The Pirate's Jewel (15 page)

Not if Nolan could help it. “Wayland told me about your
conversation regarding men. That’s why I originally came to speak with you.”

Jewel sat back on the bed. She turned her head and stared
out the dark window. There was nothing to see in the inky night, but she
obviously would rather look at nothing than him.

“Well, was he right?”

“Wayland?” Nolan was no longer sure what he had hoped to
accomplish. He feared no matter what he said, it would push her in a direction
he didn’t want her to go. Suddenly, Nolan wondered if he had ever had anything
other than a superficial exchange with a woman.

Jewel nodded. “Don’t make me ask you outright. Since you
brought it up, just tell me. Was Wayland right?”

“If you wished to be bedded, you’d reach your goal in
short order. Is that what you want, Jewel?”

She gazed at him with such intensity, he held his breath
for a moment, both fearing and hoping she would say yes.

“No.” She looked down. “I want to be loved.” Her voice was
so quiet, Nolan had to strain to hear her words. She stared up at him again,
transfixing him with her honesty. “Is that too much to ask? I don’t know. I’ve never
felt loved before. Have you, Nolan?”

He swallowed hard. He didn’t have the courage to answer
her. His parents had said they loved him, but he’d never felt it. He’d felt the
sharp bite of a strap while his father beat him for every minor indiscretion.
From impulsively lifting a single peach from a merchant’s cart to bloodying the
nose of a boy who’d taunted him in front of a girl he fancied, everything had
required immediate and fierce punishment in order to save Nolan’s wayward soul.
His father always claimed the severity was out of love, and Nolan didn’t doubt
him; he’d just never experienced this emotion attached to the sentiment. “I’m
sure your mother loved you…and your father.”

“Maybe my mother did love me, but she was too bitter to
ever show it. Love hurt her. My father hurt her. I can see that now. But my
father—I always dreamed he would make it up to me. Now I’ve begun to doubt he
was anything like I imagined.”

Oh, he was never telling her his part in the fact she’d
never know her father. A little white lie to appease his tremendous guilt at
the moment wouldn’t hurt anything. “Bellamy cared for you a great deal. He
spoke of you often.”

Jewel stood and walked toward Nolan until they were toe to
toe. The desperate candor in her gaze held him immobile even when she laid her
hands on his shoulder. “What about you? Could you
love
me?”

The lie that he found himself about to tell surprised him—not
because he opted not to be honest with her in return, but that doubt played a
part in his answer at all.

“No.” He gently encircled her wrists and put her arms by
her side. The shocked hurt that narrowed her pupils disturbed him more than
he’d imagined. Never had he been confused about his relationships with women, and
up to this point, even with Jewel, he’d assumed any feelings that plagued him
had more to do with a healthy dose of lust than anything else. He should keep his
mouth shut, his point made, but he found himself unable to tolerate the shadow
he’d caused to settle on her features. “I don’t believe in love, Jewel. I’m
almost sure I’m incapable of the emotion.”

She stepped back. “Don’t you want a wife and children
someday?”

“I suppose I do. But it will be a marriage of convenience,
nothing more. I’ll take a wife who will be financially and socially well-connected.”

Instead of sinking further into her obvious hurt, she
straightened. “I understand. Needless to say, I’m neither of those things. And
besides, I see the way you look at me. Having any real feelings for a woman
makes you uncomfortable. What are you so afraid of, Nolan?”

Himself, but he’d never tell her that. She had no idea how
close to the brink he teetered, and if he fell, there would be no stopping his
descent into carnality. He couldn’t be the man he’d come to know too well while
serving on a pirate crew. A man who, when he found himself slightly troubled by
what was going on around him, would merrily help himself to the captured ship’s
stockpile of rum. He refused to be that man again. He feared that if he stepped
over the line he’d drawn with Jewel, he’d step over another, and then another.

“If you insinuated yourself aboard my ship to find your
true love, you’ve made a serious miscalculation,” he gritted out. “I don’t care
what’s between you and Mr. Tyrell, but it better not come to fruition until we’ve
found the treasure and I’ve deposited you at the destination of your choice.”

Jewel lifted her chin. “Once we do, then maybe I’ll try
Wayland’s suggestion. Parker may enjoy it.”

