The Push: A Sequel to The Pull (11 page)

Tears streamed down my cheeks. I couldn’t hold them in anymore.

Shane’s eyes softened in sympathy. “See? See what I’ve done to you? I’ve messed you all up, and that’s not what you need right now. I’m so sorry, Liv. I’m not trying to say that you and I have nothing, okay? We do. We definitely do.”

“Then we can’t think about everyone else, Shane!” I cried out. “Screw what everyone else thinks!”

He swallowed and gently put his hands on my arms but still kept some distance between us. “Don’t you see, Liv? We have to think about others. Others are involved here.” Shane hesitated for a moment before pulling me into his chest. I relished in his masculine scent. I yearned to take his face in mine and kiss him like before, but I didn’t—I couldn’t. “It’s just complicated. I hate to say such a cliché thing to you, but it’s true. You know I have feelings for you, Liv. You have to know that. I mean, how couldn’t you?” His voice had softened, too, lowering to almost a whisper.

“I don’t know what I’m doing with you, Shane,” I whispered back, his hand stroking the back of my head.

Shane didn’t say anything for a few moments. His heart was thumping wildly inside his chest against my ear. “I don’t know what I’m doing either, Liv. I really don’t.” He pulled back so he could look me in the eyes. “I have to see where I’m supposed to be. Do you know what I mean?”

“No.” I didn’t, at all. I could only see that I was supposed to be with Shane, and right now, that’s all that mattered to me.

“I have a life in California.”

I wrinkled up my nose. It was childish of me, but I still did it.

“I have to take a step back and think about things, you know? I’m not saying there will never be a you and me, but I think it’s too early from Darin’s death and too early in mine and Gwen’s relationship to test those waters for now. We both need away from each other—to think. Being this close to you makes my mind all foggy. I need to be clear-headed, Liv.”

I slowly nodded my head even though I completely disagreed with his plan of action. The thing was, though, no matter what Shane said, I didn’t think it was possible that he could stay away from me. No. I’d let him have whatever space he thought he wanted, but when nighttime rolled around, he’d be there right beside me curled up in my bed.

“Go on inside now. I’ll be in in a little bit.”

I wiped my eyes and cheeks with my hands. I gave him one more glance before turning to leave the barn. I saw him reach for his pitchfork again as I walked out into the night and back toward the house.

I changed into an oversized T-shirt that belonged to Darin and pulled the covers up to my chin. I stared up into the darkness listening to the sounds of crickets outside and the breeze making branches rap lightly on the roof above me. My thoughts drifted to one of my last nights with Darin…

He kissed me on the tip of my nose and propped his head up with one arm. “You know how much I missed you?”

“No. How much?” I cracked a grin.

Darin pushed a piece of hair away from my cheek and tucked it in behind my ear. “I never thought I could be this happy again. I tried. I tried so hard to meet other people, to make a life even with Violet, but I always compared everyone to you, Liv. No one can hold a candle to you. You make me complete, and I know that now. I’ll never doubt it again.”

My heart had burst in love at his words. “No matter what life throws at us, we’ve found our way back to each other. That’s what really counts. That’s what makes our love so real, so different from anything else in this world. I can lay in your arms at night and know that nothing will force its way in between us again. Nothing’s going to stop us now.”

Darin laughed. “I could bust out in song right now…”

“I’d rather you saved my ears though,” I’d commented, grinning.

I grasped the edges of the comforter in between my fingers tightly. Nothing could stop us—nothing but death. There was no coming back from that. Loneliness poured over me, wrapping itself around my neck and attempting to suffocate me. God, how I missed Darin and what we had together. It was like he had said, he compared everyone to me. Maybe I was pretending too much that Shane could replace Darin, fill this void of emptiness.

I heard footsteps creeping up the stairs. Henry and Evelyn had long ago turned in. The footsteps continued down the hall and paused at the edge of my door.

Come in, Shane. Come in,
I urged him.

Finally the door creaked open, light spilling in from the hallway.

“You awake?” Shane asked quietly.

I sighed. “Yeah. The nighttime is always when the monsters come out to play.”

He chuckled lightly. “I hear you. Well, I hope you get some rest. Goodnight.”

