The Psy-Changeling Series, Books 6-10 (114 page)

Her chest rose as she took a long, shuddering breath. “I don’t know how to describe these sensations. The closest word is pain, but I know that’s not right. I don’t crave pain. And yet I crave what happens when you touch me.”

Max twisted so he could face her, one hand braced palm down beside her leg. “It sounds like your nerves are raw—overloaded.”

“Maybe.” Clear words, a steel will. “But I don’t want to slow down.”

He had a will as strong. “No more touching. I will
not
hurt you.”

Her shoulders slumped.

Sensing his advantage, he pushed. “Why did someone try to hack your mind tonight?”

“Probably because they wanted to contaminate the evidence I’m due to give in a high-profile murder case,” she said, her eyes not meeting his.

Shame, he thought, that’s what he read in her expression. “Sophie?”

“I’ll tell you . . . just give me a little more time?” So vulnerable, her emotions stripped bare. “Please, Max?”

He blew out a breath. “I’m starting to think you’re using the world ‘please’ to get around me.”

A startled flicker of light in her eyes. “No, I’m not . . . but could I?”

He felt his chest shake with unbidden, unexpected laughter. “Do you think I’m going to answer that?”

“That means I can.” She sounded astonished and delighted in equal measures. “I promise to use my powers for good.”

Reaching over he slapped her lightly on the bottom through the comforter. “You have the makings of a brat in you.”

A slow, so-slow smile, his Sophie beginning to wake from a decades-long sleep. “I need to tell you something about the Nikita investigation that I forgot to mention earlier.”

He kept his hand on her hip, enjoying the warm curves of her even if he couldn’t touch skin. “I meant to ask you something, too. About Ryan—”

“That’s who I wanted to discuss,” she interrupted, “specifically, the reason for his reconditioning six months ago.”

Max frowned. “The file’s sealed.” He’d already tried to access it tonight.

“I called in a favor from another J.” Pushing up into a sitting position, she shivered when he slid his hand over to her thigh. “Ryan killed someone, but it was an accident. His telekinetic powers went out of control.”

Stroking her through the comforter once more, Max got up to walk to the window and back. “How much would the reconditioning have messed with his head?”

“No way to know—the process is intense, but it leaves the mind intact. That’s the whole purpose—to eliminate fractures so the individual can function.” Her words held the knowledge of experience. “It would make sense that he’d be sympathetic to Pure Psy if his own abilities are spiraling out of control.”

“But”—Max folded his arms, leaning back on the wall beside the window—“we come back to the fact that he wasn’t working for Nikita at the time of the elevator sabotage. One mole I can accept. Two? No. Not in Nikita’s organization.”

“He’s still the best lead we’ve got.”

Max straightened. “And he won’t be going anywhere tonight. I’ll call, make sure security has him in their sights. We can talk to him tomorrow.”

She knew he was going to leave. Sliding down under the comforter, she turned her back to him. She’d accepted his will, but that didn’t mean she had to like it.

“Sophie.”

She thumped her pillow into shape.

A low blue word, then the bed dipped. “I can’t stay tonight, baby.” His hand on her hip, a blaze of heat even through the comforter.

He’d promised to fight for her. Well, she was going to fight for him, too. “We don’t have to be skin to skin.” She turned to face him, keeping her hands to herself. “You can sleep on top of the comforter.” Then she gave a small smile. “Please?”

“You’ve definitely got the makings of a brat.” But Max stayed, sleeping beside his J for the hours till dawn. The dream came just before he woke, a dream in which River ran laughing behind him as they chased a stray dog they’d made into a pet.

He opened his eyes to find his throat thick with tears, his heart a swelling ache in his chest. And he knew he’d dreamed the joy because of the woman who woke a moment later. “Thank you,” he said.

Sleepy eyes, dark curls falling across one cheek. “For what?”

“For making me remember.” He’d buried his past because it hurt too fucking much. But in doing so, he’d buried River. “I think,” he said, “you would’ve adored River. He could’ve taught you every trick in the book on how to be a true brat.” Then, as they rose, dressed, and ate, he told her about the brother who’d left a mile-wide scar on his heart.

