The Price of Falling (14 page)

I could hear them talking, arguing I guess, in the kitchen. Jason was being reasonably calm which was a surprise, he wasn’t raising his voice that I could hear. After a few more minutes I heard them disappear out the back door, then Jason must have rushed back in.

‘Come on,’ he hissed.

I ran down the stairs as quietly as I could. ‘Where is she?’

‘Out back, I told her there was a dead cat there. She's obsessed with that stupid yard. Quick, go.’

‘See you later,’ I said, and hurried out the front door. I tried to walk casually down their path but ended up half jogging. That was a little too close.

‘We’re having a party!’ AJ declared one evening.

‘Where?’ I asked.

‘On the cliffs!’

‘Cliffs?’ I questioned, not liking the sound of that.

‘Out in the woods,’ Jason smiled. ‘
You know
, by the Ranger’s cabin?’

I smiled back at him, ignoring that last remark. ‘How are you gonna play music with no electricity?’

‘Boom box?’ Cat suggested.

‘No!’ AJ was practically jumping with excitement. ‘Cars! Mike, you gotta bring your car, it’s got the best stereo.’

‘Erm...’ I thought about protesting, but what good would it have done?

On Saturday night four car loads full of high school students drove up to the cliff, carrying bags of cheap alcohol and snacks. Being May it was warm and bright; the moon was full and shone down a silver glow as we parked and arranged the supplies. The girls had brought blankets to lay on the dusty gravel. We left the doors to my car open to hear the music. Someone put a tape on and turned the volume up, loud enough to make me wince in anticipation of someone hearing and coming up here to smash the offending stereo in.

‘We should turn it down, someone’s gonna call the cops,’ I said to the chattering, dancing, drink-swigging bodies. No-one listened to me. I sighed in defeat.

When nobody was looking I kept sneakily leaning into the car to turn the music down slightly. AJ caught me doing it one time.

‘Jason’s right, you really are an old lady sometimes!’ he laughed.

‘You won’t be laughing if the cops show up,’ I countered. ‘Or worse, Ranger Philips.’

They just laughed. ‘Come on, man, chill out. Let’s dance!’ AJ pushed me aside to change the tape, putting in a new one. As the vocals and electronic beat kicked in, faster than usual, the others cheered and got up to dance.

‘I don’t dance,’ I said, embarrassed, as AJ and Cat pulled me away from the car.

‘Then watch us!’ Cat laughed, enthusiastically grinding her body against me. I leaned back against the hood of my car holding my hands up.

‘Er, OK,’ I said, really not wanting to join in.

I watched them dancing without a care, spilling the drinks they were holding in great sloshes. I wished I could let go of my inhibitions like that but I felt too awkward, afraid of ridicule. I wasn’t as sure of myself as this crowd, everything for them was about sex and being desired. They were happy dancing and rubbing up against each other, but it just wasn’t me. I never felt that sure of myself. The only time I did feel something like that was when...

I looked for Jason. He was sat with Steven but he grinned at me. I went over to them. I didn't get a chance to talk to him as Cat and Bex bounded over and jumped on me, singing in my ears with their alcohol-sweet breath, ‘Let’s play!’

‘No, please,’ I protested, trying to keep my hands from accidentally groping their breasts that they pushed at me. Something about this music just made them go wild. I could hear Jason laugh. He loved to see me in these situations.

I was more than a little surprised that no-one had called the cops yet. We’d been up here for at least an hour, with music blaring out, echoing across the cliffs.

‘Relax, man,’ AJ told me. ‘Have a joint.’

‘I’m driving,’ I said, for the hundredth time.

Jessica and Allie had come to sit with us, Jessica was drunk but quieter than usual. She must have been annoying Jason as after a while he stood up and headed off. When AJ asked where he was going he said he was going to walk down the cliff.

I scrambled up to follow him. I worried about leaving my car with the keys in, but I was more worried about Jason slipping and falling off the edge.

‘Hey, wait up,’ AJ and Cat came with us. Cat leapt ahead and clung onto Jason, as they neared the cliff edge and looked down.

‘Will you please be careful,’ I begged.

All of them had been drinking, all of them had been smoking pot.

‘Don’t worry,’ Jason rolled his eyes at me. ‘Let’s go that way,’ he said, pointing to a gap in the rocks. There was a steep dirt track down below; it was hardly meant for walking down. It was probably used by hikers who had the right equipment with them, like pick axes and rope. As I watched Jason and Cat step off the flat cliff edge onto the slippery, dark slope I could feel my chest tightening.

‘Come on,’ AJ nudged me. ‘It’s no big deal, I’ve walked down there before.’

He started to follow them, holding onto a large rock for balance.

‘Yeah, but you’re all drunk,’ I muttered. Not that anyone paid attention.

I followed them, taking careful steps, using the jutted out rocks or shrubbery to lean against as I made my way down. I heard a cry of surprise, and looked ahead to see Cat had slipped over on her butt, dragging Jason down with her. They were laughing at least.

