The Rabid (13 page)

"No,
I...I don't know..."

I
looked as deep into her as I could. "You haven't been unsure about anything so
far. What's the matter?"

She
bit her bottom lip. While it was the sexiest gesture I'd seen out of her, it
meant something else at that moment. I could tell she was uncomfortable with
not knowing.

"I
don't know how much time we have."

I
shrugged, pulling her closer and beginning to move again. "Who does?"

"Mmm...but
what if I get bitten tomorrow?" Her questions became half questions as I laid
back and let her do what she wanted.

"And
what if I get eaten by a mountain lion tomorrow?"

"Cougar."

I
would have rolled my eyes, but she was making me feel too good for that. "Well...then...what
if I get...eaten by a cougar?" My grip on her hips tightened. We were both close.
"So many things can...happen. Doesn't matter...if it's the end..."

"Oh...Jack..."
She tossed her head back as pleasure rolled through our bodies.

"I
don't think I'm ever gonna get used to that," I said as she flopped down next
to me, her skin sparkling with sweat.

"What's
that?"

"That
you...
you
say my name during sex."

"I
love you."

I
rolled over and took her into my arms. "I know."

A
sigh escaped her and she pushed me away with one hand. "Jack."

I
laughed. "I'm sorry. I couldn't help it." I touched my lips to hers. "I love
you."

She
didn't smile on the outside, but it was there behind her eyes as she settled
into me. Cuddling with her was odd at first because there was no discomfort.
She always fit no matter what position we were in. I felt as though that was
the biggest sign of fate I'd ever experienced.

Other
women I'd been with had either been too skinny or had so much hair that I'd end
up eating it at night. I even recalled one former girlfriend who'd eat chips or
crackers in bed. I'd wake up to crumbs. Sometimes I'd have to clean them out of
my ass.

"What
are you laughing at?" Lisa asked.

"Marry
me."

"I'm
sorry?" She sat up on her elbow and watched me.

"let's
get married."

"I
think you and I both know that's not a good idea." She pulled the bedsheets up
so they were covering her chest, but I pulled them down. She was too beautiful
not to touch.

"Why
not?"

The
sarcastic laugh that escaped her stung. "it's the end of the world, Jack. I
doubt anyone"s going to be handing out marriage licenses. Besides, we hardly
know each other. I don't even know how many girlfriends you had before me."

"Three."

She
cleared her throat. "Okay."

"So,
marry me."

After
a long pause, a sigh and averted gaze, she said, "No."

The
words stung. They felt like hot knives in my belly. I felt the burn of tears
welling behind my eyes, but I wasn't going to cry. Not in front of her. Then
again, she'd already told me she loved me. She'd shown me a vulnerable side of
herself that I don't think anyone else had seen. But I wanted more than that. I
wanted a life partner, no matter how short that life might have been.

"I'm
sorry."

I
shook off the sorrow my heart had pumped into me and shrugged. "it's ok. But
I'm going to keep asking you."

October 19

"Hey, Juliet. What are
you doing up?" I didn't even need to stop what I was doing to see her out of
the corner of my eye. Still clad in pajamas, she approached the car.

"What are you doing?"
Once she got to the passenger side, she stood on tip toes to look into the
engine.

"Well, there
seems to be a hole in the brake line. Just can't tell which."

She climbed onto
the bumper and peered inside. "How do you know there's a hole?"

I picked her up
and moved her in front of me. While leaning against the hood, I pointed to the
brake fluid reservoir.

"See this?"

"Yeah."

"It should be
full. The fluid should hit this line here. If we run out of fluid, we're Biter
Meat."

"So how do you
find the hole?"

"Here." I picked
up the spray bottle full of water I'd been using and gave it to her. "Spray
around the reservoir until it's soaked."

She did as I told
her.

"Now, do you see
any bubbles anywhere?"

Alex leaned
forward, searching all around for any sign of air. "No."

"Okay, then that
means there's no problem here. Want to take the wheel?" I grinned at her deer
in headlights look.

"You want me to
drive?"

"I want you to
get in and pump the brake while I'm under the car, ok?"

She nodded,
hopping off the bumper and opening the driver"s side door while I got down on
the ground to look for signs of leakage.

"Ready?" I held
my hand up for her to see.

"Ready."

"Go." I motioned
with my hand for her to pump the brakes. Then I waited. After a few seconds, a
drip began to form under the passenger side. I gave Alex the OK and she jumped
out of the car. When she got down on the ground with me, I showed her the leak.

