The Pregnancy Test (21 page)

“T
here’s something I meant to tell you about this morning,” Damien said, straightening the silverware on his napkin. “But you were in such a hurry to get to the office I barely got a word in before you shoved me out the door.”

He grinned at Mandy sitting across the table from him, thinking how ironic it was that she had been the one eager to rush off to work and he’d been thinking that just once in a while it would be nice to spend the day lounging in bed.

“Well, really, no one was expecting you to be there today, since you cancelled all your appointments, but if I didn’t show up, it would look really bad. Like I don’t go to work when my boss is out of town.”

Mandy had a tight black top on with a black-and-white floral skirt, though he couldn’t see the knee-length skirt under the table. But he had a great view of the top and her healthy cleavage spilling from the open neck. She had put on a necklace, a little oval encrusted with diamonds, and it dipped enticingly toward her breasts. When she sat back, her belly rounded under the stretchy shirt, and he thought she was the hottest, sexiest woman in existence.

“For all they know, you could have taken a personal day.” He knew she was right, but it had been difficult to walk away from her to head home and change his clothes. Then when he’d gotten to the office, she had hidden from him. It had been a long, torturous day where he had walked around with the knowledge that he loved Mandy and she loved him. It had seemed like something so momentous should call for at least one day off, and he’d paced around the eighteenth floor restlessly, until Rob had told him he was scaring the employees and could he just stay in his office if he was going to pace and scowl?

He was starting to think that Mandy had set up a cubicle in the woman’s rest room, because he hadn’t seen her all day. And now he was starved for her.

“Damien, executives can do what they want. Secretaries can’t. Everyone talks and watches and gossips and they already think it was odd that I went to Punta Cana with you. And they are all catching on to the fact that I’m bursting out my clothes.”

“And quite beautifully.” He couldn’t help but glance at her chest again.

“Oh, stop it, you lecher,” she said, laughing. “You know, I’m going to have to quit this job. If we’re going to be involved, that is.”

“We are.” He was firm on that point. Beyond firm. He was concrete-solid, steel determination.

“There are too many conflicts of interest. I don’t want everyone in the office talking about me.”

“So we’ll just switch you with someone else’s assistant. You don’t have to quit.” He didn’t want to be the cause of that. He didn’t want to give her any stress or cause to worry about her health benefits. “Though it brings me to tears to give you up, I can see the wisdom of us not working directly together.”

She laughed. “What a gesture. You mean, you’ll be willing to go on the Great Assistant Hunt all over again? Just for me. How sweet.”

“Sweet is not normally a word used to describe me. But yes, I’ll suffer through another Lanie for you.” He was starting to think he’d do just about anything for Mandy. “Anyway, I’m trying to tell you something.”

“What’s that?” Mandy took a sip of her Diet Coke and licked her lips.

Damien frowned. He’d been so busy staring at her breasts he hadn’t really noticed what she’d ordered. “Should you be drinking that? They’re really not sure about the safety of aspartame.”

She was still smiling, but her eyes got a little sharp. “I’m just going to pretend you didn’t say that.”

“What? You read the book—didn’t it say that?” He hadn’t dreamt that. He hadn’t even slept the night before.

“I’m not giving up Diet Coke.” Her fingers tightened around the glass. “I’ve given up coffee, deli meat, sushi, sleeping on my back, taking an aspirin when I have a headache. I’ve given up all pretensions of modesty, I’ve given up my shop, and I’ve given up wine and all other forms of alcohol. I am not giving up my Diet Coke when there’s no proof whatsoever that it’s harmful.”

Meow
. Geez, here was the irritable thing, apparently. Damien reached for a compromise. “So, just drink regular Coke, then. It doesn’t have aspartame.”

“It only has about five thousand calories that I do not need since my bum is spreading even as we speak.”

“Your butt is not spreading.” The very thought made him smirk. The look on her face caused him to straighten up and slap a sober expression in place of the grin.

She didn’t appear placated.

“Instead of talking about my backside, what is it you wanted to say?” Mandy looked around the restaurant, which was a sterile and cool Pan-Asian place. “And when is the food going to get here? I’m absolutely starving.”

She was being snarky, she knew it. But she was hungry and tired. Staying up all night having sex had sapped her energy. It was one more thing to stress over. She was having a little trouble picturing herself waking every two hours to feed an infant.

Plus she was worried about Damien. He loved her. She believed that he did, sincerely. But he wasn’t discussing the future with her, and while she couldn’t blame him, since they were just getting started on their relationship, she felt a sense of urgency. This wasn’t the same for her as it was for him.

He probably needed to take things slowly, cautiously. After all, his wife had been killed, violently. Mandy was the first woman he had made love to in all that time, the first woman he had expressed feelings for.

But while he needed to adjust, she felt the need to know her future now. She had enough concerns and fears and life changes, she just didn’t think she could wait around and see how all this was going to turn out.

She wanted a commitment or she didn’t want anything at all. Her heart, her willpower, wasn’t strong enough to continue on dating him indefinitely, waiting for him to figure out what he might want. Regardless of how she felt, her child was her number one concern.

Her daughter.

The very thought of her baby made her flush with happiness.

“We can order an appetizer. I’ll flag the waitress down and see how long it’s going to be.”

He was trying, she’d give him that. She was being peevish, and he was just concerned about her.

“I can wait a few more minutes.”

“Ben stopped by the apartment this morning while you were sleeping,” he said, before she’d even completely finished her sentence.

“What?” That startled her stomach off thoughts of food. “What did he want?”

“He never did say what he came by for originally once he realized that you and I…that we…” Damien cleared his throat.