 

Sophia halted Max when he would’ve gotten out of the car at the Duncan building. “I want to tell you about the reason for the hack.” She couldn’t hide anymore, not after the raw honesty of the memories he’d shared, of the
family
he’d shared. Her heart was so full it was hard to breathe, hard to speak.

“Whatever it is,” Max said, his hand along the back of her seat, “you know it doesn’t matter. Not between us.”

“I can alter memories.” She made no effort to dress it up.

“I know.”

She jerked up her head. “What?”

“I’m a cop, Sophie.” A wry reminder. “I hadn’t been in the job two years before I realized what Js could do.”

“Then why don’t you hate us?”

“I always figured you had no choice in the matter. And, I did my job. I got the evidence. Not every major case is won or lost on the evidence of a J.”

She should’ve ended it then, but now that she’d begun, she couldn’t stop. She would not steal his affection, his loyalty, through fraud. It would violate the trust between them, taint everything they had. So though the terror of rejection was a chill hand around her throat, she smoothed her flawlessly straight skirt down her legs and said, “Do you remember Dr. Henley?” The famous geneticist had killed his pregnant wife in cold blood, then sliced her up into neat little pieces and dumped those pieces in the sea when he’d gone out for a Sunday fishing trip. There was even speculation that he’d used some pieces as bait.

“Not a case I could ever forget.”

“The Council planned to transfer him to a Psy facility where he could continue his groundbreaking work.” The callous murder of an innocent woman and her unborn child had been considered a mere inconvenience. “All the Js knew.”

“Pity then,” Max said in a hard voice, “that he had a sudden, violent embolism that stopped his heart on his first day in prison, died before the medics could get to him.”

Sophia sucked in a breath. She’d guessed he understood what Js were capable of, had wanted to drive home the point so that there would be absolute honesty between them, but from the way he spoke . . . “Have you always known?”

“Cops call it the J-penalty.” A grim look. “You weren’t in the vicinity. I’ve seen your record. You weren’t anywhere near Henley’s prison when he died.”

“No.” Then, “Not me. Not that time.”

He slid back his door. “Come on.”

She got out to walk beside him, her heart a tight, hopeful knot. “I know you’ve accepted me”—and that remained a deep source of wonder—“but I still thought you’d be more . . .”

“Hard-assed?” A snort. “I’ve seen rich men skate off rape charges, politicians bury abuse claims, young girls commit suicide after being hurt. I don’t agree with vigilante justice, but Js aren’t exactly vigilantes are they? They know the exact nature of a particular crime, and they tend to give out punishments perfectly calibrated to that crime—and only in cases where justice would otherwise be defiled.”

“We aren’t judge and jury.” She’d never talked openly about this. Even among Js, it wasn’t ever actually discussed. But they all knew the parameters, understood what the Corps would overlook as the cost of having Js in the system. “We’re the last resort when the tools of justice fail the victims.”

“What,” Max said, coming to a stop in front of the elevators, his body angled to hide her from the surveillance cameras, “is the impact on a J who acts as that last resort . . . as an executioner if necessary.”

“ ‘Every action has an opposite and equal reaction,’ ” she said, quoting the well-known law of physics. “That maxim holds true on the psychic plane.”

White lines bracketed Max’s mouth. “So a J would be damaged by the event?”

“Not exactly damaged. I would say . . . changed.”

A long, still pause. “You can’t do it anymore,” he finally said very, very quietly. “Do you understand me, Sophia?”

Her lips quivered for the barest fraction of a moment. “Max, are you trying to fix me?” It was impossible, and she couldn’t bear for him to realize that too late, walk away.

“No. I’m trying to save you.” An implacable, absolute answer. “It’s about choices. I need you to make one to fight those instincts—every time you give in, it eats away a little bit of your psyche.”

