The Promise (58 page)

Etienne left soon after that, and as Belle showed him out, he drew her away from the front door and kissed her. It was just the same as the first kiss back at the hospital, like a flame flaring up inside her. She knew then that the hardest part of this was going to be hiding how she felt about him. They wouldn’t be able to conduct the leisurely, chaste courtship that was expected of a recently widowed woman. She wanted him now, to be naked in his arms, to drown in ecstasy with him.

‘Tomorrow we’ll find a way to be alone,’ he murmured into her neck as he kissed it. ‘I love you, Belle, and together we’ll find a way around all the obstacles.’

Belle went indoors then and leaned against the closed door to compose herself before facing Mog’s inevitable questions.

There were no real obstacles. They were both free, although there were those prudish ideals about widowhood which others set such store by. Belle really didn’t care if people chose to see her as a flighty strumpet who would be dancing on her husband’s grave by carrying on with a Frenchman, but she was concerned that any improper behaviour would reflect back badly on Mog.

‘He isn’t as I imagined him,’ Mog said when they went to bed.

‘How did you imagine him then?’

‘Low class,’ Mog replied. ‘Villainous looking!’

Belle chuckled. ‘He does look tough. I was scared to death of him when we first met back in Brest.’

‘I wouldn’t like to see anyone get on the wrong side of him,’ Mog said. ‘But he’s also got a soft, charming side.’

Belle was delighted that was Mog’s opinion and she got into bed beside her.

The lamp was turned out and Mog fell silent. Yet Belle sensed she was deep in thought, not dropping off.

‘Did you have a love affair with him back in Paris?’

The question seemed to fill the dark room.

Belle knew Mog meant after Etienne had rescued her from Pascal, not in France a year ago. ‘No, of course I didn’t,’ she said truthfully.

‘But you fell for him?’

It was tempting to deny it, especially in the dark when her face couldn’t give her away. But Mog didn’t deserve to be lied to.

‘Yes,’ she admitted. ‘But he never told me he felt that way about me, and that was that.’

‘I knew there was something when you came home. You didn’t say much about him but I had a feeling. Why did you marry Jimmy?’

‘Because I loved him, and because we were right for one another.’

‘But you saw Etienne again. Was it while you were at the hospital?’

‘Yes, he came to see me, it was after Miranda was killed. He knew her American sweetheart.’

‘And you fell for him all over again?’

‘No, it was just a friendly visit, nothing more.’

There was a long silence and Belle hoped Mog had run out of questions.

‘You can’t hope to fool me,’ the voice that had admonished her so often as a child came through the dark. ‘Just you remember I worked in a brothel for most of my life. I’ve seen hundreds of men at their worst, and now and again at their best. I learned to read what the expressions on their faces meant. Just the way a man walks tell me things most women would never know. And I know that Etienne loves you. I also know he’s had his way with you. I saw it in his eyes.’

Belle lay there rigid with tension. Mog had never been a prostitute, she had only been the maid in Annie’s brothel. It had never occurred to Belle before that this woman who had cared for her since a baby, as if she were her own child, had gained such depth of knowledge just by observing others.

‘Now you’ll tell me when it was. My guess is that it was just after Miranda was killed.’

Mog had often used the expression, ‘Be sure your sins will find you out’ in the past, and Belle knew this was the time of reckoning.

‘Yes,’ she whispered, ‘it was. Just one night and then he went back to the front. I know I shouldn’t have. Heaven knows I suffered enough guilt afterwards.’

‘Then Jimmy was wounded and you came home?’

‘Yes.’

Belle waited, expecting a tirade of ‘How could you’, followed by a list of Jimmy’s virtues.

But it didn’t come. Mog turned on her side towards Belle and put her arm around her. ‘I knew something was wrong when you arrived back. I saw such sorrow in your eyes, which couldn’t have been entirely because of Jimmy’s injuries. Later, when he came home, I saw how defeated you looked when he acted so cold towards you. My guess is that you saw that as what you deserved?’

Belle began to cry. ‘I wrote to Etienne before I left France and told him I could never see him again and that he mustn’t try and contact me. I tried to make Jimmy happy, but I couldn’t.’

