The Princess Who Tamed Demons (7 page)

"I owe you an apology."

"You certainly do. Now shut up and rub a
little lower." His hands dipped down to my lower back, pressing
along the spine in gentle back-and-forth movements before traipsing
playfully to either side. "You have kept me as a virtual prisoner
for three days," I sighed, mustering up a little anger and
indignation. "You've patronized me like a one-legged child, and I
deserve better than that. You've even managed to turn Bronwyn
against me. She's been just as smothering as you, if not worse!" I
was picking up speed, and I had no intention of letting him
interject a single word, let alone half a syllable.

I hissed without warning as his hands slipped
around to my abdomen, deeply massaging me with automatic motion
until, too late, Drake realized his mistake. The soreness there was
just a trace—physically I was whole and mostly healed after three
days in the infirmary—but the deep press of his hands paralyzed me
for an eye's blink. That was all it took. The reminder of my inner
scars clouded my thoughts, my breath catching as I stiffened all
over again.

Drake's hands climbed back to my shoulders,
caressing desperately, but the spell he'd cast had slipped
away.

"Drake." I tried to turn with his hands
frantically firming up on my shoulders, refusing to let me
pivot.

"Drake,
let
go
." He reluctantly
did, and when I turned I saw the telltale cringe in his eyes. I saw
his pain and it didn't take a seer to know where it came from. "You
didn't know. You didn't know it was me. I don't blame you. Not for
any of it." If only those last words were true. I desperately
wanted to comfort him even as another side of me wanted to
confront
him, and my feet were weighted down as if chained
to granite blocks. His eyes seemed to be searching mine, looking
for the lie behind what I'd just said.

"No, Najika. It was
my
responsibility.
I should have been more proactive about your safety. I should have
been more vigilant and sent several of my guards with you to Queen
Caerra's chambers the night you were poisoned. For the love of all
the Kingdoms, it was my crossbow bolt that nearly killed you! If
the blame is not mine, then whose is it? Agwen and Vizier al-Sham
may have set the plot in motion, but I helped create the conditions
that allowed them to seize their opportunity."

My arms wrapped around my chest, and I felt a
sudden chill despite the bath's intoxicating heat. Drake was
explicitly blaming himself now, but instinct told me that he was
looking for reassurance, for my forgiveness. Instead he got the
truth. Yes, sometimes the truth could slip out, and my emotions,
brutal and direct, slammed into Drake like a blast of wind-whipped
grit.

"I cannot disagree. You did fail." I looked up
at him, my expression probably as bleak as the answering desolation
I saw on his face. "You were there, and I was helpless,
disoriented. I couldn't do
anything
, shape-changed into a
terrified animal. I was running and you were trying to kill me,
Drake. You shot me. When I was running, the thought that you might
be on the other end of the pursuit, hunting me without knowing
it—that gave me such despair. And then I discovered that my worst
fear was
true
…." I brought my hands up, rubbing my face as I
sucked in a breath, reliving what was definitely not one of my
fondest memories.

"Najika, I—"

"No, let me finish. I'll never forget that
look of triumph on your face as I saw you charging forward on your
warhorse eager to bag your trophy. And all the while I was there
bleeding out on the sand…." I stared at our reflections in the
surface of the bath water, hurt and angry and bewildered. Unsure
what to say next. "Now I know what it's like to be a hunted animal,
and maybe I saw a side of you that I never want to see again. For
all your noble virtues you have the same itch to scratch that every
Knight has. Sometimes you have to indulge that base instinct to
kill, don't you? Perhaps if you had been less concerned about a
grand hunt to showcase your prowess in killing, maybe then you
wouldn't have ended up firing the bolt that's ensured we won't ever
be having children together!"

Wow. Goodbye Queen Najika, and hello Queen
Inferno of Anger. I had said more than I had intended to. Much
more. Raw, unvarnished resentment had poured out of me like puss
from a wound. It was ugly—just as true feelings so often could be.
As good as it felt to get those feelings emptied out into words
though, it didn't make them right. I wasn't being fair to Drake,
tempted as I was to forget that minor detail with the desire to
wallow in my own loss.

