Authors: Christine Seifert
She shakes her head sadly. “No, they aren't. Don't you see? The test has
made
them different. It doesn't matter if the science behind it is all hogwash. We can't undo what's already been done. The predicted will become exactly what we tell them they are going to become. That's the tragedy here.”
“What can we do?”
Melissa smiles a hopeful smile. “Well, we can try to be decent human beings. We can help people whenever possible. We can eat pizza.” She sniffs a piece of bacon ranch. “We can go for a jog immediately following this meal.”
I wait until we are almost done eating, until I know the time is right. “Melissa?” I say.
She wipes her hands on a napkin. “Yes?”
“I'm going to QH next year. I don't want to go to the Bass School.”
“I understand,” she responds, surprising me. “It's the right thing to do.”
She holds my hand for just a second across the sticky table. But instead of making me feel like a toddler, I feel like I've grown up. And we both know it.
“You know what?” I say. “I think I'm happy.”
And now I'm telling the truth.
I don't know what happens next.
âDaphne Wright
The lake is the only place where I can think. Dusk is my favorite time, the best time of the day. On the pier, in the hot, humid breeze, I can think. Sometimes I bring a book. Sometimes I just watch the joggers.
“Can I sit?” The voice comes from behind me. I whip my head around. And there he is. A million times I've imagined it. But he's really here.
“Jesse,” I say, trying out his name.
He kneels beside me. He points to the brown lake water lapping at the shore. “Somebody dumped a toaster oven in there. It washed up right about here. I found it last week.”
“Oh, yeah? Only in Quiet.”
“Only in Quiet,” he repeats. He sits down next to me. We don't look at each other, but the smell of himâhis cologne mixed with minty gumâmakes me picture him as if he's looking right at me.
“Almost time for school to start.”
“The summer went by too fast. It always does.”
“I'm ready for a change.”
I pick up a stick and drag it through the water.
“You like it here? At the lake?” he asks.
“I love it,” I tell him. “How'd you know where to find me? Or maybe you weren't looking for me,” I add quickly.
“Does it matter?” he says. “Whether I was looking or not? The point is that I just knew you were here. Just like I knew it was you that night. I knew you were in trouble. We're just linked together in some weird way, I guess.”
I see his head move in my peripheral vision. “You didn't call.”
“Neither did you.”
He's right. I haven't known what to say. I haven't known what we are to each other.
Until now.
I know with a sureness that I've never had about anything: we are meant to be together. I turn to tell him. I don't care what PROFILE says. I don't care about anything. Except him. Except us. It just took me a while to realize it. And I just know he feels the same way. It's time to start over.
I turn my head toward him. My lips are ready to speak, but I can't, because his lips are already covering mine. When we move apart, he speaks first. “Don't say anything. We got lost, but we're back where we're supposed to be.”
***
It's too hot for boots, but I want to wear my new grey slouches with my skinny jeans. I throw on a white tank top with a vintage necklace Melissa gave me as a back-to-school present. “Don't forget that the Perseids meteor shower is tonight!” she'd called this morning when I walked out the door. It's exactly the kind of non sequitur I expect from her, and it makes me smile.
Jessie drives me. When we pull up to the school parking lot, it's eerily empty. Quiet High's population has dropped in half. We still park far from the entrance so we can walk hand-in-hand to the front doors. We pause at the flagpole, where a handful of students are gathered to smoke and complain about the first day.
I stop and turn to him, my hands on his shirt and his skinny tieâhe's dressed for work after school. “Do you ever regret it?”
He doesn't have to ask. He knows I'm talking about Josh. About that night.
He stares at the flag, the chain clinking rhythmically against the metal pole.
It all could've turned out so differently. Months later, I'm finally able to think about it. I know that I am lucky that Jesse came home, back to his dad's house, that night. He'd gotten my email a couple of days before. “I needed to see you again,” he told me later. He'd left his mom's house as soon as he got it and drove straight through the night. He went to my house first. Nobody was at home, although I'm sure Melissa was probably camped out in the garage, working away. She wouldn't have noticed anyone at the door. He'd come back to his dad's house just after midnight. The house was strangely quiet, he'd told me. He went to his roomâdown the hall from the rose-carpeted guest roomâand fell asleep immediately, with the intention of going back to my house in the morning. He woke up when he heard the scream.
“Hey,” Jesse says now, “I don't regret anything.” He pulls me into a tight hug. “We're going to be fine, you know.”
“We're going to be fine,” I repeat.
“I still like you, even though you're confirmed.” I teasingly poke him in the ribs. And then, more seriously, I say, “And you like me even though I doubted you?” I ask because I still feel guilty about not believing in him. The last few weeks have been amazing, but we've never had this conversation. Coming back to QH brings it all back. We're in the real world again. Not hiberdating, as Dizzy would say.
“Daphne,” he says, putting his finger under my chin and turning my face toward him, “don't you know? I love you.” My heart turns to a puddle of mush inside my chest.
“I love you too,” I tell him. And I mean it. He kisses me gently, his lips softly brushing mine.
“To senior year,” I say, raising my copy of
1984
, our summer reading project.
“To us,” Jesse says.
“More specifically,” I add, “to the real us. The us right here and now. Not to the us that any technology says we may become. Only we can decide who we are.”
Jesse looks at me solemnly. “To the us that we are, right at this very second,” he says.
We kiss under the flagpole until the last bell rings and we enter Quiet High together, my hand in his, our futures intertwined.
It turns out that writing a book is hard. Fortunately, I had a lot of help. First and foremost, big heaping thank-you's to literary agent extraordinaire Alyssa Eisner Henkin. Her unerring judgment, superb instincts, and endless knowledge should be written about in epic poems. A big hunk of gratitude also goes to the marvelous editor, Leah Hultenschmidt. Not only is she a delightful person, she's a spot-on reader with grace and elegance to spare. The whole Sourcebooks team has been terrific.
Special thanks goes to my employer, Westminster College, who generously gave me a semester of merit leave to write and think. Thank you to my colleagues who let me drone on and on about writing. Drs. Rulon Wood, Janine Wittwer, and Helen Hodgson deserve special credit on that front. Thanks to Elisa Stone, Stacey Winters, Fayth Ross, Dan Boregino, and Camille Etter, dear friends who always encouraged me. Tiffany Dvorske and Sarah Pike were particularly helpful early readers. And thanks to all of my students, who never failed to ask how things were going.
Lots of appreciation for unbridled enthusiasm goes to my terrific in-laws: Ken and Jeanette Twelves, Candie Cox, and Jennifer Jones. Greg Hoverson is still the coolest big brother ever. Thanks also to Taylor Hoverson for reading an early copy and for suggesting that he be a major character in my next book. My parents, Bill and Carol Hoverson, get credit for making me a lifelong reader. They also get all the credit for any other good qualities I might have. Finally, I never would have written a word if not for Robert Seifert, the very best thing that ever happened to me.
Christine Seifert
, a native North Dakotan, is an Associate Professor at Westminster College in Salt Lake City, Utah. When she's not teaching writing and rhetoric, she's an avid reader and an enthusiastic listener of podcasts (especially podcasts about books). She's a fan of taking long walks on sunny days, browsing through the library on Saturday afternoons, and watching embarrassingly bad TV at any time.