The Pirate's Desire (26 page)

Lucinda’s mind flashed to Riel, but she struggled to banish that errant thought. She shook her head. “I don’t know what’s wrong, Sophie.” She thought back over the past two months. A few young men had shown interest in her in the beginning, but now, for the first time, Lucinda realized they had all faded away. She frowned. Even that nice Earl of Hart she’d met at that first ball.

“You…are frowning.”

“I’m thinking. A few men seemed interested in the beginning, but I haven’t danced with them in weeks. They’ve been at the balls, though. I’ve seen them.”

“Perhaps…they’ve found…another young woman?”

“Maybe. But all of them? I don’t understand it.”

“Has…Riel…scared them off?”

Momentarily taken aback, Lucinda considered the odd question. “I don’t think so. He did threaten Fredrick, but Fredrick is frightful. As far as the others…I don’t think so.” At least, she hadn’t seen Riel glowering at any of her suitors. But he
had
deliberately warned Jonathon off on multiple occasions over the last two years. To no avail, thankfully. Persistent Jonathon was well accustomed to having his own way. Riel didn’t scare him.

Sophie patted her hand. “The right one…will turn up.”

But Sophie’s comments made Lucinda think. During dessert at supper that night, she asked Riel, “Do you find it strange that few men are pursuing my hand?”

He relaxed back in his chair. “Have you shown them the cut of your tongue, Lucy?”

“No!” She sent him the frown he clearly desired. “Sophie asked if you’ve scared them off. Have you?”

She could not read his black gaze. “What purpose would that serve me? You remain my responsibility until you marry.”

“What if I never marry?” she asked, just to be difficult.

“Then we will grow old together.”

Disconcerted, she pushed her dessert plate away. “Then I had better make my selection soon. A man of your age may soon find his choices dwindling.”

“I will never marry.”

This statement took Lucinda aback. “Never?”

Riel remained silent.

“Why?” she pressed, feeling both surprised and a little bewildered.

With a restless movement of his shoulders, he looked out the window. “The sea is in my blood. It is where I belong.”

Lucinda couldn’t believe it. Warmth lived inside Riel. And tenderness. He’d shown both on numerous occasions to both herself and Sophie. “Don’t you want a home? Or children…” Her voice faltered.

She’d been about to say he’d make a wonderful father. Warmth burned her face when those dark eyes held hers. Pain lurked in them. “I will never have a family or a home. The sea is where I belong.”

Unexpected pain sliced through her. “How you must itch to get back, then.”

He did not deny it. Sophie had said the sea had called him from a young age. Its siren song must be strong indeed, for him to forever swear off home and hearth. Who could possibly match the great, restless mistress of the sea? Anguish licked through Lucinda.

Blinking quickly, she said, “Then I had better marry soon, so you can speedily return to your first love.”

Riel’s fist clenched. “It is the way things must be, Lucy.”

Why, then, did pleading soften his eyes—as if he silently begged her to understand something deeper? But what? Why would he possibly say words that weren’t true?

“Then I must find a man to marry soon,” she managed. “Perhaps Jonathon will ask for my hand and give us both what we most urgently desire…a severing of our inconvenient relationship.” Lucinda bit her lip. Did she truly mean what she had just said? No. Not at all.

“Jonathon is not the man for you.”

Lucinda blinked in further surprise. This was the first time Riel had voiced a blunt objection to her relationship with the Duke.

“Riel, you will not interfere in our friendship.” Especially since Riel clearly would never pursue her for himself. He loved the sea. She should feel grateful that he’d skewered her fledgling fantasies. He was all wrong for her, anyway. She’d known that from the start.

“If I discover proof he’s a rake of the first order, I will end your friendship.”

She gasped at his pure, high-handed gall. “Jonathon is not in the least bit unsavory! He is above reproach, unlike you! He’s lived as a gentleman his whole life. You’ve lived as a pirate for half of yours. You know nothing of what it means to be a gentleman.”

“I know what it is to be a man. An honorable man. Your Jonathon will measure up to my standards, or you will cut him from your life.”

“I will
not
.”

His lips straightened into a thin, grim line. “We will see.”

Balling her hands into fists, Lucinda exclaimed, “What will you do? Forbid me to see him? It will not work. What’s more, I will lose all respect for you!”

“Lucinda.”

She jumped up and fled from the room.

At the ball
the next night, Lucinda refused Riel’s request for a dance. For one thing, she could not stand the torture of being in his arms, nor the ache of being near him. For another, she’d thought more about why so few men pursued her. It might be because Riel kept staking claim to her last dance. Maybe. Intentionally or not, Riel was sending them the wrong message. She needed to find a husband.

