The Price of Freedom (30 page)

Deborah forced a smile and said,
“That would be nice.” Thomas was sure she was lying but he said nothing; he had
found out all that he needed to know. Richard appeared to be still very much in
Deborah’s heart but he was going to have to make some changes to his life if he
wanted to stay there.

November 16, 1696

Somewhere on the Caribbean Sea

The small cabin was lit up by a
flash of lightning seconds before a crack of thunder shook the ship that was
already being tossed around like driftwood on the sea. Richard sat up abruptly,
disoriented and unsure what had awakened him.  Before he could figure out
what was happening, the boat was tossed almost on its side by a massive wave,
slamming him against the wall.  Pain shot down his arm from his shoulder
that had taken the brunt of the impact.

Rain and sea water pelted the
porthole and as another flash of lightning lit up the sky he could see the rain
pouring down in sheets from the turbulent sky. Tugging on a pair of boots he
lurched towards the door as the ship continued to buck and weave under the
pounding of the merciless sea.

The cabin door was wrenched from
his hand by the sudden roll of the ship and he had to grab the doorjamb before
he fell back. He stepped out cautiously into the dark corridor and braced
himself against the walls.  The floor was slippery from sea water that had
forced its way down the companionway as waves broke over the ship.

He struggled to keep his balance
as another wave hit the ship and he had just begun to climb up the ladder when
water poured down on his face. Spewing salt water from his nose and mouth, he
briefly released one hand to wipe his eyes and push his now sopping hair from
his face. The sway of the ship made him grab the ladder quickly and he managed
to climb onto the deck which was like a cold, wet version of hell.

The men were just blurry shapes in
the driving rain, struggling to batten down whatever they could without being
blown overboard. As another flash illuminated the sky he could see that the
masts been stripped of their sails and looked like skeletons. He could just
make out the captain as he shouted orders hoarsely over the howling wind and
the driving rain. 

Richard strained against the wind
which fought to suck him overboard, and clinging to the rigging he struggled
over to the captain.  Sea water surged over the side of the ship, stinging
his eyes and dousing him afresh, while trying to dislodge his hold from the
rigging. He shivered in his thin, saturated clothes. Who would have thought
that just hours ago they were sailing under a hot Caribbean sun?

“Captain,” he shouted above the
wind, “What’s the damage? Are all the men accounted for?”

“You shouldn’t be up here, boss,”
he shouted. “The men are fine and we managed to get most of the sails in before
it hit hard but the mizzen was ripped and the mast is broken. But if we get
through this we should be alright with the rest of sails. You best go below
deck. There’s nothing you can do now but pray.”

Richard slapped him on his back in
encouragement and fought his way back to the ladder. The stairs were slippery
from the sea water and as he climbed down, the ship slipped into a deep trough
between two waves and the sudden drop caused Richard’s hands to slip.  He
tried in vain to reclaim his grip on the stairs but he slid the rest of the
way, landing in a painful heap at the bottom of the stairs after hitting his
shoulders several times of the way down. He groaned in agony as the shoulder
which had been bruised before was subjected to further injury.  Pulling
himself up with one hand he leaned against the side of the hallway to catch his
breath before easing his way back to his cabin where he collapsed on the bed.

Was he to die on this ship? 
Would he ever see Deborah again? As the ship bucked and tossed from side to
side, he began to pray for deliverance from the torture of the storm and for
the safety of the crew and to see Deborah one more time. A picture of the first
time he had seen her flitted through his mind. He had wanted her then. He still
wanted her.

The boat lurched again, tossing
him around and making him feel helpless and trapped. He had no control over the
wind and waves that were battering the boat.  Was that how Deborah felt as
a slave? As if she had no control over her life? He had not really understood
how she felt, until now.

