The Preachers Son (22 page)

The sun was blazing in the room when I woke up. I had no concept of what time it was or where I was. I just wanted to find the bathroom so I could pee. That’s when I realized Shorty was in the bed with me. At first I was confused, then it hit me.
Fool, you married him
. The events of my wedding day reeled across my mind in a blur.

When I’d put on my gown and veil and seen my reflection in the mirror, it had finally started to feel real to me. I was the bride, and a hundred and fifty guests were waiting to see me walk down the aisle. My father had just come in to tell me how much he loved me. It was too late for me to back out now, so I did my best to forget about the dream I’d just had. This was no fairy tale I was living; Terrance wasn’t going to come and stop the wedding. He had proven himself to be a lying, selfish son of a bitch, and I knew I would be better off when I was finally able to acknowledge that fact and move on. Eventually I would learn to accept and maybe even be happy about being married to Shorty.

When my father escorted me down the aisle, all the guests stood to watch and welcome me. I had seen this tradition many times before, but this time I was overwhelmed. Their smiles and good wishes were for me; this was my day. For a brief time, I was able to forget about all the drama and heartache leading up to this day and just bask in the glow of being the bride. Even my mother, when I approached the front pew where she sat, reached out and squeezed my hand. She looked ready to cry, just like my father. Then I saw Shorty.

He was waiting for me at the altar, looking so handsome in his tuxedo. His eyes locked on mine, and I felt his adoration so powerfully that I just froze. As he stood up there waiting eagerly for his bride, a pang of guilt shot through me. I knew I couldn’t give him more than the tiniest bit of my heart, which felt locked in a steel cage ever since Terrance had hurt me, but Shorty was giving his love so generously. It wasn’t fair to him, and I was the one to blame.

I wanted to turn and run from the church, but my feet wouldn’t move. My father put his hand on my shoulder and turned me toward him, bringing me back to reality. I had gone too far to turn back now, and as much as I couldn’t give Shorty my whole heart, I knew it might hurt him even more if I left him here at the altar.

“I love you, Donna,” my father said as he lifted the veil off my face and kissed me.

I made it through the rest of the ceremony as if I was a puppet. I responded to the reverend’s questions and repeated after him in all the appropriate places, but my body was numb and my mind was blank. There was a momentary feeling of panic when he said, “You may now kiss the bride,” but I performed my duty then also, and before I knew it, I was Shorty’s wife.

The reception was a blur. I stood with Shorty to greet the guests in the receiving line, and though their congratulations were genuine, most of the time I was too numb to even recognize who I was talking to. I wished that could have been the case when I looked down the line and saw Terrance approaching with his new wife. My knees got weak and my stomach felt like a volcano, but Shorty sensed my anxiety and held me closer to keep me from falling on the floor. It took every ounce of strength I had not to spit in Terrance’s face when he told us how happy he was for us. Shorty managed to shake his hand instead of punching his face, then we both turned away to greet the next guests in line.

Terrance had enough sense to stay away from me for the rest of the night, but it was still emotionally draining for me to even know that he was in the room. That, along with the fact that I had to pretend to be so happy in front of my family and the guests, left me completely exhausted. By the time Shorty carried me over the threshold of our honeymoon suite, I barely had enough energy to remove my gown before I was asleep.

It was probably better that I had passed out, because I don’t think I could have faced Shorty. He was obviously ready to consummate our marriage, and my emotions were too raw to even face that issue. I knew I wasn’t ready, but now that the sun was shining into our suite on our first day as a married couple, I couldn’t avoid it forever.

I slipped into the bathroom, wishing I could turn back time to before I got pregnant, but my body wouldn’t let me even pretend that was possible. My breasts were sore, my stomach cramped, not to mention the fact that I felt like I was going to throw up. This was not a good way to start what I knew was going to be another rough day.

When I came out of the bathroom, I looked around for the first time and savored the beautiful décor of the suite. We had a large bedroom as well as a living room area with a fireplace. I went to the large picture window and looked out at the beautiful New York City skyline. The view was awesome.

