The Pilgrimage (7 page)

The details of the battle and the explanation for the many devils that can be present in
an animal I will explain later. What is important now is that you under- stand that the
woman was already used to the curse. She had accepted it as normal, and the attitudes of
the world were fine with her. She had learned to be satisfied with very little.

When you exorcised the poor old womans demons, you also unbalanced her universe. The other
day we talked about the cruelty that people are capable of inflicting on themselves.
Often, when we try to demon- strate that life is good and generous, such people reject the
idea as if it came from the devil. People dont like to

ask too much of life because they are afraid they will be defeated. But if someone wants
to fight the good fight, that person must view the world as if it were a marvel- lous
treasure waiting to be discovered and won.

Petrus asked me if I knew what I was doing there on the Road to Santiago.

I am searching for my sword, I answered. And what do you want your sword for? I want it
because it will bring me the power and the

wisdom of the Tradition. I felt that he was not too happy with my response.

But he continued, You are here, searching for a reward. You are daring to dream, and you
are doing everything possible to make your dream come true. You need to have a better idea
of what it is that you are going to do with your sword; this has to be clearer to you
before we can find it. But there is one thing in your favor: you are looking for a reward.
You are walking the Road to Santiago only because you want to be rewarded for your effort.
I have noticed that you have applied everything I have taught you; you have been looking
for a practical outcome. That is very positive.

The only thing missing is your learning how to combine the RAM practices with your own
intuition. The language of your heart is what is going to determine the best way to find
and use your sword. If you cant bring the two together, the exercises and the RAM prac-
tices will become simply a part of the useless wisdom of the Tradition.

Petrus had told me this before, in a different way, and although I agreed with him, it
wasnt what I wanted to hear about. There were two aspects of the experience that I could
not understand: the strange language I had spoke and my feeling of love and happiness
after having evicted the dog.

The sensation of happiness occurred because your action was suffused with agape.

You talk a lot about agape, but you havent really explained to me what it is. I have a
feeling we are deal- ing with something that relates to a higher form of love.

Thats exactly right. In a little while, the time will come for you to experience that
intense love the love that consumes the one who loves. Meanwhile, be happy knowing that
this love has manifested itself freely in you.

I have had this sensation before, but it was brief, and different somehow. It always
happened after a pro- fessional triumph, a win, or when I felt that Lady Luck was being
generous with me. But when the feeling arose, I always pulled back; I felt frightened of
experi- encing it too intensely as if the happiness could cause envy in others or as if I
were unworthy of it.

All of us, before we learn about agape, act that way, he said, with his gaze on the
television screen.

I asked him about the strange language I had spoken.

That was a surprise to me. That is not a practice of the Road to Santiago. It is a divine
grace, and it is one of the RAM practices for the Road to Rome.

I had already heard some things about the divine graces, but I asked Petrus to explain
them to me.

They are gifts from the Holy Ghost that manifest themselves in people. There are a number
of different kinds: the gift of curing, the gift of miracles, the gift of prophecy, among
others. You experienced the gift of tongues, which is what the apostles experienced at
Pentecost.

The gift of tongues is related to direct communica- tion with the Holy Ghost. It is used
in powerful oratory, in exorcisms as was your case and in wisdom. Your days on the Road
and the RAM practices not only led to the danger that the dog represented for you but also
by chance gave rise to the gift of tongues. It wont happen again, unless you find your
sword and decide to walk the Road to Rome. In any case, it was a good omen.

I watched the silent television screen. The story of the coal mines had been transformed
into a succession of men and women talking and arguing. Every so often, an actor and an
actress would kiss.

One other thing, said Petrus. It may be that you are going to meet up with that dog again.
Next time, dont try to invoke the gift of tongues, because it wont come back. Trust in
what your intuition is going to tell you. I am going to teach you another RAM practice
that will enhance your intuition. With it, you will begin to learn the secret language of
your mind, and that language will be very useful to you for the rest of your life.

Petrus turned the television off, just as I was begin-

ning to get involved in the story. He went to the bar and asked for a bottle of mineral
water. We each drank a little, and he took what was left outdoors.

We felt the fresh air, and for a few moments neither of us said anything. The night was
quiet, and the Milky Way overhead reminded me again that my goal was to find my sword.

After some time, Petrus taught me the Water Exercise.

Im tired; Im going to bed, he said. But do this exercise now. Call up your intuition
again, your secret side. Dont be concerned about logic, because water is a fluid element,
and it does not allow itself to be con- trolled easily. But water, little by little and in
a non- violent way, is going to build a new relationship between you and the universe.

