The Publicist (18 page)

After a long pause that made Kate wonder if she should have just kept her mouth shut, Mac finally responded, “I told myself for years that it was because of Carolyn’s faith and family, and that was true up to a point. I think that there was a time when a divorce would have devastated her beyond reason.”

“And now?” she asked.

“I spent so much time telling myself that that I finally believed it enough to stop looking for the real reason. I’ve lost faith, and probably also my courage. It takes guts to make a big change.”

“Guts or a strong desire,” she said softly.

“Mostly guts.” Mac said without smiling. “I think somewhere along the way it all just became easy and I could do this and live this dual life and it became manageable and actually, in some odd sense, reasonable.”

“They say that people who have lost a limb never stop knowing it’s there. The phantom limb syndrome is what they call it I think. I would imagine the same is true for your life. It’s gone, but you still know it’s there, or was there.”

“I miss it,” Mac admitted, his voice filled with emotion. “I miss it all.”

Kate stole some of Mac’s hummus and smiled, deciding it best to shift the conversation to something less emotional, “I think Piper might want to write a book, she mentioned something when she left. I told her to call you. Said you were the best editor in the business.”

Mac smiled, “You never miss an opportunity, do you?”

“Well, according to Janet, I am the world’s best publicist.” Kate chewed on her salmon and smiled. Suddenly Mac had the urge to kiss her, but waited. The waiting was often good. Though tonight he wished he didn’t have to.

When Kate woke the next morning in Mac’s apartment, outside it was still snowing. Mac wasn’t beside her. Sitting up, she looked for a note. Had he gone already? Just then, the door flew open and Mac walked in, carrying a tray of food, a bouquet of flowers and several papers.

“You made the front page of the Arts section.” He smiled, “You also made the front page of the
Post
and Page Six, and the
Wall Street Journal
did a piece on Janet’s signing for their Weekend section.”

“Mac, you left in this weather, why on earth…..”

Mac cut her off, “I wanted to get you breakfast, some celebratory flowers and every paper I could get my hands on. It’s a big day in your career, you know.” Mac set down a tray with coffee, juice, and warm croissants.

“Mac, I don’t know what to say.”

Mac’s eyes took her in. She had pulled the sheet up around her, but he could see her skin glow and her nipples press through the white sheet.

“Fame agrees with you.” He smiled, wanting her again. But he knew he couldn’t linger. In an hour he had to be on his train.

“Fame is fleeting.” Kate bit into a croissant, “You’re so sweet to do this.”

“I have ulterior motives.” He winked. Leaning in he kissed her. Her lips were wet and warm; he slipped a finger under the sheet and tugged it down, revealing her body. He knew he couldn’t leave. Not yet. His need for her overtook him. Sliding the tray onto the floor, he plucked a rose from the bouquet and slipped a thorn-less stem into her hair. Then he kissed her and felt himself grow hard against her warm skin.

The apartment was empty. They’d made love and Mac had left in a rush to catch his train. “Stay as long as you want.” He had said over his shoulder as he threw open his front door and swept through it.

There was no reason to say. Mac was gone. A quick shower then she’d be on her way to her life while Mac sped off to his.

Connecticut.

Suddenly she hated the entire state, which wasn’t fair to the state, she knew. But she didn’t care.

She pointed the showerhead at her body, thinking of Mac as he raced home. She hoped the shower would dull her memory of what had just happened, but even as she toweled off, she could still feel him, kissing her, inside her. Loving her. Only it wasn’t love. It was something else that masqueraded as love but came with an expiration date. Like Greek yogurt. So smooth and yummy. But if you didn’t finish it in a week, it would spoil. She hoped they had a little longer.

Kate needed to clear her head, but she also didn’t want to be alone. After locking up Mac’s apartment, she headed to see Grace, hoping her friend would be home.

“Let’s go Christmas shopping!” Kate smiled when Grace opened the door.

“You know, I think Christmas is just another excuse for commercialism to rule our lives.” Grace stepped back and let her friend walk passed her. “You seem falsely optimistic, what’s up?”

There was no fooling Grace.

“I’m fine; I just thought it would be fun. Snow on the ground, Christmas music playing for the tourists. We could go to Macy’s and look at the windows.”

“It’ll be packed with people from Iowa.” Grace shut the door behind her friend.

“People from Iowa don’t visit this time of year. Besides what do you have against the heartland?”

“They all vote Republican.”

“Gracie, come on, let’s go.”

“I heard about Piper. Great move.”

“Thanks, now let’s go.”

