The Perfect Indulgence (17 page)

She’d just finished stacking boxes by the order-pickup area when Eva appeared at the front door, apparently already dressed for the holiday in pink pants and a white top with red hearts.

Chris let her in. “Wow, look at you. What will you have left to wear tomorrow?”

“I’ll surprise you. Hi, sweetie.” Eva gave her sister a long hug, then pulled back and searched Chris’s face. “How are you doing?”

Chris felt an unfair jolt of irritation at her twin’s concern, and was instantly ashamed. Eva and Ames were living their lives the way they should be. The fact that everything was coming up roses for them while Chris wallowed in weeds, well, that was just the way it was right now. She couldn’t blame her sister. “I’m okay.”

“Yeah?” Eva studied her through narrowed eyes. “You look awful.”

“I am awful, thank you.” She shrugged, knowing better than to lie, and handed Eva the box of bright red centerpieces—small red vases holding bouquets of reflective metallic red strands decorated with hearts. “But I’ll get over it. And him. Here. One of those goes on each table.”

“Get over Zac?” Eva clutched the box, staring at Chris over the top. “Why do you have to get over him? I thought everything was going great. Except for the whole moving-back-to-New-York part.”

“Yeah, and there goes our chance for a relationship.” She moved back to the stack of boxes to retrieve the one containing garlands of red and pink hearts.

Eva followed her, still holding her box. “Wait, why? What if he gets into Columbia?”

“He doesn’t hear for weeks, so we can’t plan on that.” She carried the garland box over toward the register, Eva trailing her. “And I’m too old to be pining after some guy who lives two thousand miles away.”

She thumped the box on the counter, bracing herself for the slew of unreasonable arguments Eva would come up with. Maybe one of them could convince her she was wrong. That would be nice.

“I understand. I really do. I was exactly where you are, remember? You and I were supposed to switch back at the end of October, and Ames had a really good job in New York. I was so crazy about him, and I had no idea what to do.”

“I remember. But then I decided to stay here longer, and you lucked out that Ames was able to relocate.” Chris took Eva’s arm and steered her back to a table, removing the box from her arms. “One centerpiece per table.”

“I did luck out.” Eva followed Chris back to the counter. “But we would have worked something out regardless. He was incredibly special to me from the beginning, different from every guy I’d ever dated, and I would have been miserable without him.”

“I’m sure I will be, too, at first. But there’s someone in New York for me, I’m sure.” Chris pointed Eva firmly back to the centerpieces. “One for each table?”

“He won’t be like Zac.”

Kaboom.
Five little words, and every fear Chris had been battling back into the swamps clambered out, smelly and dripping.

“We’ll see.” She barely managed to get the words out.

“Hi, sorry I’m late.” Summer pushed through the front door. “Luke dropped me off. He makes me late for everything.”

Eva looked up from ripping open her box. “Because he can’t manage his time or because you can’t bear to leave him?”

“Yes.” Summer was beaming.

Chris was so happy for her. And she also wanted to ask Summer please not to look that joyful again until Chris was safely back in New York.

“So besides the fact that you can’t tear yourself away from him...” Eva put a centerpiece on one of the tables—not in the center. “Are we talking romance yet or still just friendship?”

Summer hesitated. “We’re friends. It seems to work best that way.”

“How come?”

“Eva.” Chris rolled her eyes, taping a length of garland to the counter. “Let the woman have some privacy. Summer, I’ve got honeycomb heart thingies for you to hang from the ceiling. There are hooks already up there.”

“Oh, yes!” Eva pointed them out delightedly. “Those are from when we had the first-anniversary party for the store, remember, Summer? We hung little boxes wrapped to look like presents. Gosh, it will be so good to come back.”

Chris clung to the box of honeycomb heart decorations, not trusting herself to speak. She could not believe she was being such a crybaby about this.

Hey. She was allowed. This was hard.

“Thanks, Chris.” Summer took the box and headed for the ladder.

“Sorry for prying.” Eva put down another noncentered centerpiece. “I just want to see you happy. You’ve had it rough.”

“We’ll see what happens.” She dragged the ladder under one of the ceiling hooks. “I’m not sure we’re right for each other.”

“Really?” Eva said. “Why not?”

Summer looked cornered, as people often did when Eva got going with her questions. “We come from different worlds.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t care.”

“Maybe not now...” Summer climbed the ladder and hung the first honeycomb heart from the ceiling.

“Wait, wait, let me get this straight.” Eva approached the ladder, having abandoned the centerpieces once again. Chris took quick advantage, quietly moving through the room, placing each in the exact middle of the table. “You’re not going to give Luke a chance because it might not work out?”

Summer scrunched up her face in confusion. She looked adorable. “Well, don’t put it like
that
.”

Eva shoved her hands on her hips. “I’m telling you, these Arnettes are good guys, one in a million. Okay, I don’t know Luke, but be glad he’s nothing like your previous boyfriends, Summer. They deserved eternal torment as far as I’m concerned.”

“Can you arrange that?” She dragged the ladder over to the next hook. “Luke is a good guy. But he’s a floater. One thing, then the other. Nothing taken too seriously. Nothing lasts too long. I don’t want to be hurt by that.”

