The Price (32 page)

The moment was finally here. Kate nodded. Dr. Bloom retrieved a large mirror and held it up for her to see. The color drained from her face and she gasped seeing what looked like a lump of flesh instead of resembling a breast. She looked like Frankenstein’s creation with a jagged scar line that went from her breast bone to under her arm. The only thing she was missing was the monster’s pins.

“There’s no nipple,” Kate whispered as her eyes welled up with tears. “Oh my God, there’s no nipple.”

She panicked—her breath became ragged and her throat constricted to the point she could barely take in air.

“That can come later,” said Dr. Bloom. “Once everything heals, we can go back in and re-create the areola and the nipple.”

“You mean another surgery?” Kate shook her head,
no
. “You never said anything about a second surgery.” Her head began to spin.

“It’s a simple procedure,” he assured her. “You’ll be under of course. We take a little tissue from your vaginal area and make a nipple from it.”

“You aren’t touching my vagina!” Kate exploded and burst into tears. “Oh my God, what have you done?”

She covered her face with her hands and wept.

“Kathryn, I know this is overwhelming to you now, but by the time we are done, no one will know the difference.”

“Are you kidding me?” Kate bawled harder and shook her head in despair. “I know-” she gasped. “Jack will know.”

“Why don’t I give you a minute to get yourself together,” he stated. “I want to see you again in about two weeks. Once you’re dressed, you can go down the hall for your treatment.”

Kate looked up and just stared at him as he walked out the door, leaving her alone in the room. That was it.
Get yourself together and go to your treatment
—like she had just scraped her knee and was making a big deal about nothing.

This wasn’t nothing—this was
everything
. How could he be so flippant about it? So casual? Didn’t he know her life as she knew it was over—and so was her marriage? Kate’s thoughts went to Jack. How was she going to tell him? For that matter, how could she show him her deformity? Kate just wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

She reached for her clothing and began to dress, avoiding the mirror and her reflection. She couldn’t bear to look at it again. When she finished dressing, she left the exam room and walked down the corridor to the chemotherapy wing. She entered the room lined with La-Z-Boy chairs and IV poles. There sitting in one of the chairs was Jack talking to a blond-haired girl that Kate recognized from her stay in the hospital.

Jack saw Kate and a smile crossed his face. It left when he saw her tear-stained face. He rose from the chair and joined her.

“What’s wrong, baby?” he said, brushing his hand on her arm.

“Nothing’s wrong.” Kate glared at the blond.

“You remember Ann from the hospital?” asked Jack as he escorted Kate to one of the chairs.

“Hi, Kate,” Ann smiled. “How are you feeling?”

“Terrific,” Kate frowned, and flopped into the chair. “That is for someone who got her breast lopped off and is now being fed poison to kill the cancer.”

It was an awkward moment to say the least and Jack gave Ann an apologetic look. She rose from the chair and went to leave.

“It was good seeing you both again,” said Ann. “Good luck with everything.”

Kate wasn’t sure if she was directing that last line at Jack or at her, but either way she was in no mood to make small talk with a woman who obviously was attracted to her husband. Jack sat in the chair next to Kate.

“I take it the appointment didn’t go so well,” said Jack, reaching for her hand.

“You could say that.” His touch made her more nervous and edgy.

“You want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” she said, pulling her hand away. “I just want to get this treatment over with so I can go home.”

Kate looked around the room for her usual nurse, but she didn’t see her.

“Where is that damn nurse?” snapped Kate, and she jumped up from her seat. “They are so slow around here. You think a body has nothing to do but sit and wait for them.”

Kate marched her way toward the nurse’s station. Jack just blinked in total shock of Kate’s out-of-character behavior. He jumped up and intercepted her before she had a total melt-down on one of the staff.

“Let me handle this,” he said as diplomatically as he could. “Why don’t you go back and sit down.”

“Fine.” Kate released a snort and stomped back to her seat. “But if they don’t have it ready in five minutes, I’m leaving.”

Jack stopped one of nurses and within five minutes they had Kate hooked up to her IV and receiving treatment. Kate was in a vile mood. Jack didn’t dare say a word afraid she would go all-out
Comanche
on him and the staff. She was fidgety and could barely sit still for the next hour. It was the longest hour of his life. He was thankful when she finished and they were back in the truck heading home.