“Hey, Sleeping Beauty.”

I jumped with a start. Shorty was awake.

“Hey.” I waved from the window.

“Come over here and give your new husband some sugar.” He held out his arms to me.

I walked to him and gave him a hug, feeling again the guilt I had experienced at the altar. I just did not love him the way a woman should love her husband, and I wasn’t sure that kind of passion was something you could learn to feel. Either it was there at the beginning or it wasn’t. I was afraid I was destined to a lifetime of feeling unfulfilled, and that I was offering the same kind of life to Shorty.

For the time being, though, he seemed oblivious to the road we had ahead of us. He leaned in to kiss me, but I pulled away.

“Shorty, I haven’t even brushed my teeth.”

“I don’t care about that. You’re my wife. You can kiss me with the worst halitosis.”

“Well, I do care.” I ran my hand through my hair. “God, I must look a mess. I slept in my clothes. Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“Baby, you were out for the count. Wasn’t any waking you up. Trust me.”

My stomach started to growl, more from nerves than anything else, but I used the excuse to buy some more time. “I’m hungry, Shorty. I need to get something to eat.”

“Aw’ight. I forgot you’re eating for two. Let me order room service. I’d like to feed you breakfast in bed.” He was so accommodating, and it only made my guilt more intense. It was obvious that he was happy we were married. I wished that I could be feeling the same way, but happy was so far from my true feelings.

When the room service cart arrived, Shorty propped up the pillows and put the small serving table before me. He cut up my pancakes and my omelet, then fed me lovingly. I managed to relax a little, and we played around and teased each other throughout the whole breakfast. It reminded me of how well we used to get along before I met Terrance and my life became so complicated. I hoped that one day I might be able to put my past behind me and just accept Shorty’s love.

After he finished eating his breakfast, he became serious. “Donna, you know we haven’t consummated this marriage. You promised when we were married you’d—”

I lifted my hand, cutting him off, then swallowed. “I know what I promised, Shorty. Just let me go take a shower first. Then I’m all yours.”

I think he had to work very hard to keep a grin off his face at that point. I got up from the bed and walked to the shower.

The whole time I was in the shower, my stomach was in knots. Though we got along well and I appreciated Shorty’s generosity toward me, I just couldn’t imagine myself making love to him. Those feelings just were not there, but once I stepped out the bathroom, I was going to have to grin and bear it. Hopefully, he’d be quick so I could be done with it. I stepped out of the shower, dreading what I knew I had to go in the bedroom and do. It turned out, though, that I wouldn’t have to do it that day, because when I looked down, the drops of water on my thigh were mixed with a trail of blood. I let out a terrified scream.

It had been a while since T.K. and I had made love, so I must admit I was smiling as I made his breakfast. Lord, did I love that man, and last night he showed me just how much he loved me, too. It was so nice to have the kids out of the house so we could spend some intimate time together. I spent more time with T.K. in a week than most women spent with their husbands in a month, but I couldn’t remember the last time we were in the house alone without worrying when or if one of the children would be home. Who knows, though? Now that Donna and Shorty were married and Dante was spending so much time with Tanisha, perhaps I’d be able to get to know my husband in a much more intimate way again.

“Hey, Ma.” I looked up to see Dante enter the kitchen wearing pajamas. He surprised me. I had no idea he was even in the house.
Lord, I hope he didn’t hear me screaming last night.

“Good morning, Dante. Would you like some eggs?” I tried to keep up my usually calm demeanor.

“No, thanks. I’m just gonna have some coffee.” He took a mug from the cupboard and poured himself some coffee from the pot on the counter before sitting at the table. I didn’t mention it, but he looked like something was troubling him. I was praying that it wasn’t the fact that he had heard his parents making love last night. “Where’s the bishop?” he asked.

“He’s upstairs getting dressed for church. When did you get home? I didn’t hear you come in.”

“ ’Bout three.”

I glanced at the ceiling and said a quick thanks because by that time T.K. and I had finished making love and were asleep. “I thought you were spending the night at the hotel with the rest of your friends.”

