The Promise of Forgiveness (23 page)

“I did, but she said I could do better.”

Yet he still loved her. “You could have gone after Cora.” Maybe if Hank had found her, he could have persuaded her to return to the Devil's Wind and the three of them could have been a family.

“I didn't go after your mother because I knew she wouldn't come home until she was ready.”

So Hank had waited at the Devil's Wind year after year, hoping Cora would stop running.

Ruby understood all too well that fear played crazy games with a person's reasoning. Wanting to shield herself from hurt, she panicked and ran at the first sign of trouble instead of trusting in herself and her partner to work things out.

Ruby climbed the porch steps and sat in the chair next to him. “I'm sorry Cora disappointed you.” She was apologizing a lot lately. She held his hand and asked, “Any news from your lawyer?”

“Charles said the investigator found a promising lead.” He pulled his hand free and patted his empty shirt pocket. “Dad blamit.”

“What?”

“My Winstons are in my room.” He offered a sheepish smile. “Mia says I'll quit sooner if I have to walk upstairs to get my cigarettes every time I want a smoke.”

“Is it working?”

“Maybe,” he grumbled.

“Thank you for trying to please Mia.” Lord knows Ruby hadn't done a good job of it lately.

“Didn't promise to quit, but I'm cutting back.” He got up from his chair. “Man's gotta have a vice in life or it ain't worth living.”

“Speaking of vices, I Googled online gambling laws in Oklahoma, and I'm not sure it's legal.”

“By the time they catch me, I'll be six feet under.” He puffed out his chest. “My poker name is the Dusty Devil.” He chuckled. “I won fifty bucks earlier.”

“What about your promise to Cora?”

“I promised not to gamble in a casino.”

It dawned on Ruby that Hank taking up gambling again might signify that he was done waiting for Cora to return. Maybe he was moving on, too.

“You don't have to work at the bar,” he said. “I've got enough money to pay the bills and feed us.”

“I appreciate that, but I need to keep busy.” She'd never been a stay-at-home mom, and her job had been her social life. She'd go nuts wandering around the ranch with nothing to do all day.

“The house could use a makeover.”

That was an understatement. “What kind of makeover?”

“Update the kitchen. Maybe turn the back porch into a real bedroom and add a bathroom. You could take my room. Then I wouldn't have to go up those damned stairs each time I wanted a cigarette.”

Ruby laughed. “If you're serious, I'll look into getting bids from local contractors.”

“I'll let you handle it, then.” He went into the house and left her alone with her thoughts.

Ruby was no Suzy Homemaker, but working on renovations would allow her to spend time with Hank while Mia was in school. And she'd be right by his side if he fell ill. She got up and knelt in front of the bushes again. Every few snips, she glanced at the barn. Sweet longing almost propelled her toward the structure.

She owed Joe an apology—at the very least
.

Like Hank preferred not to know what had happened to Cora, Ruby would rather not know if Joe wanted to give her a second chance.

“I
'm ready, Grandpa.” Mia's voice arrived in the kitchen before she did.

“Did you feed the horses?” Hank asked.

She nodded. “Joe said Lonesome needs a pedicure and you're supposed to call a fairy.”

Hank chuckled, no longer embarrassed that his smile showed the world his missing teeth. “Farrier.”

“Whatever.”

“Where are you two going?” Ruby set the laundry basket on the kitchen table.

“Guymon. Grandpa said I could buy some movies to play on his computer.” Mia patted her leg. “Come say goodbye to me, Friend.” The dog followed her outside.

Ruby knew what they were doing—leaving her alone with Joe, forcing her to talk to him even though she wasn't ready. “You want me to tag along?” she asked, hoping Hank would say yes.

“Nope.” He handed her his empty coffee mug, then kissed her cheek.

“I don't know what to say to Joe.”

“You'll think of something.” He walked out the front door.

Ruby listened to the rumble of Hank's pickup fade as the oxygen in the room evaporated, making her heart pump faster. She wanted so badly to get this right.

Fear won the first round. She took a cool shower, then a cold one, standing under the spray until her skin turned blue and shivers forced her out of the tub. Ruby's beauty routine was minimal at best, but today she slathered lotion on her body. Then she shaved. Brushed and flossed her teeth. And gargled with Listerine twice, hoping the numbness in her mouth would loosen her jaws and make talking easier. She wore a pink bra beneath a black lace top and a pair of cutoff jeans shorts. She studied her reflection in the mirror—sexy but not slutty.

As she made her way to the barn, she walked past Joe's pickup, and it wasn't until she heard a clanging noise behind her that she noticed his legs sticking out from beneath the front end. She backpedaled and waited for him to acknowledge her. Seconds ticked by, and when he didn't speak, she thought he intended to ignore her. “I'm sorry.”