My heart started to pound. Was he really going to say goodnight and just leave? “Shane?” My voice sounded weak and pathetic, foreign to my own ears.

“I’m still here,” he replied.

“Can you just…lay with me for a little while?” I pleaded, still sounding so insecure.

Shane hesitated. “Liv, I can’t.”

“It doesn’t have to be all night,” I continued to plead. “Just till I fall asleep? Please?”

I could see Shane’s silhouette seem to slump in the doorway. “I’m sorry, Liv. It’s not a good idea. Goodnight.” With that, he quickly closed the door behind him and tromped off down the hall to his own bedroom.

I’d been wrong. Shane was stronger than I’d anticipated. He really was giving himself space away from me. And here I laid acting like a wretched teenage girl, begging him to stay, to do the complete opposite of what he just told me he needed to do in the barn. I turned onto my side and felt the little kicks of the baby growing inside of me. I wasn’t giving up hope yet. I still had a few more days with Shane, days I would make him remember.

TWELVE

Shane

“Shane, come here.”

We’d just finished breakfast, all of us but Liv that is. She still hadn’t come out of her room. I supposed she had had a long night and that it had taken her a while to finally fall asleep. I hoped she was still sleeping now, getting some much-needed rest.

“What is it?” I walked over to my mother, who had her head peeking out of the curtains from the kitchen window.

She pushed the curtain back farther. “It’s a car.”

“A car?” I repeated.

“A car just pulled into the driveway. Looks like a cab. And now some blonde woman is getting out.”

Panic seized me. No, it couldn’t be.

I rushed to the front door and opened it in time just as she had had her hand raised and was getting ready to knock.

“Gwen,” I said, trying to catch my breath.

Gwen smiled. She released her luggage handle and let it fall to the porch as she wrapped her arms around my neck.

“You’re here! You’re actually here!” A mixture of emotions went coursing through me: fear, thrill, guilt, joy.

She pulled back to look at me, her eyes shifting to someone in the background. I turned around to see Mom and Dad hovering behind me to get a look at who it was. “I’m sorry, Shane. I should’ve told you, but I was afraid you’d tell me not to come, and I just wanted to come so badly, to see you, to support you. You’re not mad, are you?”

I laughed, my cheeks filling with heat at knowing the predicament this little surprise put me in. “Mad? Of course not. I’m so glad to see you, babe. Come in.” I pulled her inside and then reached out on the porch to grab her luggage. Gwen smiled nervously at my parents. “Mom, Dad, this is Gwen. Gwen, these are my parents.”

My mom leaned over to give her a hug and Dad just studied her from afar. His eyes met mine briefly, just enough to let me know what exactly he was thinking. My eyes shifted to the stairs. Livvy’s door was still closed. Thank god.

“Mr. and Mrs. Thorne, I’m sorry to come unannounced like this. I just missed Shane like crazy. I’m truly sorry to hear about Darin,” Gwen told them, slipping off her coat.

My mother waved her hand in the air. “We’ve got plenty of room, dear.” She led Gwen toward the kitchen. I followed but not before seeing my dad arch a brow my way.

Fuck. I was in a shitload of trouble.

My nerves were getting the best of me as I listened to Gwen and my mother babble away about little things as they got to know each other in the kitchen. She had fed Gwen right away, shoving a plate of scrambled eggs and sausage in front of her. I paced around for a little while, then reached for Gwen’s hand.

“I need some privacy to talk to Gwen, Mom,” I told her.

Gwen gave her an apologetic look and stood. “Thank you for breakfast, Evelyn.”

“No problem, dear.”

I squeezed Gwen’s hand and gave her a little smile as I led her out of the kitchen and onto the enclosed porch out back. It was a place no one really spent much time and had served its purpose as more of a storage unit than a porch. I sat down on an old chair and pulled her onto my lap. “Hi,” I said.

“Hi.” Gwen grinned and leaned in for a kiss. Her sweet perfume intoxicated me. Man, I had missed this girl. “Miss me?”

“You have no idea.” I reached over for another kiss. “When did you decide to come?”

“A few days ago. I was going to tell you, but then like I said, I didn’t want you to talk me out of it. I got others to cover my meetings and told them I was going to New York for a few days. The company can manage for a little while without me I’m sure.”

