The Plan (44 page)

“Don't give away your heart too quickly,” she'd warned Claire. “I can promise you, there is no pain worse than a broken heart.”

“Oh, Mom,” Claire had moaned and rolled her eyes.

“I mean it, Claire. I would take a broken leg over a broken heart any day,” her mom had said.

And she'd been right. Claire would take a dozen broken bones over her broken heart.

For she knew no matter how excruciating the pain of a broken bone might be, it wouldn't come close to the agony she felt now.

The house sold to the third family who walked through it. Claire told the realtor she didn't want to meet them. The thought of shaking hands with the people who were going to begin their life as a family in the home she'd once shared with her own was more than Claire could bear, but she was happy to hear they had small children. She liked knowing the playscape Jack had built in their backyard would be put to good use.

Once the house was under contract, Claire set out to find a new home for herself. She decided to not buy yet, but instead rent a condo on the beach. She wasn't sure what the future had in store for her. She wasn't even certain she'd remain in Florida. Traveling with the team had opened her eyes to places and worlds she never knew existed. Though she enjoyed Florida, it no longer felt like home. Nowhere felt like home, just yet. But Claire believed that, eventually, somewhere would once again feel like that safe place. She needed to give herself time to find where that might be.

In the meantime, the condo was cute and the perfect size, with only two bedrooms. Enough for Claire and a possible guest, if she ever had any. She knew Gia might spend the night occasionally and Bill and Nancy had said they'd like to come visit Claire once she was moved in. Claire's relationship had certainly improved since they'd visited with her and Callum. It was never going to be wonderful, but it was much warmer than it had been in the past.

Both Nancy and Bill had been disappointed to hear things hadn't worked out between Claire and Callum. They'd been really impressed by Callum when they'd met him and told Claire they'd loved how happy she'd seemed when they'd all had dinner.

“Just because someone is the right person for you at a certain point in your life, doesn't mean he's the right person forever,” Bill had said to her over the phone when Claire had called to tell them she was back in Florida. “Take some time to breathe and relax and then see what life has in store for you.”

Claire had said she would and told them both she loved them and hoped to see them soon. It made Claire happy to realize she did love Jack's parents. There were many years when she wasn't sure that was the case. And, though she realized she didn't always like them so much, especially her mother-in-law, they were a part of her family and would always hold a special place in her heart.

The weeks up until the closing on her house were a blur. There was so much Claire needed to accomplish, she often wondered how it would all get done. She had two estate sales, selling nearly all of the furniture in the house. She kept a few sentimental pieces, or items she'd always loved, such as the red side table she'd bought at a flea market when she and Jack were first married, and the soft, plush arm chair Jack had loved to relax in after a long day at work. But, for the most part, Claire decided to sell everything in the house and start afresh with new pieces in the condo. She bought a lovely bedroom set with a tan upholstered headboard, a set she was pretty sure Jack would never have agreed to if he were still alive, and a contemporary sofa she was certain he would have hated just as much.

It made Claire laugh to think of Jack looking down at her, shaking his head. “You were just waiting for me to kick the bucket so you could have full-decorating reign, weren't you?”

The items that didn't sell, from her house, were donated to charity
or given to friends who expressed interest in some of the pieces. Gia had always loved the dresser in the guest room, so Claire gave her that. Their next-door neighbor had once mentioned to Claire how she admired Claire's kitchen table, so one morning Claire knocked on the woman's door and invited her to come get it.

Claire had thought she'd feel extreme sadness over seeing the pieces carried out her front door, but she found she was okay with it. Her memories were in her heart as well as in the photo albums she would never part with. They weren't attached to a couch or an ottoman or even her children's beds.

She also found such pleasure in decorating her new place. It had been years since Claire had owned new furniture and bedding and pillows and dishes, excluding the dishes she and Gia had purchased after Claire had smashed most of hers. Every time she carried a new item up to a cashier's register and handed over her credit card, Claire got a little high.

“Retail therapy,” Gia said. “You've been missing out on those joys all these years.”

Every once in a while, as she was buying a chair or a blanket or a set of kitchen mugs, Claire would silently wonder what Callum would think of the item. If they'd stayed together, would they be purchasing home items together? Would their relationship have gone to that level by now?

No matter how often Claire tried to push those thoughts aside, they continued to press at her mind. She wondered if Callum and she would have eventually moved in together. Would they be buying bedding for their own guest room? Would he have liked the upholstered headboard more than Jack would have hated it?

She doubted it.

It'd been four months since Claire walked out on Callum and the team. Though the texts had subsided, he still sent her at least one
email every day. Claire had kept the promise she made to herself and not opened a single one. The “Him” file was quite full and she wondered, on occasion, if Yahoo had a limit to how many emails could be stored in one single file.

Eventually she'd read those emails, or at least a couple of them, but not yet. It was too fresh in Claire's mind. The pain too strong. She was still in the process of letting go and she couldn't risk anything impeding that progress.

It wasn't long before Gia tested out the new guest room. The two of them had gone out the night before, with a group of friends, and they'd all had a little bit too much to drink. Everyone except Claire, that is. A number of the women were friends who'd been at Loni's party last year and Claire had no intention of even taking a sip of alcohol while out with those who'd been there to experience her downward spiral, literally and figuratively, into the pool. Claire had been so thankful, when she reached out to Valerie and the others, to realize they weren't holding her behavior that night, against her.

“Honestly,” Valerie said, with a hug when they ran into each other in Bed, Bath & Beyond one day. “There's nothing to forgive. Who are we to judge? If I'd been in your shoes, I would've gotten drunk and fallen into a pool much sooner than you did!”