“I was, but I decided I wasn’t really in the mood to celebrate, so I came home.”

“I hope you’re not still angry at Shorty, are you? He’s a part of the family now, and sooner or later you’re going to have to speak to him. Otherwise there are going to be some very quiet Sunday dinners around here.”

“No, it’s not that, Ma. Believe it or not, Shorty and I made up last night. I don’t have no beef with him. I have some other things on my mind.” He rubbed his eyes.

“Well, maybe I have some news that’ll cheer you up.” I sat down in the chair next to him.

“I doubt it,” he answered.

“Oh, just listen for a second. You might just get a kick out of what I have to tell you.” I put down my coffee mug and smiled.

He sighed as if nothing I could say would cheer him up. “Go ahead, Ma.”

“I had a little talk with Anita Emerson last night,” I said, waiting for his response.

His eyes became dark and serious. I had his attention now. Anita must have been more of a pain in his ass than I thought. “About what?”

“About you. I don’t think she’ll be bothering you or Tanisha anymore.”

He tilted his head and stared at me silently, probably unsure how to respond.

“Dante? Did you hear me? She not going to bother you anymore.”

“What do you mean, bother me?”

I gave him a patronizing smile. “It’s okay, son. You don’t have to pretend anymore. I know all about you and Anita.”

He almost dropped his cup of coffee. “You knew?”

“Don’t look so surprised.” I grinned. “A mother’s supposed to know these things.”

“Mom—I…” He couldn’t even finish his sentence. I don’t think that in a million years he would have thought I knew about him and Anita. Like Anita, he must have thought they were so thorough. “How long did you know?”

“Long enough to know you two were pretty serious for a while.”

“If you knew, why didn’t you say something?”

I hesitated for a second. “What, and drive you into her arms further? No, thank you. You thought you were in love, Dante, but I knew it was only a matter of time before you’d split up, especially with Deacon Emerson around, so I just sat back and waited.”

“What do you mean? How’d you know she’d choose Deacon Emerson over me? I thought she loved me.”

“I think she did. But you were missing one key element that a woman like Anita needs—security. When faced with love or security, an older woman will take security every time. She wants to feel like she’s being taken care of, and you were a young college student. You couldn’t give her that, Dante.”

“So you’re saying that her marrying Deacon Emerson had absolutely nothing to do with love?”

I knew my words were hurting him, but he had to hear the truth.

“Yes, that’s what I’m saying. She chose him for security. Maybe she figured she could learn to love him later. And from what I can see, she has.”

“So why is she after me now?”

“Plain and simple—sex. Anita is thirty-five years old. She’s in her sexual prime. Ain’t no way old-behind Deacon Emerson can compete with a twenty-two-year-old man, even with Viagra. She wants the best of both worlds. But believe me, she’s not leaving him.”

Dante shook his head. “You know, Ma, maybe you’re a better judge of character than I thought, because that is all she seemed to want. Did the bishop know?”

“No, that’s one of the few things I’ve kept from him over the years. Why don’t we keep this as our little secret, huh?”

“Sure, Ma…I still can’t believe you knew. You’re a lot cooler than I thought, you know that?” He smiled for the first time.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“You should,” he said. “I’m also glad you let things run their natural course with Anita. If you had interfered, I would have never known that woman has some real issues. I mean, can you imagine if I had ended up marrying her?”

“Let’s not even go there, Dante. Just be happy that now she won’t be bothering you with those issues. Not after the conversation we had last night. I’m certain she’ll leave you alone so that you and Tanisha can be together.”

A frown took over Dante’s face at the mention of Tanisha’s name. Something was obviously wrong between them.

“Me and Tanisha?” He let out a bitter laugh. “Me and Tanisha are as over as me and Anita.”

“What are you talking about? I thought you really cared about her.” I gave him a curt look. “Besides, I’m just starting to like her, and you know your father does too.”