And before he went through the door of the hotel, he added, It is not often that someone
gets help from a dog.

I continued to enjoy the freshness and the silence of the night. The hotel was out in the
country, and there was no one there with me. I remembered the owner, who had been to
Ipanema; he must find it absurd to see me there in that arid place, burned by the sun that
shone down with such ferocity day after day.

I was getting sleepy, so I decided to do the exercise right away. I emptied the remaining
water onto the cement and a small puddle formed. I did not have any image or shape in
mind, and I wasnt seeking one. I

The Arousal of Intuition (The Water Exercise)

Make a puddle of water on a smooth, non- absorbant surface. Look into the puddle for a
while. Then, begin to play with it, without any particular commitment or objective. Make
designs that mean absolutely nothing.

Do this exercise for a week, allowing at least ten minutes each time.

Dont look for practical results from this exercise; it is simply calling up your
intuition, little by little. When this intuition begins to manifest itself at other times
of the day, always trust in it.

swirled my fingers through the cold water, and I experi- enced the same kind of hypnosis
that one feels when staring into the flames of a fire. I thought about noth- ing; I was
just playing playing with a puddle of water. I made some streaks at the edge of the
puddle, and it seemed to become a wet sun; but the streaks quickly rejoined the puddle and
disappeared. With the palm of my hand, I batted at the center of the puddle; the water
splashed away, covering the cement with droplets, black stars on a gray background. I was
completely lost in that absurd exercise, an exercise that had not the slightest purpose
but was delightful to do. I felt that my mind had stopped working almost completely, a
feeling I had previously achieved only after long periods of medita- tion and relaxation.
At the same time, something told me that down deep, in places that my mind could not
reach, a force was being born and becoming ready to manifest itself.

I stayed there for quite a while playing with the puddle, and it was difficult to give up
the exercise. If Petrus had taught me the water exercise at the beginning of the journey,
there is no doubt that I would have found it to be a waste of time. But now, having spoken
in strange tongues and having exorcised devils, that puddle of water established a contact
however fragile with the Milky Way above me. It reflected the stars, created designs I
could not understand, and gave me the feeling not that I was wasting time but that I was
creat- ing a new code for communicating with the world. It

was the souls secret code the language that we know but so seldom hear.

When I came back to myself, it was late. The lights at the door had been turned off, and I
entered the hotel quietly. In my room, once again I invoked Astrain. He appeared more
clearly, and I spoke to him for a while about my sword and about my goals in life. For
now, he made no answer, but Petrus had told me that as the invocations continued, Astrain
would become a live and powerful presence at my side.

Logro–o is one of the largest cities through which pil- grims traveling the Jacobean route
pass. The only other city of any size that we had entered had been Pamplona but we had
not spent the night there. On the after- noon that we arrived in Logro–o, though, the city
was preparing for a great festival, and Petrus suggested that we stay there, at least for
one night.

I was used to the silence and freedom of the coun- tryside, so the idea did not much
appeal to me. It had been five days since the incident with the dog, and every night since
then, I had invoked Astrain and per- formed the Water Exercise. I was feeling very calm,
and I was more and more aware of the importance of the Road to Santiago in my life and of
the question of what I was going to do after the pilgrimage had ended. The area we walked
through was like a desert, the meals were seldom very good, and the long days on the Road
were exhausting, but I was living my dream.

All of these feelings disappeared the day we arrived at Logro–o. Instead of the warm, pure
air of the fields, we found a city crowded with cars, journalists, and

television equipment. Petrus went into the first bar we saw to ask what was happening.

You didnt know? Today is the wedding of Colonel M.s daughter, said the bartender. We are
going to have a huge public banquet in the square, and I am closing early today.

It was impossible to find rooms at a hotel, but even- tually we were given lodging at the
home of an elderly couple who had noticed the shells on Petruss knapsack. We showered, I
put on the only trousers that I had brought, and we left for the town square.

Dozens of workers, perspiring in their black suits, were putting the finishing touches on
the tables that had been placed all over the square. National television crews were
filming the preparations. We went down a narrow street that led to the church of the Royal
Santiago parish, where the ceremony was about to begin.

Flocking to the church were great numbers of well- dressed people. The womens makeup was
running in the heat, and their children, dressed in white, were irri- table. Some
fireworks were exploding overhead as a long black limousine stopped at the main gate. It
was the groom arriving. There was no room for Petrus and me in the church, so we decided
to go back to the square.

Petrus wanted to scout around, but I sat down on one of the benches, waiting for the
ceremony to end and the banquet to begin. Nearby, a popcorn vendor,

hoping for a windfall profit, awaited the crowd from the church.

