The Promised World (16 page)

He flinched and she vaguely sensed she’d done something wrong. But what did he want her to say? She’d already told him she loved him. “I love you,” she said again, but her voice wasn’t cooperating. It was so quiet. Or maybe he wasn’t listening?

“I’ll order groceries in for you. Unless you decide you can drive your car. Though mine is destroyed, I’m going to leave yours here and take a cab.”

“The Rabbit? What—”

“I have to go. I still have a stack of homework to grade and two finals to prepare.” He looked at her. She was lying down again. She didn’t want to, but her head was so heavy, she couldn’t hold it up anymore. “And you obviously took your sedative sometime in the last half hour, when I was begging you to be honest with me.”

She wanted to tell him that he was wrong, that she’d taken the sedative before he’d gotten home, but all she could manage was, “Not then.”

“But it’s not your fault, Lila.” He sounded so calm suddenly, like his usual self. Her eyes were closed, but she reached out her arm for him, hoping he would come back to the bed and lie down with her. They could sleep until morning, when she would realize this had been another bad dream. Like the dream she kept having about the deafening explosion and Billy screaming and her being frozen with fear, unable to get to him. There was blood all over the place, but she just stood there: not crying, not yelling for help, not saying anything. When she woke in the morning, she knew it wasn’t real because she hadn’t even been there. She couldn’t have helped her brother.

She heard her husband’s voice but it was so far away, like he was talking from another country. Or from New Jersey, where her mother was alive? That was the part that made her suddenly sure none of this could be real. Patrick had nothing to do with her mother. He was the most important part of the better life Billy had always promised her. He was kind and brilliant and completely ignorant of all the terror of her past. She had always protected him from knowing. It was the right thing to do, so he could stay just as he was: a beautiful soul.

“I hate leaving you like this,” Patrick said. “If I honestly thought that my being here was doing anything for you, I’d stay. But the person you really loved is dead and I can’t bring him back. It’s not your fault that it was never me.”

“Patrick isn’t dead,” she whispered into her pillow. “It’s just a bad dream.”

Then she fell asleep so deeply that she didn’t hear her husband leave and she barely cried out when the gun exploded and Billy was screaming and screaming for her to do something, but she couldn’t do anything because she was so worried she was going to get in trouble for ruining her special dress, the one she was supposed to wear to her daddy’s funeral that her mother said made her look like an ugly little mouse.

CHAPTER TWELVE

A
ll day on Friday, William was as nervous as that morning in the tent, when Daddy left him alone as part of the Challenge, but this time he was not going to mess up. When the teacher said they had to study for their spelling test on Monday, he opened his book and wrote the list of words, even though he knew he wouldn’t have to take this dumb test because he wouldn’t be here on Monday or ever again. Pearl had told him that at Aunt Lila’s, they would go to private school, where everybody was rich and they gave you great hot food for lunch every day, even french fries, his favorite. Plus, she said, some private schools don’t even have grades, which wouldn’t matter for Pearl because she got straight As, but would be great for William, since he got mostly Us for unsatisfactory. The only subject he was good at was math, but Pearl
reminded him that Uncle Patrick was a mathematician and maybe he could work it out so William could take a lot more math and a lot less spelling and writing. Spelling was the thing he hated most, but he forced himself not to grin when the teacher said he’d have to study at home a lot if he expected to pass this test without having his book available as a crutch.

By the time he got off the bus, he was clearing his throat every few seconds, which his mom called his tic. She hated the tic, but the more she talked about how bad it sounded, the more William found himself doing it, except now he was doing it with nobody around but Pearl, and she wasn’t griping at him. She did give him a glass of water and tell him to drink it, but a minute later, he was at it again. It felt like a piece of food was stuck in the back of his throat, and even though he knew it wasn’t real, he couldn’t stop acting like it was. Finally, Pearl gave him a big package of gum and told him to chew instead. When it worked, he was surprised nobody else ever thought of this, even Daddy. Pearl was really, really smart.

