The Power of Forgetting (12 page)

‘Don’t look so
terrified! I’m not the sex mad woman everyone thinks I am. Let’s
cuddle, and talk. You seem kind of exhausted. Anyway it seems a bit
weird, with parents here and such.’

‘I don’t think
they will be jumping down my throat about it. I am actually a grown
up.’

‘Only just
sweetheart. Boys and men…. Same thing.’

‘I agree…. I
do. So when?’

‘Eleven. Well
elevenish. And no pressure Jared…. I really think you need to
sleep. You look knackered!’

‘I’m happy… and
knackered,’ I said, ‘and in need of a really stiff drink’

‘I’ll find the
tequila.’ She kissed me yet again. So sweet and womanly; and open
and expressive in her affections. Arm in arm we went back
inside.

I could hear
something in the distance. A faraway sound. I cracked open an eye.
I was laid diagonally across the bed with the quilt tangled around
my waist and legs. I saw that the window had been opened. It was
Spring. I remembered it now. There was something significant about
the day, somewhere in my mind a ripple of thought travelled
outwards. Then my brain reminded me where I was. I rolled over and
felt the blood warmth on the sheets vacated a moment ago. Marcia. I
was in the room that Karis often stayed in when she was here. Karis
had elected to use a guest room at the other end of the house this
time. Then I thought of the time.... What was it? My watch was
missing. What happened? Last night? I came up here.... Oh! I think
I talked a load of nonsense while Marcia tried to get me to sit
still. Eventually she had pinned me down and kissed me, so I
couldn't talk. I guess I just crumpled then; all that tension for
months. It was blurry and indistinct. I had been drinking. I make a
morbid drunk; and Marcia decided to cut open the wound. I think
she's either glad of what happened, or wondering what she's taken
on. I feel overwhelmed by her acceptance, and that strange alchemy
that makes me feel compelled to confess all to her. What is she? I
am utterly disarmed.

With a sudden
shock, I realised I've got nothing on below the waist either. I
really don't know what she did with me. I felt bad for not
remembering. I rolled over onto my stomach, and then curled right
up again in a foetal position. I closed my eyes and listened to the
sounds from the garden and the distant peel rising and falling as
it transmutes on the breeze into a sound of the gong in a temple
high on a mountain.

Marcia crept
back with two mugs of tea. I didn't quite register anything until
she characteristically rolled me over towards her. Marcia knows
what she wants; but she also knows how I'm feeling: fragile like
ice on top of a lake. Do we know what is happening? Marcia ran her
hand down my cheek, and then to my neck and chest. She circled her
palm over my heart. I wish I knew why I was being rewarded with
this magnificent creature.

'I bring
Tea....' Marcia whispered, 'Jared? Are you awake, or is it a
hangover?'

'What? No
hangover...' I look upwards as she bends over me, 'You really have
the most beautiful curls you know; like chocolate ribbons. I want
to know If....'

'Shh.... It's
fine. And no, we are still technically "waiting for the right
moment".'

'Technically?'
I know I'm being a bit thick. At least down by 20 IQ points until I
sober up completely.

She slid out of
the robe she was wearing and back under the quilt. ‘Drink your
tea.’ She said holding the cup towards me. I sat up, and bunched
the quilt round me. I guess I was feeling cold or a bit unnerved by
her. Marcia had always been very unselfconscious, and didn’t suffer
the pangs of embarrassment that the rest of suffered if someone saw
us with our clothes off. I took the cup and sipped the scalding
liquid gratefully. My head was beginning to ache now that I was
upright. Marcia put her cup down and slid her arms around me.

‘I want to try
some more of that thing you do.’ she said.

‘Which thing
was that?’ I was trying to put my cup down too.

‘That’s
alright.’ Said Marcia and took it from me, ‘we have plenty of
time.’

‘I think I am
getting a hangover now.’ I said, trying not to sound too
pathetic.

‘It’s ok. I’ll
just hold you for a while,’ she pulled me under the quilt, ‘come
here and don’t wriggle about; or I may decide to be a little more
forceful.’

‘Oh? Why is
that?’

‘Because, you
gorgeous man… you turn me on. And although I have principles about
not taking advantage of my hosts hospitality, or their dear son; I
might not be able to resist you.’

‘You don’t want
to take advantage of me?’ I really hadn’t got used to this.

‘Jared…. I love
you,’ she pulled me towards her, until my head was resting on her
shoulder, ‘you need to relax; just feel safe. Listen to the
quietness; forget about the time. This place is warm…. And we’re
not fighting every day to just stay ahead of the weather, or other
things….’

