The Pretty App (10 page)

Nic was smiling, despite everything, but Audrey almost looked worried. “Maybe you should be the one to call him, then,” Nic said. Then she elbowed me gently. “If you’re, like, his lover or something,” she teased.

I laughed, but Audrey didn’t. I scrolled through my contacts. I smiled when I saw how Leo had entered his name in my phone:
Leo Trog Bauer.
His line rang a few times before he finally picked up. “Hello?” he said gruffly, in an unfriendly voice that caught me off guard. But then I realized he wouldn’t recognize my number—I hadn’t called his
phone yet. “Leo? It’s me,” I said. And then, nervous, I added, “Blake.”

“Hey,” he said quickly, his voice changing to the one I recognized. “Everything okay with your sister?”

“Not exactly,” I said. “Someone posted this video of her, and she needs it taken down as soon as possible. Audrey’s here.”

“Audrey’s there?” Leo asked, like that was the important part.

“Yeah,” I said, wondering what the big deal was. Maybe he was shocked that we were coexisting in the same room. “She says she can’t figure out how to get the video down, but that you might.”

“Text me the address,” Leo said. “I’m on my way.”

“I
tried to tell Mom and Dad during senior year,” Nic said a few minutes later. Audrey and I were sitting next to her in the bed. “But they have no idea Samantha and I are still together.”

“Senior year in
high school
?” I asked. “You knew then?”

Nic nodded, and I tried not to let on how hurt I was that she’d kept this from me for so long. “You were only thirteen, Blake,” Nic said, and I knew she’d already sensed how I felt. “I wasn’t ready to tell you, and I wasn’t sure you’d understand yet. And then after Mom and Dad’s reaction, I was sure I could never tell anyone again.”

“What did they do?” Audrey asked, tucking her skinny legs beneath her butt. If anyone knew what my parents were capable of besides Nic and me, it was Audrey.

“Oh, God,” Nic said, shaking her head. She looked pained. “They said it wasn’t right, that it wasn’t
natural
, and
that I was never to see Samantha again. I tried to explain how much I loved her and how it wasn’t anything to be ashamed of, how they didn’t understand what we had, our bond.”

As Nic spoke, my mind flashed back to the list I’d found on the notebook pages:

Reasons

We love each other

Mom and Dad will never understand, they don’t feel what I do

It was all about Samantha, and the reasons they should be able to be together. I’d been so focused on everything between Nic and me that I never imagined the list could be about another girl. I thought back to that year—how angry and hurt Nic had seemed, how she’d suddenly just turned away from all of us, like we were her enemies. I was only thirteen, and maybe I couldn’t have helped her, but I wished she’d given me the chance. Instead, she’d been hurting all by herself, and so had I.

“I wish you’d told me,” I said. I didn’t want to make it about me, but I had to say something.

“I know, Blake,” Nic said gently. “But it was all so bad—and it’s
still
so bad with Mom and Dad—that I just needed space from our family.”

“Can’t we at least try?” I asked. “We could survive them with each other.”

Nic was quiet, and then Audrey cleared her throat. “Everything that happened to me would’ve been so much easier if I’d had a sister,” she said. She said it like it was the truest thing in the world, like it was something we
should’ve realized a long time ago, something we never should have let slip away.

Nic took a breath. She looked from Audrey to me, and then her gaze held mine. “We can try,” she said. “But you need to quit some of the stuff you pull at Harrison. I get that you hurt people because you feel like crap about your own life, but you still need to stop.”

What was it with today? “You sound like Leo,” I said, a little embarrassed that she was saying this kind of stuff in front of Audrey.

“I’m serious,” Nic said. “Now I know what it’s like to be the one getting bullied. I went from being the queen bee at Harrison to the gay girl. Kids are better to each other in college, but there’s still some of it,” she said.

Guilt and sadness poured through me. The thought of anyone making fun of my sister made my stomach turn. Tears started again, spilling over my lashes.

“Okay, okay,” I said. “I promise.”

Audrey squeezed my hand. And then she elbowed me gently. “I think you’re becoming a softie or something,” she said.

“
Never
,” I said with extra attitude, and even Nic laughed.

I wasn’t sure what was happening to me, and it’s not like I really believed in signs from the universe, but it did seem like someone or something was nudging me forward.

“Does Samantha know about the video?” I asked. “Is she worried?”

