The Promises We Keep (Made for Love Book 1) (61 page)

Right now, that
’
s all I want: to figure things out, find my way, and end this
frustrating
time in my life.

Admittedly, distractions are so incredibly welcome, these days.

No
—
I
’
m not in this alone. Yes
—
God is my new true north. But I don
’
t know what that means. It sounds good on paper
—
on
napkin
—
but when being with Addie was my end goal, it seemed easier to fit pieces together. She
’
s just more
…
tangible.
God is
…
not
. I go to church, I read my Bible, I pray
—
but what more does He want? Trust?

Well, I broke up with my girlfriend
—
which is the hardest thing I
’
ve ever done in my life
—
because I thought that
’
s what You wanted
…
does that not speak of my trust? Now what?

Great. Now I
’
m throwing temper tantrums at God. God!

Like Addie said, so many questions and no answers. While avoidance might be childish, there's only so many times I can ask Him,
What now?,
before I need to give my mind a break.

But my frustration
this morning
was twofold. Me dealing with me and my own spiritual issues is one thing
—
but Addison? I could tell she was upset this morning. She wasn
’
t even sitting next to me and I knew. I
knew
. How could I not, after five years? I can sense her, feel her, read her
—
I love her more than I love myself, so of course I know when she
’
s upset. But I couldn't do anything about it. Not to mention, I could only guess it was about me, about us, and that
’
s what kills me. I don't actually
know
and I
’
m in no place to ask her. Sure, yeah, friends talk about what they
’
re going through and we
’
re friends
…
but our boundaries
—

How is it that work went by so quickly? Can I go back?

I blow out a sigh as I turn my car off. Apparently, now that I
’
m home from work, I
’
ll have to find another way to clear my head as the agonizing analytical side of my brain has been reawakened on my short fifteen minute drive. I need Jack. And video games. And maybe a beer.

I race my way to my apartment, as if I can beat my thoughts there and lock them out. When I open the door and find Avery and Grayson on the couch, I cough out a laugh because I have no words to describe this moment. I
’
m in a bad mood and there they are, just as perfect as everyone imagined they would be.

Dammit, Beck. Get over yourself.

“
Hey. Are you going to come in? You do live here, you know,
”
teases Avery in greeting. She
’
s sitting at one end of the couch with her feet resting on a folded up blanket atop the coffee table. Grayson has his head in her lap and his arms are wrapped around her like she's a pillow
—
which, in this case, I guess she is
. He
’
s sleeping while she absentmindedly combs her fingers through his hair.
“
Hammy? Are you okay?
”

“
Yeah,
”
I mutter, finally closing the door behind me.

“
Liar,
”
she retorts with a smirk.
“
Want to talk about it?
”

“
No,
”
I bite.
“
I actually don
’
t even want to
think
about it.
”

“
Okay.
”
She offers me a sad smile and I feel bad that she
’
s inadvertently become the target of my frustration.
“
How about we talk about something else?
”
she asks, hopefully.

I nod as I make my way to the fridge, praying I can at least have one of the three things I am craving. I sigh in relief when I spot my favorite beer in the door.
“
What do you want to talk about?
”
I ask, popping the cap off before making my way over to the armchair.

“
How about next weekend? You
’
re going home, I presume? For Father
’
s Day?
”

“
Yeah.
”

“
Do you, maybe, want to carpool?
”

I groan, throwing my head back against the cushion behind me.
Me in a car with Addie for two hours? Yes, please. But can I not escape her for just ten minutes?
“
Sure. Yeah. Why not?
”

“
Geez, Hammy, don
’
t sound so excited,
”
she scoffs.

I roll my head to the side so that I can look over at her. I can tell that she regrets starting up a conversation with me. I have to tell myself, again, to get over myself.
“
I
’
m sorry. Can we
—
just
—
can we
not
talk about anything that has to do with Addie?
”

“
I wasn
’
t trying to bring up AJ. I was actually hoping that riding down with you would make Sonny less nervous about spending the weekend with us and our parents.
”

And now she has my attention
. I had no idea he was planning on doing that. Usually, when I head home, he comes with
me.
It never fails that we end up at the Grant
’
s residence at some point or another, but this is different. Why he
’
s nervous, though, I
’
m not sure. Everybody loves the guy. I sit up straight as I lift my eyebrows in amusement.
“
He knows he
’
s already met them, right?
”

She giggles and the light her smile returns to her eyes is all the proof I need that I
’
m forgiven for taking my poor attitude out on her.
“
Yes. He
’
s convinced that it doesn
’
t mean a thing since he met them as my friend and not my boyfriend.
”

“
Well, he has a point,
”
I agree with a shrug.
“
But he
’
ll be fine. I didn
’
t know he was planning on going.
”

“
We just talked about it today. I
’
m not sure the next time I
’
ll be home. I
’
ve got pit orchestra coming up in a few weeks and so my weekends will be pretty busy. He
’
s got football, so the middle of the week won
’
t work. Plus
—
maybe it
’
s silly
—
but I just really don
’
t want to go without him
…

“
I don
’
t know, though
—
do you think it
’
s too soon? Too soon to introduce him as my boyfriend? We
’
ve only been together for a few weeks.
”

I chuckle as I shake my head at her.
“
No. It
’
s not too soon. Nothing you two do can be considered
too soon
. You
’
ve been a couple in the making longer than some dating relationships ever last.
”

“
I suppose,
”
she says sheepishly.
“
That
’
s not all I
’
m worried about, though.
”
She pauses, dropping her eyes to look down at the man in her lap.
“
I
’
m really close to my parents
—
to lots of my family, really
—
and that
’
s not something he
’
s used to. I know I asked him and he agreed
…
but I just don
’
t want him to feel pressured to go. It
’
s also Father
’
s Day. He says it
’
s fine and he doesn
’
t care, but maybe I
’
m being selfish. Do you think I
’
m being selfish? Do you think I
’
m making a mistake?
”

As I sit and watch her, it
’
s as if I can see the wheels turning inside of her head. If I don
’
t stop her soon, she
’
ll have uninvited him before he wakes up and he
’
ll have no idea what happened.
“
Ave.
”
I lean toward her and reach out to tip up her chin so that she
’
s looking at me.
“
He would do anything for you and he would never think of it as a mistake. If he really didn
’
t want to go, he wouldn
’
t have agreed. Besides, it
’
s your mom
’
s birthday weekend, too, and he knows how much that means to you.
”

“
I guess. I just don
’
t want to push anything onto him that he doesn
’
t want, you know? I know he
’
s not used to family celebrations.
”

“
He
’
s seen his fair share of family events at my house over the past couple of years. Besides, just because he
’
s not used to it doesn
’
t mean he doesn
’
t want it. He wants
you
and that includes your family. He knows that.
”

“
Yeah. You
’
re right.
”
She relaxes at my reassurance, a small smile tugging at her lips.
“
Speaking of my mom
’
s birthday
—
are you going to stop by? I know she
’
d like to see you.
”

I pull away from her and tug a sip of my beer from the cold bottle in my hand.
Me in a house with Addie and my second family for an hour? Yes, please.
“
I don
’
t know, Ave. I
’
d like to. But
—”

“
Addie wouldn
’
t object. Sorry to bring her up!
”
she cries, pulling her fingers from Grayson
’
s hair and holding her hands up in surrender.
“
But it
’
s
true
. So
don
’
t
use her as an excuse and just say you
’
ll come. Besides, your parents will probably be there. It
’
d be stupid if you didn
’
t come.
”