‘No one can make another person happy, they have to do that for themselves,’ Mog said. ‘I hated the way he was with you, I told him so, many times. But he was stuck in his own private hell, and I think he lost the ability to feel for anyone else.’

‘But that doesn’t excuse me being unfaithful. I did that when he was still well and fit.’

‘Would you have left him if he hadn’t been wounded?’

‘I don’t know. I thought of waiting until the war was over, then telling him I’d stopped loving him. But I still believed in “till death us do part” and I doubt if I could’ve brought myself to hurt him that badly. You see, I never stopped loving him, whatever I felt for Etienne.’

‘And the day Jimmy got the letter telling him that Etienne saved him, and he had been killed. How did you feel then?’

‘Like my heart had been ripped out,’ Belle whispered.

Mog’s arm went round her tighter. ‘My poor love. I wish you’d told me all this.’

‘You aren’t angry with me? You don’t feel it serves me right?’

‘What right have I got to sit in judgment?’ Mog said. ‘I expect if you’d told me the truth when you first came back from France, I would’ve said all kinds of harsh things. I loved Jimmy, he’d become like a son to me. But I know deep down that Garth and I pushed you into marrying him. I so much wanted you to have a kind, decent man who adored you, and so I ignored the tiny voice that said you weren’t entirely perfect for one another. I convinced myself I was just guiding you in the right direction.

‘You were happy together before you lost the baby, so I really believed I had done the right thing.

‘But tonight as I saw how you and Etienne looked at each other, the way your eyes both shone, I could feel the passion in you both. You and Jimmy might have had a good marriage, but it was never quite like that. I think Etienne is your destiny.’

‘You have such a big heart,’ Belle sighed. ‘I was so afraid you’d be ashamed of me.’

‘How could I be ashamed of someone who put aside her own needs to do the right thing for her husband? I heard some of the nasty things he said to you, Belle. But you stuck with him, and nursed him tenderly right to the end. That’s what counts.’

‘And now what do I do?’

Mog chuckled. ‘I know what I’d do, get on the ferry with him tomorrow, go off to Paihia and find somewhere out of the way to stay until you’ve worn each other out with loving.’

‘Mog!’ Belle exclaimed.

‘That’s how it was with me and Garth, we hardly went out of the hotel room for our whole honeymoon. Of course you’ll be putting the cart before the horse. But we don’t want to alarm the good people of Russell before we can arrange a wedding and make it decent.’

‘Where will you tell people I am, and how will you explain Etienne?’

‘I’ll think of something,’ Mog said. ‘Now dry those tears and go to sleep. You’ll need to get up early to wash your hair, have a bath and make yourself beautiful for him.’

Chapter Thirty-One

Mog watched as Belle combed her newly washed hair, and smiled. Wearing nothing but a white lace camisole which reached to a few inches above her knees, with her dark curls cascading over her shoulders and a dreamy expression on her face, she looked so pretty.

‘What are you going to wear today?’ she asked. ‘Not that dreary grey dress again I hope.’

‘Lawd no! I thought maybe the mauve dress Lisette gave me,’ Belle said. ‘It’s stylish without being too bold, and it doesn’t have any old memories for me.’

‘A good choice,’ Mog said fondly. ‘And you have that straw hat with the flowers on which will go well with it.’

‘I didn’t thank you for being so understanding last night,’ Belle said, turning to the older woman to hug her. ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you. You always make me feel better about everything.’

Mog hugged her too, and bit back the tears that threatened. She had often said she hoped Belle would meet a special man again, but she hadn’t anticipated it happening so soon. Her fear was that Etienne would want to whisk her away, as she couldn’t imagine him wanting to settle in Russell.

He was a hard man to figure out. A loner, she felt, courageous and strong-willed, but with a dark past. She knew he was on his best behaviour last night, careful to say all the right things, and she had to admit his French accent was delightful. But she hadn’t been able to see beyond his good manners and his looks.

Mog wouldn’t call him handsome, his face was too bony and his eyes such an icy blue, but still he would make many a female heart flutter. She remembered Noah once saying that he was a man you would fear if he was against you. The faint scar on his cheek spoke of back-street knife fights and danger.

Yet those icy eyes had melted as he looked at Belle, and he had even saved Jimmy for her sake, so she knew they had nothing to fear from him.