Nic nodded. “We knew someone took a video or a picture or something that night, but we didn’t recognize the
kid, and then he ran away. Sam’s been terrified for days. Her parents aren’t psycho narcissists like ours, but no one’s ever come out in her family, so she doesn’t know what it will be like, and plus she’s the only daughter, and her mom makes her watch things like
Say Yes to the Dress
. And Sam’s embarrassed about the video, too, and that’s the worst part. This isn’t how we wanted to tell the world. We haven’t stopped fighting.”

“I saw you in the mall,” I blurted. “With Samantha. I don’t want you to think I was spying. And I left right away when I realized you were having an argument with her. I didn’t know anything about your relationship.”

There, I’d said it.
Honesty
: Something new for me.

Audrey looked at Nic and then me, and I waited for my sister to get pissed, but she didn’t. She just nodded, and said, “I don’t want to lose her. I’ve been in love with her for five years, and she’s everything to me. That’s why I came home on your birthday. I didn’t expect you or mom to come home early, and I was getting together the scrapbook I’d made and the letters I’d written that I keep in those jewelry lockboxes Dad gave us. I wanted to show her how long I’ve felt this way. But this isn’t easy. You can’t imagine how hard it is to be gay, even now. We want to hold hands when we walk around campus, but there are still some people who say awful things when we pass.”

This time, the knock on the door made me jump. I was unbearably nervous for Nic to meet Leo after what I’d just told her. I practically leapt off the bed. I opened the door to see Leo standing there with his hands jammed
into his pockets, just like Audrey had stood. Maybe it was a Trog thing.

Leo looked taller than ever in Nic’s doorway. He’d changed from the clothes he’d worn to Chicago into a gray T-shirt, Levi’s, and dark red Converse. His hair was rumpled, and I wondered if I’d woken him when I’d called. He looked so cute, and I was surprised at how relieved I felt that he was there. Maybe he could fix this. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he kissed my cheek, returning my hug. “You okay?” he asked.

I pulled away, telling him that I was. Leo stepped inside the room and I locked the door behind him. “This is my sister, Nic,” I said, and Nic gave Leo a small, sad smile. “It’s nice to meet you,” she said. “And thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” Leo said, his tone more serious than I was expecting.

Audrey stared up at Leo with a strange look on her face—not exactly the kind of look you’d give one of your friends. She almost looked wary, or unhappy that he’d actually shown up. “C’mon,” she said, sliding off the bed. He followed her to the computer. They talked in hushed tones, and then a smirk played on Leo’s lips. “It won’t be a problem,” he said. He looked at Audrey like he was daring her to challenge him.

Audrey put her palms up. “Do your thing,” she said.

Leo sat at the computer. He didn’t press play on Nic’s video, and somehow, in that moment, it felt like one of the kindest things I’d ever seen anyone do. His long fingers were splayed as he attacked the keys, and his
movements were faster and choppier than Audrey’s had been. More confident. I shuddered as he typed
MD5SUM GIRLSKISSING.AVI
. I didn’t know much about programming, but I figured that was the title the creep who ran the website had given to the video of my sister. A progress bar ran along the bottom of the screen:

72%

87%

99%

After a few more moments that felt like an eternity, Leo whirled around in Nic’s chair with a devious grin on his face. “I’m all done,” he said. “No more video. Ever.”

“How?” Nic asked. Her voice was filled with relief, but you could tell there was a part of her that worried it was too easy.

“I generated what’s called a checksum,” Leo said quickly, “which is just a digital signature of a file. And then I wrote a script on the server that looks for that checksum, and I set it to run automatically every 30 seconds. Every time the checksum is detected, the file will be automatically deleted. Buh-bye, video.” He grinned, looking utterly satisfied with his work. Even Audrey was smiling. Watching them made me realize how much they loved code, and in that moment I understood it more than ever before: I saw the thrill of it. “You Trogs are more badass than I’ve given you credit for,” I said, and Leo laughed.

Nic climbed from the bed, shaking her head. “Thank you,” she said, wiping tears from her eyes. She threw her arms around Leo’s neck and thanked him again and again,
her words getting lost in his T-shirt.

Leo locked eyes with me as Nic hugged him. “Happy to help,” he said gently. My insides felt funny as he stared at me.

