The Price of Falling (21 page)

‘This can be your room,’ I told her. She was ecstatic.

As we unpacked all the things we'd purchased and put them up in her room, I felt relaxed for the first time in ages. I felt like I had a connection again, a family. I wished she could stay longer, but she had to go home for the family Christmas meal.

‘Do you think Dad's still mad at me?’ I asked her one evening.

‘Well...’ She looked down, obviously trying to decide what to tell me. ‘You know Dad, he doesn't talk much...’

‘But?’ I guessed there was more.

She sighed. ‘He did say that as soon as you had a girlfriend, he would talk to you.’

‘Really?’ I said in surprise. ‘Oh. Right.’

‘Yeah,’ Alicia said. ‘So...have you met anyone nice?’

From the way she looked into my eyes hopefully I could tell she was desperate for me to get a girlfriend so the rift with our father could heal.

I looked down, embarrassed. ‘Er, well, it's kinda hard to meet people here.’

‘Mike,’ she said, firmly. ‘You gotta try harder.’

I nodded. ‘OK,’ I agreed.

So all I needed was a girlfriend, apparently.

I was a little suspicious of that, but I was willing to do whatever it took to put my family back together. Alicia was obviously upset by it all.

At work I studied the two women in my team, their hard expressions and sharp, angular business suits in bright colors. They definitely weren't my type. Even Tara my secretary wasn't single, she was engaged to be married.

Probably better it wasn't someone at work anyway, I thought.

Where did that leave? The gym, or the bars and clubs that Aaron took me too. Very rarely did I go to clubs, and only if Aaron really wanted to go. Girls would come up to talk to me. I was alright talking to girls, if a little nervous. I hadn't even been on a date with anyone since my Dad had caught me with Jason. I was actually worried I wouldn't be able to get it up again, I still had nightmares about him walking in on me. I didn't think I would ever forget that.

I told Aaron I needed to find a date and he was more than happy to help me look. I resigned myself to finding a nice girl, and going on a date.

Maybe she would just let me have my picture taken with her so I could send it back to my Dad. I'd bought a camera a while back. When I went out for walks I took pictures of New York to post back to Alicia. When she'd come to stay at Christmas we took pictures of each other. I had a great one of us in a fancy restaurant I'd taken her to. I'd sent a copy to her, and put a framed one on my night stand at home, so it was the first thing I saw when I woke up each day.

I was surprised she didn't have a steady boyfriend, she was a pretty girl. She seemed more interested in her studies though, which I was pleased about.

In January, I had my first date with a girl in New York. Aaron had pushed me over to talk to this girl at a bar. I was terrified. The problem was the bars we went to were full of other business workers, all very sharp and to the point. If you thought the men in New York were determined, you hadn't seen the ladies. They all wore perfect dress suits, high heels, huge hair sprayed into bouffant styles and mountains of perfume. If I was around more than one woman at a time I would start sneezing from it all. I found them a little intimidating to say the least.

My first date didn't go too well. We didn't take it further than that meal. I had a couple more but these business women seemed to have a hidden agenda, or were always in a rush. They definitely weren't my type.

Aaron took me to clubs instead, where we could mix with other types of girls. It was hard to talk in clubs, especially for someone like me who hated talking too much.

I kept looking though. I had joined the army of New York singles looking for a date.

Alicia came up to stay with me at Spring break. I'd kept her room just as it was, and bought her more things like her own set of pale pink towels, her own bathrobe.

I asked if she wouldn't rather go out partying with her classmates while I was at work. She smiled and said she had some sight-seeing planned.

‘OK,’ I shrugged. I insisted on giving her money so she could get cabs.

She said she had planned her routes pretty well, and was going from one end of the city to the other.

In the evenings she cooked me dinner, which was a welcome change from my own pathetic attempts. On my days off instead of running by myself we went to an art exhibition Alicia had wanted to see. It was more modern work; I liked it.

‘Dad would hate this stuff,’ Alicia commented.

I smiled. ‘Yeah, I guess.’

‘Any luck finding a girlfriend?’

‘I'm trying,’ I shrugged. ‘If you can find me one quicker that'd be great.’

‘What about singles ads?’ she suggested.

The thought of those filled me with dread but I agreed to look through them. I never contacted anyone though. I preferred to meet people face to face.

I met a girl with long red hair. It was a slightly lighter shade than Jason's had been, but incredibly similar. We went on a date but I found I kept staring at her hair and comparing it to his.

That was no good, so I didn't see her again.

I had no idea dating was so difficult. In High School I'd simply coasted through, seeing a couple of girls like the other guys did but not really anything special.

Well, not with them anyway. I still missed Jason. I couldn't help it.