He remembered how he had demanded
that she get him a meal on her day off when he had found her reading by the
grove. How could he have been so selfish?  But then when had he not been
selfish? When had he not pursued what he wanted, at all costs? He had pushed
Deborah until he finally got her into his bed and he knew, initially anyway,
that it was only because he had held the keys to her freedom. He had asked her
if it would be so bad to be owned by him, as if she was a horse or a
mule.  No wonder she had hated him. He had seen nothing wrong with owning
another person, as if they did not have the same soul as he did. What a
detestable creature he was.

“Forgive me,” he whispered to God.
“Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. Create in me
a clean heart and renew a right spirit in me.” Parts of a psalm he had heard
before came back to him as he sat on his bed, head hung in shame, drenched from
the rain and from guilt. “Give me a chance to see Deborah again so that I can
beg her forgiveness.”

The only answer he got was the
sudden illumination of the room by another bolt of lightning and a crash of
thunder that felt as if it would tear the boat in pieces.

November 23, 1696

St. Michael’s Town

Barbados

Thomas was glad that he had chosen
to ride his horse into Town rather than take the coach or cart.  The rainy
season was drawing to an end and it was as if the heavens were pouring out the
last rains all at once. The rain had been incessant over the last few days and
the roads were muddy and impassable in some places. The only reason that he had
ventured into Town was because the week before he had been told by the
Fairfax’s shipping agent that he was expecting a ship to come in around the 20
^th
and according to the time that Richard had told him he would be leaving
Carolina, he would probably be on that ship.

Elizabeth had been very happy to
hear of Richard’s plans to take over the agency in Barbados and he was wise
enough not to mention the role Deborah had played in that decision. He had been
quite vague in answering her questions about his fiancée and whether she would be
coming as well. He had left her preparing to write a letter to Mary and no
doubt she would eventually find out about Deborah.

He now rode his horse towards
Carlisle Bay to see if the Adventurer had come in yet.  He had been kept
in town for three days now by torrential rains and there was no sign of the
boat.  Thankfully, the sun had broken out at last. He tried not to be
anxious but even the agent had begun to look worried when the boat had not come
in.

While he was still quite a
distance away he saw a sloop sailing towards the Bay and heading for the
Careenage.  He rode his horse towards the Careenage and as the boat drew
closer he could see that one of the masts was broken and it looked battered and
damaged.  As it turned, the name on the side became visible and he was
relieved to see the word “Adventurer”.

Richard feasted his eyes on the
Barbadian landscape as the boat sailed closer to the shore. He had never been
so glad to see land, and Barbados in particular, after the ordeal which had
lasted about twelve hours before the sea had eventually returned to more
comfortable swells.

He was surprised to see his uncle
waving to him from the wharf and he vaguely wondered how he knew that he would
be arriving today.  He waved back and impatiently waited for the boat to
pull up next to the dock.  He almost kissed the ground when his feet
touched land, so glad was he to have been delivered from a watery grave.

“Richard, my boy, it’s good to see
you.”  His uncle enfolded him in a hearty hug which he returned
enthusiastically. “What happened? You’re three days late and the boat looks
damaged.” Boats were only allowed into the Careenage for cleaning and repairs
and this one was badly in need of repairs.

“We ran into a storm that made a
believer out of me. I did not think I would live to make it to Barbados but I
thank God that he delivered us here safely with no loss of life or limb.”

“I was getting very worried when
you didn’t come in on the day your agent had said so I’m glad to see you here
alive and well. I’ll arrange for you to be taken to the boarding house that I’m
staying at and if you want to, you can come out to the plantation to stay for a
while when I go home tomorrow.”

“Thanks Uncle but I think I’ll
stay in town rather than answer any awkward questions from Aunt Elizabeth right
now.  I don’t even have any answers to give her.”  Thomas nodded.

They hired a carriage to take them
to the boarding house while Richard’s trunks were loaded on to a cart to which
Thomas’ horse was tied.

Once they were on their way,
Thomas wasted no time in telling Richard: “In your letter you asked if it was
legal for races to intermarry here,” Richard unconsciously held his breath.
“There’s no law against it but of course it’s quite rare. I do recall a black
man and a white woman marrying several years ago and there may have been others
since then. I personally don’t have anything against you getting married and I
will support you all I can. However I don’t know how Deborah will be accepted
by the planters’ wives if you do get married.”

