The Psy-Changeling Collection (139 page)

“I’ve never hidden my views.” The idea of drowning all individuality and turning many into one, a one controlled by a privileged few, was nothing she wanted to support. “I made my stance clear when I was asked to head this project.”

“You were always the best M-Psy for the job.”

So the Council had made sure she couldn’t say no. “An interesting paradox, but it proves my point—escape is not an issue.”

“No.”

Ming’s confidence was justified. After all, the Council held Keenan as insurance against her continued cooperation.

They held her son.

CHAPTER 16

Talin was still
glowing with the wonder of the night hours she’d spent with Clay when he told her to get in the Tank. “Where are we going?” she asked, putting away the last of the breakfast dishes. “I have to go through these files.” Max had kept his promise. The Enforcement data had come through an hour ago.

“To see someone with medical training. They can look over the autopsy reports for you.” He began to gather up the hard copies she’d printed out.

“You’re right.” She picked up the rest of her stuff. “That way, I can concentrate on finding the commonalities between the children.” It would help, she told herself. She wasn’t just spinning her wheels while Jon was being hurt. “Clay, I’m scared.”

“Don’t be. We’ll find him.” With that, he led her outside and to the vehicle, putting the files in the backseat. He was all business, no sign remaining of the man who’d shown her the magic of a moonlight-dappled clearing where a herd of deer slept, his voice a warm whisper against her ear. “Tamsyn’s the pack healer, but she’s got a medical degree as well.”

She nodded, treading lightly. The forest run aside, last night had left them both with emotional bruises.

Clay shot her a sharp glance once they were on their way. “Stop biting your tongue, Talin. It doesn’t suit you.”

So she was back to Talin in the light of day? “I was trying to be considerate.”

“Like I said, it doesn’t suit you.” He navigated the vehicle down a different forest track from the one they had used to arrive at his lair. “How’re you feeling?”

“I thought you didn’t like to talk about feelings.”

He bared his teeth at her.

She smiled, happy now that she’d gotten under his skin. “I’m fine. I tend to bounce back pretty fast after an episode.” It had been either that or give up on life. And though she might not have cherished her body as she should have, she cherished the life Clay had fought to give her. If he hadn’t killed Orrin, the other man would have used her in the most brutal fashion, then buried her in the same graveyard as his other “brides.”

“Talin?”

She came back from the memories with a shiver. “Sorry, woolgathering. Thank you for taking me out last night. It really helped.” She’d never known there was so much life in the night, so much beauty.

“That’s not what you were thinking about before. It was the junkyard, wasn’t it?”

She didn’t have to ask how he knew. “It’s our nightmare, isn’t it?” No one else could hope to understand. “After they found the bodies, I used to think about how we played there. On top of their graves.”

“Yeah.” His voice was matter-of-fact. “But you brought something good into that junkyard. Maybe they felt it. Maybe it helped them rest in peace.”

It was the last thing she would have expected him to say. “I never thought of it that way. Do you really think that?”

“Why not?”

Yes, she thought, why not? “Did they ever identify all the bodies?” Pa Larkspur had banned her from following the case after she began to get obsessive about it. He’d been right—much longer and she would have fallen back into the abyss.

“Yes.” Clay’s hands tightened on the wheel. “They were all DNA-banked at birth.”

“I’m glad. I visited two of their graves,” she confessed.

“So did I.” His tone hardened. “After I was told you were dead.”

The tension between them went from bearable to cutting. “I thought we’d gone past that.” Had last night meant nothing to him? “How many times do you want me to apologize?” Her guilt was crushing.

“I don’t want apologies. I never did.” He swung out onto a relatively clear track. That wasn’t saying much—trees stood tall and thick on either side, blocking them in a tunnel of dark green. “I want an explanation.”

“I told you,” she said between gritted teeth. “I wasn’t in a good place. I needed some space. You’re so bossy, you take over everything and I needed to be my own person.”

He threw her another look. “There might be some truth in that, but it’s not everything. Why, Tally? Why tell me you were dead?”

“Clay—”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to—”

“Why?”

“Because you left me!” she screamed, driven to the brink. “You left me!”

