’ll
love you forever.

And as Ethan
pushed inside him again, coming and shouting Adam’s name, it was all Adam could
do to tell Ethan what he heard in his thoughts.

Because he knew
the truth of them. He didn’t have to have memories to know he loved Ethan.

That he had always
loved Ethan.

Ryan Carter’s call
came ten minutes after they’d cleaned up and begun cooking breakfast. He’d
found out some things and had two guys with him who wanted to see Adam.

They congregated
in Jay’s office again, waiting for the sheriff to arrive.

“I know you,” Adam
blurted out as soon as he saw the other men with Ryan. He felt trapped with the
two men between him and the door. He backed up and ran straight into Ethan, who
was right behind him. Ethan steadied him in a firm grip. Ethan wouldn’t let him
fall; Adam knew that.

“Agent Mitchell
Saunders,” the man said and extended a hand to Adam. “Department of Justice,
federal witness protection. And this is Agent Orin Webb.” Both Saunders and
Webb were older than Adam, and wore authority like a second skin, but it was
Saunders who did the talking. Webb just watched.

“It’s good to see
you’re okay. When you fell off the radar in Wyoming… well, we knew you’d be
safe when we found out you were here.” He trailed off and allowed everyone to
fill in the blanks.

Adam didn’t like
to ask why he’d fallen off the radar or why the FBI hadn’t found him since
then. He just listened. Something about these men was making him uneasy, but he
couldn’t pin down what it was. Saunders’s attitude bordered on arrogant, his
words were clipped, as if Adam didn’t have to worry about anything now that the
DOJ had him back.

“He’s not going
back into witness protection,” Ethan said. His tone brooked no argument, and
Adam realized he’d tuned out of the conversation.

“He doesn’t have
to, but he is potentially in danger,” Webb said; this was the first time he’d
said anything at all. Saunders shot him a quick glance that had him closing his
mouth.

“I’ll look after
him,” Ethan snapped. “He’s not going away again.”

Saunders held up a
hand and shook his head. A condescending tone injected in his voice. “I see. I
can’t say that is a good decision for a police officer to make. To put this man
in danger is a step too far even for an experienced lawman.”

“He’s safe with
me,” Ethan insisted.

“You think no one
knows where he is? We’ve known for a few weeks now.”

“And you didn’t
think to come and talk to him? Tell him what the hell is going on?”

“That wasn’t
protocol.”

“What about
Justin? Do you know where he is?”

“Information on
that is classified.”

“Is he dead?”
Ethan snapped. “Just tell us.”

“I don’t have that
information,” Saunders said.

“Would you tell us
if you knew?” Ethan shouted. This was getting out of hand.

“Not if it isn’t
in the best interests of this country,” Webb interjected.

Saunders sent him
a look that said,
Shut the fuck up
.

“Tell me where my
brother is? If he’s alive or dead.”

“We. Don’t. Know.”
Saunders said, very deliberately.

“You fuckers.”

Ryan cleared his
throat, probably to break up the tension between Ethan and Saunders. “I believe
it’s Adam’s decision as to whether he goes anywhere with you. Adam?”

And now it was
Adam’s turned to get angry. “I don’t even know what I’m hiding from, for God’s
sake! Explain it to me.”

“The file is closed—”
Saunders began.

“Fuck that,” Ethan
cursed. “Tell the man what he needs to know.”

Saunders and Webb
exchanged another look heavy with meaning. Adam may have lost his memory, but
he wasn’t stupid. They were hiding something.

“Adam was witness
to a series of murders, most of which he will have to remember on his own terms.
I’m sorry. I wish I could explain it all.” Adam didn’t think he looked sorry,
just smug and entitled. “Three people have died since the man Adam helped put
away was released from prison. The man at the center of this was found and
killed in a shootout, and the FBI consider the main urgency has passed, but we
still need to keep Adam from the reaches of that man’s associates. We are
convinced that finding Adam was the main objective behind these murders.”

Adam groaned. People
had died, and it was his fault?

“Jesus,” Ethan
said with heat. “You can’t go around laying that kind of thing on someone.”

“You asked,
Officer Allens. I won’t whitewash it. He can come with me and we will set him
up in a safe house until such time that any and all associates are found.”

“Okay, you’ve had
your say,” Ethan said. He turned to Adam. “The man you put away is dead and the
FBI have no real idea of any further danger. Stay here with us, and we’ll look
out for you—Ryan and I.” He looked at Ryan, who, with a serious expression,
nodded his agreement to that idea.

Saunders stepped
forward, even reached for Adam, who shrank away from him. “I’d rather he came
in with me—”

“Adam is staying
here,” Ethan said. “Aren’t you Adam?”

“Yes, I’m staying.”
Adam didn’t really have to think it through. As long as he wasn’t putting
people in danger, then he wanted to stay here, in his home, with friends and
family.

Saunders nodded
and didn’t argue anymore. He slid a card over to Adam, but Adam didn’t take it
there and then. Something was wrong.

Adam! Run!

Adam reached for
Ethan’s hand and held it tight. Ethan’s touch grounded him.

Saunders and Webb
departed, Ryan not long after, and Adam and Ethan left the office and went back
up to the house. Only when they were inside did Adam let everything out.

“I don’t trust them,
Saunders especially, I don’t know why, but all I can see in my head is him
shouting at me and then being nice to me, and I don’t get it.”

Ethan pulled him
close. “We’ll figure it out,” he whispered. “It will all be okay. You’ll stay
here and remember everything.”