“You want to stop at the café and grab a latte?” he asked, keeping his eyes fixed on the road.

“No,” said Kate, staring blindly out the passenger window. “I just want to go home.”

“You hungry?” He glanced at her.

Her head snapped in his direction with blue eyes narrowed. “What do you think?” Her sarcasm rang loud and clear. “But you are right?”

“No, I can wait,” said Jack, thinking he shouldn’t have said anything.

“Oh, by all means, Jack, let’s stop and get you something to eat.” She glared at him. “It doesn’t matter that I’m sick and not feeling good and just want to go home to lie down. Let’s stop and get you something to eat because you’re always starved.”

“Forget about it.” He held his tongue. “It was a bad idea.”

“Yes, it was a very bad idea.” Once more, she stared out the passenger window as tears formed in her eyes.

Jack remained silent for the remainder of the trip. As soon as he pulled up in front of the mansion, Kate jumped out slamming the door behind her and entered the house. Jack got out and followed. He entered the foyer and saw Kate marching upstairs apparently going to her room, passing her mother on the stairs. Marnie looked over her shoulder and saw how distraught her daughter was then continued down to the foyer by Jack.

“How did it go today?” she asked him with genuine concern.

“Not good.” Jack shook his head.

“I see,” was all she said.

She left Jack in the foyer and disappeared into her tea room. Jack heaved a heavy sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. He decided to give Kate some time to herself and he went to Maria’s room to find Jesse.

Kate stayed in her room for the rest of day. She didn’t come down for dinner. Jack fed and changed their son, then got him ready for bed. Since the surgery, the boy’s playpen had been moved to Maria’s room so she could care for him during the night. Jack sat in a chair and read to his son before tucking him in and kissing him goodnight. He left and walked down the hall to his room, wondering if he should knock before going in. Jack gave a light tap on the door and entered. He saw Kate lying on the bed. She was awake with eyes staring up at the ceiling.

“Hi.” Jack sat on the bed with caution, not knowing which mood he would find her in.

“Hi,” said Kate, still staring at the white tiles above.

“I put Jesse down for bed.”

“Thanks.”

“I love you, Kate,” he said in a gentle voice.

“I love you too,” she said as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

“Are you sure you still love me?” he asked, lying down beside her and taking her hand.

“This isn’t about you.” She looked over at him. “This is about me.”

“I want to understand, baby. I really do,” he said. “But you have to help me with this.”

“How can I help you when I don’t understand it myself?” The damn burst and she started to cry. “I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore.”

“Ah, Kate,” Jack sighed as he pulled her to him and cradled her in his arms.

Kate wept into his chest and Jack let her. He didn’t know what else to do. It felt so damn good to feel her connecting to his skin and he soaked it up like a dry sponge. Kate continued to cry, melding to him and feeling safe for the first time in a long while. Suddenly she felt a surge in the back of her neck and like a wild-fire, a burst of heat erupted through her body. Her skin got all clammy and she thought she was going to combust on the spot.

“Shit!” Kate growled and pulled away fast. “You’ve got to stop touching me like that!”

She rolled over on her back in sheer desperation of air. Her body was on fire. She ripped at her clothes, unbuttoning her top and fanning it in hopes of bringing relief.

“What can I do to help?” asked Jack, seeing her skin flush red.

“Stick me in a freezer,” she groaned.

“I have a better idea,” he stated. “Come with me.”

Jack climbed from the bed and walked around to her side. He reached for her hand and pulled her from the bed. He led her into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

“The cool water should keep your temperature down. This way I can hold you without you bursting into flames.”

Kate looked at the shower and then at Jack, watching as he discarded his clothes. It was her turn, and Jack went to remove her shirt—

Her body tensed. He would see her disfigurement and it would all be over. Kate panicked not wanting him to see. She couldn’t let him, knowing that she looked like a freakish monster. It would rip her apart to see the look of disgust on his face when he saw her hideous breast. Kate stepped back and slapped his hands away.