‘That’s true.’
I mumbled. I felt as if I was floating in warm water. She breathed
so lightly and softly, limbs warm, melding into me. I wasn’t
exactly in any state of readiness. But that warm sweet tension of
being wrapped around with her scent and aliveness, began to unknot
the unpleasant sensation of tension in the pit of my stomach. I
hadn’t been aware of carrying it around all this time. I must have
been hovering between sleep, and a languid half-awake state when
Marcia touched her fingertips to my lips.

‘Jay? Do you
want to stay here? We can get out of bed soon…. or later.’

‘I Love You
Eve…. why are you so good?’ I felt the curls of her hair against my
face, like curled fronds of a summer meadow.

‘I am good
because you make it so.’ she said, ‘No one else can make anything
happen. I am here now, only because of you. I wouldn’t have stayed
on the team. I stayed to be with you….’

I could feel
something shift inside. Was it a certain common ground of
knowledge? Probably not. My memory had more holes in it than a
Swiss cheese. The Ice and snow had made me crave warmth. Yet I
craved the cold all the more too. I had wanted to feel again. She
was full of feeling, and moments and nuances of thought, like the
colours of light as they change throughout the day. Could I paint
her portrait…? how could I choose what light or what setting? But
she made me feel. So much….so very, very much. So much that it made
my head spin. Definitely was hitting the hangover by that
point.

‘I don’t want
to…. But I think I better get up soon…. Experience tells me that
the cure for this, is copious amount of tea, and some breakfast.’ I
squinted sideways to see what her expression was saying. She was
smiling in a calm way, her eyes filled with a strange peace. That
was it…. That light; soft, diffuse. And that smile…. I committed it
to memory.

‘Will you let
me draw you?’ I asked suddenly.

‘Yes. But
when?’

‘When we get
back to London?’

‘That’s good
for me.’ Marcia sat up then, ‘do you want me to be your life
model?’

‘I err…. hadn’t
been thinking of that exactly. But that would be…. amazing.’

‘Yes!’

‘You have those
sorts of curves that should be expressed with line and tone. Traced
with a soft pencil.’ I ran my hand over her hip and waist, and up
round her shoulder, ‘Voluptuous, yet athletic build…. The best to
draw.’

‘How warm is
your studio?’

‘I have a
heater…. And I suppose I could find a comfortable place for you to
recline.’

‘No one has
reclined…. for you to draw before?’

‘No.’

‘Do you let
anyone in the studio?’

‘No.’

‘But you want
me to see what you get up to?’

‘Yes.’

‘I am honoured
then.’

‘No…. you are
making my strange world a different place. It needs to be a
different place…. you know that I will get obsessed with your hair
and your bosom and the swelling of the hip line….an exclusive
beauty; I think I want to paint you.’

‘I don’t mind
your obsession. I was always rather obsessed in my job too.’

‘The perfect
chocolate cake?’

‘Exactly!’ she
laughed in an easy joyful way, ‘and other things too. Come on
sleepyhead, let’s go and find you some toast and marmalade.’

I huddled in my
coat. There was a chill in the air; the clouds had obscured the sun
and it was one of those afternoons that were back in winter again.
I zigzagged along the path. The others where way ahead of me.
Marcia stopped and turned and waited for me to catch up.

‘Come on. We’re
nearly there.’

‘I’m not in the
mood for this.’ I grumbled, ‘why do we have to walk there?’

‘Because the
track is too narrow for a car, and too bumpy for a bike.’ Marcia
tried to catch my eye.

‘I’ll catch you
up.’ I said.

Marcia didn’t
react. She just smiled and held out a hand. I scrambled up the next
bit of path. She slid her hand into mine, and we continued up the
uneven track at a slower pace.

A little
further along it opened out. The others were there. Leo saw me and
came forwards; ‘Hey Jared.’ He smiled easily, ‘Come and see
this.’

I went forward
and joined him. In front of us, was the most curious sight.

Jules stood a
little way from us with a clip board. He looked at me over his
glasses, and grinned in an excited way. In the misty indistinct air
beyond him was a swirling, spiralling disturbance that appeared to
glow slightly in the dim overcast light. Then Sam and Kyle turned
and greeted me. I saw George bent over a camping table just inside
an awning. He looked up as Jules passed me and started to walk down
a small incline into a little glade surrounded by a belt of heavy
dark trees.

Leo and I
followed him. In the bowl of this treeless space was what I can
only describe as a special ripple on the surface of the space. It
was if it was painted on….and yet it moved periodically. The glow
was all around. It was kept from us by the safe distance in front
of us, of a taped off area. Janey was sitting on a bench in a
little covered viewing area. And there; turning and greeting me was
my old friend Aiden! He shook Leo’s hand in a rather formal way.
Perhaps he was a little nervous of him.