An image Nolan had earlier suppressed rose with stunning
force. He reached for Jewel and pulled her firmly against him. He kissed her
hard, all his pent-up lust unfurling like a sail catching a fierce wind. She
gasped, but he only took that as an invitation. His hand drifted down to cup
her buttocks. Her soft curves felt so much better than his imagination. He
tightened his grip as he maneuvered her against his growing erection. The contact
flooded him with a wave of desire he knew he would soon be helpless to control.

His impulsive action obliterated the thought of Parker
permanently, but it brought more vivid images that disturbed Nolan more. Never
had he needed a woman this urgently. He pulled his mouth away, realizing he
gripped the back of her head and that his other hand dug into her soft bottom.
She panted for breath. Her fingers were curled in his shirt, and he was
suddenly unsure if she had been trying to push him away or pull him closer. He
struggled to take in air.

He gripped her shoulders and peeled her away from him.
“That’s what Wayland’s advice will get you. I said I didn’t love you. I never
said I didn’t want you. I hate to see you flirting with Parker, but only
because I can’t stand the idea of him taking you to bed when I want to. You’re
the only woman on this ship. It’s a dangerous position for a naive girl.”

“I’m a grown woman.”

“I know, and ripe for seduction. You ooze with longing—but
women want love and men want sex. If you don’t want to be hurt or follow in
your mother’s footsteps, you’ll walk a careful path.”

“But no matter how carefully I walk, I’ll never reach you.”

Nolan nodded. “I think we understand each other. If you
get yourself with child, I’ll set you on the first inhabited island we come to.
No discussion.”

She disengaged herself with a violent jerk. “I understand.
And, of course, if I did wind up in the family way, it would be all my fault.”

Nolan folded his arms over his chest to stop himself from
touching her again. “I won’t blame one of my men for taking bait that’s dangled
in front of them. I’d say right now you’ve got Parker practically hooked. Watch
yourself, and I’ll watch my men.”

“Is that all, Captain?”

“Do we understand each other?”

She nodded stiffly. She took off his coat, as if it
offended her, and flung it at him. “Please go.”

Nolan turned to leave, not sure what he’d just
accomplished. The kiss he had stolen burned to his toes. Jewel was angrier with
him than she’d been when he entered. As for keeping her away from Parker, Nolan
was sure he’d just driven her into the lieutenant’s eager arms. And now, to top
it off, they were going to the island where he had left her father to die.
Bellamy must be laughing through his rotten teeth.

He stopped before he shut the door. “By the way…”

Jewel turned and glared at him.

“Good work tonight.” The pillow left her hand before he
finished his sentence. He jerked the door closed before it hit with a thud.

***

He found Wayland in the galley, looking more industrious
than Nolan had ever seen. Not wanting to interrupt such a rare occurrence, he
retrieved a key hidden in a loose panel and unlocked the pantry. Each crewman had
a ration of watered-down rum. After his conversation with Jewel, Nolan had
decided to take advantage of being the captain and increase his own share. He
dipped two mugs in a barrel of grog. One he set in front of Wayland, the other
he brought to his mouth, swallowing its contents in one long gulp.

Wayland glanced up briefly with a nod of gratitude. A map
of the Caribbean was spread out before him, capturing his full attention. The
spot Wayland had marked made Nolan take another long, hard gulp. He needed it.
He would have to face his ghosts after all.

Jewel was correct when she’d said he appeared to recognize
the island. He had drawn a similar outline in the middle of a vast empty ocean
five years ago, and then stuck the map in the bottom of a forgotten sea chest. His
sketch might vary slightly from the map, but the island’s one inlet, a jagged
cove the shape of a broken heart, was immediately recognizable. The same inlet
where they would be forced to land, and the same inlet where Nolan had ordered
Bellamy marooned. Would Jewel recognize her father’s skeleton?

“That’s it, all right.” Wayland interrupted Nolan’s morose
speculations. “The runes are as plain as day once you know what to look for.
Gotta hand it to the chit.”

Nolan refused to believe in such a wicked coincidence.
“How can that be? You have to be mistaken.”