Drake just stood there, stunned as if he had
taken an ogre's club to the head or the solar plexus. His eyes
dimmed, the pain coalescing on a face that, now that I examined it
more closely, had the haggard look of far too little sleep. His
hands tentatively clasped mine and I saw his cheeks drain of color,
imprinted with an emotion I couldn't quite decipher.
Shame?

"You're right, of course. If this is how you
feel…." He let the words dangle as if contemplating a leap into the
abyss.

The truth was that being shape-changed into
the antelope had given me this complete empathy for not just
antelopes but
all
animals, and that empathy was fueling my
anger toward Drake. I couldn't shake this memory of being
absolutely terrified and seeing Drake riding toward me like some
ruthless death god. I needed to get over it, though. It wasn't
Drake's fault that he had been Agwen's tool of choice. Yes, Drake
had been too complacent in believing we would be safe as the Great
Amir's honored guests at the palace. But I could just as easily
have
requested
a guard's escort to Queen Caerra's chambers
that fateful night, so why hadn't I?

Because I'd been just as
complacent.

"Drake…I'm so sorry." I shook my head as if to
clear it of cloying cobwebs.

"About what? Everything you said is no less
than I deserved to hear. I took your safety for granted. Your
life
." His voice sounded as if barbed worms were crawling
through his lungs.

"No, Drake. Wait. Let me try to explain." I
exhaled a breath in frustration. How could I rope my thoughts into
something that would repair some of the damage from my emotional
puke-fest moments earlier?
Try harder, Najika, or the rift
becomes a chasm and the chasm a canyon
. "It's not fair for me
to pretend that I should not be sharing some of the blame. I knew
many of the risks when I came on this trip with you, and I should
have been more careful too." I looked up sadly into his
still-desolate face. His look was guarded, as if waiting for a
hidden blow, or as if bone-melting acid might spew out of my mouth
at any moment.

"That may be…but as someone born and bred to
rule an entire Kingdom,
I
should have known better. I should
have anticipated more—"

"And so you should have," I agreed. Although
my words sounded harsh, I was already destroying the distance
between us. I wrapped my arms around him, resting my face against
his shoulder. "My words about you and the hunt though—about you
being bloodthirsty in that way—I know that's not who you are."
Drake's so-called 'hunts' in the Black Kingdom were usually just an
excuse to ride fast and free on a horse.

"No, you were right. I did deserve those
words, Najika. In that tiny moment I must admit I did feel a
thrill, releasing that crossbow bolt and watching it fly
true."

"Yes, but you didn't go on that hunt because
you wanted to kill. You and I both know that establishing a rapport
with the Great Amir would help us keep him as an ally, and in that
sense your hunt
did
have a greater purpose to it, one I
completely understand. Entertainment and politics sometimes blur.
You were not overlooking my safety purely for personal enjoyment.
You were distracted by politics."

That grimace still ensnared Drake's face.
"Yes, and while I was allowing myself to be distracted by politics,
the Red Queen struck."

"Which doesn't make it your fault that you
can't anticipate every move!" I couldn't hide my exasperation. "The
world is not a chessboard, Drake. This is why I don't want you to
take my earlier words too harshly."

Drake sighed. "I sense a 'but' the size of a
battering ram about to hit." I smiled sadly against his shoulder as
I gently kissed his arm, trying to soften the blow.

"
But
," I continued pointedly, "it
doesn't change the resentment I feel toward you. You were the one
who pulled that crossbow trigger. My rational mind can ignore it,
but my heart—and the vivid memories of being that helpless
animal—those won't let me forgive so easily, no matter how much I
wish to."

"So what are you saying?" He held me by my
shoulders at arms' length now, his eyes shifting with alarm as he
tried to read my expression, to decipher even the slightest hint.
That look of his said, 'Are we done?' amid other unspoken
fears.

