The Price of Butcher's Meat (10 page)

The original house—as I knew—belonged to the well-heeled Breretons—

the famous Lady Denhams family—but became superfluous to requirements when she married even better-heeled Hog Hollis—local lad made good—who built up his pig farm into Hollis’s Ham—the Taste of Yorkshire—& ended up master of just about everything he surveyed—Lord of the Sandytown Hundred—at Sandytown Hall.

He died—fattening the pigs who helped fatten him (I had to practically kick Minnie onward from all the gory details—mostly imagined I guess—of the poor sods death!)—leaving his wife even richer than hed found her—& eventually she remarried—Sir Henry Denham—& Denham Park became her offi cial address—though—probably not caring for the pig pong but reluctant to do anything that might interfere with her pig profits—she spent a great deal of her time at the hall.

When Sir Harry in his turn died (dont know what she does to the poor sods!)—she returned permanently to Sandytown Hall—refusing the chance to move back to her childhood home—Brereton Manor—when her ancient father fi nally died—because—according to Minnie—the hall was a more pres-tigious address—& the manor had certain incon ve niences of access—& T H E P R I C E O F B U T C H E R ’ S M E AT 6 3

had fallen into such a dilapidated condition it would cost a fortune to put right.

—daddy owns nearly all the land all around—explained Minnie—where the new entrance drive is—& where theyre building the golf course. I think it was Uncle Sids idea that they should work together & turn the manor into a posh hotel. Uncle Sid knows all about money—which is why Lady D listens to him—mum says—

—thats nice—I said—so your uncle is a sort of financial adviser to the consortium—right?—

—I think so—she said uncertainly. Then she grinned & went on—Uncle Sid says Lady Denhams tight as a ducks arse—& thats watertight—watching me closely to see how I reacted.

I just laughed—you cant be Stompy Heywoods daughter without hearing far worse expressions than that!—which emboldened her to say—me & Uncle Sid call her Lady B—not Lady D.

—B for Brereton?—I guessed.

—no—B for Big Bum—she screeched.

I was beginning to feel intrigued by this Sidney Parker—who chose to talk to his niece like she was an intelligent human being rather than a backward dwarf—which is how awful Uncle Ernie always spoke to me. Min was vague about his actual job—& even from Mary—hes in banking—was the best I could get—which reminded me of dads response when Mrs Duxberry boasted her moronic son was in banking—oh aye?—you mean—like Bonnie

& Clyde?—

Trying to work out the Parker family dynamic—OK—I mean I was as nebby as usual!—I asked about the sister. According to Min—Aunt Diana is really wierd—always going on about being at deaths door—which used to scare Min when she was little—thinking she meant the attic door in their old family house—& that must be where death lived! It was her uncle Sid set her mind at rest—by taking her up into the attic—& showing her the relics of his childhood—& also by saying—dont worry about your aunt little Min—when you yourself are finally laid to rest—aged 150 or thereabouts—it will be Auntie Di who lays flowers on your grave!—

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Bit macabre comfort—I thought—but kids love macabre & in Minnies eyes Uncle Sid is perfection itself!

Not sure if Mary would go as far as that. Tom vanished after supper tonight—still catching up he said—& once the kids had all been put to bed—in Mins case by main force!—me & Mary had a large Baileys apiece—& got to talking like old mates. I reckon shes been dying for someone to confide in for years—someone outside the family—& outside Sandytown. Like I said before—shes incredibly loyal—but I got a strong impression she secretly fears this development scheme will end in tears.

Shed confirmed what Min had told me—that it was Sid who got things started.

Sids always been good with figures & stuff—from an early age hes handled the Parker family finances—very successfully too—Mary admits. Good investments—steady returns—spotting which Lady D got in on the act—

asking his advice—free to a friend of course—& so profitable that Sid soon became her blue- eyed blue- chip boy!

Anyway—Sid came up with this idea that the combination of the Brereton property & the Parker land & Toms architectural know-how could add up to a nice little earner. At least thats the way I guess he put it to Lady D. With Tom Im sure he painted things in more visionary terms—the greater good—

benefit of the community—environmental concerns—etc—the kind of stuff Tom had been dabbling in all his life.