‘Will I do?’ Belle said later as she came into the kitchen where Mog was washing out a few clothes.

Mog turned from the sink to see Belle looking a picture in her mauve dress and straw hat. Excitement had brought a pink tinge to her cheeks and made her eyes shine. ‘You look beautiful, now off with you!’

Etienne was just coming down the steps of the Duke of Marlborough as Belle turned on to the path by the shore. He paused to look out at the sea; he hadn’t seen her.

She pulled in the skirt of her dress tight and hid behind a tree to watch him. It was sunny and already the worst of the previous day’s puddles had dried up. She wondered if he was thinking of hiring a boat to whisk her away somewhere because the sea was as calm as a millpond.

Yesterday’s dark suit with matching waistcoat had been changed for a navy-blue blazer and light grey trousers and waistcoat, with a cravat instead of a tie. He looked far too well dressed for a place where most men only ever looked smart on a Sunday for church. She called out to him, then bobbed back behind the tree.

She giggled as she heard him running towards her. She waited till he was about to pass her hiding place, then jumped out with a ‘Boo!’.

He laughed. ‘You shouldn’t do that to an old soldier,’ he said, catching hold of her hands, his smile almost as wide as the bay. ‘With my lightning reactions I might have shot you.’

‘Did you sleep all right?’ she asked.

‘Not much,’ he said ruefully. ‘I was haunted by dreams of you. How was it with Mog after I left?’

‘She thought you were a bad lot and I was to meet you today and tell you to catch the
Clansman
back to Auckland.’

Still holding her hands, he leaned back against the tree. ‘And are you going to obey her?’ he asked, one eyebrow raised quizzically.

‘You once told me you’d kill me if I tried to escape you,’ she said, trying hard not to laugh.

‘I don’t think you put on that pretty dress to be killed in,’ he said, letting go of one of her hands to touch her cheek lightly. ‘So where shall we go? I’m told that a man called Old Tom can be persuaded to take us to Paihia.’

‘Funny you should say that, I just happen to have a couple of overnight things with me,’ she said impishly, showing him a small straw basket. ‘Mog said she would tell anyone who asked that we’d gone to see some French relatives of yours over there.’

He beamed. ‘So I have her approval?’

‘That will depend on your future behaviour,’ Belle said, fluttering her lashes at him. ‘Maybe you need to go back into the Duke and get your razor and a clean shirt. Tell them you aren’t sure how long you’ll be gone for.’

‘Gardez au chaud pour moi pendant cinq minutes,’ he said, and turning, he ran off back to the hotel.

Belle walked slowly on, past the hotel towards the jetty. She wanted to dance and sing she was so happy, and she was very glad there was no one around who might stop and ask her where she was going.

Someone would have told someone else that a Frenchman had come in on the ship and that he was staying at the Duke. That’s how it was in Russell. They would discuss why he might have come, who he might know, anything out of the ordinary was worth talking about. But if Belle had been spotted with him, the gossips would be hard at it by now.

Mog had been very sharp to remember that there was a small community of French people living in Paihia. No doubt she would airily tell Peggy that Etienne was an old friend of Jimmy’s, that he’d come to pay his respects on his way to visit his relatives. Then she’d say he’d taken Belle with him today to give her a chance to see the community over there.

When Vera heard his name she was going to be agog. Belle wished she could go and see her and explain, but Mog had said she’d take her to one side and tell her the whole story.

Old Tom was not one for more than a few words. He was sitting on his boat mending a fishing net, and when Etienne asked if he could take them to Paihia he agreed without any questions.

Old Tom was only in his fifties, but he was called that to distinguish him from another Tom who was younger. He bundled up his fishing net, wiped off a seat and held out his hand to help Belle in.

Out in the bay it was chilly and very windy. Belle took off her hat and wrapped herself in her shawl. Etienne’s fingers stole in beneath it and found hers and just his touch made her tingle. She was full of niggling anxieties: where would they stay, how would they get back, and even if it was wise to be rushing into this when she couldn’t be certain what his intentions were.

But there was too much wind and noise from the engine to talk, so she just sat back, her fingers entwined in his, and looked at the scenery, as always thinking that the Bay of Islands must be one of the most beautiful places on earth.