“I did care for her. I do care for her. Ma, I was gonna ask her to marry me,” he admitted, which stunned me, “but I just found out she’s a…” He turned his face away from me as he said, “She was a stripper.”

“Is a stripper or was a stripper? I was told she stopped.”

He turned his head quickly toward me. “What did you say?”

I’d paid a lot of money to have Tanisha checked out, and all my sources said she had stopped stripping. Of course, Dante didn’t need to know I’d “researched” his girlfriend, so I conveniently avoided that information. His expression told me he already understood that I had done it, so I decided there was no reason to discuss it. “I said, is she still stripping?”

“I don’t think so.”

I let out a sigh. “Then what’s the problem?”

“What did you say?” He raised his eyebrows and asked again in utter amazement. “Ma, are you saying you knew about Tanisha’s job and you’re still telling me to be with her?”

“That’s exactly what I’m telling you, Dante. Believe it or not, I’ve learned a few things lately. Better yet, I’ve remembered some things I’d forgotten.”

“Like what?”

“Well, I’ve spent a lot of years worrying about keeping up appearances for myself and this family. That’s why when Donna got pregnant, it was so hard for me to forgive her. Your father was able to forgive her right away, but I was too busy worrying about what people would think. Then yesterday at the wedding I saw just how much Shorty adores her, flaws and all, and I saw how many other people at that wedding were happy for the two of them. Sure, some people will still gossip when Donna’s baby comes sooner than nine months, but in the end, as long as she and Shorty are a loving couple and good parents, people will eventually forget mistakes they made in the past.”

“I hope you’re right, Momma. But what does that have to do with Tanisha? Aren’t you worried that my dating her would wreck the bishop’s chances in the election?”

“You did say that she
used
to work in that place, right?”

“Yeah. She stopped when she got custody of her brother, but—”

I cut him off. “Don’t worry about the election. We’ll find some way to spin it in our favor if her background comes out. I can see the headline now: ‘Bishop Wilson’s Son Dates Ex-Stripper Who Reformed Her Life.’”

“But what about me? I just don’t know if I can forget that she was working there.”

I reached out and placed my hand on his. “Dante, we all make mistakes. I’ve made some of the biggest. What she did in the past isn’t all she is. What really matters is what she plans to do with her life from this day forward. If you really love Tanisha, then I think you should work this out.”

“Momma, I don’t even know what to say right now. You were always telling me to choose my friends more wisely. You hated Shorty because he didn’t come from the same background as us. Now all of a sudden you’re telling me to forget Tanisha’s past and stay with her. It just doesn’t make sense.”

“Like I said, Dante, I remembered some things that were important, and it may seem a little late to you, but I still want you to learn from my mistakes. Don’t do what I’ve done for so many years. Don’t worry about what other people might think. Let your heart guide you.”

“You know, Momma,” he finally said, “I think you might be right. But I want you to tell me something, and be completely honest.”

“What is it?”

“If Tanisha and I can get through this, I want to ask her to marry me. I know you’re saying you’ve turned over a new leaf or whatever, but are you sure—I mean really sure—that you aren’t gonna all of a sudden freak out about the bishop’s campaign and change your mind about her?”

I laughed and looked at him affectionately. “You know, Dante, I might actually enjoy planning another wedding. I’m pretty good at it, if I do say so myself.”

He hugged me. “You know, Ma, I’m starting to like the kinder and gentler you.”

When he released me, I looked at my son as a man for the first time. “Well, I should be getting ready to get to church. Before I go, though, I’d like to give you something.”

“What is it?” I asked.

“It’s a ring. It belonged to my great-aunt Elizabeth, and I’ve been keeping it for years, hoping to give it to one of my children someday. Shorty insisted on buying Donna’s ring, so I couldn’t give it to her. I want you to have it, so that when the time is right, you can give it to Tanisha or some other girl.”

“Ma, you really have changed.”

“No, son, I’ve just realized that you and your sister have grown up and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. So I might as well accept it. I guess it’s time for me to stop thinking about being a mother and start thinking about being a grandmother.”