Are you one of the invited guests? he asked me.

No, I answered. We are pilgrims on our way to Compostela.

Theres a train that goes there straight from Madrid, and if you leave on a Friday, you get
your hotel free.

Yes, but we are doing a pilgrimage.

The vendor looked at me and said respectfully, Pilgrimages are made by saints.

I decided not to get into that discussion. He said that his daughter had already been
married but was now separated from her husband.

In Francos time, there was more respect, he said. Nowadays, no one cares about the family.

Despite my being in a strange country, where it is never advisable to talk politics, I
could not let this pass without a response. I said that Franco had been a dicta- tor and
that nothing during his time could have been better than now.

The vendors face turned red. Who do you think you are, talking like that? I know this
countrys history. I know the war the

people fought for their freedom. I have read about the crimes of the Franco forces during
the Spanish civil war. Well, I fought in that war. I was there when my familys blood was
spilled. Whatever stories you have read dont interest me; what Im concerned about is what
happens to my family. I fought against Franco, but

when he won the war, life was better for me. Im not a beggar, and I have my little popcorn
stand. It wasnt this socialist government we have now that helped me. Im worse off now
than I was before.

I remembered what Petrus had said about people being content with very little. I decided
not to press my point of view, and I moved to another bench.

When Petrus came back, I told him about my exchange with the popcorn vendor.

Conversation is useful, he said, when people want to convince themselves that what they
are saying is right. I am a member of the Italian Communist Party. But I didnt know about
this fascist side of you.

What do you mean, fascist side? I asked him angrily.

Well, you helped the popcorn man to convince himself that Franco was good. Maybe he never
knew why. Now he knows.

Well, Im just as surprised to learn that the ICP believes in the gifts of the Holy Ghost.

Well, I have to be careful about what the neighbors will think, he said, laughing.

The fireworks started up again, as musicians climbed to the bandstand and tuned their
instruments. The festi- val was about to begin.

I looked up at the sky. It was growing dark, and the stars were beginning to appear.
Petrus went over to one of the waiters and brought back two plastic cups full of wine.

It is good luck to have a drink before the party begins, he said, handing me one of the
cups. Have some of this. It will help you forget about the popcorn man.

I wasnt even thinking about him anymore.

Well, you should. Because what happened with him is an example of mistaken behavior. We
are always trying to convert people to a belief in our own explana- tion of the universe.
We think that the more people there are who believe as we do, the more certain it will be
that what we believe is the truth. But it doesnt work that way at all.

Look around. Here is a huge party about to begin. A commemoration. Many different things
are being cele- brated simultaneously: the fathers hope that his daugh- ter would marry,
the daughters wish for the same thing, the grooms dreams. Thats good, because they believe
in their dreams and want to demonstrate to everyone that they have achieved their goals.
It is not a party that is being held to convince anyone of anything, so its going to be a
lot of fun. From what I can see, they are people who have fought the good fight of love.

But you are trying to convince me, Petrus, by guid- ing me along the Road to Santiago.

He gave me a cold look.

I am only teaching you the RAM practices. But you will find your sword only if you
discover that the Road and the truth and the life are in your heart.

Petrus pointed to the sky, where the stars were now clearly visible.

There is no religion that is capable of bringing all of the stars together, because if
this were to happen, the universe would become a gigantic, empty space and would lose its
reason for existence. Every star and every person has their own space and their own spe-
cial characteristics. There are green stars, yellow stars, blue stars, and white stars,
and there are comets, mete- ors and meteorites, nebulas and rings. What appear from down
here to be a huge number of bodies that are similar to each other are really a million
different things, spread over a space that is beyond human com- prehension.

A rocket from the fireworks burst, and its light obscured the sky for a moment. A shower
of brilliant green streamers fell to the ground.

Earlier, we only heard their noise because of the daylight. Now we can see their light,
Petrus said. Thats the only change people can aspire to.

The bride came out of the church, and people shouted and threw their handfuls of rice. She
was a thin girl of about sixteen, and she held the arm of a boy in a tuxedo. The
congregation appeared and began to move toward the square.

Look, theres the colonel ... Oh, look at the brides dress. How beautiful, said some boys
near us. The guests took their places at the tables, the waiters served the wine, and the
band began to play. The popcorn vendor was surrounded by a mob of screaming boys who made
their purchases and then scattered the empty

bags on the ground. I imagined that for the townspeo- ple of Logro–o, at least that night,
the rest of the world with its threat of nuclear war, unemployment, and murders did not
exist. It was a festival night, the tables had been placed in the square for the people,
and every- one felt important.