“Oh, God! You let him know we’re sleeping together?” She could only imagine what Ben must have thought. That she was a slut was the first thought that came to mind.

“Well, it was kind of obvious.”

She had no problem picturing it. Damien in his underwear, looking sexy and rumpled and giving Ben that cool,
I’m in charge
stare that he had perfected. “And instead of waking me, you told him to stop back later?”

“Well…” Damien’s fingers drummed on the table. He had trouble sitting still, the way he always did. A part of his body was always moving. He didn’t look as though he’d been up all night expending energy instead of conserving it in sleep. “Maybe you should talk to Ben about what he said.”

Oh, that sounded promising. And distracting. And infuriating. Given that she’d come to realize she didn’t know Ben at all or what he might say, she couldn’t even begin to imagine what he had said to Damien. And she wanted to know. “You can just tell me. I promise I won’t kill the messenger.”

“He said he was relieved that you were seeing someone.”

No, she couldn’t have predicted that. “Oh, really? And why is that, I wonder?”

Damien’s blue eyes were unreadable. “Because he said he’s not really all that interested in being a father the third time over, but he was reluctant to leave you on your own. He felt if I was serious about you—which I am—that he could bow out of the situation and leave you in, ah, good hands.”

Mandy felt as if she’d been dealt a good swift kick to the shins. “Oh, did he now?” Her voice wavered and she blinked hard to dispense tears that had risen without warning. Damn, why should it matter? But it hurt. It bloody well hurt to hear Ben talk so callously about her. As if she was a baton to pass off from one runner to another.
Here you go, thanks, chum, your turn now
.

Damien reached for her hands. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to tell you all this here. I just wanted to tell you he’d stopped by so you could call him.”

“You’re not the one who needs to apologize.” Damn, was she really such a poor judge of character that she’d never seen that kind of weakness in Ben? And what did that say about her feelings for Damien? What was she misinterpreting or choosing not to see there?

Knowing she was about to cry for real and embarrass the hell out of herself, she stood up. Damien got to his feet, too, startled.

“I’m just going to the rest room. I need a second. I’ll be right back.” She bent over and grabbed her purse. “And if my miso chicken isn’t here when I get back, I’m storming that kitchen for it myself.”

Then she bolted before he could stop her.

Damien stared after Mandy, her skirt twitching around her legs as she walked quickly toward the rest rooms.

He had messed that up. He hadn’t meant it to sound so cold, but then, Ben’s words had been cold. Maybe there was no way around that. He was certain that she didn’t have feelings for Ben the Bastard any longer, but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t still hurt.

He rearranged his silverware for the third time, took a sip of his Coke. Stared at her Diet. Then switched them. She didn’t need to worry about ass spreading.

But he wasn’t sure what his role was in relation to her ass spreading or anything else for that matter. Did he have the right to be involved in her pregnancy?

Did he have the right to be the baby’s father?

Father. The word alone had him choking on his ice cube.

He’d never thought much about having kids. Jess had never wanted children, and since he’d never spent a lot of time around them himself, it hadn’t seemed like such a big deal. Besides, they had been young, just in their twenties, and he’d thought maybe later Jess would change her mind and they would talk about it. He would have been happy either way, he’d figured, but had always kind of secretly hoped Jess would go for kids eventually.

There were good memories from his childhood, a lot of good memories, and he had wanted to repeat that.

But then Jessica had been murdered, and there had been no thought to anything but getting through one long, painful day at a time. Kids became unfathomable. An impossibility. An alien concept in his frozen, hard, minimalist existence.

But for a man who had spent three years clamping down on every emotion, his seemed to have all burst out in one great greedy rush, a tidal wave of want and desire crashing over him.

He wanted Mandy. He wanted her baby. He wanted to get over his past and be given the chance to live again, a real life, with love and laughter and someone to share his home.

Was he ready? No, he was sure he
wasn’t
ready. He was sure that he was going to make mistakes, sure that he was going to smother Mandy with his needs and wants and neuroticisms. Sure that the thought of calling another woman his wife again would send him into a cold sweat. Sure that it was too easy to expect everything to be handed to him all neat and tidy and wrapped with a bow.

Mandy came back, pale but composed. Their food was still MIA.

“Why don’t I just get the food to go?” This wasn’t really the place to say what either of them needed to say.

“That’s a good idea. How close are we to your place?”

Damien gestured to the waitress. “Just a block.” That had been the reason he’d chosen this restaurant. He’d been hoping to entice her home with him, where he had a nice large bed, air-conditioning, and thick walls that muffled any screaming in pleasure she might be inclined to do.

“Perfect.”

He handed his credit card to the waitress, who promised to expedite their departure when he explained Mandy wasn’t feeling good.

Mandy touched her stomach. “Oh, that was weird. She knew I was pregnant, didn’t she? People look at me and see a pregnant woman.” Her cheeks pinkened.

Damien wasn’t sure what the correct response was to that, so he just nodded. Mandy took a sip of her soft drink and made a face. Then she stared down into her glass, eyes narrowed, and took another pull on her straw. Her voice was outraged. “Did you switch our drinks?”

Oh, shit. Her hand reached for his glass, but he pulled it out of reach, which was stupid, because he was already busted. “Maybe you just picked the wrong one up.”

Mandy rolled her eyes, but she was laughing, thank God. “Nice try. You are very lucky that I love you, or you’d be wearing that Diet Coke in your lap right now.”

But her threat didn’t bother him in the least. He stared at her, amazed at how those words could change his every perspective, every thought, every day. “I am lucky that you love me. I don’t deserve this much luck.”