I pressed my forehead against hers.

“How are you, baby?” Her eyes looked down at me, concern and love swirling within them.

I swallowed and took a deep breath. “Everything just…sucks.”

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, her fingers gliding down the side of my cheek. “I know you don’t need me here.”

I put my finger to her lips. “I do. I need you here so badly. I’m sorry I told you not to come before. I’m really glad you’re here, babe.”

She stared at me for a moment. “Me too, Shane. Being away from you…well, you’re all I think about. It’s no use me even being at work because I can’t concentrate, not when you’re so far away, and knowing you’re suffering with the loss of your brother. Life back in California doesn’t feel right without you there.”

The guilt stabbed me at her words.
Life back in California.
It hadn’t been that long since I’d been there, yet it felt like an eternity. That’s right. Being here
with her
reminded me of what I had, what I wanted to keep.

“I thought…” Gwen hesitated. “I thought we could fly back home together.”

Home. California was my home now. Such a strange idea knowing that I’d been staying in the house I’d grown up in, a house that felt so foreign to me now. I entangled my fingers in hers. “That sounds perfect.”

“I kind of was curious,” Gwen said, her eyes shifting to the windows and beyond to the backyard where an old smokehouse sat. “I wanted to come out here and see what I was missing. I wanted to see a piece of you from your childhood, and this house.” She returned her gaze to me and smiled then.

I pressed my face up against her chest, breathing in the scent of her. “You weren’t missing much.”

Gwen pulled back from me a little bit, a sharp look on her face. “Don’t say that, Shane. This is who you are, who you were, it’ll always be with you. It’s where you grew up, and I think from what I’ve seen so far, and with meeting your parents, it’s pretty amazing. Your mom is the nicest woman. I can see why you ended up such a sweet guy.”

I groaned. “She’s overwhelming. She shoves food down everyone’s throat.”

Gwen threw her head back and laughed. “I love it.”

“And I love you.” I pulled her down against me for a kiss, not the kind of kiss that was a peck saying hello to her again, the kind that sent ripples up and down your arms, that this is what you’ve been missing and I want to take you right here and now.

A gurgle escaped Gwen’s throat. She put her finger up to her lips and smiled. “Wow. Show me where your bedroom is, Mr. Thorne.” She grinned.

I brushed my nose up against hers. “All in due time. All in due time.”

She burst out into a fit of giggles as I tickled her and she squirmed on my lap. She leaned in for another kiss and our lips collided once more, her arms wrapping around my neck. Pulling away again, Gwen’s eyes turned serious once more. “Where’s Livvy? Is she still completely devastated, the poor girl?”

Before I had a chance to answer, a voice replied from behind us, “I’m right here, and yes, I’m completely devastated.”

My head snapped around. Livvy. I could hear the pain in her voice. How long had she been standing there listening, watching? Her face was twisted in confusion and agony at the sight of me and Gwen. My own guts felt as though they were doing somersaults. Shit. I was such an asshole.

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Livvy

“Oh my goodness, Livvy.” Gwen got off of Shane’s lap and hurried over to me. “I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.” She wrapped her small arms around me and pulled me in for a tight hug as though we were sisters.

My arms were limp at my side. I couldn’t bring myself to embrace her. My eyes pierced through Shane’s as I could see the sympathy in his eyes. No. I didn’t want his sympathy. I didn’t. I wanted this woman—his girlfriend—gone and out of this house. Why was she even here? Why did I have to endure more misery? I felt instant hatred toward her, and it made me hate myself for feeling that way. I was obviously jealous. She was gorgeous, breathtaking even. She had that sun-kissed skin straight from California with shiny blonde hair to match, and even though she’d been traveling, she still looked perfect, hair, makeup, clothes, all of it. She instantly intimidated me, and I could tell she had a strong personality underneath all that heart-wrenching kindness she was pouring out to me. She looked like an important businesswoman who wasn’t afraid to tell equally important people what to do.

Gwen pulled away, her gaze moving to my pregnant belly. She pressed her lips together into a little smile.

“Liv, this is Gwen,” Shane announced, his voice a little unsteady.