This was how the great Sandytown Development Consortium got into its stride—& since then—I gather—Sidney has acted not only as its financial consultant—but also as an umpire when Tom & Lady D dont see eye to eye.

Lady D is far from persuaded that Toms preoccupation with complementary medicine & the environment is going to be a money spinner for the hotel. Upper class recreational pursuits—facials—manicures—massage—plus maybe the latest post Pilates exercise fad to work up an appetite for the gourmet grub—& thirst for the disgustingly expensive booze—thats what she sees bringing the stinking rich punters in. But Tom wont give ground here—

insisting there has to be room for a full range of alternative therapies—

something in which his family have always had a deep—in some cases—Mary T H E P R I C E O F B U T C H E R ’ S M E AT 6 5

hints & Min

confirms—an obsessive interest. Fortunately it seems Dr Feldenhammer—boss man at the

Avalon—after some initial doubts—has

been persuaded theres no harm in the clinic presenting a united front with Tom re the complementary stuff.

—very enlightened of him—I said—surprised—knowing most mainstream medics think its all a load of crap—me too if Im honest—which Im not—

around dear Tom!

—yes—& the good thing—said Mary—is that it shuts Daphne Brereton up a bit—her feeling about poor Lester the way she does—

—eh?—I said—you dont mean . . . ?—

—oh yes—shes got him in her sights—& wants him in her bed—said Mary grimly—disgraceful—a woman of her age—

Maybe this Sandytown air really does have something special!—I thought.

Its clear Mary has mixed feelings about the relationship between Tom & Lady D. Loyalty makes her stick up for Tom all the time—but theres part of her that sees that its Daphnes lust for profit thats going to keep the consortium solvent—rather than Toms idealism. When Big Bum—funny how nicknames stick!—does let Tom have his way—it usually means him paying more

& her paying less—so Tom looks like hes won a battle—but its cost him—& Mary is always worried he might be overstretching himself.

Not that Tom seems to have a worry in the world! He finally appeared—

apologizing like mad for having neglected me.

—tomorrow morning I should have caught up with myself—he said—Ill take you on a tour of the town—on foot! Best way to see a place & meet people!

—but your ankle dear—protested Mary.

—as good as new—he insisted—thanks to the first aid I received from our lovely talented guest (thats me in case you havent twigged!)—not forgetting the healing touch of Mr. Godley—

I left them arguing—or rather discussing—Tom doesnt have arguments!

Met Minnie coming out of bathroom—yawning histrionically! Wouldnt surprise me if shed been listening in on Mary & me—& had to take cover when her father came out of his study—but I cant help liking her. Shed have 6 6

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followed me into my room—but I shut the door very firmly in her face. I can be tough too!

Nite nite sleep tite

Love

Charley xxx

8

FROM:

[email protected]

TO:

[email protected]

SUBJECT: enter Big Bum!

Hi!

Decided to laze around this morning—guessing that any expedition with Tom would be energetic! Hed won the “argument” about going on foot—but Mary insisted he take a stout walking stick—which seemed more likely to cause damage than prevent it—the way he flourished it as a handy pointer to interesting views as we made our way down the hill.

On our way up in the car—Tom had already pointed out to me the entrance drive to Sandytown Hall—home of Lady D. Admiring the view from Brereton Manor—Id glimpsed what had to be the tall chimneys of the hall down toward the sea—rising above an extensive area of woodland—so her ladyships not overlooked by the hotel—or any other bit of quite a lot of modern development we passed on our way down the hill. Most of this seemed linked to the development scheme—executive dwellings—seeded—so Tom assured me—with affordable houses for local first timers. I didnt need to guess which partner pushed for what!

We met quite a few people—car drivers stop to chat to Tom!—& I was introduced as if I were the development schemes latest & greatest acquisition!

Eventually—quite near the bottom of the hill where the old village proper begins—he halted outside a funny old house—very picturesque—built out of irregular lumps of sandstone—glowing in the morning sun—with a small old fashioned cottage garden—& a first floor wider than the ground floor—because it was built into the slope.

