The Prince of Punk Rock (41 page)

“No.
 
I love Jessi. I’ll never leave her.
 
I’m not gay, Robert, I’m bisexual.”
 
He realized it was the first time he said the
word out loud.
  
He didn’t burst into
flames.
 
The earth didn’t stop spinning
on its axis or come to a screeching halt and fall out of the sky.
 
The world didn’t end.
 
Robert didn’t even flinch.

“So you get to be with the both of
them.
 
That’s pretty fuckin’ cool.
 
Who’s better than you, big brother?”

A giant wave of relief rained over
Tommy.
 
“Thank you.
 
I knew I could count on you.
 
How do you think Mom and Dad’ll take it?”

Robert’s eyes widened a
little.
 
“They won’t take it so
well.
 
They’ll be shocked, especially
Dad, but they’ll have to deal with it, I guess.”

“I’m not looking forward to it, but
I know I have to tell them.
 
Soon.
 
Angel waited so long. It’s not fair to
him.
 
It’s not fair to
me
.”

“I’ll back you up.
 
Just tell me when.”

Tommy’s
stomach was a massive knot of apprehension as he sat at his parents’ dining
room table.
 
This was where all important
family matters, good or bad, were discussed.
 
His parents thought his visit was simply to enjoy some time with Robert
while he was home from college, but Jessi and Robert knew the truth.
 
Tommy’s parents had no idea that he was about
to give them the shock of their lives.
 
It may very well fracture their relationship, but it was a chance he had
to take.
 
He wasn’t hiding the truth from
anyone anymore – not even his parents.

Tommy made eye contact with Robert across the table, while
the ball of his foot bounced on the hardwood floor.
 
Robert returned a supportive nod of the
head.
 
Tommy watched Jessi, engaged in a
conversation with his mother about the new roses in the front garden.
 
Without averting her gaze or skipping a word,
Jessi’s hand found his thigh under the table and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

Tommy’s
father finally joined them, pushing the heavy oak chair back with his foot as
he sat down with his coffee and the sports section.
 
He studied the paper for a few minutes, and
then threw it on the table.
 
“How’s that
band of yours, Tommy?
 
Any interest from
record producers yet, like that cocky singer bragged about?”

Jessi
slowly turned in his direction.
 
“He’s
not cocky, Martin.
 
He’s very sweet and
very talented.
 
And his name’s Angel.”

He waved
a flippant hand.
 
“I was just making a
point.
 
There aren’t any offers coming
in, are there?”

It wasn’t
exactly the ideal opportunity to bring Angel into the conversation, but Tommy
needed to use it to his advantage.
 
“That’s the real reason we’re here today.”

“Don’t
tell me you got a record deal?”
 
The
surprise in his father’s voice almost mimicked pride.

“No.
 
I meant, Angel.
 
I came here to talk to you about Angel.”

His
parents waited to hear what he had to say.
 
The air thickened as silence fell over the table.

Tommy
averted their expectant stare, as the room slowly closed in on him.
 
A dog barked outside and it echoed through
the open window.

Robert
was the one to break the silence.
 
“I
hung out with Tommy and Angel last night.
 
He’s cool. I like him.
 
You should
get to know him, Dad.”

“And why
would I do that?”
 
He stirred his
coffee.
 
“He’s not a part of this
family.”

“Actually,
he
is
part of this family,” Tommy said.
 
“He’s
 
my—”

“He’s
your what?”
 
Deep wrinkles permeated his
father’s forehead.
 
“He’s your
friend?
 
You each have dozens of friends.
 
I don’t have time to get to know all of your
friends.”

“He’s
more than my friend.
 
He’s my
boyfriend
.”

The word
dropped out of the sky like an atom bomb and detonated right in the middle of
Martin and Barbara Blade’s dinner table.

The
horror that passed across his mother’s face couldn’t have been less dramatic if
she saw an apparition of the devil himself.
 
Then she burst into tears.

Tommy’s
father wore a mask of disgust and confusion.
 
“What the fuck are you talking about?
 
I
do not
have a gay son.”

“You’re
right.
 
I’m not gay.
 
I’m bisexual.”
 
Jessi’s hand was on his thigh again, crushing
it with encouragement. Her steadfast loyalty gave him the strength to continue.
 
“Angel and I have been in a relationship for
a few months, now.
 
It’s time you knew
the truth about me.”

His
father’s fingers gnarled into the wood on the edge of the table as he slowly
pushed his chair back.
 
He stood tall,
all six foot three inches of him.
 
“Are
you trying to tell my you’re a faggot?”

Indignation
boiled in Tommy’s belly.
 
He knew it was
going happen sooner or later.
 
He just
never expected his own father to be the first one to call him a faggot.
 
He pushed his chair back with the same
resolve his father did a few seconds prior.
 