‘Tell us Mr
Lee…what is happening here?’ Leo’s voice was quiet, yet
penetrating. Aiden looked startled to be so addressed. I think he
had forgotten who he was for a moment.

‘Err…. yes.
It’s Aiden. Aiden; if you don’t mind. I have a little trouble with
surnames. A lot of us do…. erm. sorry. Can I call you Leo?’

‘I’d rather you
did.’ Leo inclined his head slightly; that odd little gesture of
respect, from another place in time, ‘I too am at odds with the use
of surnames and other such titles….in a traditional human
sense.’

‘I suppose you
mean in human tradition?’ Aiden’s expression was writ with a
question that he was perhaps too polite to ask. Something he sensed
about my father. But then he had known me a long time; in the
Sandglass experiment, as well as for a time before that. Aiden was
usually more confident than this. I wondered what had set him in
this frame of mind. He came forward and gave me a rib squeezing
hug. ‘Good to see you; old friend.’ He said quickly; then…. ‘I will
go and get Ellen in a minute. Is Marcia here?’

‘She’s in the
tent with George.’ I pointed back up the slope.

‘Who else is
here?’

‘Laura Jones;
Karis Arden, and a policeman Mr Morel.’

‘What about
Oliver?’

‘Laura did
speak to him this morning on the phone. He is on his way here.’

‘Driving?’
Aiden was smiling in an amused way.

‘Of course.’ I
said.

‘Look, Janey’s
got the readings for the morning. She can explain them. I will meet
you back up there in about ten minutes. George will take over in
half an hour and then I can tell you more in the main tent. We have
tea and chocolate biscuits.’

‘Is anyone else
here?’ I asked as Leo went over to stand near Janey and Jules.

‘You mean from
my team?’ Aiden seemed worried.

‘Yes of
course….’

‘They all
appear to be void cases; except Ruben. And he’s refused to get
involved for now.’ Aiden glanced at Janey, ‘You seem to have gained
complete retention. Even I hear Andrew?’

‘Hanson? Yes.
He is…. Well, we can talk later about him…’

‘You need a
drink old friend.’ Aiden was serious now, ‘I think there is going
to be a lot of shocked people to calm when we tell you what we have
actually found. I’ll go to Ellen, and then we’ll all talk.’ He
quickly ran up the slope towards the first smaller tent. There
seemed an urgency there that I had not seen in Aiden in the past. I
turned and watched Janey. Jules was checking some reading from the
pad she was making notes on. He looked over his glasses at me like
some schoolteacher.

‘Do you want to
stay here for a few minutes Jared?’ he took his glasses off and
blinked in that cat like way.

‘I’ll have a
look. Is that ok?’

‘you take your
time,’ Jules came near to me and then whispered, ‘just be careful
Captain. This is one we haven’t any real handle on yet.’ He quickly
disappeared up the slope before I had chance to wonder why he was
addressing me as if we were still in the ice fields. I felt odd,
but good in a way. Jules was happier than he had been of late. His
eyes we telling me that there were layers of secrets spinning in
this place. Not everyone had access to the same information.
Perhaps a plan was being formulated to travel through this door
way.

I turned then
to see Janey gesticulating with her hands, while explaining
something to Leo. At that moment I could feel my heart contract as
it often did when I saw her like this. There was Janey from the
science team… Ms Amber. The one I had loved; now, with a broken
innocence. She and I were the victims of the cruellest trick of
all. I once read in the newspaper of a brother and sister who had
been separated because of the adoption system at the time….and had
later (quite unknowingly) met each other and fallen in love. They
had not known….no one else had known. And they had married without
ever having any one raise an objection. What cruel twist of fate
had brought the truth to light for them? Was it some self-righteous
and malicious person, who had decided that whatever happiness they
had managed to find in this brief painful journey of life, should
be swept away from them because of their genetics? The ancient
Egyptians had a different view. But they all were quite mad
eventually, weren’t they? I felt like crying. She was my first true
love. And I know that we were siblings now; I still loved her. I
would love her more for being my best ally and confidant. For
encouraging me, and saving me from driving the knife into my own
heart on the edge of all that is. She was my angel. She is my
angel. And perhaps she dreams when I wake. Janey is smiling at me
now. I realise she and Leo are both staring at me. What was visible
in my mind’s eye a few moments before…. I’m not sure? I feel
crumpled and old. But I go forwards to see more of this curious
doorway…or fold in space-time.