!First to fall!! AJ went to point and jeer but his foot slipped as well. I was right behind him and grabbed his arm to stop his fall. He smiled at me. ‘Thanks, man.’

‘Be careful,’ I reminded him.

‘Yes, Mom, he mock-saluted me.

‘You realize there’s nothing down there anyway?’ I said, still reluctant.

‘We know,’ he laughed. ‘You’re supposed to enjoy the walk.’

‘I’m not.’

‘Talk then?’

‘Talk?’ I blinked at him.

‘Yeah, talk. I’m here, you’re here. Perfect time to talk.’

‘Oh,’ I said, chest tightening with nerves. This wasn’t what I had in mind.

I looked down to where Jason and Cat had pulled themselves up and carried on, holding hands.

‘Are they talking too?’

‘Probably,’ AJ shrugged.

‘Is Cat like, your girlfriend?’ I asked. No-one had ever really told me.

AJ grinned. ‘Yeah, kinda.’

‘You don’t mind her going off with Jason?’

AJ glanced at me. ‘No more than you mind Jason going off with her, I guess.’

My face flushed. ‘Oh,’ I said simply. I didn’t really like discussing what they all must know was going on between us.

AJ kept on at me as we walked. ‘You like him, don’t you?’

I could feel my flush get worse. Lucky for me it was dark. I didn’t want to answer that, so chose to try a question of my own. ‘You don’t?’

AJ turned to look at me briefly, then he smiled. ‘Nah, not like that. Not anymore.’

‘You did, then?’

‘Yeah, I did,’ he admitted, looking down as he walked. ‘We didn’t get on too good, though.’

‘Why?’ I asked, eager to know more. It was good to finally know.

AJ shrugged. ‘I think we’re too similar. Everything had to be like...a competition, you know?’ He stopped and looked at me. ‘You seem to get on OK.’

I looked away shyly. ‘Sometimes,’ I said, with a small laugh.

‘You put up with a hell of a lot more than I would,’ AJ said. ‘Like I told you, he can be a real jerk.’

‘Hmm,’ I half agreed. I couldn’t defend that but it didn’t stop me feeling the way I did.

AJ slipped suddenly and skidded down the gritty path on his back. My heart rose as I panicked and slipped as well, but managed to grab hold of a shrub to stop myself. AJ had slid a fair way; he’d used his arms to stop himself crashing into a rock. At his shout Jason and Cat looked up and laughed at him.

‘Who’s on their ass now?’ She mocked.

When we’d all carefully picked our way down to a flat ledge, we sat there and dangled our legs off the side. Well the others did, I sat behind them. The moon sure was beautiful though. We could hear the music from my car echoing through the night air.

At one point the music stopped and another song burst to life.

‘Must be Steven,’ AJ mumbled.

‘How can you tell?’ I asked.

‘Well, it sounds like The Cure, so that’s got to be Steven,’ he smiled.

‘Oh,’ I said. Again, more music I didn't know about.

We continued looking up at the stars. Even I was starting to feel relaxed. Just a little.

‘You talked to your parents about college?’ Cat asked AJ.

He shrugged. ‘No point. They can’t afford it. Guess I’ll get a job.’

‘Doing what?’ I asked him.

AJ grinned at me. ‘I’m sure I’ll get by. Haven’t decided yet.’

‘Couldn’t you get a scholarship?’ I suggested.

They all laughed. ‘Mike, you’re very sweet,’ Cat said. ‘I think we’ve all given up on that idea.’

‘I thought you were gonna go for it?’ AJ asked her.

‘No,’ she shook her head. ‘I didn’t make the cut. It’s damn Science and Math. I just don’t get it!’

‘That’s because it’s pointless,’ Jason said. ‘What they’re teaching is pure shit.’

‘You don’t even try!’ Cat laughed. ‘Your attendance is worse than Robin’s.’

Jason lifted one shoulder in a shrug. ‘What’s the point? Once I’m eighteen I’ll be kicked out anyway. Can’t afford college, even if I did want to go.’

‘When are you eighteen?’ I asked.

Jason didn’t look at me when he replied. ‘November.’

That was only six months away, I thought. ‘Would your aunt really kick you out?’

Jason flicked his cigarette off into the dark and leaned back on his hands. ‘Yep. Unless I start wearing collared shirts and go to church with her.’

They all laughed. I just thought it seemed real sad. I wished there was something I could do.

When they’d smoked two joints and run out of drink we started to head back up the cliff.

‘Hey!’ said Cat, suddenly having an idea. ‘We should all totally get an apartment together after graduation!’

AJ laughed. ‘Are you kidding? I’m not living with Jason!’

‘Why not?’ he asked, turning to frown at AJ.

‘Because I’d smother you in your sleep.’

‘Well, that’s the only way you’ll get your dick in my mouth,’ Jason sneered at him.

AJ leaned over to shove Jason. They both lost their balance and slipped over.

‘Just fuck off!’ AJ sounded pissed, shoving him away as they tried to get up.

‘What? It’s a fucking joke!’ Jason snapped at him.