Wayland laughed. “Sorry, lad. But it makes perfect sense
to me. When Bellamy was captain, we must have taken that same course Captain
Kent last sailed near twenty times, looking for the place he might stash his booty.
Doesn’t surprise me a bit you picked the same unmarked island your grandfather
did to dump the demon dogging your heels.”

Nolan shook his head. The truth in Wayland’s logic showed
him how foolish he’d been. He should have seen it for himself. He should have
searched the island instead of taking Wayland’s word that it was truly
deserted. Maybe he would have found a clue. Maybe Bellamy had found the
treasure after all, and they would have to pry his bony claws off a handful of
gold coins.

He gulped the rest of his grog. “At least Captain Kent got
to bury his demons on that island. Mine are still haunting me.”

“Kent got hanged. That hidden treasure didn’t buy his freedom
like he hoped. All you’ve got chewing at you is one skinny chit whose father
you killed. Sounds like you got the good end of that deal.”

Nolan wondered, but he was ready to change the subject.
“We’ll need supplies. We’ll stop at Nassau, then head straight for the island.”

“What about Bellamy?”

Nolan sucked in air through his teeth. “I imagine he’s good
and dead by now.”

Wayland shrugged. “Aye. But you’re the one scared of
ghosts. What are you going to tell Jewel?”

“Nothing.” Taking her to the island where her father had
been forced to take his own life or likely suffer a horrible death by
dehydration was cruel. Sparing her from knowing whose carcass they tripped over
seemed the least he could do.

Wayland rubbed his chin. “Don’t want to drive her into
Parker’s arms outright, then? Just want to do it with your easy charm?”

Nolan feared he had already delivered her to Parker but
didn’t say so. “This has nothing to do with any feelings for Jewel. And I would
appreciate you not giving her any more advice. You’re only confusing her.”

Wayland scoffed. “That girl’s sharper than you or I. Even
outdoes her sire, who was pretty damned crafty. She’s the one what figured out
the treasure’s hiding place. We couldn’t even find the island when we once bloody
well stood on it.”

“Perhaps, but she’s still innocent when it comes to what
goes on between men and women.” Nolan stared into his empty grog cup and
battled the urge for more. He realized he didn’t know much more than Jewel about
romantic entanglements.

Wayland waved his hand. “Hell, Parker will teach her all
that. I imagine he’ll be real gentle, too.”

Nolan gripped his mug. “Are you purposely trying to drive
me insane?”

Wayland’s slow grin was his answer. Nolan wasn’t sure why,
but he suspected Wayland enjoyed seeing him lose control of himself—especially
in drink and women, the two things that had made the pirate life tolerable, even
sometimes enjoyable.

“How ’bout another drink, boy?” Wayland pushed his mug
toward Nolan.

“Not that you care, but whatever you’re up to is likely to
hurt Jewel much more than me.” He snatched Wayland’s mug, and then wiped it out
with a rag and returned it to its latched shelf.

The old pirate retrieved a silver flask from beneath his loose
shirt and took a long draw. “If you ask me, you’re the one who’s done most of
the hurting.”

Damn him, Wayland was right. The hostility he’d used to
disguise his attraction had done as much damage as any explicit instructions.
And his fierce rejection might drive Jewel to a man she wasn’t ready for. All she
needed was some time to see him for who he was. Just a man.

A man who’d killed her father. Nolan cringed at the thought.

Wayland got up and stretched. “Going to get a bit of shut-eye.
How ’bout you?”

Nolan gathered up the map and Wayland’s notes. “I’m going
to kick Mr. Tyrell out of his cabin.”

“Suit yourself.” Wayland shrugged, but Nolan could see the
twinkle in his eye.

Jewel leaned on the
Integrity
’s rail and stared at the
lights of Nassau. Nolan had already informed her that she wouldn’t be going
ashore tomorrow with the rest of the crew. She hadn’t bothered arguing. Her
easy agreement seemed to disappoint him. Not that she could tell much that went
on behind the cool front Nolan Kenton presented her.

Behind her, a few sailors lounged on deck, smoking pipes
that were only permissible when at anchor. Embers flared with each breath, the
only sign that Jewel was not completely alone. Their presence was little comfort.
Never had she felt so desolate.