The Promise of Palm Grove (8 page)

G
rowing up in a new-order Amish church community, Leona had always been rather pleased to have a phone in her home, but it wasn't like her parents had encouraged her to call her friends or have long conversations or anything like that.

Still, simply walking to the kitchen to call work was a whole lot easier than hiking out to a phone shanty when it was raining or snowing outside. She also liked the ability to get information quickly or talk to someone without having to wait to receive a letter.

Now, though, she would have gladly changed places with a girl brought up in a more conservative order. Then she would have had no option but to write Edmund a note. If that was the case, she would have been able to convey all her feelings and thoughts on paper. If she made a mistake or worded something wrong, all she would have to do is scratch out her words or throw away the paper and begin again.

Once her carefully written note was completed, she could have walked down to the Pinecraft Post Office, posted that
letter, and then settled in to wait at least a week for a response. And what a week that would be! She would be in her own world of oblivious bliss. She would have no earthly idea how mad Edmund might be at her. Instead, she could have even imagined that he wasn't mad at her at all, that he completely understood her point of view.

That
would be a stretch of the imagination, to be sure. After all, he'd never really embraced her point of view. But if she tried real hard—and consoled her frayed nerves by eating lots of coconut cream pie—she could do it.

She knew she could summon her courage and competently explain herself to him. And maybe he'd even listen to what she had to say.

But as perfect as those things sounded, it was never going to happen. It didn't matter if they were face-to-face, trading letters, or talking on telephones across the country, Edmund was not going to be of a mind to listen to what she had to say.

But she could try.

That was what the Lord promised, she supposed. As she sat and mused, she remembered a line from Psalm 37, one of her mother's favorite Psalms.
Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and He will help you.
That verse had always given her mother comfort.

Now, as Leona reflected on the beautiful, meaningful words, she realized that the verse comforted her, too. She might be sitting alone in the kitchen, but she wasn't actually alone. God had promised that He would help them through times of trouble. So He was there in spirit.

But it wasn't like He was going to pick up the phone and converse with Edmund for her.

That was her job.

Taking a deep breath, she picked up the receiver, and carefully dialed his number, punching in each number of the calling card her parents had bought her in case of emergencies.

Guilt hit her again as she realized that calling Edmund to tell him that she was going to the beach with another man probably wasn't what they'd had in mind when they'd spent their hard-earned money on the card.

But since this conversation affected the rest of her life, she thought that it maybe
was
an emergency. At least it felt that way to her, especially since her best friends in the world had determined that Leona make this call.

After three rings, a somewhat distracted voice answered. “Hello?”

It was Edmund. Leona gulped. Well, she surely hadn't imagined that he would be the one to actually pick up the phone.

And now that he'd answered, what in the world was she actually going to say? How did one start this conversation?

“Hello?” he asked again, his voice sounding irritated.

“Hi, Edmund,” she said in a rush. “It's me.”

“Yes?” His voice wasn't exactly warm or welcoming.

Maybe he wasn't sure who it was? “You know, Leona.”

“I know it's you, Leona.”

“Oh.” Again, she had hoped he would sound a little happier to talk to her.

“What did you need?”

What did she need?
That
was all he had to say after not speaking to her for four or five days? For some reason, that response gave her a bit of a backbone.

Danke, Gott.

“I don't need anything, Edmund,” she said a bit tartly, matching his tone. “I simply called to check in with you.”

“Oh.”

“
Jah
.” Her mouth went dry. This was obviously going to be even more difficult than she'd imagined it would be. “So. How are you?”

“I am fine.”

As silence filled the empty space between them, Leona curled her finger around the telephone cord and realized that he hadn't asked about her. As a matter of fact, so far, he sounded as if her phone call was nothing more than an interruption to his day. Feeling more uneasy—and a whole lot less guilty than she had just a few minutes before—she got down to business. “Edmund, I wanted to let you know that a man asked me to go to the beach tomorrow.”

“What did you tell him?”

“I, um, told him I would go.”

“You did?” He sounded incredulous. Finally, there was some emotion.

“
Jah
. It sounded like fun. I didn't want to pass up the chance to see Siesta Key with a local. They know all the best places to go.”

The minute she said those words, she realized that she hadn't quite done her motivations justice. Yes, she did want to see the beach, but what she really wanted was to get to know Zack Kaufmann better. Even if she never saw him again after the day at the beach, Leona knew she needed to spend time with a man who was so different than Edmund.

“I'm not pleased to hear this news, Leona.”

“I didn't think you would.”

“Then why did you say you would go?” He paused. “Are you going to let him court you?”

His words sounded so judgmental. And a bit scary. So she added, “He isn't courting me. It's nothing like that.”

“It sounds like it.”

Did it? Had she quickly said yes to something that was far more significant than she'd given it credit for being?

“I don't think Zack and I are going to go alone. Mattie and Sara will most likely go. As well some of his friends.”

“Zack?”

“
Jah
. It's short for Zachary. I mean, Zachariah.” The minute she uttered those words, she wished she could have swallowed them. Too much information!

“It sounds to me like you're going on a date, Leona.”

“Well, I suppose it is.” She closed her eyes. Mattie had been right. There was no way she should have even considered not telling Edmund about her trip to Siesta Key.

She must have been in a fog when she'd told herself that Edmund would only treat her news with indifference. Had she really imagined he would accept her news as if it didn't concern him one bit?

“Why on earth would you make these plans?” he nearly shouted in her ear.

“Um . . .”

“Why would you even be talking to men?” he continued. “You are an engaged woman, Leona.”

“I know.”

“Well, then?”