Really, only Jonathon pursued her, and much as she’d argued with Riel about it, she did not anticipate Jonathon asking for her hand in marriage. She just resented Riel’s high-handed temerity in threatening to cut off their relationship.

Riel could think about that while she danced her last dance with Jonathon later this evening.

“A frown is creasing your lovely brow,” the Duke of Warrington said now, as they danced the first waltz of the evening. He leaned close and whispered in her ear, “Perhaps in lieu of a dance, you will stroll with me in the garden.”

Lucinda’s heart beat more rapidly. It was tempting, if for no other reason than to confound her guardian. She glanced across the room. He danced with a tall, slim brunette who pressed a little too closely to him. Lucinda looked away. Soon she would be freed of his guardianship. She tried to ignore the anguish that squeezed her heart at that thought. He loved the sea. Fine. She must get on with her life, as well.

Tonight, she’d taken bold measures to ensure it. Lucinda had renewed her acquaintance with Donald Tinsley, the Earl of Hart, and would dance with him twice later on. He’d seemed quite pleased that she’d sought out his attention.

She looked up at Jonathon. “I’d best not. The Baron may call you out.”

Jonathon’s eyes narrowed. “He doesn’t like me, and hasn’t since the first.”

“He thinks you’re a rake of the first order. If he finds proof of it, he’s threatened to cut you out of my life.”

“Really.” Jonathon’s lips thinned. “We will see about that.”

Lucinda squeezed his shoulder. “Don’t worry, Jonathon. I won’t let that happen. We’re friends, and we will remain so, because I wish it. Riel has little say in the matter.”

Jonathon smiled. “You are both feisty and beautiful, Lucinda. No wonder no other woman attracts me like you do.”

“You are a flatterer,” she retorted with a laugh. “But I appreciate your kind words.”

“You think I don’t mean it?” For once, Jonathon actually looked serious. “I have met no other woman who has held my attention for as long as you, Lucinda.”

“I will take that as a compliment. I think.”

Jonathon laughed, and pulled her a little closer as they approached Riel. Lucinda lifted her chin as they sailed by. Riel Montclair must learn that he was not lord over her life. And as soon as she married, she would be freed from him forever.

She need only find that right man. Certainly, he was not Riel Montclair. Once again, she tried to ignore the ache of pain in her heart.

Lucinda also tried to block from her mind the image of her guardian’s black eyes watching her. A part of her did feel like she belonged to him…that she should heed his words. Well, she would, if he was reasonable. If not, well then…

The ball progressed as all others through supper and dessert, and then more dancing continued. The partnering of the players varied, though, like colors on a loom. Lucinda had warned Amelia to steer clear of the malevolent Fredrick, but Amelia had already come to that conclusion on her own. Right now, her friend danced with young Timothy Fenwick. Was that the second time this night?

Lucinda took a breather as the dance ended, and Amelia headed for the chairs as well. Lucinda noted Timothy gazing after her friend like a lovesick puppy dog.

“Is Timothy courting you?” Lucinda asked as her friend sat, waving her fan before her damp face.

Surprised uncertainty flickered in Amelia’s eyes. “I don’t know.” A small pause elapsed. “He’s gained two inches this past year.” She glanced at the tall, blond-haired young man, who now danced with a pretty red-head. “He still sometimes looks like a mournful puppy to me.”

“Does he still smash toes?”

“Once or twice every dance.” Amelia glanced ruefully at the dried patch of spilled punch on her dress. “Perhaps we are a matched pair.”

After the dance, Timothy approached and asked a bit hesitantly if Amelia would like a cup of punch.

“Thank you.” Again, Lucinda noted the uncertainty in her pragmatic friend’s eyes. “I would love one.”

With a quick grin, Timothy hurried away.

“He’s kind of cute with you,” Lucinda offered.

“Do you think so?” A frown touched Amelia’s brow, and then eased. “Tell me all about your latest suitors.”

“I don’t have any to speak of. Jonathon is certainly not serious. I’ve danced twice with the Earl of Hart. He seems nice.”

“What of the Baron?”

“
Riel?
” Pain crept into Lucinda’s heart. She didn’t want to dwell on her conflicted feelings for her guardian. “I’ve told you he drives me batty. Did you know he threatened to cut Jonathon out of my life? Yes, that’s right. He said he will, if he finds proof of unsavory, rakish activities. The gall of that man.”

“I think you should be careful of Jonathon, too.”

Surprised, Lucinda said, “But he’s your cousin.”

“Riel’s right. Jonathon is a rake.”

“Well, I don’t expect Jonathon to ask me to marry him, if you’re worried about that. It’s just that Riel can be so…frustratingly bossy. It maddens me.”

“Even if he only wants what’s best for you?”

“Even then.”

Timothy returned with Amelia’s drink and Lucinda excused herself, on the pretense of an important errand. Really, she wanted to see what might develop with her friend’s unlikely romance with young Lord Fenwick.