I nodded, suddenly aware of how large my stomach was becoming and how very small and trim Gwen’s own middle was. “Nice to finally meet you,” I managed to sputter out.

Gwen flashed a smile back to Shane. “Has he been talking about me? I hope it’s all been good.”

Again, my eyes locked with Shane’s. “All good.”

The corner of Shane’s lip twitched.

“I just popped in unexpectedly,” Gwen went on. “I’m sorry I missed the funeral. I wanted to come, but…”

“But I told her not to,” Shane finished.

This large farmhouse suddenly felt too small to fit all of us inside of it. Claustrophobia had never been a problem for me before—before Gwen’s big personality and model-like looks came strolling in making my chest feel as if someone was squeezing the air out of my lungs.

I folded my hands awkwardly in front of me. “I’m sorry, I’m not feeling well. I need some fresh air.” With that, I darted from the room—away from seeing the love shared between Shane and Gwen—to the front porch to see if I would be able to breathe again.

I stayed locked inside my bedroom for the rest of the day. Yes, there was that image of Shane and Gwen sharing a beautiful, intimate moment going through my mind, but something eerie fell over me. I’d had a dream last night. It was more like a nightmare. Darin had been standing in the middle of a graveyard, a grim look on his face as he frowned and peered down at me over a hillside. Death stood beside him with a hood covering his head so I couldn’t see his face. They were side by side, motionless.

Sometimes you hear stories of people losing loved ones and them having dreams or
moments
after those deaths as if their loved ones spoke or touched them letting them know they were all right. The stories I’d heard were always comforting to the person still left on the earth. It gave them a sense of peace that their loved one was all right. Yet my dream of Darin left me at complete unease. The worry consumed me of not knowing if he truly was at peace in death or unhappy as his face had appeared in my mind.

I clutched the pillow to my chest. What a terrible feeling to still feel haunted after you’d woken up, and then to go downstairs to try to find some sort of refuge only to see Shane lip-locked with a woman I could never possibly compete with.

I was lost in the depths of my sadness today. I was gripping onto the edges feeling as though I were slowly slipping and would soon plummet to the bottom. No one would be able to save me. I’d lost everything, everyone. The baby kicked me again and again as if a reminder that he was still there. I gave in to the sorrow and let myself give way to hysterical sobs.

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“Livvy? You awake?”

There was a light knock on the door. I forced myself into a sitting position as Evelyn entered the room. I could only imagine how horrible I looked. I had been rolling around in this bed for most of the day.

“Are you feeling okay? Gwen mentioned something about your not feeling well, and I wanted to see if you wanted to try to come and eat a bite of dinner. I made fried chicken.” Evelyn came over and sat on the edge of the bed.

I raked my fingers through my hair. “I’m feeling better,” I lied. “I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

“Okay.” Evelyn gave me a worried look. “We’ll be waiting for you.”

I nodded as she stood up to go. I walked over to look in the mirror. Sighing, I reached for my brush and a pony-tail holder. No sense in attempting to tame these curly locks right now. I pulled a sweatshirt over my head and made my way to the dining room.

Everyone’s eyes were on me as I took my place at the table. They had been waiting for me to come down to even start filling their plates. The fried chicken aroma smelled delicious, but the sight of Gwen and Shane side by side was enough to put me back in a nauseous state once again.

“Have you ever been to New York?” Evelyn asked Gwen.

“I’ve been to New York City many times on business trips, but not out in the country like this,” Gwen answered. “It’s so beautiful out here.”

“So, tell me what you do back in California.” Evelyn passed me a bowl of potatoes. I scooped a spoonful on my plate and passed them onto Henry. “Shane says you have your own company.”

Gwen gave a shy smile. “Well, yes, I do. Basically we buy places from businesses that have failed. We fix them up and then sell them to new companies needing to find places for their products or for those that want to expand.”

Henry made a snorting sound from beside me as he stuffed a bite of food into his mouth. “Sounds like you take advantage of companies on the brink of disaster.”

“No,” Shane said sternly.

Gwen took a deep breath and smiled sweetly at Henry. “I guess it did sound like that. The places we buy are from businesses that have already gone bankrupt. Most of the buildings are foreclosures. There’s no one in them anymore.”