The Power of Silence (25 page)

The young
man tried another approach.

"I'm a
nagual," he explained. "I bring freedom. I'm the leader of the people
in this house. You are in this house, and because of that you are part of it
whether you like or not."

Don Juan
looked at him dumbfounded, unable to say anything.

"I am
the nagual Julian," his host said, smiling. "Without my intervention,
there is no way to freedom."

Don Juan
still did not understand. But he began to wonder about his safety in light of
the man's obviously erratic mind. He was so concerned with this unexpected
development that he was not even curious about the use of the word nagual. He
knew that nagual meant sorcerer, yet he was unable to take in the total
implication of the nagual Julian's words. Or perhaps, somehow, he understood it
perfectly, although his conscious mind did not.

The young
man stared at him for a moment and then said that don Juan's actual job would
involve being his personal valet and assistant. There would be no pay for this,
but excellent room and board. From time to time there would be other small jobs
for don Juan, jobs requiring special attention. He was to be in charge of
either doing the jobs himself or seeing that they got done. For these special
services he would be paid small amounts of money which would be put into an
account kept for him by the other members of the household. Thus, should he
ever want to leave, there would be a small amount of cash to tide him over.

The young
man stressed that don Juan should not consider himself a prisoner, but that if
he stayed he would have to work. And still more important than the work were
the three requirements he had to fulfill. He had to make a serious effort to
learn everything the women taught him. His conduct with all the members of the
household must be exemplary, which meant that he would have to examine his
behavior and attitude toward them every minute of the day. And he was to
address the young man, in direct conversation, as nagual, and when talking of
him, to refer to him as the nagual Julian.

Don Juan
accepted the terms grudgingly. But although he instantly plunged into his
habitual sulkiness and moroseness, he learned his work quickly. What he did not
understand was what was expected of him in matters of attitude and behavior.
And even though he could not have put his finger on a concrete instance, he
honestly believed that he was being lied to and exploited.

As his
moroseness got the upper hand, he entered into a permanent sulk and hardly said
a word to anyone.

It was then
that the nagual Julian assembled all the members of his household and explained
to them that even though he badly needed an assistant, he would abide by their
decision. If they did not like the morose and unappealing attitude of his new
orderly, they had the right to say so. If the majority disapproved of don
Juan's behavior, the young man would have to leave and take his chances with
whatever was waiting for him outside, be it a monster or his own fabrication.

The nagual
Julian then led them to the front of the house and challenged don Juan to show
them the monstrous man. Don Juan pointed him out, but no one else saw him. Don
tan ran frantically from one person to another, insisting that the monster was
there, imploring them to help him. hey ignored his pleas and called him crazy.
It was then that the nagual Julian put don Juan's fate to vote. The unsociable
man did not choose to vote. He shrugged his shoulders and walked away. All the
women spoke out against don Juan's staying. They argued that he was simply too
morose and bad-tempered. During the heat of the argument, however, the nagual
Julian completely changed his attitude and became don Juan's defender. He
suggested that the women might be misjudging the poor young man, that he was
perhaps not crazy at all and maybe actually did see a monster. He said that
perhaps his moroseness was the result of his worries. And a great fight ensued.
Tempers flared, and in no time the women were yelling at the nagual.

Don Juan
heard the argument but was past caring. He new they were going to throw him out
and that the monstrous man would certainly capture him and take him into
slavery. In his utter helplessness he began to weep.

His despair
and his tears swayed some of the enraged women. The leader of the women
proposed another choice: three-week trial period during which don Juan's
actions and attitude would be evaluated daily by all the women. She warned don Juan
that if there was one single complaint about his attitude during that time, he
would be kicked out for good.

Don Juan
recounted how the nagual Julian in a fatherly manner took him aside and
proceeded to drive a wedge of ear into him. He whispered to don Juan that he
knew for a fact that the monster not only existed but was roaming the property.
Nevertheless, because of certain previous agreements with the women, agreements
he could not divulge, he was not permitted to tell the women what he knew. He urged
don Juan to stop demonstrating his stubborn, morose personality and pretend to
be the opposite.

"Pretend
to be happy and satisfied," he said to don Juan. "If you don't, the
women will kick you out. That prospect alone should be enough to scare you. Use
that fear as a real driving force. It's the only thing you have."

Any
hesitation or second thoughts that don Juan might have had were instantly
dispelled at the sight of the monstrous man. As the monster waited impatiently
at the invisible line, he seemed aware of how precarious don Juan's position
was. It was as if the monster were ravenously hungry, anxiously anticipating a
feast.

The nagual
Julian drove his wedge of fear a bit deeper.

"If I
were you," he told don Juan, "I would behave like an angel. I'd act
any way these women want me to, as long as it kept me from that hellish
beast."

"Then
you do see the monster?" don Juan asked.

"Of
course I do," he replied. "And I also see that if you leave, or if
the women kick you out, the monster will capture you and put you in chains.
That will change your attitude for sure. Slaves don't have any choice but to
behave well with their masters. They say that the pain inflicted by a monster
like that is beyond anything."

Don Juan
knew that his only hope was to make himself as congenial as he possibly could.
The fear of falling prey to that monstrous man was indeed a powerful
psychological force.

Don Juan
told me that by some quirk in his own nature he was boorish only with the
women; he never behaved badly in the presence of the nagual Julian. For some
reason that don Juan could not determine, in his mind the nagual was not
someone he could attempt to affect either consciously or subconsciously.