A television crew came toward us, and Petrus averted his face. But the men passed us by,
heading for one of the guests who sat near us. I recognized immediately who he was:
Antonio, the man who had led the Spanish fans in their cheers at the World Cup in Mexico
in 1986. When the interview was over, I went up to him and told him that I was a
Brazilian; feigning anger, he com- plained about a goal of which Spain had been robbed in
the opening round of the Cup.*

But then he gave me a hug, and said that Brazil would soon once again have the best
players in the world.

How do you manage to see the game when your back is always to the field and you are
inciting the fans, I asked. It was something I had noticed over and over again during the
television transmissions of the World Cup games.

Thats what gives me satisfaction. Helping the fans believe in victory.

* In the game between Spain and Brazil at that World Cup in Mexico, a Spanish goal was
disallowed because the referee had not seen the ball cross the goal line before rebounding
out. Brazil ended up winning that game 10.

And then, as if he too were a guide on the Road to Santiago, he said, Fans who lack the
faith can make a team lose a game it is already winning.

Manolo was then grabbed by others who wanted to interview him, but I stood there thinking
about what he had said. Even without ever having walked the Road to Santiago, he knew what
it was to fight the good fight.

I found Petrus hiding behind some trees, obviously uncomfortable with the presence of the
television cam- eras. It was only after their lights had been turned off that he emerged
from the trees and relaxed a bit. We asked for two more cups of wine, I fixed myself a
plate of canapŽs, and Petrus found a table where we could sit with some of the guests.

The newlyweds cut into a huge wedding cake. People cheered.

They must really love each other, I said.

Of course they do, said a dark-suited man sitting with us. Have you ever heard of anyone
marrying for any other reason?

I kept my answer to myself, remembering what Petrus had said about the popcorn vendor. But
my guide didnt let it pass.

Which kind of love are you talking about: eros, philos, or agape?

The man looked at him blankly. Petrus got up, filled his cup, and asked me to walk with
him.

There are three Greek words that mean love, he

began. Today, you are seeing a manifestation of eros, the feeling of love that exists
between two people.

The bride and groom were smiling for the photogra- phers and accepting congratulations.

It appears that these two really do love each other, he said, looking at the couple. And
they believe that their love will grow. But shortly, they will be alone with each other,
struggling to earn a living, build a house, and share their adventure. This is what
ennobles love and dignifies it. He will do his time in the army. She is prob- ably a good
cook and will be an excellent housewife, because she has been trained since she was a
child for that role. She will be good company for him, theyll have children, and they will
feel that they are building some- thing together. Theyll be fighting the good fight. So
even if they have problems, they will never be really unhappy.

However, this story that I am telling you could go a very different way. He might begin to
feel that hes not free enough to express all of the eros, all of the love that he has for
other women. She might begin to feel that she gave up a brilliant career in order to be
with her husband. So instead of creating something together, each could begin to feel
robbed of a means of express- ing love. Eros, the spirit that unites them, would begin to
reveal only its negative side. And what God had pro- vided to humans as their noblest
sentiment would become a source of hatred and destructiveness.

I looked around me. Eros was present in many of the relationships there. The Water
Exercise had awakened

the language of my heart, and I was seeing people in a different way. Maybe it was the
days of solitude on the road, or maybe it was the RAM practices, but I could feel the
presence of good eros and evil eros, just as Petrus had described.

Its strange, Petrus said, sensing the same thing. Whether its good or evil, the face of
eros is never the same for any two people. Just like the stars I was talking about half an
hour ago. And no one can escape eros. Everyone needs its presence, despite the fact that
many times, eros makes us feel apart from the world, trapped in our solitude.

The band began to play a waltz. The guests went to a small cement section in front of the
bandstand and started to dance. The alcohol was making itself felt, and people were
perspiring more and smiling more. I noticed a girl dressed in blue who looked as if she
had waited for this wedding just to have the chance to dance the waltz she wanted to
dance with someone who would embrace her in the way she had dreamed of since adolescence.
She was watching a well-dressed boy, who wore a white suit and stood among his friends.
They were all talking and had not noticed that the waltz had begun. Nor did they see that
a few yards away, a girl in a blue dress looked longingly at one of them.

I thought about small towns and marriage to the boy one has dreamed of since childhood.

The girl in blue saw that I was watching her and tried to conceal herself among her
girlfriends. As she did, the

boy searched for her with his eyes. When he saw that she was there with her friends, he
went back to his con- versation with his own group.

I pointed out the two of them to Petrus. He watched the game of glances for a while and
then went back to his cup of wine.