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Reminded me of the gingerbread house in the fairy tale—so I wasnt surprised when Tom said—this is called Witch Cottage—because—according to tradition—its where Sandytowns last witch used to live. Now Miss Lee—our acupuncturist—lives there. I know youll want to meet her—Charlotte—because of your study—

Hed just lifted the brass knocker—& given the door a hearty rap—when this old Jeep came rattling up the road from the village. It looked like it had just completed a trek across the Kalahari—mud stained—lots of scratches & dents—& the nearside front bumper showed signs of recent violent contact with a tree!

Oh look—its Lady D—said Tom—come & meet her—

As we went back down the little path—2 women got out. I knew which was Lady D straight off. Central casting—tweedy—sturdy—head thrust forward like shes eyeing up the

opposition—if Id been a matador Id have

headed for the barreras—good looker in her day probably—in a Fergie kind of way—nice healthy complexion—well weathered—the natural look—tho I spotted a touch of eye shadow & a smear of lipstick—so not without vanity (I recalled what M said about her pursuing Dr Feldenhammer)—likes her own way—sharp—but maybe not so sharp as she likes to think.

& Minnie was right about her bum!

All that from a single glance! Arent you impressed?

The other woman was young—my age—bit older?—lovely slim figure—

God—even when I did my anorexia thing I never got to look like that!—big boned us Heywoods—family gene thing—except this other woman—Clara Brereton her name is—turns out to be a relative of Lady Ds—so how come she doesnt look like a Hereford ready for market? In fact shes gorgeous—if you like your women fashionably skinny—which most men seem to—so—

bringing my psychological objectivity to bear once more—I resolved to hate her!

Tom & Lady D greeted each other fondly—genuine on both sides from the look of it—tho I noticed she calls him Tom—while he only gets close enough to familiarity to call her Lady D—unlike Mary who refers to her—

disapprovingly—as Daphne Brereton!

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Credit due—the old bird did ask after Toms sprained ankle. He told her the story of how he got it—made it quite funny—& she brayed a laugh.

While this chitter chatter was going on I got a close- up of the Jeep—& I noticed someone had added to the general air of dereliction with a bit of graffiti—scrubbed off but not so efficiently I couldnt make out the letters P OLR&MUDR—which—I guessed from the gaps—added up to POLLUTER & MURDERER. Made me think of the sign outside the pig farm. Not only Mary who doesnt care for Lady D!

She was saying shed been going to call in at Kyoto House—Tom said lets go back there now & have some tea—she said no she couldnt possibly do that—Mary would have so much to do having just returned—he said Mary & the children would never forgive him if they discovered hed missed the chance of bringing Lady D home with him—she said it was flattering but she couldnt possibly impose—& somewhere in the midst of all this Tom & me had been translated into the backseat of the Jeep.

As I got in I realized someone had answered Toms knock at Witch Cottage—a stocky oriental looking woman—who was watching us—

inscrutably—like an extra in a kung fu movie. Tom—whod gone round to the other side to get in—didnt notice her—but Lady D did—& she called out—Good day to you—Miss Lee—I hope you—& your ancestors—are well—which I took to be some sort of Chinese greeting. For a moment the womans mask slipped—& she looked daggers (or

maybe—in view of her profession—

needles)—at her ladyship—then gave a stiff little bow—& went back into the cottage.

Im getting the feeling that—living in Sandytown—everyone is expected to know their place—which is—Lady D on top—the rest below!

Lady D was still saying she wouldnt come in—as she came in—& twenty minutes later was saying she definitely wouldnt stay for tea—as the first cup was poured. Nice technique—getting whatever you want without having to be grateful for it.

But on the whole—I was more amused than alienated by her on first meeting. Good humored—long as she got her own way—showed a lot of interest in dad & the farm—said shed heard that Heywood of Willingden knew 7 0

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a bull calf from a bale of hay—treated the kids in the old fashioned country way—gave them 50p apiece & then ignored them.

Soon her & Tom got to talking about plans & development & visitors & such. Big event next Sunday—to celebrate progress & say thanks to those concerned—is a party at Sandytown Hall—my ears pricked when I heard them refer to it as a hog roast—remembering the nickname of Lady Ds 1st husband!—but seems it just means theyre going to barbecue a pig. I got bored—& concentrated my clinical gaze on Clara—& tried to draw her out.