“Stop that!” she growled. “This isn’t about me. This is about you trying to finagle sex from me again.”

“No, baby,” he said, seeing her anger return. “I just want to hold you and help.”

“You want to help me Jack? Then leave me the hell alone,” shouted Kate, and she stormed back in the bedroom.

“Oh no you don’t,” yelled Jack as he grabbed his clothing off the floor and ran after her. “Not this time.”

Jack almost fell over as he hopped back into his jeans. He caught up to Kate just as she was about to leave.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he questioned angrily. “We’re not done here.”

“Oh, I think we’re done,” she yelled. “Now get out of my way!”

“No.” He blocked the door. “You and me are going to hash this thing out, once and for all.”

“No, we’re not, Jack.” Kate crossed her arms over her chest.

“What is so terrible that you won’t let me touch you?” He seemed beside himself.

“You don’t want to know,” she said. “Now get out of my way before we both say something we might regret.”

“I’m done walking on egg shells,” Jack yelled. “You’re going to talk me and tell me what’s going on in that crazy head of yours.”

“So now I’m crazy?” She released a snort.

“Ah hell, Kate, I didn’t mean it that way and you know it.” He ran his fingers through his hair.

“Oh, you did mean it,” said Kate, and she began to pace the room. “What do you want from me? I’m sick. Don’t you get it? I’m sick!”

“I know you’re sick,” Jack yelled back, and strode toward her. “But you aren’t the only one going through this. I’m affected too.”

“It’s not the same,” she hollered. “It’s not your body they hacked off and it’s not your body getting chemo.”

“You’re a part of me, Kate,” he hollered in frustration. “You can’t keep shutting me out.”

“You don’t really want me to share this with you,” said Kate angrily. “You may think you do because it boosts that damn male ego of yours, but when it comes right down to it, you couldn’t handle it.”

“How do you know I couldn’t handle it?” he shouted. “You won’t even give me a chance.”

“You want to see what I have to live with?” Kate screamed so loud she hurt her throat.

“Yes, I do,” he yelled back.

“I hate you, Jack.” Her eyes welled up with angry tears. “I hate you for loving me the way you do. You make this so damn difficult knowing the kind of man you are.”

“What kind of man am I?” She was speaking in riddles and he had no idea what she was talking about.

“You’re the kind of man who doesn’t need a woman with breast cancer,” she cried. “As altruistic as you may
think
you are—you can’t handle this!”

“Why do I feel like I’m being condemned for something I didn’t do?” He was livid.

“Not yet anyway,” she spat, “but give it time.”

“You’re wrong, Kate!” he said as he felt like he was being punched in the gut. “Dead wrong!”

“I don’t think I am,” she said, and sat down in the chair.

“Your head is getting all jumbled again. You’ve been listening to your mother way too much.”

“Keep my mother out of this,” she snapped.

“You need to talk to somebody,” said Jack. “And if you won’t talk to me then you need to call Clara. She’ll straighten your head out.”

Jack walked over to the night table and picked up Kate’s cell phone.

“Call her!” he said, handing her the phone.

“I don’t need to call Clara.” Her back pricked with annoyance. “I don’t need that busybody meddling in my business.”

“Clara is your best friend, for Christ’s sake,” he said exasperated. “Now pick up that damn phone and call her.”

“No,” Kate shouted.

“If you won’t than I will.” Jack took the phone back.

“Don’t you dare call her,” Kate yelled and jumped from the chair.

She grabbed the phone away from Jack and threw it across the room, crashing it against the wall. The phone shattered in two. Jack walked over and picked up the phone.

“You broke it!” he yelled, looking at the shattered pieces in his hand.

“Good,” she yelled back.

“Damn you, Kate!” Jack saw red. He threw it across the room shattering it further against the wall. He released a frustrated growl as his hands balled into fists. “I’m out of here!”

Jack was over the edge with rage. He needed to be as far away from Kate as he could get before he throttled her. He stormed for the hall, slamming the door open and it hit the back wall making a dent.

“Good, leave!” Kate ran to the door and shouted as she watched him stride with angry steps to the stairs. She slammed the door closed then fell on the bed and wept.