Richard was relieved that there
were no legal obstacles to their getting married.  Any other issues they would
deal with as they came
up,
provided that Deborah
accepted his proposal.

“Thank you, Uncle. I’m very
relieved to hear that because I really did not fancy moving to England. We’ll
take one step at a time.”

They discussed the arrangements Thomas
had made with the housing agent and Richard was eager to meet with him so that
he could begin looking at houses. He wanted to know if his uncle had seen
Deborah but it was almost as if he was reluctant to ask in case he heard bad
news.  As if sensing this Thomas took pity on him and told him that he had
seen Deborah and he was pretty sure that she still had feelings for him but
that he would have to talk with her himself to know for sure.

Richard wanted to go and see
Deborah right away but his uncle took one look at his bloodshot eyes and
unshaven face and told him in no uncertain terms that he needed to bathe, shave
and rest before he approached Deborah.

Richard slept like the dead that
night since it was his first proper night of sleep since the storm and the
first in a comfortable bed in over two weeks. The bath and the sumptuous meal
he had in the boarding house’s dining room also aided his rest but he mostly
attributed it to the peace he now felt. 

A feeling of vulnerability that
was unfamiliar and uncomfortable came over him at the thought that Deborah had
the power to bring him great joy or, he didn’t even want to entertain the
thought, great misery.  He fervently prayed for the former.

Washing and dressing quickly
Richard shrugged into a well fitted jacket, tied his hair back with a ribbon
and headed out the door. He met Thomas downstairs in the dining room for a
quick breakfast after which Thomas accompanied him to High Street where Deborah
and Sarah lived and had their shop.

“I wish you all the best,” offered
his uncle, shaking his hand. “You have my blessing. Let me know how it turns
out.”

“Thank you, Uncle.  I will.”

The street was not that far from
the Careenage where the boat had been pulled up.  It was a bustling
commercial street with many stores on both sides of the road offering
everything from clothes and jewelry to furniture and household items with a few
taverns in between to quench the thirst of shoppers.

He perused the shops as he made
his way down the road until without warning he saw a sign a few doors down
announcing “Deborah’s Health and Beauty Shop and Sarah’s Sewing
Emporium”.  He stood for a moment staring at it with a slight smile and
felt a surge of pride for Deborah and her mother. Who would believe that less
than six months ago they were slaves and now here they were operating a
business in Town. He drew in a deep breath and crossed the street.

Deborah was busy tidying her
shelves and putting out some imported scented soap that had arrived the day
before. It was still quite early in the morning and she didn’t expect customers
until a bit later.  Sarah was still upstairs getting ready since she had
been up quite late finishing a dress that a customer had ordered for that day.

She heard a footfall just inside
the shop and quickly turned around to see who had come in so early. She felt as
if the breath had been sucked out of her and as if to compensate for the lack
of oxygen in her body, her heart sped up to increase the flow of blood to her
vital organs.  She looked in disbelief at Richard standing in her shop
with a broad smile on his face.  Her eyes devoured him eagerly as she
reacquainted herself with the face that Hattie had sworn was more handsome that
the master’s and the tall, muscular body that still invaded her dreams some
nights. Words deserted her.

“I can’t believe I have you at a
loss for words, Deborah,” teased Richard even as his eyes darkened in the way
that she had become so familiar with. Richard was surprised that he could form
a sentence when he was so overwhelmed by the sight of Deborah wearing one of
the dresses he had bought her and with her hair in a long plait over her
shoulder.  His fingers itched to unravel it and bury his face in it as he
had done so many times in the past.

“Richard! What are you doing
here?” She managed to get out, still frozen in the same position.

“I’ve decided to take over from
our agent and expand our shipping business from Barbados,” he answered as if it
was a logical answer.  A dozen questions poured into her mind but the one
that was foremost came out before she could stop it.