He may have been two or three inches shorter, but his chest and
shoulders were just as wide.
 
Tommy
gritted his teeth.
 
“I’m not a
faggot.
 
And don’t you
dare
try to
call Angel one.”

They
shared the same imposing stare as they stood chest to chest.
 
It was a test of wills.
 
Blade against Blade.
 
His father’s nostrils flared and his mouth
was rigid, but he said nothing.
 
Their
eyes deadlocked into one another.
 
Blue
ice against blue fire.
 
Neither one
backed down.

“No son
of mine is going to be out in public displaying that kind of lewd
behavior.
 
Rethink
your declaration.”

“There’s
nothing to
rethink
.”

His
father’s face turned fire engine red and his voice boomed through the
house.
 
“I swear to God, Tommy, if you
embarrass this family I’ll forget you’re my son!”

Tommy
leaned forward so they were almost forehead to forehead like two rams butting
heads.
 
“Stop trying to humiliate me!
 
I’m not ashamed of who I am!”

“Well,
you should be ashamed!
 
And I don’t want
that . . . that . . .
man
in my house!”

“I love
that man!”

“You
disgust me!”

“
You
disgust
me
!”

Tommy’s
mother stood up at the table.
 
“Stop it!”
she screamed.
 
Her face was soaked with
tears.
 
She’d been crying since he
blurted out the news about Angel.
  
She
fell back into her chair and continued sobbing.
 
Jessi crouched at her side, stroked her arm and offered soothing words.

“Do you
see what you’re doing to your mother?”

His
father was trying to guilt him into . . . what?
 
Changing?
 
“I’m not doing anything
except being myself!
 
Why can’t you
accept me for who I am?
 
Why am I never
good enough?
 
I played college
football!
 
I’m a successful
musician!
 
Why can’t you be proud of me?”

“Proud?
 
Of what . . . ?”

The words
were on the tip of his father’s tongue.
 
If he called him a faggot again, he was gonna slug him.
 
But his father never finished the sentence.
 
He just huffed, and stared down at him, with
a loathing that made Tommy feel worthless.

Robert
came to his defense.
 
“Dad, what’s the
big deal?
 
People are open about this
stuff now.”

“Not in
this family!” He turned back to Tommy.
 
“Now you’re poisoning your brother’s head with nonsense!
 
Are you happy?”

“I’m not
poisoning anybody!
 
Stop being so damn
narrow-minded!”

“You
better watch who you’re talking to, Tommy!
 
You are in
my
house!”

Tommy had
nothing left to say.
 
He just stared at
his father.
 
His mother’s sobbing was the
only audible sound in the room. She was heaving, almost hyperventilating.
 
It was loud and heart wrenching.
 
He couldn’t stand to listen to her agonizing
sobs any longer and went to his mother.
 
“Mom, please stop crying. I’m happy.
 
For the first time in my life, I’m truly happy.”
 
Tommy knelt beside her chair.
 
She held a tissue to her eyes, while her
tear-covered glasses sat on the table.
 
He didn’t know what else to say to her.
 
She was crushed, disappointed, and she was probably ashamed of him.
 
He broke his poor mother’s heart.

If he
knew she was going to take it so hard, he would have rather kept his mouth shut
and endured a lifetime of oppression, than put her through so much
anguish.
 
His head felt so heavy on his
shoulders as he lowered it to his chest.

Jessi
abruptly stood up and placed her hand down on the table.
 
“Barbara, stop crying right now.”

His
mother froze at Jessi’s harsh tone, but only for a second.
 
She lowered the tissue just enough so she
could peek up at Jessi, then pressed it against her eyes and cried into it
again.

Jessi was
unyielding.
 
“You need to calm down.
 
I understand that you’re shocked, but there’s
no need for this emotional breakdown.
 
Your son needs you and you need to be there for him.
 
You need to talk sense into Martin.
 
Otherwise you’re going to lose your son.”

Tommy
realized that his father and Robert were no longer in the room.
 
They were somewhere in the back of the house,
probably in one of the bedrooms.
 
His
father’s voice was muffled, but loud.
 
Robert’s voice countered it, but Tommy
couldn’t quite make out what they were saying. He was too concerned about his
mother to care.

Her cries
slowed to a whimper but she still hid her eyes behind the veil of the
tissue.
 
It was like the wall that he hid
behind for so many years – paper thin, ready to disintegrate at any moment, but
still offering the protection of concealment.

“Please
look at your son, Barbara.
 
I know you
still love him, but I’m not so sure he does, and it’s breaking
my
heart.”
 
Jessi’s eyes mirrored his
sadness.
 
She squatted down next to his
mother again. “Doesn’t it break your heart to know that he thinks you don’t
love him anymore?
 
Just
look
at
him.
 
Please.”