He was chomping away on his fourteenth piece of gum when his mom came home with Maisie. She told him he was going to rot his teeth with sugar, but after he held up the package of sugarless gum, she frowned. He knew she was hoping that he’d mess up and answer her questions with words; she was always trying to trick him into talking. Finally, she said, “I miss your sweet voice, baby,” which made him feel sad, but he stuck another piece of gum in his mouth and went back to clicking Legos together. When his mom went upstairs to get ready for her date with Kyle, she told him to watch Maisie, but that was easy because Maisie was just sitting on the couch, watching
SpongeBob
on TV and sucking on frozen peas. She liked frozen peas better than anything, which normally William thought was really weird, but now he wondered if he’d miss his sister whenever he saw a bag of frozen peas, or even
cooked peas. He sort of wished they were taking Maisie with them and Mommy, too, but that was a dumb wish and he knew it. Maisie would cry for Mommy until his ears hurt, and if Mommy herself was going to Philadelphia, they wouldn’t have to go sneaking off to Aunt Lila’s in the first place.

He’d been thinking about Aunt Lila’s apartment all afternoon. He didn’t remember it that well, but he thought it was really small and he knew it was on the ninth floor of a super tall building. The ninth floor was bad—he was still afraid of heights, even though he’d finished the Challenge where he jumped off a cliff —but worse was the small part. Pearl said Aunt Lila had three bedrooms, the same as their own house, but one was for her and Uncle Patrick, and one was like their office, so that only left one for him and Pearl to share. She said they’d work something out, but William liked having his very own bedroom with the rocket ship wallpaper Daddy had hung up. He didn’t want to undress around his big sister. He was also worried about burping or picking his nose or something that would make Pearl decide that he wasn’t her friend anymore, but just a dirty little boy like she used to call him before Daddy died.

He wished he knew for sure whether Pearl was right about Aunt Lila really wanting them. She almost never played with him like his aunts and uncles on his mom’s side, and even at the funeral, she stared at him with those freaky big eyes of hers and didn’t say much at all. In his whole life, he couldn’t remember ever doing anything with Aunt Lila all by herself.

His mother and Kyle finally left, and Pearl gave William another slap five and said it was time to do their plan. She called Staci and then she called her other friend Danielle, who was always babysitting for lots of money but was going to take care of Maisie for free because Danielle knew how mean Mommy was, trying to make them move to godforsaken New Mexico, thousands of miles away
from their father’s twin. Both Staci and Danielle were there in like ten minutes, and then, before William could even pick up his Legos or give Maisie more peas, their duffel bags were loaded in Staci’s trunk and they were pulling out of the driveway.

“Good-bye,” Staci said, “and screw you!” She was giving their house the finger and laughing.

“Don’t do that,” Pearl said. “That was my dad’s house, too.”

Staci said sorry, but William’s stomach hurt, remembering how much his father had loved this place. He would walk around outside, throwing seed on the ground for the birds and showing William stuff like the little vines that grew on the side brick wall or the frogs that had moved into their tiny pond. That’s how they discovered the big hole in the oak tree, where Daddy decided to hide the reminders and other cool stuff, just for William. Daddy said he wanted to buy this house someday, rather than just renting it, ‘cause then they could stay there forever. “Maybe you’ll live here with your children,” Daddy said. “Would you like that, buddy?” William said yes, even though he didn’t know if he’d ever have children, since he didn’t like girls at all, especially Sophie Peterson, who called him dumbo and laughed whenever he missed the ball at recess.

Now that his father was dead because he and his mom had fought so much and he had to leave the house and not see the kids anymore, William knew he’d never, ever get married. Aunt Trish had never gotten married and she was the happiest of all his aunts. Mommy said Trish was simple, that’s why she was always happy. William wished he was simple, too, so he could be happy rather than worried all the time.

“I’ve never driven in Philly before,” Staci said. “I’m kind of psyched to try driving in all that traffic.”

They were on the highway already. William knew a rest stop was coming up that had great doughnuts, but Pearl had already told him
they were going to hurry to Aunt Lila’s, just in case something went wrong on Mom and Kyle’s date.

“It’ll be all right,” Pearl said. “My aunt’s high-rise is on the very edge of the city, close to the river. We can get off on the South Street exit, and then it’s just a few blocks and we’re there.”