Nic pulled away. She turned and looked at me for a few beats. Then she moved across the rug with her arms out. When her arms folded over my shoulders it was like being home. Not home as in our house, but home as in the way people described feeling like they were exactly where they belonged. I didn’t want to leave her. What if the next time we saw each other things went back to the way they’d been the past few years?

“Thank you,” Nic said. “For everything.”

I held her tighter to me. “We’re on the same team,” I said. “Please remember that. I need you, too.”

Nic nodded against my shoulder. “I’m sorry I ever forgot,” she said. Then she pulled away and looked into my eyes. “You’ll remember your promise, too?”

“I’ll be better,” I said. It was time: I’d do it
now
, before it was too late. “But not too much better.” We both smiled.

I glanced at Audrey and Leo. “Thank you,” I said.

Audrey looked nervous for the first time since she’d gotten here. “Can you take me home?” she asked. “Aidan drove me. I can always call him for a ride, but I just figured—”

“Of course,” I said. I wanted to link my arm through hers, but I didn’t want to push it. Instead, I held the door for her to pass through, and Leo followed.

“Just call Audrey and me if you need anything else,” Leo said. “We’re like Ghostbusters for computers.”

It was a silly thing to say, but it seemed to be exactly what Nic needed. She laughed and said, “Nice to meet you, Leo.”

I waved to Nic as Leo shut the door. The three of us stood in the hallway. “I can’t believe you did it,” I said. “You’re both so hard-core.”

“It was all Leo,” Audrey said quickly, examining the back of her hands. “You ready, Blake?”

“Sure,” I said, reaching into my bag for my keys. Audrey was acting oddly eager to get out of there, and it seemed pretty clear that something had gone down between her and Leo. I could ask Audrey in the car, when we were alone, but the chances that she’d confide in me were slim, even after tonight.

We made our way silently down the hall and waited for the elevator. When the door opened, Samantha Cavelli walked out, carrying a bouquet of daisies. Her blue eyes were focused on the flowers, and she didn’t look up at us. But Audrey and I exchanged a smile when we saw her head toward my sister’s room.

A
brand-new black Land Rover waited at the curb outside Nic’s dorm. I was somehow both surprised and not surprised when it turned out to be Leo’s. He either had a thing for nice cars and owned more than one, or he had rented the Mustang especially for today. Both options made him more of an enigma. South Bend wasn’t the kind of town where teenagers drove around eighty-thousand-dollar cars, or rented vintage Mustangs to take someone on a date. Maybe it was a California thing?

I could feel Leo watching me notice the car. I thought about saying something, but suddenly his mouth was against mine. The kiss was fast and chaste, but I was still taken aback that he’d done it in front of Audrey. When he pulled away he said, “Good night, Blake,” and then walked off like it was no big deal.

I could barely catch my breath as I watched him climb
into his car. The ignition roared to life and he sped away.

“I don’t feel like going home yet,” Audrey said suddenly. I whirled around to face her. If she was surprised by the kiss, she didn’t let on.

“Oh, okay,” I said, unsure of what she wanted me to do.

“Want to go to the Grotto?” she asked.

I considered her standing there with her skinny hip jutted out. She seemed so much more at ease with me. Maybe it was because we were at Notre Dame, where we had only good memories together.

I checked my watch. I still had half an hour until I had to be home, but I texted my parents anyway, just to be safe. “Back way?” I asked Audrey.

“If you can do the hill in those shoes,” she said, smiling as we started walking.

“So that’s why you always wear sneakers?” I asked, my voice teasing. “So you can handle any terrain?”

“Whatever, Cinderella,” she said, and I tried not to laugh, but I couldn’t help it. I was wearing pointy, silvery flats that
did
kind of look like glass slippers.

We hadn’t been alone like this since last semester. But it didn’t feel strained like it did back then. It felt like it used to.

We walked quietly past Nic’s dorm and over the grass. There were winding stone stairs that led to the Grotto, but when we were little, we’d made a pact never to take the stairs, only to race down the hill, no matter how old we got. We’d always say how when we were roommates at Notre Dame we’d have to explain to all of our new college
friends why we had to take the hill. Then Audrey would say how we’d be old grannies together and we’d still have to take the hill, even with our fake hips.

Maybe we weren’t going to be roommates, but at least we were going to school together here in the fall. At least we’d made that part come true.