Clay brought the Tank to a rocking halt, his brain stunned into silence.

“You promised you’d be there for me always,” she whispered, hugging herself. “Then you left.” She shook her head and swallowed. “I know you had no choice. You were arrested. But it didn’t matter. You were the only person I ever trusted, do you know that, Clay? The only one. Then you were gone and I was alone with strangers again. I was so
mad
at you!”

All this time, he had believed she hated him for killing Orrin the way he had, hated the violence of what he was. “I let you down,” he said, accepting her charge.

“Don’t,” she whispered. “Don’t be so nice. It makes me feel even worse.”

“ ‘Nice’ is not a word that applies to me.” He let the leopard
color his voice. “So you were angry as hell with me—why not just tell me to get lost? Why go so far?”

“Don’t ask me that.” She looked out the window.

He reached across and clasped his hand on the back of her neck. “Look at me.”

“No.”

“Tally, now is not the time to piss me off.”

“You can take your orders and shov—”

Biting back a growl, he shifted across the bench seat to block her in the corner, his free arm braced palm down beside her head. “Would you like to repeat what you just said?”

Big Tally-colored eyes looked up at him. No one else had eyes like hers. Out in the sunlight, the rings of amber almost seemed to disappear but here in the dark of the forest, they glowed hot.

“I was insulting you,” she said, echoes of the girl he’d known sparking in those fire and dawn eyes. “And doing it rather well if I made you lose control.”

He could smell her fear, but she hadn’t budged. “Why fear me? You know I would never put a bruise on your body.” He paused, decided to trust the strength of will in that small body, and
pushed
. “Well, I might in one situation.”

“What?” She blinked. “You’d never hurt me.”

“I didn’t say I would. I said I might bruise you.” He leaned in and nipped at that soft, luscious mouth of hers, drawing back before she could do more than suck in a shocked breath. “I might bite during sex.” No rejection in her scent. His gut unclenched. It had been a risk, founded on their fragile new bond of trust and his leopard’s clawing need.

“I am not having sex with you.” Her voice was breathy. “Nuh-uh. Not ever.”

“Why not?” He wanted to bite her again. “What’s wrong with me?”

“I don’t like dark men.”

That halted him for a second. Until he picked up the deceit in the air. “Lying is a sin, Tally darling.” His leopard relaxed, soothed by the realization of her susceptibility to him.

“You’re conceited, pushy, and you scowl too much.”

He tightened his hand on her nape, just a little. Then he bent his head and licked the full curve of her lower lip. She
shivered and pushed at his chest. “No licking. Definitely no licking.”

“Why not?” He was almost sure he saw flames racing in the ring of amber around her irises. “I’m a cat. I like licking—all sorts of places.”

Her cheeks blazed. “You don’t want me that way.”

“What way?

“Sexually.” It seemed as if she had to force the words out. “You hate me for what I did with those other men, remember?”

Both man and cat continued to wrestle with the sharp edge of jealous rage, but … “How can I hate you after what you told me last night? I’m learning to deal.”

Her mouth dropped open, then snapped shut. “Yeah, right.”

“Hey.” He leaned closer, until all he could scent was her. “I’m trying. You could be a bit more encouraging.”

“Why?” Her lips pressed down into a harsh line. “So you can play at being the all-forgiving leopard and I can abase myself at your feet? Don’t tell me you’re a virgin!”

“I’ve about had it with you,” he threatened, such a feeling of life shooting through him that he was drunk on it. Fighting with Tally was more fun than doing anything else with any other woman. “It has nothing to do with the sex.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You
hurt
yourself, Tally. You fucking did to yourself what—” He bit off his words, refusing to bring Orrin back from the grave. “That’s what makes me really mad. And yeah, maybe I’m too possessive with you, but fuck that. You were ready to claw out Faith’s eyes over some flowers.”

She sat silent, mutinous.

“I figure we’re even in the forgiveness stakes.”

A narrow-eyed glance. “How’s that?”

“I’ll try to handle you being with other men that way, and you try to forgive me for not saving you from Orrin all those years ago when he hurt you.”

Silence in the car. So deep. So painful.

