The Pull of Destiny (85 page)

Worrying his bottom lip
between his teeth, Luke gave me a cute sideways look as he cautiously asked,
“Do you think she’s still- still alive?”

“No,” I replied simply. “I
don’t think I’ll ever see her again. I miss her, but I get that things had to
be like that.” Sighing, I continued. “I just wish I had a chance to show her
how good I turned out.”

Luke nudged me, a small smile
on his face. “
I
always knew you’d be a good egg.”

Got jokes, huh?

“Funny.” I stuck my tongue
out at him.

Turning serious, he wrapped
his arms around me, whispering, “I bet she’d be really proud of you.”

“You think?”

“Uh huh. You’re really
something.”

I smiled, my heart swelling
with the sweetness overload Luke was giving me. “Thanks, Luke.”

“I don’t know what to say,
CiCi. Help me out?” Luke pooched his bottom lip out at me.
How can I resist
that?

“Hey, Shane, it’s Celsi, your
old lab partner. I’m here with Luke and we bought you flowers.” I stroked the
pretty petals of the chrysanthemums I had picked out for him. “I’m pretty sure
you’ll like them. And I know you appreciate Luke's visit. Personally, I think
he owes you an apology but I know you’ll forgive him because you’re just that
kind of guy.”

I nudged Luke, signaling for
him to continue where I left off.

He stepped forward, his face
tense. “Hey bro. you don’t have to tell me that the flowers are sissy, I know
they are. But CiCi forced me to get them.”

“Don’t put me into this!” I
exclaimed, folding my arms over my chest, a smile on my face.

“I miss you, man. I would
pour out a little liquor for you but I stopped drinking and I lost my fake ID.
Yeah, the crappy one you made for me. Sorry.” Luke grinned, his eyes misting
over as the memories took hold of him. “I know you’d be proud of me for quitting
the party boy lifestyle so I’m gonna pat myself on the back for you.” I giggled
as he clapped himself on the back a couple of times. “So, you probably know
about my aneurysm rupturing. I was in a coma for a week but I’m balling like a
champ now. And my mom came back!” He grinned ruefully, running a hand through
his hair. “I bet you’d have the biggest crush on her, you cougar hunter.” He
turned to me, a faraway look in his emerald eyes. “Did I tell you that his last
girlfriend was 24?”

I giggled. Somehow, I could
definitely see Shane dating someone much older than him. “Really?”

Luke's lips twisted up in a
smile. “Yeah, he liked them mature. He was a real character.” Heaving a deep
sigh, he turned back to his best friend’s grave. “Well, I’m here to say bye for
a while. I got expelled from Dalton so I’m being sent to England for school.
Yeah, I know you’re laughing at me up there, you jerk. I finally pissed the old
man off so much he did something concrete about it. But I’ll be back. Can’t
keep a good man down, right? Besides, I have a girlfriend now.” He slid his arm
around me, pulling me towards him and kissing my forehead. What he said next
gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside. “You remember when you said I would meet
someone who knocks me off my feet? Well, I finally did. And she didn’t just
knock me off my feet; she elbowed me in the face.”

Luke grinned teasingly at me
as my mouth opened, mortification seeping in.
Oh, the horror of that
moment...
I had honestly thought he had forgotten about that! Guess there
was truth in his ‘I remember everything’ line.

Getting into the groove, Luke
went on to say, “So, in one year, I got sick, fell in love, got expelled, lost
my friends and got my mom back. Not bad, hey? I just wish you were here to
see.” He ran a shaking hand over his face. “I miss you, Shane. I miss you a
lot.”

***

Luke never really told me
what went down between him and his dad after we went to visit Shane.

“He apologized. I accepted
his apology. Case closed,” was his cryptic response to my veiled questions.
Because I didn’t want to seem like the meddler I truly was, I didn’t tell him
that I had something to do with Mr. Astor's ‘we need to talk’ spiel. But
somehow, I think Luke knew.

Mr. Smarty Pants.

The day of his departure
dawned and I woke up all weepy, certain that it was going to be a hard day.
Vanessa had left a few days earlier to get their new house in order and now it
was Luke's turn to follow her. Because he didn’t want any tears or dramatic
moments
(I guess he’s looking at you, Hope?)
at the airport, Luke
elected to say goodbye to his family at home and travel to the airport by
himself. After assuring and reassuring him that I wasn’t going to cry when
saying au revoir, he gave in, after much resistance, and agreed to let me see
him off.  Although I knew that Luke didn’t want to make things harder than they
needed to be, I still wanted to say bye to him properly, with a big send off. I
wasn’t backing off without a fight and he knew it. Shazia gave me a ride in her
family limo and I showed up in the airport concourse with a ‘bon voyage’
balloon and dry eyes.

No tears, Celsi, dammit!

Luke had made that very
clear. Just say bye, don’t turn it into a soapie moment. I intended to follow
through on his orders, even my heart was aching. As soon as I walked into the
main waiting lounge, Luke's eyes flicked towards me and he jumped up.

“I almost thought you weren’t
going to show,” he whispered in my hair, holding me close.

I tossed my head. “What? And
miss my chance to say bye to you? Never.”

“My planes about to board,”
he said, his eyes inscrutable as they bored into mine. I felt the pit of my
stomach drop at his words, bringing home the finality of this moment. He was
leaving. It wasn’t a joke or a bad dream. Luke Astor was going away. “We should
make this quick.”