Grace studied her friend for a moment, “There’s something different about you. You’re happy in a way I haven’t seen in a long time. Also, you haven’t returned my calls in a week, now you’re here. Fess up.” Grace sat down on her couch, which was the only place to sit in her apartment, other than two small chairs in her kitchen.

Kate sat down beside her, “Work has been busy.” She said unconvincingly.

“You’re glowing. What’s that about?”

“Nothing, now let’s go.”

“Mac?” The word hung in the air, reaching out to her. Teasing her for a response.

“What about him?”

“Is it Mac, Kate? Is that what’s going on?”

“No, of course it’s not about Mac.” She lied, “Well, he was at the signing yesterday, if that’s what you mean.”

Grace was certain something was up, she kept pushing, “Are you sleeping with him?”

Kate didn’t respond.

“He’s going to break your heart, Kate.”

“We just went to dinner.”

“Stop lying to me.”

Kate fumbled with the edge of a blanket that was thrown across the top of the couch, “It’s not like that, Grace.”

Grace took her hand, “It is, exactly like that, Katie. Now tell me what happened.”

“We just….” To her own surprise, Kate felt herself fill with emotion, “….it happened, and at first I tried to stop it, then I didn’t want to.”

“It will end, Kate, and when it does, it will hurt so bad you’ll wish you were dead.”

Kate blinked, “Thanks for the cheer, Grace. Maybe I should just go….” Kate started to stand, Grace grabbed her arm.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so blunt. I have…well, I have some experience with this kind of thing.”

“You?” Kate was surprised.

“No, but someone I knew once. I watched her go through this, it wasn’t easy.”

“I know you’re only trying to be a friend, but….”

“You love him.”

It was the first time she’d heard that said, in the context of Mac. The words warmed her and frightened her at the same time. Loving Mac would be the end of all of it, “No,” she insisted, “I like him a lot, and we have fun. It works. For now.”

Grace sighed; it had already gone too far. She knew that even before Kate did. She would kill Mac if he hurt Kate, which he surely would.

“Let’s go shopping, Kate. Let’s go see how many tourists we can offend with our rude New Yorker routine.”

Kate laughed, relieved that Grace dropped the topic of Mac.

For now.

.

Chapter Thirty-Three

The train swayed on the tracks, the overheated car felt uncomfortable. Mac immediately shed his coat after he boarded. Some trains were running with a slight delay because of the snow, but most were still running on time. He was glad he wouldn’t miss seeing his boys arrive. His thoughts drifted to Carolyn. How long had it been since he’d seen her? Two months? The holidays were always tough. Parties to go to, the festive nature of the holiday inviting family and friends to their home was awkward and Carolyn always liked to keep up appearances with their neighbors. Mac was not looking forward to it. He snapped open the paper and tried not to think about Kate, which was near impossible.

Kate and Grace spent the afternoon shopping. Though to be exact, Kate shopped and Grace just came along for the ride. Kate was grateful to have her friend there. It kept her mind from drifting too much, wondering what Mac was going to do later that day.

With his family.

In Connecticut.

“Let’s go have tea and warm up,” Grace suggested. “I’m hungry, too.”

They left Macy’s and headed to a tea house in Chelsea Market. The Market was one of Kate’s favorite places. The tea shop was called Bloom, the name was derived from the flowers they often let bloom in the glass teapots.

“I’ll get us something,” Grace smiled, “let me surprise you. Go find us a seat, the place is packed today.”

Kate found a spot by the window, a tiny table tucked in the corner. Her phone buzzed in her purse, she scooped it out and hit the button, assuming it was Mac.

“Hey…” her voice soft and deep.

“Eh, Kate, this is Nicholas, Allan’s nephew. Look, I, eh, I’m so grateful that you’re so close with my uncle and I wondered if you might have time for lunch tomorrow. I’m in town through Christmas and thought that, well, maybe we could grab a bite.”

Nicholas sounded awkward. Kate smiled, no doubt Allan had put him up to it. He was forever hopeful that they would end up related somehow.

“Sure,” she smiled into the phone. She was, after all, single, however oddly so.

“Great, how about lunch at HanGawi. Have you ever been there?”

HanGawi was a pricey Vietnamese vegetarian restaurant, one of the best in New York.

“Not in a while, but I love it. Their ginger tea is amazing.”

“Yeah,” Nicholas replied, “I try to get there whenever I’m in the city. How about 12:30?”

“Perfect, see you then.” Kate clicked off just as Grace walked up to the table, carrying two steaming cups of Orange Pekoe.

“You’ll see who tomorrow? Please tell me it’s not Mac.” Grace scrunched up her nose and set the cups on the table.

Kate sighed, her friends disgust with the situation wasn’t going to let up, “No, it was Allan’s nephew, Nicholas.”