"I'm saying that I need the best healer of
all, Drake—
time
. It's going to take time for me to fully
forgive you. I can't say it any other way. Part of me knows that
giving in to this resentment is exactly what Queen Agwen would
want. That reason alone is a strong motivator for me to work
through this. I love you Drake, and I always will." I clasped his
shoulders, pushing up with my feet and snaking my hips around him.
"You'll promise me one thing though."

He gave me that solemn 'Yes' face. That
'Anything you ask' face. "What would you have me promise,
Najika?"

I kissed him, wrapping my legs tighter around
his midsection as our embrace seemed to thaw the air's tension.
Once I'd drawn back for a breath, I began to kiss my way up from
his chest toward his shoulder, all the while massaging his hair in
that way which I knew could make him purr like a man-sized
cat.

"Actually, make that
two
promises," I
said, my eyes gleaming wickedly as I sought to lighten the pain my
earlier words had caused. "One, that you will never hunt an animal
for sport
ever
again
—even to win political
points."

"Ahhh…." He nodded. "Done."

"And two, that you will not treat me like some
easily breakable trinket after all that's happened. We are still
partners. I
still
belong by your side, and vice versa." I
said the last part with vehemence as my one hand caressed his scalp
with a tenderness that disabled all hopes for higher thought on
Drake's part, forcing a contented sigh from his lips as my other
hand gently patted him on the cheek.

"Well? I'm waiting for my answer." I withdrew
my hands, sliding them lightly down his midsection as I kissed the
base of his neck, stoking and tormenting his pent-up passion at the
same time. Merely one of a long list of punishments he deserved and
would receive.

"I…I promise. I won't let what's happened
change how I value you, Najika."

My eyebrows arched. "And I take it you realize
that means no more keeping me locked away in the infirmary like you
have these past three whole days? That you will now permit me to go
wherever
whenever I please?"

"Within reason," he corrected, and as one of
my hands patted his rear playfully he gritted his teeth in a way
that made me smile. "Wait—" and that was when he seemed to lose the
grip on his thought as my hands molded to his sides, massaging away
every knot from those muscles like a cure for the
plague.

"Use your big words, my Lordship," I
teased.

"You must restrict your movements, within
reason, and take an escort at all times."

I shook my head. "No deal, Drake. See your
earlier promise. I'm not a snowflake in a jar, so don't treat me
like one. If the danger warrants it, then yes, I will accept an
escort. However, I'm not about to throw my privacy to the wolves
just for the sake of your peace of mind. My long term sanity is
worth more than that. Trust me."

With a surrendering sigh he finally said, "So
be it. As my Queen wishes. I capitulate. There.
Now
are you
happy?"

"Depends."

"On what?"

I pressed my lips to his, shutting him up the
best way I knew how. He sucked in a deep breath as his chest
muscles seized up, nice and taut. I pressed into him, comforted by
his smell and his warmth.

"
Now
I'm happy." His hands caressed my
back as we renewed our kiss. I held to him desperately, as if each
point of contact between us would help erase the aching, festering
wound of what had happened. I didn't know it at the time, but I was
soon to discover that the only true way to get past the attempt on
my life would require me to take a journey of sorts, one which
Drake would have no part in.

Sometimes a girl, a princess, or even a queen
had to tame her own demons, and this was mine. Who really wanted me
dead and why—that was the mystery I'd expose because if I didn't it
would only consume me.

~***~

My eyes opened with languid ease. Motes of dust
drifted in the waning sunlight. I had no sense of time until I
realized that I was back in our guest suite's bed chamber, and the
massive arched window showed an almost blood-red orb succumbing on
the horizon. Drake's scent still clung to me, and I stretched as I
thought back to our lovemaking. What had started in the Queen's
bathing chamber had progressed to something even more intense when
Drake had taken me back to our suite. I bit my lip, remembering….I
shook my head, dislodging the decadent memories. If a servant had
come in now, my face would have blushed ruby red, never mind that
my thoughts were safely my own.