“How do we know she’s home?” William said.

“We don’t, but I couldn’t call her.” Pearl looked at Staci. “My mom’s lawyer is such an asshole. He’d probably have Aunt Lila arrested if she agreed to let us come there.”

Staci nodded, but she said, “I don’t get it. If the guy’s that big of a dick, won’t he have your aunt arrested after you’re there?”

“Sure, he’ll try. But he won’t get away with it. Trust me on that.”

William could tell from Pearl’s low voice that she was talking about her big secret plan. Whatever it was. He was dying to know, but he knew she wouldn’t tell him. It was okay, because when she’d asked why he was bringing Daddy’s toolbox, which was heavy and so big it took up a lot of space in his duffel bag, William had said, “That’s MY secret.” Pearl laughed, but he didn’t feel bad. He’d been kind of worried she’d force him to take off the padlock and then she’d see the gun inside and he’d have to tell her everything.

At the last minute, he’d remembered his father telling him that no matter how nice and easy things looked, he had to always be prepared. William didn’t think Kyle would show up at Aunt Lila’s and do all the other things on Daddy’s list for the last Challenge, but what if he was just too dumb to see how it could happen? His father had said the point of the Challenges was to teach William how to be ready for every possibility. “I know you won’t have to jump off a cliff,” Daddy said. “But you will have to do things you’re afraid of. This will teach you how to feel the fear and do it anyway.”

It was a good thing Daddy had made him jump off a cliff,
because he was right: William was already having to do something he was afraid of by running away. His teachers said William was the best-behaved boy, ‘cause he didn’t break any rules or cause trouble like a lot of the other kids at Chandler Elementary. His mother said he’d always been like this, that he was born good. Even when he was just a baby, cruising around the house in his walker, he wouldn’t go near the DVD player or Daddy’s computer or the stove, and if he did get near them accidentally, he would shake his head no and hurry off the other way. “You were my angel baby,” Mommy said. And if Pearl was in the room, Mommy laughed and said, “And Pearl was my devil.” It was only a joke, and Pearl laughed, too—until Daddy moved out. Then Mommy said the same thing and Pearl just stared at her and so Mommy never talked about angels or devils again. William was glad because he thought being an angel was like being a girl, since angels all wore dresses.

He was glad he was breaking a rule now, too. He’d been teased at school for being chicken, but nobody would think he was chicken when they heard he’d run away. If only he wasn’t so worried about everything. It was getting dark and every time a car came up behind them, he squinted out the back window, trying to see if it was his mom’s Ford or, even worse, a police car. He was out of new gum and the old piece in his mouth was getting small and dry and yucky, but he couldn’t spit it out or his tic would come back worse than ever because he was so thirsty.

By the time they got to Philadelphia, William had to go to the bathroom, and he was listening to music on his boom box to distract himself. Staci was talking about this creepy neighbor of hers and asked why Pearl had been standing in his yard, talking to him, but Pearl said she wasn’t really talking, and then she changed the subject to something about their school that William didn’t even try to follow.

Staci said, “Can’t you get him to turn that thing off?”

“He’s just nervous,” Pearl said. William thought she sounded nervous, too. “We’re almost there anyway. Let him play his music if he wants.” She turned around to William. “I bet you can get Aunt Lila to buy you an iPod, even though Mom wouldn’t buy you one for Christmas. Then you can listen to anything as loud as you like.”

William smiled because he wanted an iPod, but most of all he wanted to get to Aunt Lila’s, fast. “Almost there” didn’t mean what he thought it meant, though, and by the time they pulled in front of Aunt Lila’s building, he had to pee so bad he was dying. He was glad Staci decided not to try to find a parking space, but he wished it wasn’t taking so long for Pearl and Staci to hug each other goodbye. Before they went into the building, Pearl asked why he was fidgeting so much and he said he really had to go to the bathroom. She leaned over and whispered, “Do you think you could cry about it? Because if Aunt Lila isn’t home, I want you to cry as hard as you ever have in your life. Think about Dad if you have to. Otherwise, we’ll have to walk all over the city in the dark and even then, we might not find a bathroom for you. City people don’t like letting kids use their bathrooms.”