"Time to jack it
up," I said.

"Jack it up?" Alex's
face scrunched into a ball. "My mom used to say that when she would get in
fights."

I couldn't help
but chuckle. "This is different."

"Time to Uncle
Jack it up!" She hopped to her feet. Together, we went to the back of the van
to find the spare tire. The jack was the simple part. All we had to do was wind
the crank. But when I went down on my back and wiggled underneath the vehicle, Alex
hesitated.

"How safe is
that?"

I looked out at
her. "You jacked it up. What do you think?"

Her brows knit
together. "I don't know."

"Hey, I'm under
here. I've done this a thousand times, Juliet. Nothin" to it but to do it."

Slowly, Alex got
down on her knees and wiggled alongside me under the car.

"See? Told you
there's nothing to worry about."

She smiled at me.
"So what now?"

I handed her the
spray bottle. "Same thing. See these two tubes here? Get them wet. No, get them
wet, not me!"

Alex giggled
while trying not to spray me in the face. We waited for air bubbles to form,
but nothing came up.

"Okay, so it's
not in the line itself."

"Is this one a
head-scratcher?"

"Nope." I
grumbled as I stood. My knee was giving off dull twinges of pain. "let's remove
the wheel." I grabbed the wrench to remove the lug nuts, then I removed the
tire and hubcap. I showed Alex how to stand on the wrench to loosen the lug
nuts.

"Why do we have
to do it this way?"

"Because..." I
stomped once more to get the last bolt out. "If they aren't on tight enough,
the wheel goes flyin'."

"Oh."

"Oh-kay, let's
see..." I checked around the inside of the wheel until I could see some fluid
dripping down the side. "Got it. Have to fix the cylinder."

Alex and I worked on
fixing the small crack. Since we didn't have any new parts around, we just had
to make do with a Band-Aid. At one point, Alex nicked her finger. As it began
to bleed, I put a clean rag over it. I admit I was a bit panicked — asking her
if she was okay over and over.

She smiled up at
me. "don't worry. It doesn't hurt. And now my hands will look like yours!"

As much as her
words warmed me to my core, I shot her a skeptical glance. "what's wrong with
my hands?"

She dropped the
rag and grabbed both my hands in hers. "they're all beat up."

I shrugged. I
couldn't see anything wrong with them. Sure, there were a few scars here and
there and they were dirty. But every mark told a story.

"they've been
through a lot."

"I bet Aunt Lisa
likes the way they feel." There was a devilish glint in Alex's eye.

"Whoa, now. Save
that kind of talk for when you're twenty." We went back to work.

"I'm glad Aunt
Lisa found you. She needs someone."

"Oh, yeah?" I
pushed the sting of rejection away at the mention of her name. "Why do you say
that?"

"She's lonely.
She doesn't think I can tell, but I'm smarter than that."

"I see."

"I didn't like
the way Rex's dad treated her."

We finished the
repair and began to put the wheel back on. "Your mom liked to defend him. He
sounded like a fine guy."

Alex scoffed.
"She said that stuff because they were with each other behind Aunt Lisa's
back."

Yikes. "No wonder
she's afraid to commit."

"that's why I'm
glad she found you." Alex smiled up at me. There was a spot of grease on her
forehead. I grabbed the rag and rubbed it in.

"Go shower. Lisa
will be up soon and you've got the mechanic look now."

From the
Desk of Dr. Lisa James

October 19

I
awoke to an empty hotel room. Jack wasn't asleep next to me nor was he in the
bathroom. The early morning sun was streaming in through the curtains. The
night before played over and over in my head. I felt as if I hand't done the
right thing. But my head had never steered me wrong before.

The
realization that I was in love with Jack took a weight off my shoulders. It had
made me realize I was lonely. I'd been lonely for a long time. My plan of
suicide was no longer in the works. I had people that needed me. On one hand,
that was a blessing. On the other " a curse.

Every
day I'd thought of suicide. What we were going through was not a life. That was
my objective opinion. We were running. Constantly scared. Trying to stay alive.
What kind of existence was that?

But
then there was Jack. And Alex. And Rex. They counted on me to an extent. I knew
there wasn't much I could offer, but perhaps my presence was enough support.

After
putting on the clothes I'd found the night before, I stepped outside into the
morning. There was a breeze, but the heat of the day could already be felt in
the dry air. I was barefoot. The concrete was cool under me.

Jack
was fiddling around under the hood of the brown van. Sweat beaded on his arms
as he worked. My stomach felt as though it were doing flips inside me. I'd
never had butterflies before.