“Lucy.” Riel appeared by her side. She would have kept walking, but he captured her hand. His easily dwarfed hers, and his palm felt warm and calloused. Her mouth suddenly went dry and her heart beat faster. She attempted to free herself, but he didn’t allow it. “Walk with me.”

“Why?” she hissed, having no choice but to walk fast at his side. “You are behaving most inappropriately, as usual.”

To her shock, he opened the door to the garden. Lucinda dug in her heels. “I am
not
going out there with you again. Perhaps you think me a woman of easy virtue…”

“Lucy.” The single word stilled her protest. But she couldn’t be alone with him. He disturbed her too deeply. Not only that, but she’d had enough of his dictatorial decrees, too, she reminded herself again.

All the same, she followed him to the edge of the rose garden.

Still, he did not release her hand. Her temper bubbled. “Will you kindly unhand me? I am tired of being dragged thither and yon.”

“I am sorry, Lucy.” He released her.

“You’re sorry? For what? Dragging me out here?”

“I’m sorry I threatened to cut Jonathon out of your life last night.” The words sounded rehearsed…and forced. As if he didn’t want to say them, but knew he must.

Surprised, she crossed her arms. “What made you see the error of your ways?”

“Lucy,” he growled. “I know I was unreasonable. I am sorry.” A few moments ticked by. At last, more quietly, he admitted, “I don’t like it when you’re angry with me.”

“You care what I think of you?”

His hand swiped at his black hair in that tail; a frustrated movement. “Of course I do.”

This was a new development; a turning point in their relationship. He’d just allowed her to see that she held power over him, too. An equaling of the playing field, at last. “You do?” she said softly.

“Will you forgive me?”

“Of course. If you will forgive me, too, for avoiding you and being a bit cold tonight.”

Tension eased out of his broad shoulders. “Of course. Do you still have a dance to give me?”

“I have one right now.”

It felt cool outside, compared to the hot crush of bodies indoors. Strains of music drifted outdoors. A waltz, of course.

“Will you dance with me? Here?” he said quietly.

It was vastly inappropriate. But what about their relationship had ever been ruled by etiquette? She moved into his arms and felt like she’d come home. Her hand slid up to his shoulder, and he pulled her close enough that her cheek could rest on his chest. Much nearer than proper. But she liked it. In fact, she relished it.

The strains of the melody strummed through her heart, and tangled with the strong thump of his heart in her ear. This was where she wanted to be. In his arms forever. All of their silly snits and arguments over the years fell into perspective at last.

They were their first, tentative steps of courtship. At least, for her that was true. She didn’t know what Riel felt for her. But now she understood why she’d shoved him away so strenuously for so long. She’d fought this quiet certainty that she’d completely and irrevocably lose her heart to Riel Montclair.

A sob gathered in her throat as this alarming truth swelled, filling her heart completely. She loved him. She’d fallen in love with her strong, immovable, maddening, honorable guardian. The man whose first love was the sea.

How had it happened? Why him? He met none of her specifications!

Well, he was tall and handsome…

Stop it!
Didn’t she want a man who would let her rule her own life? An agreeable man, not an authoritative one. A civilized gentleman, not a pirate. A lord of the manor, not a ship’s captain! A future between them was impossible. He’d never give up the sea to court her.

But what if he would? A shiver ran through her at the thought.

“Are you cold?” Riel asked, against her hair.

“No,” she whispered. Her foolish fantasies must go. Riel did not intend to marry…not ever. This fact sliced into her soul. Further proof that her feelings were fruitless and self-destructive. Perhaps…maybe if she ignored them, they would go away.

“Lucy.” He pulled back. His black eyes held a faintly quizzical look. “Are you all right?” Then he frowned and brushed her cheek with his fingers. “You are crying! Why?”

Lucinda drew a quick breath. Never could he know what she had been thinking. She pulled away. “I believe the dance has ended.”

“What is wrong?” Concern deepened his voice.

“Sometimes we want…what is simply impossible.”

“Do you mean Jonathon?” His voice roughened.

Jonathon couldn’t be further from her mind. But maybe it would be best to let him think so. “I’m glad you changed your mind about him. I will be sure to tell him.”

“Lucy.” He touched her arm.

“I’m chilly, Riel.” She had felt warm in his arms, but now she felt cold, alone and heartsick. “Will you see me inside?”

“Of course.” He offered his arm and they walked inside. Lucinda held onto the moment for as long as she could. All of her life she had wondered with whom she would fall in love. Now she knew.

How could her heart choose a man who would never be hers?

Tears glimmered again, but she swallowed them back.

Enjoy the moment,
her soul whispered.
Enjoy every minute you have with him, for soon they will be gone.