“Is your wife with you?”

Richard smiled as her question
gave him information that he needed. “I don’t have a wife, yet.” He watched her
closely and was satisfied to see the blank look appear that she assumed when
she wanted to hide her emotions.  She turned back to the shelf to put down
some bars of soap that she was still holding.

“Oh,” was all she said.

“Actually Ann and I have decided
not to marry.”

Deborah turned back around so quickly
that she knocked over the box of soap that was on a stool next to her. Richard
crossed the room to help her pick up the bars that had spilled out, secretly
pleased with her reaction. As he came close to her, the familiar lemony scent
of the soap that she used teased his nose, causing his body to stir in
response.

Without conscious thought he put
his hands on her shoulders and pulled her to her feet, cupping her face with
his hands and fusing his mouth to hers.  There was no gentleness or
hesitancy in the kiss as the full force of his long restrained passion broke
free. Deborah responded eagerly, burying her fingers in his hair. Richard
nudged her backwards until she was pinned between his body and the shelf
without taking his lips from hers. The close proximity of his body left no
doubt of the extent of his desire for her.

“Deborah!  What you doing?”
Sarah demanded from the doorway, making Deborah jump guiltily and push away
from Richard.  Richard closed his eyes in frustration before turning
around to greet Sarah.

“Master Richard?  What you
doing in Barbados?” She asked with wide eyes.

“I’ve come to work here, Sarah.
Deborah, we need to talk.”

“I cannot talk now,” Deborah told
him reluctantly. “Our customers will soon be coming in.”

“I’ll come back this evening when
you’re closed.  Anyway I have to go and see an agent about renting a
house. See you later.” He couldn’t resist running his fingers down her cheek,
soliciting a slight shiver from her. He nodded to Sarah, feeling her
disapproval surrounding her like a dark cloud, as he passed and left the shop.

“Deborah, you forget which master
you serving now?” Sarah got straight to the point. “And he
ain
’
engaged to a girl in Carolina?”

“He said that they decided not to
get married.”

“So what he want with you now?”

“I don’t know ma, we did not get
the chance to talk.”

“But you get the chance to kiss,”
accused Sarah. Deborah’s faced reddened.  She had no answer for that so
she turned back to the task she was doing when Richard walked into the shop and
turned her new life upside down.

Later that day

Deborah had just put on the kettle
to boil when she heard a knock at the door.  Her heart immediately sped up
as she knew that it would be Richard.  Her mother had already warned her
about falling back into his bed even if he was not engaged anymore as they had
left that life behind them.

Deborah was in two minds as she
went to open the door.  She was hungry for the sight of Richard but was
not looking forward to their talk.  She knew that she could no longer be
with him as she had been before and that he wouldn’t understand. She could now
fully empathize with her mother and how she must have felt when she had to end
her relationship with Thomas.  Not that she had a relationship with
Richard anymore, but she would like to.  She had missed him so much and if
she was honest with herself, she still desired him. How would she endure this?

Richard waited impatiently for
Deborah to open the door and let him in. After the way she responded to him in
the shop earlier, he was sure that she still had feelings for him. He couldn’t
help but pull her into his arms as he pushed the door closed and buried his
face in her neck, where he knew she was ticklish.

“Richard!” she protested
breathlessly, squirming away. “You said that you wanted to talk.”

“Talking can wait,” he said
throatily, pulling her back to him. “I missed you. I missed being with you.”
His eyes fell to her lips seconds before his lips followed and this time he
gently and exquisitely explored her mouth, reacquainting himself with the taste
of her.

Deborah reluctantly tore herself
away in case her mother came upon them and gestured towards the kitchen, where
she offered him a cup of tea and some cake that Sarah had made. Richard’s eyes
followed her hungrily as she moved around the tiny kitchen and she was reminded
of the first night that she and Cassie had served dinner when she had felt his
eyes on her.  This time she was not afraid; at least not in the same
way.  Now she was afraid that she would not be able to restrain herself
from giving into the passion that simmered just below the surface when they
were in close proximity of each other. She sent up a prayer for divine help.

