The Physiology of Taste (57 page)

Finally he gathered up what was left, and with the help of a small government pension he lived a pleasant enough life in Lyons, and in the best society, for experience had taught him how to manage well.

Although he always remained charming to the ladies, he had by this time retired from active service toward them; he still enjoyed playing any and all card games with them, at which he was highly skilled, but he never risked losing his money to them, with a ruthlessness which is characteristic of a man who can no longer accept their bounties.

Gourmandism became more important to him as his other pleasures dwindled; it can be said that he made an actual profession of it, and since he was a very pleasant companion, he had more dinner invitations than he could ever accept.

Lyons is a town of good living: its location makes it rich equally in the wines of Bordeaux and Hermitage and Burgundy; game from the neighboring countryside is of the best; the finest fish in the world are brought from the lakes of Geneva and Le
Bourget; and connoisseurs swoon with pleasure at the sight of the fat Bresse hens which are marketed in Lyons.

The Chevalier de Langeac, then, had his own place at the best tables in town, and the one he enjoyed most of all was in the home of M. A …, a very rich banker and a distinguished connoisseur of good living. The Chevalier blamed his preference on the fact that he and the financier had gone to school together. Gossips (for they are omnipresent) attributed it to M. A …’s cook, who had been the favorite pupil of Ramier, a skilled caterer who flourished in those distant days.

However that may be, toward the end of the winter of 1780 the Chevalier de Langeac received a note in which M. A … invited him, ten days later, to supper (for they still supped then), and my secret journal assures me that he trembled with joy in concluding that such a summons made so far in advance must indicate a special occasion and a celebration of the first rank.

He presented himself on the fixed day and hour, and found ten guests assembled, all of them lovers of the pleasures of the table: the word
gastronomer
had not yet been borrowed from the Greek, or at least was not as common as it is today.

Soon a substantial meal was served; among other dishes it had an enormous sirloin in its own gravy, a richly garnished fricassée of chicken, a cut of veal that looked most promising, and a very handsome stuffed carp.

All this was appetizing and solid, but it did not measure up to what the Chevalier had hoped for after such a long-standing invitation.

Another thing surprised him: his fellow guests, all of them good trenchermen, either did not eat at all or merely nibbled. One had a headache, another suffered from a chill, a third had just come from dinner, and so it was with every one. The Chevalier marveled inwardly at the hazards of chance which had brought together on this one night so many uncongenial dispositions, and believing himself foreordained to act for all these invalids, he fell to bravely, carved his meat precisely, and put into action all his fine powers of
INTUSSUSCEPTION.
¹⁸

The second course was no less solid than the first: a huge Crémieu turkey shared honors with a most beautiful pike
au bleu
,
and they were flanked by six conventional side dishes (not counting the salad), among which a generous dish of macaroni with Parmesan was outstanding.

At the sight of all this the Chevalier felt his forces revivified, while the other diners acted as if they were at their last sighs. Stimulated by the customary shift in wines, he exulted in his companions’ impotence, and toasted their health in a series of bumpers with which he washed down a generous portion of the pike, which followed in turn the second joint of the turkey.

He welcomed the side dishes in their proper order, and carried on his chosen career gloriously, deciding to limit himself at dessert to but a morsel of cheese and one glass of Malaga, for sweets had no part in his scheme of things.

It has been pointed out that he had felt two moments of astonishment during the evening: the first at noting the solidity of the fare, and the second at finding his fellow guests in such bad health. He was now to experience a third shock, and for quite another reason.

For the servants, instead of bringing in the dessert, took everything away from the table, even to the linen and silver, and then laid it a-fresh and placed upon it four new entrées, whose savory steam rose upward to the heavens.

They consisted of sweetbreads in a crayfish sauce, soft truffled roes, a larded and stuffed pike, and wings of red partridge served with a purée of mushrooms.
¹⁹

Like Ariosto’s old magician who, holding the fair Armida captive in his very arms, could make but the most impotent attempts to have her, the Chevalier was utterly crestfallen to see so many good things which he could no longer enjoy, and he began to suspect that a wicked joke was being played.