I looked at him, really
looked at him, trying to memorize every freckle on his soft skin, the bow shape
of his perfect lips, the way his hair curled into his eyes. My head was filled
with all the things I wanted to say but couldn’t because this was a tears free
zone and if I started telling him what was really on my mind I wouldn’t be able
to stop the tears from falling. So I put on my happy face and handed him the
balloon. “From me, Shazia and Robyn. They couldn’t come see you off because
Shazia was sure she would start crying and Robyn had a date with Todd.”

“She’s not
still
dating that guy, is she?” Luke asked interestedly.

I managed to force a grin on
my face even though the last thing I felt like doing was smiling. “It’s been
four months.”

“Trippy. Has it
really
been that long?”

“Yeah, it has,” I nodded, not
trusting myself to speak.

Luke grinned. “We
underestimated them, huh?”

“I’ll say.”

Over the speakers, a cool,
magnified voice said, “Now boarding Flight 209.”

Luke's flight.

“That’s me,” Luke said, a
rueful light in his green eyes.

My throat worked as I
swallowed back tears. Not yet, Celsi. “Well, have a safe flight. Call me as
soon as you arrive, okay?”

Nodding, Luke said, “You bet.
Enjoy your vacation with your dad.” He leaned in to kiss me softly, his eyes
miserable. I closed my eyes, melting into the sweet kiss as Luke's hands cupped
my face. Pulling back, he whispered, “Stay safe.”

“You too, Luke. Take care.”

I turned my back on him and
he turned his back on me as we went our separate ways, just as we’d discussed.
No over-the-top emotions, no sappy cliché moments. Just simple and functional.

It felt like my heart was
being ripped out of my chest as I stumbled my way through the waiting area,
tears leaking from my eyes.

This is it.

No more Luke for a year. Who
knew what was going to happen? How long could our relationship last with him
overseas? Why hadn’t I told him I loved him?

Suddenly, a pair of arms
wrapped around my waist and spun me around.

It was Luke.

I stared up at his flushed,
upset face for a second before he hugged me.

“You honestly thought I was
gonna let you leave like that?” he asked, his voice muffled as he squeezed me
tight.

All I could think of to say
was, “Your plane is boarding.”

“I know, but let me say this
first, okay? It’s important.” He stepped back, wiping my cheeks gently before
cupping my face as I wondered what he was going to say. “I love you. I’ve never
felt like this about any girl and I want you to be happy no matter what.” His
voice was so earnest, so filled with love and raw emotion that the tears
started trickling down my cheeks again. “I’m so grateful I had the chance to be
with you, Celsiana Sawyer. You changed my life.”

Sobbing openly, I whispered,
“Oh, Luke. I love you too.”

He kissed me again, soft lips
melding against mine. “I love you so much. Being with you, kissing you, holding
you is- indescribable, Celsi. You took me as I am and I’ll forever be
grateful.” His eyes glimmered with sorrow as he clasped my hands in his. “You
might date other people and I might date other people but you’ll always be my
CiCi. You know that, right?”

I nodded, my lips trembling. 
“Is this the part where we break up?” I asked him, my voice shaking.

“I don’t want to break up,”
Luke said simply.

Trying to lighten the mood, I
quipped, “We can have an open relationship.” Unfortunately, that just made me
cry even harder.

Kanye West was right- what I
want so much should never hurt this bad.

“I don’t want that either,
CiCi. I just want you. But since I can’t have you, I’m not gonna be selfish and
say nobody can have you.” His breath came out in a shuddering sigh. “I love you
too much for that.”

Oh, how I respected him for
that.

“That’s so honest of you.”

I kissed him again as the
boarding announcement came over the speakers again.

“I love you, Celsi Sawyer.”

Sniffling, I said, “I love
you
,
Luke Astor.”

“I gotta go.”

He held me tighter as he said
that, fingers digging into my waist like he never intended to let me go.

“I know.”

Leaning his forehead against
mine, he murmured, “I don’t want to leave you.”

“You have to,” I whispered,
trying to convince him, trying to act like I didn’t just want to stand here in
the waiting lounge, my arms around Luke, forever and ever.

Luke's voice came out in a
warm rush against my forehead. “There’s still time to elope.”

“Luke-,” I started, leaning
back to look into his eyes. He gazed back at me, seriousness etched into his
face.

“I could trade in my first
class ticket for two coaches. Then we could go to Vegas and get married. Will
you marry me? Make me the happiest man in the world?” He gave me an adorably
imploring look that tugged at my heart strings.

“You’re a goof and I love
you. But you have to go.”

His face fell. “I know.
Remember, five years. Liberty Island. You better be there because I swear this
isn’t the last time I’ll ask you.”

Ask me what?

“I’ll be there with bells on,
Luke.”

We kissed again, hungrily,
trying to prolong our time together but as the final call to board came over
the PA, we knew it was a wrap. With a final sad smile thrown over his shoulder,
Luke walked over to the boarding official and showed her his ticket. I stood
there for a second, watching his slim back in the green GNR band t-shirt he was
wearing. The boarding official handed him back his ticket and he turned to look
at me, blinking back tears as he mouthed the words ‘I love you’ at me. Then he
walked through the gate and disappeared.

Wiping tears away, I walked
outside to where the El Hamed’s limo was parked.

“How’d it go?” Shazia asked,
handing me a box of Kleenex.

I took one, thanking God for
waterproof mascara. “Not good,” I sniffed, my shoulders heaving with sobs.
Shazia patted my shoulder as I cried.

“He’ll come back to you,” she
said comfortingly, stroking my hair as I cried on her shoulder. “I know it.
You
know it.”

At that moment, I didn’t know
anything.

All I knew for sure was that
the love of my life was in a plane taxiing on the runway and I wouldn’t see him
for a year.

Luke was gone.