The Postmortal (29 page)

She was intractable. I went to the bathroom and called Matt, who never sleeps. He came on the WEPS from his garage. He was working on an old BMW. Orange, of course. “What’s this girl’s deal?” he asked. “She’s a hooker?”

“Yep.”

“What’s a hooker doing in your place at 3:00 A.M.?”

“Do you really need me to explain that to you? Look, I’m gonna send her on her way.”

“Don’t do that. That’s free money walking out the door. It’s a perfect little transitional assignment for you. Is she sober?”

“I think so.”

“You have supplies with you?”

“They’re in the plug-in.”

“Then get them, scan her license, and get it done. I can get you e-certified to administer the dose. Go for it.”

“Are you sure this is the right thing to do?”

“I don’t give really give a shit. Listen, there’s something you should know before you do this. It’s not a warning. It’s just a fact.”

“What’s that?”

“There’s a certain emotional strength you need for this, Johnny Boy. That’s why it makes sense now to see if you have it. Every one of them you take is gonna take a piece of you with them.”

“I already know that.”

“Not the way Ernie, Bruce, and I know it. You’ll be surprised. So I wish you good luck.”

He turned on a blowtorch and waved goodbye. The call cut off, and I went back to Julia and told her to wait while I got the supplies. I came back with a dose, sat down next to her on the bed, and gave her the RFE to fill out, which she did. She handed it back to me. “What now?” she asked.

“I give you the interview,” I said, “and then you get the dose.”

She looked at me with suspicion. “I think you forgot something in between.” She put her hand on my thigh.

“We don’t have to do that.”

“Oh, but we do. This is where I shine. That’s the bitch of it. This is the only time when I get to be convincing. This is the only time when men realize that I’m a woman in full.” She slid her hand up. It felt good.

“I was built for this,” she said.

“I feel like a scumbag.”

“That’s okay. Sometimes it feels good to feel like a scumbag. Run with it.” She turned and slipped one of the straps of her camisole off her shoulder. She began breathing deeper. I followed suit. “Men know I’m bad for them, John. They always know what’s bad for them. But they just can’t help themselves. Because it feels so . . . fucking . . . good.” She looked over to the dose sitting on my nightstand and whispered in my ear. “I want you to stick me with that when I’m getting off.”

“I can’t do that.”

“You can. You can because I want you to. We don’t need an interview. No one will care what I said or what I didn’t say. I just I wanna go as I come. Do it. Be my angel.”

She started kissing my neck and sliding her hand farther up. I laid back and let her. She started to unzip my fly and peel off my jeans. I returned the favor and turned her around on her knees. I fucked her in a trance until I could hear her barking at me now, Now, NOW. I reached to the nightstand and grabbed the little plastic tube. She strained and moaned as she hit the point of no return, and I jammed the lance into her backside. She looked back at me with a devilish grin and set her head down on the pillow, where it froze in place. Her eyes half-open, as if drunk. Her smile drooped a bit, giving her the look of someone having a good time but certain to forget all of it. I stared at her naked expression. Then I looked over to the empty shot in my hand.

And that’s when I had a heart attack.

 

Scott entered the room and was greeted with the sight of a naked dead girl on my bed and me convulsing in pain beside her. It was like someone had wrapped a swimsuit drawstring around my heart, and then cinched it as tightly as possible. He ran to me. “What the hell?”

I could barely wheeze out any discernible words. “She . . . was a client,” I said. “Hospital . . .”

Scott pinged the hospital for an ambulance, and we waited. He covered Julia with a blanket. He held my hand as I locked my back in an arch and turned eggplant. He tried to slip pants on me, but my legs were buckling and he couldn’t wrestle my jeans back on. He threw a top sheet over me, and I waited with Julia at my side—two shades of death parked next to each other.

I felt like a very small Greenie was inside my body, trying to crush my heart in one hand while eagerly slicing through my diaphragm with the other. I took in a small amount of air at a time. Each breath seemed to tighten the Greenie’s grip, as if he had caught me defying orders. Scott looked at me writhing on the bed and concluded that waiting for the ambulance was a bad idea. He threw my pants in a gym bag and wrapped a belt around the sheet covering me. He cinched it, and now I was in a makeshift toga. He made a move to get me off the bed, but I pushed him away.

“Her . . . first.”

“I can come back for her,” he said.

“We can’t . . . leave her . . . Oh, Jesus Christ!”

A solar flare went off in my chest, and my neck hooked wildly around until my ear was practically grazing my back. I passed out from the pain and woke up in the front seat of Scott’s plug-in. Julia lay covered in the back. I could see tangles of her hair poking out from under the blanket.

The roads were packed, bottlenecks every fifty yards because groups of plug-ins huddled together on the shoulder and in the right lane in impromptu car towns. The crushing sensation in my chest periodically subsided during the ride, allowing me to sit up. I glanced back at Julia’s body. I didn’t want her ignored. I fought against recalling her death and recalling that I was profoundly turned on by the look of ultimate satisfaction on her face. We pulled up to the ER. Scott ran in and left the plug-in idling.