Silence.

Now she was ticked. “You're not going to give me a chance to explain?”

The clanking stopped. Joe slid out from under the engine and stood. His sober expression gave nothing away. She couldn't tell if he was mad, hurt, or indifferent about how she'd treated him.

“I panicked.”

He wiped his hands on an oil rag, the lines around his eyes softening as he stared at her. “Okay.” Then he knelt on the ground and rummaged through the toolbox next to the front wheel.

Okay
? What the hell was happening? Why wasn't he upset—or at the very least telling her she'd hurt his feelings? She didn't know how to fight like this. “I've never been good at trusting men . . .”

He glanced up at her.

She tapped her chest with her fist. “With my heart.”

“I figured that.” He sifted through the tools.

“Would you stop!”

“Stop what?”

“Acting like what I'm telling you is no big deal.” She kicked a pebble in the dirt and sent it flying over the roof of the truck. “Damn it, Joe. You scare me.”

He got to his feet. “I know being with me worries you. I'm worried, too.”

“You are?”

He slipped a finger beneath her pink bra strap and pushed it back under her shirt. “I buried the pain of losing Aaron so deep inside me that I couldn't feel it anymore. But watching you and Mia work through your problems reminded me of the joy my son brought to my life. I want to feel that joy again, but I don't want the pain that comes with it.”

“My history with men doesn't make me a sure bet.” She snorted. “And it's not enough that serious relationships scare me, but now I have to accept the fact that I'm genetically predisposed to being a whore.”

Joe's eyes widened, and then he busted up.

“It's not funny.” When he wouldn't stop laughing, she yanked the front of his T-shirt. “If my biological mother couldn't settle down with one man, then the future doesn't bode well for me.”

His smile faded. “You're not your mother, Ruby. You're you.”

“That's what I'm trying to make you understand.
Me
isn't such a hot deal, and you deserve a woman who's not afraid to love you.”

“Then don't be afraid.”

“Damn it, Joe. I'm trying to do what's best for you.”

“You're what's best for me.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Give us a chance, Ruby. Let's see if together we can move on with our lives and find something better with each other.”

She wanted Joe. Wanted to prove to Mia that she was capable of being in a committed relationship. “I don't want to fail you.” Or Mia and Hank.

“You won't fail this time.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Because this time it's with me.” He pulled her close, and she buried her face in his neck. He smelled of cheap laundry detergent, and—God help her—he smelled like
forever
.

“When you smile at me,” he said, “I can almost believe Aaron wouldn't want me to keep punishing myself.”

Ruby's heart hurt for Joe. She thought of Cora and all the men she'd slept with and how none of them had made her happy—not even Hank, who truly loved her. Ruby didn't want that life for herself.

Joe pressed a kiss to her mouth. “Let me be there for you and Mia.”

She closed her eyes, drew in a deep breath, and held it in her lungs. She was strong—stronger than she'd been just weeks ago when she'd stepped off the bus in Unforgiven. If and when—because there would be ifs and whens—she began to doubt herself, Hank and Mia would keep her on the straight and narrow.

“Okay.” She exhaled and opened her eyes. “Let's do this.” Then she rose on tiptoe and kissed him, gifting him with her heart and her trust. She took his hand and led him to the house, where they entered the back porch and tumbled onto the mattress.

No words were spoken. The only thing left to do now was just love each other.

•   •   •

“
Who's that?” Mia pointed to the BMW parked in front of the house as Ruby drove into the yard late Thursday morning.

“I don't know.” She stopped the truck next to the car. She and Mia had taken a quick trip to Lonny's Icehouse five miles down the road to buy Hank his favorite ice cream—boring vanilla. She glanced at the barn. Joe's pickup was missing.

“I'm gonna put the horses in the corral.”

“I'll come out and help you after I take the ice cream inside.”

“That's okay. I can do it by myself.” Mia skipped off toward the barn.

“Hank?” Ruby called out when she entered the house.

“In here.”

She stowed the ice cream in the freezer, then went into the parlor. Hank sat on the piano bench, staring at his boots while a distinguished-looking man wearing a tan suit stood in front of the window. The gentleman's gray hair was neatly trimmed, and his expensive cologne overpowered the furniture's musty odor.

Hank looked at her with bloodshot eyes, and Ruby's stomach dropped. “What happened?”

“This is Charles Walker.” Hank's finger shook when he pointed to the visitor. “Charles, my daughter, Ruby.”

The lawyer offered his hand along with a strained smile. “Pleasure to meet you, Ruby.”