“I can’t believe this is going to be our home in a few months,” Audrey said as we crossed the grass. I could see the top of the hill and the thick trees separating us from the Grotto.

“I was just thinking about it,” I said. “Don’t forget what we promised about the hill.”

“How could I?” Audrey asked.

We stood at the top of the hill and looked out at the dark lake in the distance.

“Ready?” Audrey asked.

“Go!” I shouted, and we took off, our legs moving faster and faster as we picked up speed down the incline. I nearly wiped out on a patch of wet grass, and we were both laughing when we hit the bottom. Audrey put her hands on her knees to steady herself. “I’m glad we’re both going here,” she said, catching her breath. “It’s what we always wanted.”

“It’s what your dad would’ve wanted, too,” I said, hoping I wasn’t overstepping.

Audrey glanced at the night sky. “That’s for sure,” she said. I watched her tilt her head all the way back to look at the stars, and then I did the same. We stood that way for a long time, our breath slowing. A bright half-moon lit up a
piece of the sky above us. My eyes glazed as I stared at the stars sprinkled around it, and I got that same feeling again:
I could be someone new here
. I could be someone who wasn’t so concerned with what everyone else thought, someone who didn’t keep others at arm’s distance, who wasn’t feared by everyone around her. I could be someone I liked, someone I believed in. Notre Dame could be a fresh start for me. It could be a whole new life.

Audrey touched my shoulder and looked at me like she could read my mind. “Now let’s get our prayer on,” she said, making me laugh.

We moved over the dirt and through a patch of trees until we arrived at the Grotto. It was my favorite place on campus. Hundreds of glittering white candles filled a hollowed-out cave-like stone formation. Kneelers lined the front of an iron gate where students gathered to pray. Even at night there were usually plenty of Notre Dame kids who came to the Grotto to pray or sit quietly. But tonight was quieter. Audrey and I practically had the place to ourselves.

“It relaxes me just seeing it,” Audrey said.

“Me too,” I agreed. “Maybe we’ll both get placed in Lewis and then we’ll be near the Grotto.”

Audrey looked at me. It was the closest I’d come to mentioning our dream of rooming together in a very long time. “Yeah,” she said. “Maybe.”

Audrey went to the iron gate and knelt down. I followed, settling just a few inches from her. The glow from the candles pushed back the darkness. I stared up at the statue of the Virgin Mary and then at the thick trees
surrounding the hill into which the Grotto was carved. We knelt like that for a while, and I tried to pray, but I kept getting distracted. So much had happened today. There was Leo, of course. And Nic revealing her big secret. And then this new thing with Audrey, whatever it was.

“I want you to be careful with him,” Audrey said suddenly, her sharp words breaking through the still night air.

I turned to her, but she was facing forward, her hands clasped in prayer. When she finally looked at me I saw how nervous she was.

“Careful?” I asked, having no idea what she was talking about.

“With Leo,” she said. “I want you to be careful.”

“Why?”

She shook her head just slightly. “Something’s not adding up,” she said. “He won’t talk about his life back home. He didn’t move here with either of his parents. He’s living alone in a huge apartment, and his programming skills are so far past mine it’s like he’s a professional.”

“So he’s better than you,” I said. “So what? That
is
possible, Audrey, for someone to be better than you at hacking.” I didn’t want to fight with her, but she was overreacting. And if that’s all she had to go on, then it wasn’t really fair to Leo. “Maybe something happened to his parents. Or maybe they disowned him for the trouble he got in when he—” I stopped short. I’d opened my big mouth, and I had no idea whether or not Leo had ever told Audrey and the Trogs about his past, or whether it was a secret he’d only told me.

“Trouble?” Audrey repeated.

“Never mind,” I said quickly, hoping I hadn’t said too much. “The point is, just because someone doesn’t have a perfect family life and is better than you at coding doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with him.”

“I know that,” Audrey said, her voice rising in pitch. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

My grip tightened on the black iron gate. “I can handle myself.”

“Fine,” Audrey mumbled. She looked down at her hands again. “Maybe you’re right.”

“We should go,” I said.

I finally had something good in my life; I finally had a guy who made me feel like girls felt in the movies, or in the books I read. I wasn’t going to let Audrey cast a shadow on it because of her jealousy about Leo being a better programmer.

Audrey let out a long breath. “It’s your call, Blake,” she said, pushing to a stand. “Just like always.”