Claire was so glad they were all able to laugh it off and she was beginning to enjoy spending time with these friends again. She no longer referred to them as her “mom friends.” For one, she was no longer an actual mom. But, it was more than that. She was beginning to get to know these women for themselves and not merely for who they were in relation to their kids. She was learning that, in their own right, they were incredible women and she was lucky to have them in her life.

Even Loni was proving to be a little bit less superficial once she spent enough time with her. Not tremendously less shallow, but enough so that Claire found she enjoyed her company.

“What's that?” Gia said, glancing at the paper in Claire's hand as she walked over to the coffee pot and poured herself a cup. It was essential to have the coffee already brewing before Gia woke in the morning, if either of them wanted to get their day off to an agreeable start.

“The
New York Times
Best Seller List.”

“Oh?” Gia said, blowing the steam off of her drink before taking a sip. “Anything good?”

“Callum's latest book,” Claire said dully.

“Really?” Gia said, in surprise. “Well, that's exciting.” And then, upon seeing Claire's forlorn face, she added, “For him, anyway.”

Claire read the list again.
Out on a Limb.
There it was. In black and white. Number Eight.

She nodded and put the paper down on the table. “No, you're right. It's very exciting. I'm happy for him. Thrilled, actually,” she said, getting up to pour herself another cup of coffee.

“Oh, yeah. You sound it.”

Claire rolled her eyes at Gia. “I am happy for him. I want him to be happy. And successful. He certainly deserves it.”

“You deserve to be happy, too, you know,” Gia said, sitting at the table and picking up a muffin Claire had left on a plate for her.

“I am happy,” Claire said, getting the milk out of the fridge for her coffee. Gia loved her coffee black. The blacker, the better, in fact. Claire needed something to tame it a bit.

“Oh, you're positively exuberant!” Gia said, licking her finger and picking up the crumbs on the table with her damp fingertip.

“Well, I'm as happy as I can be.”

“Oh, woe is you,” Gia said, mocking Claire's doleful tone. “And that's totally not true. But, hey, I'm not going to get into that. You know how I feel about things.”

And Claire did know. Gia had made it perfectly clear to Claire, once Claire stopped sobbing over leaving Callum. Gia felt Claire should turn around, get right back on that airplane, and return to him.

“You and he were meant for each other!” she'd bemoaned.

“Apparently, not,” Claire had said.

“You're being unreasonable.”

“Listen, Gia. I don't want to talk about it,” Claire had snapped at her friend.

They hadn't talked about it anymore that day, but periodically, Gia would bring it up. She'd press Claire on whether or not she'd heard from Callum. Claire always lied and said no. The truth was too painful to voice. She couldn't tell Gia he called every night, sent her hundreds of emails, texted her consistently. She wasn't sure why, but she couldn't tell Gia those things.

“If you're going to start in on me again, I'm going to leave.”

“Where ya gonna go?” Gia asked. “It's your condo.”

“I don't know. I'm going to go to the mall. I need some new shorts.”

“Well, even if you're pissed at me, can I hang out here today? The exterminator is spraying my house and I don't want to breathe in all those fumes.”

“Sure,” Claire said. “Make yourself at home. But you might want to do something about that hair of yours. You look like Medusa.”

Gia patted her mop, which had somehow gone wild while she slept. It reminded Claire of Callum's untamable hair and the thought brought a familiar ache to her chest.

“I guess I used too much hairspray last night and now it's stuck in the position of my pillow. Oh, while you're gone, can I use your laptop? I want to do some online shopping.”

“Knock yourself out. Sure you don't want to come to an actual store with me?”

“Nope. I'm good. I don't plan on getting out of my pajamas today. I have a huge headache from last night. I may have had one too many margaritas.”

“Only one?” Claire said, teasing her friend. “See you in a bit.” And,
with that, Claire grabbed her keys, and the last muffin, and walked out the door.

•  •  •

The air was thick with fury and Claire felt it the moment she walked back into the condo after her shopping trip.

“Gia?” Claire said hesitantly, when she spotted her friend, a huge stack of papers in front of her, sitting at the kitchen table. Gia didn't look up. “Is everything okay?”

Gia hadn't gotten changed. She was still in her pajamas. Her hair was even more of a mess than it'd been when Claire left. Claire wondered if she'd even brushed her teeth yet today. When she saw the look Gia threw her way, though, Claire decided it would be best not to ask.

Gia was pissed.

Claire had a feeling it was at her.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Gia hurled at Claire.

“Gia!” Claire nearly fell back in shock. Gia rarely said anything worse than “dang it” and if she did, it had never before been directed at Claire.

“Oh, don't
Gia
me.” She picked up the top fifty or so papers from the stack and shook them at Claire.

“What's all that?” Claire said, looking curiously between Gia and the papers.

“Well, as it turns out, this here is a stack full of emails.”

“Oh?” Claire said, an uneasy feeling beginning to rise in her stomach. “What emails?” she asked, though she had a feeling she already knew.

“The emails Callum hasn't been sending to you for the past four or so months.”

“Gia!” Claire cried. “You went through my
emails?”

“I did.” Gia's voice was even and unapologetic.

“You had
no
right!”

“Well,
you
had no right to archive the hundreds of emails Callum has sent you without even opening them!” Gia spat at her.

“They were my emails to ignore.”

“Who
are
you?” Gia asked incredulously. “Seriously. Who
are
you? You can't possibly be Claire because the Claire I know would
never
do this to another human being.”

“What are you talking about?” Claire asked, stomping over to Gia and ripping the pages from her hands. “I haven't done anything.”

“If you'd have read just one of these emails you'd know exactly what you've done,” Gia said, picking up another handful of papers and shaking them at Claire. “Did you read any of these? Please tell me you read one or two that just weren't in that file, the file you named
Him?
Real creative, by the way, Claire.”