Her heart beat faster. There were only two reasons Mr. Walker would pay Hank a visit in person—he had news about the oil lease or the investigator had located Cora. Ruby sat next to Hank on the bench and grasped his hand.

Charles cleared his throat. “The PI I hired to look into Cora's whereabouts—”

“Is she alive?” Ruby interrupted. She hadn't realized how badly she needed Cora not to be dead—for Hank. And maybe a little bit for herself, too.

“Cora's alive.”

Ruby breathed deeply through her nose until her light-headedness disappeared. “Where is she?”

“Amarillo.”

Where she'd told Big Dan she was headed when she'd stopped in town all those years ago. “How long has she been there?” Ruby asked.

“Approximately twenty years.”

All this time Cora had lived a little more than a hundred miles down the road from Hank. “This is good news, right?” Hank wouldn't make eye contact with her.

“Cora was admitted to a convalescent home nine months ago,” Charles said.

“What else did you learn about her?”

“I'm not a relative, so the home wouldn't give out any information on her condition.” Charles removed a piece of paper from his suit pocket and handed it to Hank. “The address and phone number of the nursing home. I informed the manager that you might call to inquire about Cora.”

Charles checked his watch. “I'm meeting with the Petro Oil executives in two weeks. I'll be in touch about your lease.”

“I'll see you out.” Ruby followed the lawyer onto the front porch, closing the door behind her. “The nursing staff wouldn't tell you anything about Cora's health or state of mind?”

Charles shook his head. “They mentioned that she hasn't had any visitors since she's been there.”

“Thank you for your help.” Ruby waited until the BMW was out of sight before returning to the parlor. Hank hadn't budged from the piano bench. “If you want to see Cora, I'll go with you. We can leave right now.”

“I'll pack a bag.” He was halfway up the stairs before the words registered in Ruby's head. She retreated to the porch and threw a few changes of clothes into a duffel bag, then went out to the corral, where Mia had just turned Poke loose. She spotted Joe's pickup barreling toward the barn. After he parked, he joined them at the corral.

“You're spoiling Poke,” he said.

“I know.” Mia laughed. “But he's sooo cute!”

Joe's gaze swung to Ruby, and his brown eyes grew darker. It had been like that between them since they'd made love—their touches were hotter, their looks deeper, their words softer. “How was your morning?” he asked.

“Hank's lawyer was just here. They found Cora.”

Mia walked closer. “He found my grandma?”

“Cora's in a nursing home in Amarillo, Texas.”

“I can drive Hank down there to see her,” Joe offered.

“I want to go, too,” Mia said.

Ruby would love for Mia to meet her grandmother, but there was no predicting Hank's reaction when he laid eyes on the love of his life for the first time in thirty-one years. What if he lost it? Or what if Cora refused to speak to him? Or worse, what if she didn't remember Hank anymore? Ruby wasn't even sure how she'd react when she came face-to-face with her biological mother.

“Maybe next time, honey.”

“Take my truck,” Joe said.

“Thanks.” Hank would have a real heart attack if his old jalopy broke down before they arrived in Amarillo. “I'll call when we get there.”

“Are you gonna bring her home?” Mia asked.

Home
. The sick feeling Ruby usually got in her gut when Mia called the Devil's Wind home didn't materialize. She'd finally acknowledged what Mia had seen all along—that the ranch was a safe haven for both of them. “I'll let you know our plans after we see her.” Hank would insist on bringing Cora back to the ranch. Ruby didn't like the idea of having to take care of the woman, but she'd do it for Hank.

“We'll be fine,” Joe said.

When Ruby rested her head against his chest, he wrapped his arms around her and she thought how fortunate she was to have him to lean on.

“I'm glad you guys made up.”

“Me too.” She released Joe, then kissed Mia's sweaty head. “Stay out of trouble.”

“I'm gonna say goodbye to Grandpa.”

Left alone with Joe, Ruby said, “Will you sleep on the porch while we're gone? I don't want Mia alone in the house at night.”

He rubbed the pad of his thumb across her forehead. “Stop frowning. Everything will be okay.” He left her to get his truck, and Ruby walked to the front yard.

As soon as Hank stepped outside with his overnight bag, Ruby said, “I'll be right back.” Then she went into the house and retrieved Hank's heart pills from the kitchen cabinet. There was no way to predict how he'd react to seeing Cora, and she wanted to be prepared just in case.

“Buckle up,” Ruby said when she got behind the wheel. She waved to Mia and Joe as they drove off.

“Gun it,” Hank said when they reached the highway. “I'll pay for the speeding ticket if you get pulled over.”

She pressed the accelerator until the needle on the speedometer hovered at eighty. Hank slouched in his seat and pulled his hat over his face, leaving Ruby alone with her thoughts and a hundred miles of asphalt.