"Hey."
I leaned against one side of the car.

"Morning."
He didn't look at me. All he did was take the rag that was slung over his
shoulder and wipe from sweat from his brow.

"Would
you like some coffee? there's actually still some of the instant"

"I'm
okay, thanks."

For
some reason, his short, curt answers began to hurt my feelings. "I apologize if
I upset you last night, but I just don't think getting married is a good idea
at the moment."

He
stopped was he was doing and rested both hands on the front lip of the car, but
he still wouldn't look at me. "I'd rather not talk about it."

"Keeping
it inside really isn't healthy."

He
went back to work. "Yeah, well that's how normal people do things."

That
hurt. I wasn't expecting such a negative reaction from something that seemed so
obvious to me. Neither of us said anything for some time. After a few long and
intense moments, Jack stopped working abruptly after shooting me a glance out
of the corner of his eye.

"Shit."
He sighed. "Look, I'm sorry. I've gotten used to being rejected my entire
fucking life, but for some reason it hurts more coming from you."

"I
understand."

He
looked at me hard. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, but his features were
stressed. "I don't think you do, Lisa." He tossed the rag down onto the engine.
"You have great control over your emotions and reactions. I don't. Tons of
people don't. I love you...Christ...you're so...perfect, but..."

"You
don't know how badly I wanted to say yes."

He
shut his mouth. I waited for him to speak, but nothing came out. Even I didn't
know what to say at that moment.

"Then...why
didn't you?" His tone was soft.

"Because
I can't be that person who gets married only to have their spouse die in days
or weeks. And neither can you."

He
seemed to mull it over. "Life is about taking risks."

"You
really call this a life?" I stretched out my arms, indicating the world around
us.

A
half smile appeared on his face, but his eyes looked through me to something
else. "Yeah...I do." He came back from wherever he'd been with a serious
expression. "Rex and Alex are amazing. they're great kids and I like spending
time with them. And I
love
you. This is absolutely my life and...I
wouldn't have it any other way. Because if it happened differently, I might not
have met you all."

I
felt his words weigh on me. It was incredibly sweet of him to have those
feelings, but I still had to stick to my decision. I went to him and put my
arms around his middle.

"That
makes me happy."

He
hugged me back, then pulled away to look into my eyes. "I'm glad."

"Will
you come inside and have coffee?"

"Will
you marry me?"

"No."

He
nodded, but smiled as he picked me up and pinned me against the van. "I bet you
a thousand dollars I get you to say yes."

The
way he was looking at me and the heat of his body caused mine to react. His
arms were so strong yet gentle. Rex was happy when he was around. Our intimacy
had a deep connection and he was extraordinary in bed.

"I
knew it."

The
words startled me out of my thought coma. "I'm sorry?"

"You're
totally ready to go." He lowered his voice to a tone that vibrated through my
entire body.

"No.
I'm fine."

His
hand moved from the side of the van to my arm. Fingertips brushed my skin until
they reached the hem of my shirt. As he slid it underneath my clothes and over
my bare skin, he learned forward.

"Then
why are your nipples hard?"

The
tone he used nearly caused me to lose control. But when he began touching me
where I liked it most, the world dissolved away. When he kissed me it was pure
passion " the kind of kiss you only experience once. It takes your breath away
and spins your head like a top.

I
wanted to touch him too, but before I could, he shifted so his leg was between
my thighs. I knew he could tell how aroused he'd made me.

When
we stopped kissing, I drew in a deep breath, unaware I'd been holding it so
long. And I allowed a sigh of pleasure escape when he started using his mouth
on me.

"You're
enjoying this." His breath against my skin caused another shudder to wrack me.

"Yes."

He
stopped and stood up. "Good. There will be more where that came from when we're
married."

"Jack."

"Lisa."

"You
can't just stop like that." I pleaded with him using my eyes.

"I
just did. Now you can experience what blue balls are like." After a wince, he
reached down and adjusted his jeans. Somehow, that gesture brought the flame
back for a split second.

I set
my jaw. "I don't think so. I'll just masturbate."

He
leaned back, eyes wide. "What?"

I
pushed past him and went for the hotel room. I wasn't about to let him control
me or my feelings. I'd been pleasuring myself for three years and was perfectly
fine. Sure, having a man do the work for me was a nice concept, but if he
refused, then I'd do it myself.

After
a moment of what I perceived as stunned silence, Jack ran to me. "Can I watch?"