Strange things kept reminding me of him, hearing a song on the radio, or watching the way someone held their cigarette. Thoughts drifted into my mind but after a second I would push them back out and concentrate on something else.

Alicia called me at work one day, saying she had changed her college choice.

‘Oh right, where you gonna go then?’ I asked.

‘Berkeley College, New York. I'm coming to New York!’

I was stunned. ‘Huh?’

‘I just got my acceptance letter,’ I could hear her smiling. ‘I applied 'cause I wanted to be with you.’

‘Oh,’ I said, still stunned but over the moon. ‘Great! So...what next?’

‘Well as soon as I graduate I'll come up to New York. Not long now!’

I was real happy. Turned out that's what she had come to do on her Spring break, check out the colleges here. It was a relief to know I wouldn't be quite so alone any more.

Alicia graduated the summer of 1990.

She'd come top of the class, and would be starting college in the fall to study Law. I was so proud of her. She came to stay with me right after graduation. When she started college she'd move into it's dorm for the first year, but she wanted the summer vacation to get to know New York.

And do more shopping, judging by all the bags she kept bringing home.

I was more than happy to give her money. She took over the grocery shopping for me. I took her in to see Maria and Tony, who said she was beautiful. Alicia enjoyed the fuss.

That summer was the first time I'd felt anything close to normal again. I'd been living on my own for over a year, and it wasn't ideal for me. That's why I was so absorbed by my work.

Now I could enjoy having something resembling a normal home life too.

Alicia still had plans for finding me a girlfriend though. She would point out girls to me as we walked along the streets, or in a shop.

‘That one's checking you out,’ she would whisper.

‘She's not my type,’ I would whisper back.

‘How about her?’ Alicia kept choosing smartly dressed women for me.

‘Er, I think she's a bit old.’

‘You're being too picky,’ she would grumble.

‘Yeah but...’

I couldn't find the words to argue. If I didn't like the look of someone, I doubted that would change if I went on a date with them. I barely had time to meet anyone new anyway.

I was at an awkward stage where I felt I wasn't old enough to date most of the women I met. I was still only twenty. In a couple of months I'd be twenty-one but I felt more at home with younger women, and definitely natural looking ones. Not the painted up corporate dolls I kept seeing. That look just didn't do it for me.

Being typical Mike, I hadn't noticed that there was actually a girl about my age at the gym who tried talking to me a lot. She was a brunette, naturally pretty. Her name was Sylvia and she first talked to me by the lockers, saying she couldn't get hers open. Then after I'd helped her and we'd introduced ourselves, she would often come over to talk to me when I was on my own.

When Aaron noticed this he elbowed me in the ribs as she walked away.

‘I think she likes you, man,’ he grinned.

‘Really?’ I frowned. ‘I thought she was just being friendly.’

‘Duh,’ Aaron laughed. ‘No wonder you can't get a date. Just go ask her out, would you, bro?’

‘Erm, OK. Maybe tomorrow.’

Aaron shook his head.

I waited until Sylvia came to talk to me again, and this time I made more of an effort to talk back. I'd never been a great talker but I was certainly better now I'd had practice addressing roomfuls of people at work.

She seemed very nice and smiled a lot. I asked her if she wanted to go out sometime. She said yes.

‘I have a date,’ I told Alicia later.

‘At last!’ She clapped her hands before quizzing me in minute detail about Sylvia.

When I went on my date Sylvia looked very pretty in a dark blue backless dress. We had a meal. I chose a meal because it meant I could hide behind a table.

She was still very nice, and laughed at the appropriate times to make me appear more funny and witty than I was. I wondered if she was nervous too. She had deep brown eyes, and wore dark red lipstick. Not too much make-up though, which I preferred. I found her easy to talk to, which was a relief.

Sylvia was three months older than me. She'd just turned twenty-one and was doing her first year of university studying Classical Literature. She also played the violin, she said.

This was the first date I'd ever been on which actually went reasonably well.

After the meal, desert and coffee I hailed a cab for her in the night time bustle of the city. When one pulled up I held the door for her as she smiled up at me.

‘Thanks for dinner,’ she said.

‘You're welcome.’

I tried to smile back but I was pre-occupied worrying if she wanted me to kiss her. Before I could panic much more she leaned up and laid a light kiss on my cheek. I was relieved.

When I got home Alicia wanted to know all about it. I told her it had gone well, and she literally jumped with excitement.

Chapter 9

To stop Alicia bugging me about it, I called Sylvia to ask her out again. I figured she must like me, as she agreed. We started going out regularly on Friday evenings for a meal or somewhere else if she insisted.

After two more dates Sylvia held my hand. And on the date after that she tried to kiss me, which I was surprised about. She had to reach up on her tiptoes to touch her lips to mine. I didn't pull away for a second, to be polite, and when I did step back I told her I'd like to take things slowly.