In contrast to his dejection, all the other guests seemed to feel much better than before: appetite returned to them, a slight expression of irony lurked on their lips, and now it was their turn to drink to the health of the Chevalier, whose ability to continue was exhausted.

Nonetheless he put a good face on it, and seemed to want to defy Nature herself; but at the third bite she revolted, and his stomach threatened to betray him. He was thus forced to retire
from combat and, as it is phrased in musical circles, to mark time.

What must have been his feelings when a third change was made and he saw literally dozens of fine snipes brought in, gleaming with fat and lying upon their traditional rich toast; a pheasant, rare indeed in those days, sent straight from the banks of the Seine; a fresh tuna, and pastry and side dishes which were the best that any kitchen of that ancient period could possibly offer!

He considered his position for a few minutes, and was on the point of resting, continuing, and then dying bravely on the battlefield: such, right or wrong, was the first impulse of his outraged sense of honor. But soon egotism came to his aid, and led him toward more moderate ideas.

He reflected that in such a case prudence does not indicate cowardice; that death from indigestion is always a subject of ridicule; and that the future doubtless held many compensations for his present disappointment. He took up the challenge, therefore, and tossing his napkin from him, “Sir,” he said to the banker, “no man treats his friends in this manner! You have outdone your own perfidy, and I shall never see you again in my life.” He had spoken; he disappeared.

His departure failed to cause much of a stir, for it was but the final proof of the success of a plot which had been laid for the sole purpose of confronting him with a good meal which he could not possibly enjoy, and all of the guests had been let into the secret.

The Chevalier, however, sulked longer than anyone believed he would. Several tactful maneuvers were necessary to bring him into the open again, but finally he emerged in time for the first figpeckers, and by the time truffles made their next appearance he had forgotten the whole affair.

Discord threatened once to insinuate itself into the heart of one of the most ideal households in Paris. It was on a Saturday, the
Jewish day of rest: there was question of how to cook a turbot; it was in the country, at Villecrêne.
²⁰

The fish, which might be said to have been torn from a much more glorious fate, was supposed to be served the next day at a gathering of pleasant people to which I too had been invited; it was as fresh and plump and gleaming as could possibly be desired, but it was so much bigger than any vessel available to cook it in that nobody knew what to do with it.

“Well, let’s cut it in two,” the husband said.

“How could you dare insult this poor creature so?” the wife demanded.

“But my dear, we must! There’s nothing else we can do. Come on, ask for a chopper, and before you know it we’ll be done with it.”

“Wait a little longer, my dear. There is plenty of time. Anyway, you know that your cousin is coming. He’s a professor, and is bound to know how to get us out of this mess.”

“A professor! … get us out of this? Hah!”

And it is faithfully reported to me that the gentleman who spoke thus seemed to have very little confidence in that professor, who was, nevertheless, myself!
SCHWERNOTH!
²¹

The difficulty would probably have been solved in an Alexandrian manner,
²²
if at that moment I had not arrived at a gallop, my nose to the wind, with the appetite which a man always has when he has been traveling, when it is seven at night, and when the odor of a good dinner greets his nostrils and invites his taste.

On my entrance I did my best to make the usual greetings; nobody answered me, since I was not even being listened to. Soon enough, however, the problem which absorbed all attention was exposed to me almost in
duo
, after which both parties fell silent as if by previous agreement. The prettier of my two relatives watched me with eyes which seemed to say, “I hope we can survive this ordeal somehow.” My bearded cousin, on the contrary, had a mocking supercilious air about him, as if he were already sure that I would not be able to relieve the situation, and he kept his hand firmly on the redoubtable chopper, which had been brought at his command.

