Authors: Melissa Luznicky Garrett
“Do you
think it’ll come true?”
“Do I
think what will come true?” I said, as I smoothed the wrinkles from my shirt.
“You
know . . . the part about us getting hitched one day.”
He
mumbled this last part and I looked up, touched by the unfamiliar shyness in
his voice. My own cheeks flamed and insides twisted, but differently than how
they had earlier in the car. That was just nerves. But this, being here with
Adrian, felt very good and . . .
right
.
I
hooked my fingers in Adrian’s belt loops and pulled him close, wanting to
capture that feeling. I wrapped my arms around his waist and lay my head
against his chest. His heart was beating quickly.
The
Conditional Blessing attached to me becoming Spirit Keeper stated that I had to
marry a member of the tribe and produce a child with him. It was a trade-off
for Shyla saving my life that day, a few months ago. There was something more to
it, however; some other reason why my life had been spared. I hadn’t a clue what
it was, though. None of it made any sense to me, or to my family.
Adrian
and I had never discussed the Conditional Blessing in-depth before. But I’d
privately given it, and what we would eventually have to do in order to fulfill
it, plenty of thought. After all, I had a pretty vivid imagination.
“It has
to come true, right?” Laughing, I kissed him on the chin. “But that doesn’t
mean I’m ready to settle down yet. I mean, I just turned seventeen. We’ve got
lots of time.”
To my
surprise, Adrian didn’t laugh or even agree. Instead, he wiggled from my
embrace and turned his back to me as he made his way along the path leading to
the edge of the lake. I followed a few paces behind, confused by his sudden change
of attitude. When I caught up with him, I slipped my hand in his. He squeezed it
in return but didn’t say anything.
I
watched his jaw clench and unclench as he warred with his thoughts. Finally, I
couldn’t stand the silence any longer.
“What’s
wrong? Talk to me.”
Adrian withdrew
his hand and half turned away. “What if it’s not me? What if it’s someone else
you’re meant to be with? What we have is really good, but what if it’s not in
the cards for us?”
Although
the possibility that we might not end up together had never occurred to me, I
realized then that he must have thought about this outcome before. I chose my
next words carefully.
“I
might be young, but I’m not so stupid or naive to think that every aspect of my
future has already been set in stone. I’m still free to make my own choices,
and I will always choose to be with you. Nothing and no one will ever come
between us, especially not some so-called Conditional Blessing that I honestly
don’t put a lot of stock in.”
Adrian
turned back to me, but the crease between his brows remained. “Really?”
I willed
the right words to come to mind that would put his heart at ease. “Really. I
guess you’ll just have to trust me.”
Raising
his hand to my face, I brushed it against my cheek before kissing his rough
knuckles. He smiled, though I could tell the apprehension had not totally
lifted.
“I think
there are a few bikes in that shed over there,” Adrian said, pointing behind us.
“Wanna get some lunch and go for a ride?”
And
just like that, all talk of the future was over.
We walked
back to Council Hall and got our lunch to go, and it didn’t take much coaxing
to convince Shyla to come along with us. After dusting off the bikes and
finding a pump to inflate a dead tire, we set off down the rural road to the
main strip leading to town.
The
Katori reservation was admittedly nothing like I’d envisioned. I’d based my assumptions
on stereotypes gleaned from books and television, in which tribes of savages
lived clustered together in tepees made of tanned animal hides. The Katori
reservation was laughably small, but quaint. The houses were unimpressive but
well-cared for. Not one of them had peeling paint or moldy rooftops. No plastic
toys littered the front yards. The people we passed were mowing lawns and
watering flower beds, the same mundane activities my neighbors back home might
be doing.
We rode
until we reached the General Store and then stood straddling our bikes as we
decided where to go next. People were coming and going, and many of them regarded
us with openly curious glances. They would certainly remember Adrian and probably
recognize Shyla, but I was an obvious outsider.
“So
what do you think?” Shyla said. Adrian was looking at me, too, waiting for an
answer to a question I’d apparently missed.
“About
what?”
“Riding
closer to the lake. We want to see our old house. There’s a park down that way
where we can eat lunch.”
High-pitched
laughter drifted from the General Store entrance. Turning to see who it was, I
saw Jasmine step from the shadows of the building’s overhang, flanked by
another girl and boy. It was impossible to hide or otherwise avoid being seen
by them, given that we were standing in the middle of the dusty parking lot.
“Sarah!”
Jasmine waved and trotted over. She threw her arm around my shoulder and gave
it a familiar squeeze, which instantly put me on edge. “How are you? Nice day
for a ride, huh?”
Jasmine
twined a strand of glossy raven hair around her finger and winked at Adrian. To
her friends she said, “Astrid. Will. This is the girl I was telling you about.”
She was being suspiciously nice, and I didn’t know why.
Shyla rolled
her eyes. “What do you want, Jasmine? We’re sort of busy.”
Jasmine
smiled, her eyes lighting on Adrian. “Just to say hi and that I’ll see you
tomorrow.”
“All
right. You’ve said hi. Now go away.” Shyla made a shooing motion with her hand.
Jasmine
and her friends walked away then. But at the edge of the lot, she pirouetted
and called out loud enough for everyone to hear, “It’s nice to see you again,
Adrian. You look really . . .
good
.”
I
watched in disbelief as her eyes ran the length of his body before narrowing at
me. She flipped her long hair over her shoulder and then spun again, walking
off with an exaggerated twitch of her hips. The blood rushed to my face, and my
fingertips burned with a furious need to reduce her to ashes.
“That
was disgusting,” Shyla said.
“What
was?” Adrian asked.