Oh, but Edmund sounded mad. And not mad in an irritated-for-interrupting-his-evening kind of mad. No, this was him being very much put out with her.

Rather surprised at his response, and feeling lower than a snake in the grass, she struggled with a response. “Like I told you, a day at the beach sounds like fun.” Yet even to her ears, it was a terrible excuse.

“Leona, you and I both know you didn't say yes because you wanted to go to the beach.”

He was exactly right. And she owed him the truth. Gathering her courage, she tried to explain herself. “Edmund, I have to admit that I also told Zack I would go because of everything that has been happening between you and me.”

“Nothing has happened.”

That was kind of the point, she realized. They weren't growing. Instead, he kept making decisions and she kept trying to appease him. “Edmund, you know I've been unhappy. You know I have been wondering about our future.” She didn't bother to start listing all the times she'd attempted to start a conversation with him about her concerns. Surely, he remembered them just as clearly?

A disparaging noise slid through the phone line. “Honestly? You want to talk about the future now? While we're sitting hundreds of miles from each other?”

“Well,
jah
. Actually, I'm a bit surprised that you even remembered I've been worried about our future. Why, every time I bring up my concerns about our compatibility, you push them aside.”

“Because your concerns aren't relevant.”

“Well, um, they're an issue to me. How could you say my feelings aren't important to you?”

He sighed. “Obviously you are suffering from a case of nerves. Don't forget, our relationship is no fly-by-night type of thing. I courted you properly.”

“
Jah,
I know that.”

“When it was time, I asked you to be my wife. You said yes right away. Do you remember that?”

No longer able to continue to sit, she jumped to her feet. “Of course I do.”

“Then how could you throw that away?”

She closed her eyes. “Edmund, you are exactly right about
my part. I did say yes. I should not be thinking about anything else.” A new surge of guilt and anxiety rolled through her. What was she doing? She'd given a man a promise! Everyone was making wedding plans! Mattie had been planning for them to be sisters.

She really needed to get her act together and tell Zack that she couldn't go to the beach with him. And then she was going to need to stay away from him. Stay away from that church, too.

“Edmund, listen. I—”

He interrupted her. “I'm not sure what is going on with you, but I had hoped being around Mattie and Sara might have had a calming influence.”

Abruptly, she tossed her new decision to the floor. “Calming?” she bit out. Had he even met his sister Mattie? She was the opposite of calm! And for that matter, why did he actually think that she needed someone to calm her down? She was one of the most unflappable people she'd ever met.

Well, until lately.

He continued on. “Since you're still struggling, you need to listen to me, Leona. My mother said all engaged couples experience second thoughts. It's natural. The excitement of courting and the engagement announcement wears off, and it's replaced by wedding preparations and stress.”

“You've been speaking to your mother about me?”

“Of course. She said you're going to get back to yourself as soon as the wedding is over. She said sometimes brides have a difficult time dealing with all the pressure and plans.”

“Boy, thank goodness you talked to your
mamm
about my moods. Did she mention anything else?” she said sarcastically.

He ignored her jab. “I truly feel you're going to regret your impetuousness, and probably sooner than later. This means
you need to cancel your plans, Leona. I'm sorry you let your emotions get the best of you, but I guess it couldn't be helped. You do tend to jump into things without much forethought.”

Since agreeing to marry him was a good example of this, she wasn't all that pleased that he brought it up. “Hey, now—”

“My
mamm
said you'll probably be having second thoughts when you are carrying a baby, too. Hormones, you know.”

Leona almost laughed. Edmund, the man who would hardly talk to her about the possibility of owning a dog or cat, was now chatting about them having a baby. And her hormones! It would have been horribly embarrassing if she wasn't so peeved.

“You talked to your mother about me being pregnant?”

Edmund skillfully ignored her irritation again.

“She's been a great help, Leona. I'm sure she will be helpful to you in the future, too. She said I'll be used to your mood swings by the time we are expecting.”

“Mood swings?”

“
Jah.
It's what we've been talking about, Leona. Your hormones.”

Reaching out, she pressed her hand on the wall, practically bracing herself for what had to be one of the most uncomfortable conversations she'd ever had in her life. “I do not want to discuss hormones with you, Edmund. Ever.”

“Then I suggest you stop making such impulsive decisions.”

That would be the smart thing, if she was solely concerned about making sure he was happy with her for the evening.

But she was thinking about a lifetime. And she just wasn't sure. “I am not.”

“If you make this choice, we are finished.”

Finished.
He'd just threatened to end their relationship as
calmly and quietly as if he was changing his mind about what he wanted to eat for dinner.

And though she'd often thought he was heavy-handed and had too many concerns about how happy she was going to be married to him . . . she was shocked. “Edmund, you would break up with me over the phone? You don't want to wait until I come back from Pinecraft?”

“I'm not the one who has doubts and regrets. You are, Leona. Remember, this is your doing. You called me. However, now that you have decided to see other men, I realize I have doubts, too. Serious ones.”

This
was
her doing. He was going to put the blame for the breakup on her shoulders. “Then I guess we're breaking up.”

“You're not going to change your mind? You're still going to go to the beach with this man?”

“
Jah
.” Even to her ears, her voice sounded hoarse and harsh. Like the wind had gotten knocked out of her.

She waited a second, half hoping that he was suddenly going to start apologizing, start telling her that he wanted things to change, that he wanted her to be happy. That everything she was asking for wasn't too much to ask.

But he didn't.

“I guess this is goodbye, then,” she murmured, feeling like a stranger. “I'll call my mother to tell her that the wedding is off. I trust you will do the same with your parents.”