The otherness in her—twined with those dark threads that tasted of the Net—stirred, considered, bowed its head. “I can do that.” For Max, only for Max. He was a cop. He’d accepted her past with open eyes and an open heart, but what she did from now on, even if only a few individuals realized the depth of the connection between them, would reflect on him, stain his career—and she was too proud of him to chance that. “It’s a small price to pay to be with you.”

“No price, Sophie, no ultimatums.” An unqualified reassurance that made her want to pull him forward by the lapels of his suit jacket and kiss him again and again. “You belong to me—and I’m keeping you no matter what.”

“That means you belong to me, too.” It came from the dark heart of her, the place where no light had ever shone . . . until this man looked at her with eyes that said she wasn’t a piece of trash to be discarded because she’d proved imperfect. For the first time in her life, she had started to feel whole, the scars, the fractures, simply a part of her.

Max shrugged, that lean dimple flashing in his cheek. “I’m not arguing.”

“So,” she said, everything in her—even the once scared, lonely girl who’d only ever spoken through the hand of cold justice before—determined to stake its claim loud and clear, “if I find a business card from a female in your jacket, she had better be a colleague.”

Max felt a laugh build in his chest, had to fight the urge to tug Sophia into his arms and bite down on that full lower lip in a gesture of open possession. “No one will dare hit on me after I mention my wife is a J with a jealous streak.”

Wife.
Her composure splintered. “Max, no matter what, we could never—”

“I told you, Sophie. You’re mine. End of story.”

Ryan Asquith entered the conference room looking as unruffled as ever, but that, of course, was de rigueur for the Psy. Max didn’t say anything for several long seconds after the intern arrived. Taking her cue from him, neither did Sophia. Finally, Ryan glanced at his watch. “Am I early, Detective?”

“You didn’t tell us you’d undergone reconditioning,” Max said, instead of answering his question.

The young male didn’t so much as blink. “Everything is in my file.”

“And you didn’t think to mention the fact that you’d killed using Tk when we’re investigating a murder that may have had a Tk component?”

Ryan’s eyes skated away from Max’s. “I assumed you already knew. The personnel department did a full screen on me when I applied for this position.”

“Interesting thing is,” Max murmured, “seems the department just does a basic screen for short-term interns.”

Sophia put her organizer on the table. “The detective doesn’t understand, Ryan,” she said in a quiet, calm tone.

“Oh?” Max raised an eyebrow.

“Those of us who go through a reconditioning,” Sophia answered, “aren’t considered criminals for any acts committed during the period of fracture, because there is no intent.”

Ryan nodded, holding Sophia’s gaze. “Exactly. I knew if I told you of the incident, you would focus on me, leaving the true murderer to go free.”

“But you can see,” Sophia said, “how this places you in the center of the investigation.”

Ryan glanced down, then up, saying nothing.

Sophia tapped Max’s foot at almost the same instant. Getting the hint, he rose to his feet. “I’m going to grab a bottle of water from outside while Ryan gets his thoughts in order. Sophia?”

“Thank you, some water would be great.”

 

Watching the door close behind her cop, Sophia turned her attention to the boy in front of her. And he was just that, only a boy. A boy, who, somewhere deep inside, was terrified of his own abilities. “Tell me what you were hesitating to say in front of Detective Shannon.”

“Will you keep it confidential?”

Right then, Sophia saw something in Ryan’s eyes that she’d never expected. “As long as it doesn’t affect Councilor Duncan’s safety, it won’t go beyond these walls.”

“At the time of Edward Chan’s murder, I’d locked myself in one of the meeting rooms that almost no one uses because I needed to meditate.”

“Do you continue to have trouble with your Silence?”

“Yes.”

It was a confession that could have this boy sent back to the Center, which made Sophia more inclined to believe him. “Why did you tell me?”

Dark gray eyes locked with her own. “You’re a J. I thought if anyone would understand the pressure, you would.”

Sophia wondered if she was being played very skillfully. “Which meeting room?”

Ryan gave her the details without hesitation. “And I’m not strong enough to teleport,” he said, confirming what they’d already determined. “That’s never been in my skill set.”

“Thank you.”

Ryan opened his mouth, paused, then said, “Nobody really pays attention to an intern.”