These various indications of trouble disappeared, however, to
give place to a lively curiosity, when I pronounced in a grave oracular voice these solemn words; “The turbot will remain in one piece until its official presentation.”

I was already confident of not having compromised myself, since I planned to cook it in the oven, but because this method presented certain difficulties I did not yet bother to discuss it. I headed silently for the kitchen, with my cousins attending me as acolytes, the rest of the household representing the faithful flock, and the cook
IN FIOCCHI
at the end of the procession.

The first two utensils which were shown to me were not at all practical for my purpose, but when we reached the laundry room I saw before me a copper washboiler, somewhat small but solidly fitted into its own stove. Immediately I summed up its usefulness, and turning toward my train I cried out, with that faith which can transport mountains, “Have no more fear! The turbot will be cooked whole, it will be steam-cooked, and it will be cooked here and now!”

And sure enough, although the time for dinner was well upon us, I put everyone to work without delay. While some of them lit the fire under the boiler, I evolved from a large woven hamper a kind of rigid hammock, exactly the size of the giant fish. On this hammock I had my helpers place a layer of onions, shalots, and highly flavored herbs, upon which was laid the turbot, by then well clean and dried, and properly salted. A second layer of the same herbs and vegetables was placed over it. Then the hammock was put across the boiler, which was half full of water, and the whole was covered with a small washtub around which we banked dry sand, to keep the steam from escaping too easily. Soon the water was boiling madly; steam filled the inside of the tub, which was removed at the end of a half-hour, and the hammock was taken out of the boiler with the turbot cooked to perfection, white as snow, and most agreeable to look at.

Once the operation was over, we rushed to seat ourselves at the dinner table, with appetites sharpened by the delay and by our labor and its great success. So famished were we that it took some time to reach that happy moment, so often spoken of by Homer, when the abundance and variety of the dishes had made hunger vanish.

The next day at dinner the turbot was served to the worthy guests, and all of them exclaimed at its handsome appearance.
²³
And then the master of the house told, without any urging, the astonishing way we had done the cooking, and I was lauded not only for my timely inventiveness but for its results as well: after thoughtful tasting, it was unanimously agreed that the fish prepared according to my system was incomparably better than if it had been cooked in the traditional turbot pan. This decision was surprising to nobody, for it was obvious that since the fish had not been passed through boiling water, it had lost none of its basic properties, and had on the contrary absorbed all the aroma of the seasoning.

While my ears drank their fill of the compliments which were showered upon me, my eyes sought out other even more sincere ones in the visible post-mortem verdict of the guests, and I observed with secret satisfaction that General Labassée was so pleased that he smiled anew at each bite, while the curé had his throat stretched upward and his ecstatic eyes fixed upon the ceiling; I saw that of the two members of the Academy who were there with us, both of them as witty as they were gourmands, the first, M. Auger, showed the shining eyes and radiant face of an acclaimed author, while the second, M. Villemain, leaned his head with his chin tipped to the west, like a man who is listening.

All of this is useful to remember, for there are few country houses where one cannot find everything needed to set up the apparatus I used on that occasion, which one can always count on when there is the problem of cooking something that arrives unexpectedly and is bigger than ordinary.

Nonetheless, my readers would have been deprived of the recounting of this great adventure if I had not felt that it must lead to results of a more general practicability.
²⁴

In effect, anyone who knows the laws of Nature and the effects of steam will remember that the latter equals in temperature the liquid from which it emerges, that it can even be a few degrees hotter because of slight concentration, and that it accumulates as long as there is no vent through which it can escape.

It follows that, all things being equal, by simply adding to the capacity of the washtub which I used in my experiment, and
substituting for it an empty barrel, it would be possible to steam-cook quickly and inexpensively several bushels of potatoes, root vegetables of every kind, or whatever had been piled upon the hammock and well covered with the barrel, whether it might be for men or for their animals. Furthermore, all this could be done six times faster and with six times less fuel than would be needed to bring to the boiling point a cauldron of some twenty gallons capacity.