The other
member of the household, the unsociable man, was of no consequence to don Juan.

Don Juan
had formed an opinion the moment he met him, and had discounted him. He thought
that the man was weak, indolent, and overpowered by those beautiful women.
Later on, when he was more aware of the nagual's personality, he knew that the
man was definitely overshadowed by the glitter of the others.

As time
passed, the nature of leadership and authority among them became evident to don
Juan. He was surprised and somehow delighted to realize that no one was better
or higher than another. Some of them performed functions of which the others
were incapable, but that did not make them superior. It simply made them
different. However, the ultimate decision in everything was automatically the
nagual Julian's, and he apparently took great pleasure in expressing his
decisions in the form of bestial jokes he played on everyone.

There was
also a mystery woman among them. They referred to her as Talia, the nagual
woman. Nobody told don Juan who she was, or what being the nagual woman meant.
It was made clear to him, however, that one of the seven women was Talia. They
all talked so much about her that don Juan's curiosity was aroused to
tremendous heights. He asked so many questions that the woman who was the
leader of the other women told him that she would teach him to read and write
so that he might make better use of his deductive abilities. She said that he must
learn to write things down rather than committing them to memory. In this
fashion he would accumulate a huge collection of facts about Talia, facts that
he ought to read and study until the truth became evident.

Perhaps
anticipating the cynical retort he had in mind, she argued that, although it
might seem an absurd endeavor, finding out who Talia was was one of the most
difficult and rewarding tasks anyone could undertake.

That, she
said, was the fun part. She added more seriously that it was imperative for don
Juan to learn basic bookkeeping in order to help the nagual manage the
property.

Immediately
she started daily lessons and in one year don Juan had progressed so rapidly
and extensively that he was able to read, write, and keep account books.

Everything
had occurred so smoothly that he did not notice the changes in himself, the
most remarkable of which was a sense of detachment. As far as he was concerned,
he retained his impression that nothing was happening in the house, simply
because he still was unable to identify with the members of the household.
Those people were mirrors that did not yield reflection.

"I
took refuge in that house for nearly three years," don Juan went on.
"Countless things happened to me during that time, but I didn't think they
were really important. Or at least I had chosen to consider them unimportant. I
was convinced that for three years all I had done was hide, shake with fear,
and work like a mule."

Don Juan
laughed and told me that at one point, at the urging of the nagual Julian, he
agreed to learn sorcery so that he might rid himself of the fear that consumed
him each time he saw the monster keeping vigil. But although the nagual Julian
talked to him a great deal, he seemed more interested in playing jokes on him.
So he believed it was fair and accurate to say that he did not learn anything
even loosely related to sorcery, simply because it was apparent that nobody in
that house knew or practiced sorcery.

One day,
however, he found himself walking purposefully, but without any volition on his
part, toward the invisible line that held the monster at bay. The monstrous man
was, of course, watching the house as usual. But that day, instead of turning
back and running to seek shelter inside the house, don Juan kept walking. An
incredible surge of energy made him advance with no concern for his safety.

A feeling
of total detachment allowed him to face the monster that had terrorized him for
so many years. Don Juan expected the monster to lurch out and grab him by the
throat, but that thought no longer created any terror in him. From a distance
of a few inches he stared at the monstrous man for an instant and then stepped
over the line. And the monster did not attack him, as don Juan had always
feared he would, but became blurry. He lost his definition and turned into a
misty whiteness, a barely perceptible patch of fog.

Don Juan
advanced toward the fog and it receded as if in fear. He chased the patch of
fog over the fields until he knew there was nothing left of the monster. He
knew then that there had never been one. He could not, however, explain what he
had feared. He had the vague sensation that although he knew exactly what the
monster was, something was preventing him from thinking about it. He
immediately thought that that rascal, the nagual Julian, knew the truth about
what was happening. Don Juan would not have put it past the nagual Julian to
play that kind of trick.

Before
confronting him, don Juan gave himself the pleasure of walking unescorted all
over the property. Never before had he been able to do that. Whenever he had
needed to venture beyond that invisible line, he had been escorted by a member
of the household. That had put a serious constraint on his mobility. The two or
three times he had attempted to walk unescorted, he had found that he risked
annihilation at the hands of the monstrous being.

Filled with
a strange vigor, don Juan went into the house, but instead of celebrating his
new freedom-and power, he assembled the entire household and angrily demanded
that they explain their lies. He accused them of making him work as their slave
by playing on his fear of a nonexistent monster.

The women laughed
as if he were telling the funniest joke. Only the nagual Julian seemed
contrite, especially when don Juan, his voice cracking with resentment,
described his three years of constant fear. The nagual Julian broke down and
wept openly as don Juan demanded an apology for the shameful way he had been
exploited.

"But
we told you the monster didn't exist," one of the women said.

Don Juan
glared at the nagual Julian, who cowered meekly.

"He
knew the monster existed," don Juan yelled, pointing an accusing finger at
the nagual. But at the same time he was aware he was talking nonsense, because
the nagual Julian had originally told him that the monster did not exist.

"The
monster didn't exist," don Juan corrected himself, shaking with rage.
"It was one of his tricks."

The nagual
Julian, weeping uncontrollably, apologized to don Juan, while the women howled
with laughter. Don Juan had never seen them laughing so hard.