Shyla thwacked
him against the chest. “
Jasmine
, you nimrod. What a—”
“Come
on,” I interrupted. Breathing deeply in order to get my volcanic feelings under
control, I pushed off on the bike, taking the lead for a change.
The
house stood vacant. Although its exterior looked as nice as all the others, an
overall feeling of dejection hung about it, as though its heart had been ripped
from the protective walls a family had once called home. My throat closed as I
glanced at Adrian and saw the tight expression on his face.
“It’s
been so long, but it looks exactly the same as I remember,” Shyla whispered
beside me.
“Someone’s
been here,” Adrian said. “The broken window’s been fixed, the one that Dad—” He
paused, seeming to remember that he hadn’t spoken of Victor at all since the
day he’d ambushed us in the woods. “Forget it.”
I
pointed to a real estate sign propped by the front door. “Maybe that has
something to do with it.”
“It’s for
sale
?” Adrian said, his voice rising in disbelief. He dismounted from the
bike and jogged up the driveway, stopping to cup his hands and peer in through
the front window. Shyla and I looked at each other and then quickly followed.
I tried
the knob, expecting to find it locked, but it turned in my hand. Pushing open
the door, the overpowering scent of lemon Pine-Sol assaulted me. Plastic
runners had been laid down to protect the wood floors from prospective clients’
dirty shoes, and they squeaked underfoot when I stepped on them.
Adrian
charged through the room and around the corner without regard to the newly
polished floors, though. I followed and found him standing in the doorway of a
small bedroom, staring. He breathed heavily, his eyes open wide and fixed ahead.
He blinked several times.
“This
one used to be mine.”
I stood
quietly by Adrian’s side, trying to imagine what he had been like in this other
life. Had he stayed up late at night building LEGO cities and playing with his
action figures? Did he used to crawl under the sheets with a flashlight to read
comic books when he was supposed to be sleeping? Had his mother rocked him in
her arms as an infant in this room, once upon a time?
“This
one was mine.” I hadn’t heard Shyla walk up behind us. Turning, I found her
staring into the room across the hall. “It used to be pink. Adrian’s was blue.”
The two
rooms now stood identical with bare walls still smelling of fresh white paint. Shyla’s
eyes roamed the room, as though she was picturing where her bed used to stand and
visualizing the posters that had once hung on the wall.
It occurred
to me then that theirs might not be the only empty house with but memories and
ghosts to keep it company. Somewhere on the reservation was proof that my
grandparents and mother had existed here among their own people; proof that
they had once belonged. More than anything, I wanted to see that house.
I
needed
to see it.
My
heart raced at the prospect of walking through the same rooms in which my
family had eaten, slept, and lived together, and I knew I couldn’t leave the
reservation without seeing that place. I trembled at the anticipation of being so
close to my family once more, even if I would never again be able to actually see
or physically touch them.
Adrian’s
quiet voice broke my reverie. “I’ve seen enough. Let’s get out of here.”
FIVE
We ate lunch
under the drooping branches of a willow tree at a lakeside playground. A few parents
sat on splintered picnic benches watching as their kids tried not to scorch the
backs of their legs going down an old metal slide.
Adrian
and Shyla chewed their sandwiches in silence—each of them deep in thought. I stared
out at the gentle waves rippling on the lake’s surface and the purple-grey
storm clouds rising up on the distant horizon.
The crushed
sandwich in my hand tasted bland, but I choked it down anyway, bite by little
bite. The longer I sat shoving bits of torn-off bread into my mouth, the longer
we could put off heading back to our make-shift camp and acknowledging the
reason we had come to the reservation in the first place.
I hadn’t
anticipated that being on the reservation would have such a strong emotional
effect on me, and yet it did. These were my people, whether they despised me or
not. This was my past—the place of my origin—and I couldn’t ignore it any
longer. At the same time, everything about being here felt foreign to me. I
would never truly call this place my home.
Desperate
to break the silence, I turned to Adrian and Shyla. “So what’s the story with
Jasmine?” Curiosity about her past maybe-relationship with my boyfriend, even
if it was old news, had become too much.
Adrian
broke off a piece of bread and flung it in the middle of a flock of geese, which
attacked it at once. “She’s a pain in the butt,” he yelled over their loud
honking.
“She
was checking you out.” I studied him from the corner of my eye to gauge his
reaction, but his expression remained frustratingly neutral.
“She’s
always
been a pain in the butt,” Shyla said, echoing her brother. “Even when she was
younger.”
“It’s
because Caleb’s the favorite one,” Adrian said. “Charley doesn’t even try to
hide the fact.”
My
stomach tightened, but I remained quiet. From the tone of his voice, it sure sounded
like he was defending Jasmine. Just like an ex-boyfriend might do.
“Whatever,”
Shyla said. “Jasmine’s just a whiny, spoiled little brat. Who wouldn’t prefer
Caleb?”
Adrian
tossed another breadcrumb to the geese, a little harder this time. “Jasmine
acts the way she does because she doesn’t know how else to get Charley’s
attention.”
Shyla
snorted, but I saw amusement turn to incredulity as she realized Adrian wasn’t
joking. “Since when are you an expert on Jasmine’s motives?”
“I’m
not. I just know how it feels.”
Shyla slapped
her sandwich to the plastic bag between her feet and glared at her brother.
“What are you talking about? You know how
what
feels?”
Adrian
shrugged but didn’t meet his sister’s eyes. He muttered under his breath, “You
were always Gran’s favorite.”
Shyla’s
mouth popped open. She shook her head, laughing. “You have got to be kidding
me. After everything that has happened, after knowing what I went through and
all that Gran has sacrificed just to make my life a little easier . . . Don’t
you think she would have done the same for you had the roles been reversed?”