“How did you know?” she whispered, such naked vulnerability on her face that his leopard shuddered under the blow. “I didn’t even know until you said it.”

“Because I can’t forgive myself either.” He kissed her and it was soft, a whisper. “I’m sorry, Tally. I’m sorry.”

Talin’s heart broke into a thousand pieces. With a jerk, she wrapped her arms around the big body of this man she adored beyond reason. Her fingers dug into his back and she buried her face against his chest, able to hear the powerful beat of his heart under her ear. “I never blamed you,” she whispered. “Not consciously.”

He leaned back against the seat, taking her with him until she was almost on his lap. “You have every right to blame me.”

“No, Clay. We were children.”

“Speak the truth now, baby. Only I and the forest will hear you.”

She didn’t answer for long minutes, letting the hush of the trees settle around them. So many years, she’d kept that knot of anger and pain inside of her, letting it fester, sharing it with no one. And all that time she’d been telling herself that she was doing fine, that she’d make it. But how could she?

“I called your name,” she whispered, ripping open a wound so painful, it had never before seen the light of day. “When it started, I didn’t have anyone to cry out for. But the first time it happened after we met, I called your name.”

Clay’s arms squeezed, threatening to cut off her breath but she didn’t complain.

“Maybe I blamed you,” she admitted, bleeding inside, knowing how much her words had to cut him. “But it wasn’t anything so simple. You were the most important thing in my life. I wanted to protect you, too. That’s why I never told you the truth.” So many layers, so many hurts. “And you blame me for my silence.”

“Not for what happened, Tally. Never that.”

But she knew he did blame her for stripping from him his chance to help her. “I would still make the same choice.” This moment, this instant, it was about honesty. “Orrin would have killed you if I’d told and you’d come after him. You were too young when we met.” Nine years old and mostly skin and bone, as if he couldn’t eat enough to keep up with his growing body. Not to say he hadn’t been tough—but Orrin had been a killer.

“I’m a leopard,” he said. “Our women are everything to us. I would rather die than have you hurt. Don’t ever try to protect me again.”

“I can’t promise that.” He was her life. It was that simple.

“You’re the female.” His teeth grazed her ear. “You have to be submissive.”

She was tempted to use her teeth on him in retaliation. “Does that ever work?”

“It worked when you were five.”

That made her laugh and though it hurt, it was also good—with her acceptance of the truth, a truth that was a child’s, not a woman’s, she had unlocked the shackles binding her to the past. But even as she laughed, she wondered and worried about the impact of her words on Clay. He was protective and loyal to a fault. He also had a temper that could simmer for hours, days, sometimes weeks, before snapping. If that temper turned inward … No!

She set her jaw. She would not let that happen to her beautiful, wonderful Clay. Let this damn disease try to kill her. She would not let it win, not until she’d brought the light back into Clay’s eyes.

CHAPTER 17

Safely alone in
the car with Clay, it had been easy to make a promise to help him. Now that Talin was in the presence of his packmates, she wondered at her arrogance. He was clearly a much loved and respected member of DarkRiver. What had made her think he had any need of her interference?

Then he glanced at her from where he stood with Nathan and her panic calmed. No matter how much he belonged to these leopards, he belonged to her first.

“I’ve never seen him look at a woman that way.”

Startled, she turned to face the tall brunette who had walked up to stand beside her. Clay had introduced her as Tamsyn, the pack healer. Nathan was her mate. “You don’t have to say that,” she began, leaning back against the kitchen counter.

“Don’t worry.” The other woman shook her head. “I might be a healer, but I’m no soft touch. Just ask Kit and Cory.” She nodded out the window—at the two teenagers who appeared to be running herd on her twins. “They want chocolate chip cookies, they babysit.” She grinned.

Talin found herself smiling in turn. “Excellent trade.”

“I thought so.” Tamsyn’s eyes were warm, an unusual color closer to caramel than true brown. “And what I said earlier, I
wasn’t doing it to be nice. If you’d been a threat to Clay, I’d have kicked you out of DarkRiver land myself.”

“You could’ve tried.” No one was going to separate her from Clay.