“Richard, what are you really
doing in Barbados?” she asked as she sat down, coming straight to the point.
Richard hesitated.  He could tell that she was still very attracted to him
but there was a hesitation in her that he did not understand, especially since
he had told her that he was no longer engaged and he wondered if she was
involved with someone else.

He took a deep breath and decided
to lay his cards on the table. He couldn’t pretend that he had come on business
when the main reason he was in Barbados was because of her. Before he said
anything there was something he had to do first.

“Deborah, before I tell you why
I’m in Barbados I need to first of all ask your forgiveness for treating you as
less than a human being. I’m sorry for buying you from your uncle in the same
way I would buy a horse and for telling you that many women would be happy to
be owned by me. My only excuse is that I just didn’t know any different at the
time.”

“What?” Deborah was shocked at his
confession as it was the last thing she was expecting.

“On the way to Barbados we ran
into a storm.  I did not think that we would make it and I began to reflect
on my life and the way I treated you and I asked God for forgiveness and now
I’m asking you.  I’m so sorry that I made your life a misery and made you
pay for your freedom by sleeping with me. Will you forgive me, Deborah?”

Deborah was stunned and moved to
tears at his words.  What an awesome God she served who could touch
Richard’s heart as he had done hers.  She silently thanked him for sparing
Richard’s life and allowing her to see him again.

“I forgive you Richard.  How
can I not, when God has forgiven me? You know I hated you before you even came
to Barbados, and even though you were constantly provoking me, I began to see
that deep down you were a good man although you had been brought up to believe
that slaves were less than human.”

“But why are you in Barbados and
why have you and Ann decided not to marry?” she asked remembering what he had
said earlier.

“When I went back to Carolina, one
of the first things I did was to end my relationship with Anise, my mistress.”
He caught the brief look of surprise and satisfaction on her face before she
schooled it once again. “Then I found myself reluctant to be with Ann and the
more I was with her the less I felt that I could go through with our
marriage.  In the end my brother-in-law made me
see
that I had to talk to her and tell her the truth.”

“The truth?”

“That I had fallen in love with
the daughter of a plantation owner; the very thing she had warned me about.”

Deborah froze with the cup
half-way to her mouth.  She shakily replaced it in the saucer and her eyes
met Richard’s.

“You mean me?”

Richard smiled indulgently and
said, “No I mean Mary-Ann Newton,” referring to one of the planter’s daughters
he had met at his party. “Of course I mean you.”

He suddenly became serious and
said, “I didn’t expect to fall in love with you, Deborah.  I thought that
once I took you to my bed I would be able to get over my desire for you and go
back to Carolina and marry Ann and run her father’s plantation, but I was
wrong. I couldn’t get you out of my mind.  I still can’t. I want to marry
you.”

Deborah was stunned.  Richard
loved her?  He had given up marrying Ann and running her father’s
plantation to be with her?  He wanted to marry her? Joy surged in her
again before she realized that it would not be fair to marry him.

“I’m sorry Richard but I can’t
marry you. I’ve heard that marriage between races is illegal in America so if
we married we would never be able to go to Carolina and see your family.”

“I don’t need to go to Carolina,
Deborah.  Or I can go by myself if I need to and come back.  All I
need is you.”

“What about here?  I don’t
want you not to be accepted because of me.”

“As I told my uncle, we’ll take
one step at a time.  All I know is that I love you and I want to spend the
rest of my life with you.”

“You talked to Master Thomas about
this?” she asked surprised.

“Yes.  And we have his
blessing.  I don’t know how Aunt Elizabeth will take it though, but right
now I don’t care. We only need to please ourselves and God.”

Deborah thought about that for a
few minutes.  She had never imagined that she would find someone who loved
her and was willing to give up everything for her.  God had truly blessed
her so she would trust him to work it out.