The ER’s enormous automatic glass doors were already wide open, with a line of people stretching out of them and hugging the side of the building where the line extended around the corner. Some of them were in wheelchairs. Some were lying on the ground, ailing. Scott sprinted inside the building to find the front of the check-in line. People were packed against all sides of the hospital breezeway, between the two sets of glass doors. Beyond that, I could only see slivers. More bodies. Every time a crack between two people opened as they jostled around, it was filled by another body not that far past. Scott gave up and ran back out.

The ER drop-off was a rotary, with a grassy infield at the center. Scott dragged me over to the infield and let me fall to the ground, where I joined numerous other folks with bullet wounds, hacking coughs, burns, and pretty much anything else you could tick off on a chart. We lay there together in the night’s deathly humidity, melting and spreading like lumps of cookie dough thrown in an oven.

“I’m leaving you here,” Scott said. “I’m going to drop her off at the morgue with her ES papers, and then I’ll come back to check you in. I won’t be long.”

“Thank you.”

My little infield became very crowded, with broken people lying down closer and closer, eventually almost spooning me. Occasionally, one of the spotlights on the roof of the hospital would sweep the infield, the beams blasting straight through my shut eyelids. The pain returned, and I felt like my heart was being flattened by an invisible stone monolith.

Scott got back and saw me still on the ground. Before he tried to pick me up, he looked around to see if any of the other ablebodied folks would offer to assist him. None did. They ignored him as if he were a late-boarding train passenger looking for an empty seat. He wrapped his arms around me from behind and hoisted me up, tightening my chest even further. I felt my rib cage turn to crumpled cellophane.

“Sorry, brother,” he said, “but you have to be present at check-in.”

He dragged me into the melee and stood in the line. Hours passed. I lay on the ground. When the line advanced, Scott prodded me with his foot to move me forward a bit, like a carry-on bag. I called David to tell him I loved him. He offered to come down, but I insisted he remain in New York. An hour later a very nice collectivist named Ken met us in line and offered to relieve Scott of his duties. Scott accepted and went home to sleep. Ken opened a fanny pack and gave me carrots and diet soda. He brought clean clothing for me (khakis and a denim shirt, of course), and I put it on slowly, while remaining on the ground. He offered to have a church healer come and lay hands on me. I declined. The line ticked forward. A very large, very stern nurse awaited us.

“Name?”

I stood and gave her my name in short, halting breaths.

“Symptoms?”

I told her I was having a heart attack.

“Date of birth?”

I told her October 1, 2030. She gave me a derisive glare.

“A heart attack? At twenty-nine? I don’t think so. Wait over there.”

She nodded to a giant room labeled POSTMORTAL TRIAGE UNIT. That’s where I was sentenced to go, my own heart attack serving as evidence that my heart attack should not be treated right away.

Just as the nurse pointed in our direction, my sister ran frantically into the ER, fresh from Jersey, happily elbowing anyone in her way. She helped Ken drag me over to the PTU and laid me gently on the carpeted floor. She stroked my hair. I grew lightheaded, fighting against the urge to pass out a second time but wanting to pass out all the same. So I passed out.

I woke back up. The pain had subsided once more. I could breathe. Not deeply. But at least my chest had regained the ability to expand. I was still in the PTU. A young black man with a gunshot wound in his shoulder sat with his mother on a bench nearby. He had a towel held up to his wound. The blood on the towel had dried ages ago and was now brown. He saw my eyes opening. “You have a nice nap?” he asked. “Wish I could nap like that.”

“We’ve been here for twenty-six hours,” his mother said. “I wasn’t in the hospital that long when I gave birth to him.”

I looked at Polly and Ken. They were staring up at a flat screen with dispatches from China. All the networks had available to broadcast were still photographs. I saw shadows burned into the ground. Blackened bodies. A lone shoe where a pedestrian once stood, before being blasted into nothingness. I saw stretches of rubble that I assumed were once city blocks. They looked more like extensive gravel driveways. Only a few photos were shown at a time. Mostly, talking heads yammered on about the situation. Snippets of their dialogue piled up in my LifeRecorder:

I looked away. I tried to block it out of my mind, because I could feel the drawstring tightening again. I could hear other would-be patients in the PTU getting angry and cursing over at the check-in desk. I could see nurses walk by and everyone shouting questions at them as they avoided eye contact at all costs, like a waiter who isn’t ready to serve your table. I pictured every doctor in the hospital sequestered behind a series of elaborately constructed vault doors. I shut out all the commotion. A small pamphlet had fallen to the ground beside me. I picked it up and read it over and over. With my WEPS battery in need of recharging, it was the only thing I had to read, the only words I had to stare at to keep me from hearing about the self-inflicted devastation going on half a world away—to prevent my brain from reminding me that I had just euthanized someone. I can now recite the copy verbatim.

Polly saw me staring at the brochure. “I don’t think that does anything for a heart attack.”

“It might do something for the wait, though,” I said.

“It doesn’t do anything for anything. I’ve tried it. Why are you dressed like a collectivist?”

“I lent him the clothes,” Ken told her. “They’re mine.”

“Why did you need new clothes?” she asked me. “And why did you have a heart attack?”

“You don’t want to know,” I said. I steered her off course. “I didn’t know you were on Claustrovia.”

“If it comes in pill form, I’ve tried it.”

“Are you depressed?”

“In waves. You know me. It’s only when I have time to sit down and think about things that I realize I’m a bit of a wreck.”