“I don’t blame you.” Chris taped another length of garland and crossed her eyes at Eva’s glare.

“Well, I do. This is a kid who had a serious tragedy early in his life, and a pretty crappy childhood, from what Zac’s told me, who messed up once and has been paying for it ever since. He had to give up his school, his friends, his part of the country. No wonder he doesn’t want to commit to anything right now.”

Summer froze on the ladder, blinking down at Eva.

“And you.” Eva whirled on Chris. “You were incredibly brittle when you came out here, exhausted and beaten down. Once you settled in, you immediately started sounding like your old self again, maybe even coming out of your usual shell a little. Then you go through this weird Peace, Love and Coma thing and start sounding like you’re half-dead.”

Chris narrowed her eyes. “Hey, I was—”

“And now, these last couple of weeks, you’ve been sounding wonderful and excited and free, Chris. Different than I’ve ever seen you.” Eva pointed emphatically. “So, the big question is, for one million dollars, Chris Meyer, guess who was part of your life both times you were feeling better than you ever have in your life?”

Chris froze at the counter, blinking at Eva.

“I rest my case.” She clapped her hands together.

They finished decorating, Chris and Summer mostly in stunned silence, Eva chatty and self-satisfied.

Was she right? Had Chris really come alive when Zac was around? Did that mean her big transformations had less to do with the Peace, Love and Joy Center or California and more to do with Zac?

It was possible. It made sense. It changed nothing.

They worked on until the store was Valentined up the wazoo, then they put away the boxes and the ladder. Summer and Chris emerged from the office to find Eva holding a bottle of champagne and three plastic cups.

“Now that’s done and looking fabulous, we are going to polish off this entire bottle of champagne, because we are celebrating.” She separated the cups and put them onto a table.

“What are we celebrating?” Chris exchanged what-the-heck glances with Summer and the two women walked over to Eva. “Ames’s job?”

“That, sure.” She eased out the cork, which emitted a satisfying
thwunk
.

“Your move back to Slow Pour?” Summer asked.

“That, sure.” Eva poured a glass and handed it to her.

“You and Ames getting married someday?”

“That, sure.” Eva handed Chris a glass and poured one for herself. “But mostly...”

“Your pregnancy?” Chris asked sweetly.

“Ack! No way.” Eva glared at her, then raised her glass up high and waited for them to do the same, looking slyly back and forth between them. “We are celebrating today, because some time tomorrow, outside this very shop,
someone
will be getting engaged.”

Chris and Summer looked at each other, then back at Eva.
“Who?”

14

“I’
M
DONE
. I’
M
going in.” Luke struggled to his feet amid tumbling foam from yet another wipeout, his soaked hair sticking out in all directions, and retrieved his surfboard—one of Zac’s old ones. “No offense, but this sport is ridiculous.”

“You did fine.” Zac paddled toward him, letting a small wave speed him along. He was also ready to come in, though the breaks were good that morning, and not crowded. He’d thought spending some time out in the water and out of his head might make him feel better. Usually it did. Today, not so much. “It takes a while to get the feel of it.”

“Yeah, well, I need about a year to recover my ego and dignity before I try again.”

“You should have seen me the first time.” Zac stood and picked up his board. “Leg tangled in the leash, board bonking me on the head. It was ugly.”

“If you say so.” Luke walked alongside him, stumbling and swearing when an unexpected wave caught him behind the knees. “I’m not sure how much seawater you have to drink before you die, but I’ve got to be close.”

“I’ll take you to the hospital when you’re critical.”

“Wow. Thanks.” Luke headed for their towels and practically threw the board onto the sand.

Zac placed his board gently next to his brother’s and picked up a towel to dry his face. “What’s going on, Luke?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re in a crappy mood. How come?”

Luke imitated his stance, legs parted, hands on his hips, and met Zac’s challenging stare with one of his own. “What’s going on, Zac? You’re in a crappy mood, too. How come?”

Zac pressed his lips together. Did twenty-one-year-olds hold some contest every year to see who could have the pissiest attitude? It was on the tip of his tongue to say,
I asked you first
, but he was supposed to be the mature one.

“Because it’s really early in the morning on Valentine’s Day and I’m with you.”

Luke’s glare faltered. “I thought things were going really well with Chris. Didn’t you go out last night?”

“Yup.”

“So what happened, she dump you?”

“We weren’t really dating, just...” He stopped, out of years of habit of protecting his brother, before he reminded himself Luke was plenty old enough for the concept of casual sex.

“What?” Luke narrowed his eyes incredulously. “What are you talking about? You’re crazy about her. This wasn’t just hooking up.”

“For her it was.”

“No.” Luke shook his head emphatically. “It wasn’t. Summer told me she’s sure that—”

“Yeah, Jackie told me, too. But if it’s not Chris telling me, it doesn’t make any difference. And last night she told me it was over.”

Luke frowned, picked up the other towel and scrubbed it over his hair and face. “That makes no sense.”

“She has to move back to New York. Maybe she’s just protecting herself. And me. There’s nothing I can do.”

Luke threw his towel down. “Zac, man, listen to yourself. You’re doing it again. What can I do about it? Nothing. How much testosterone do I have left? None!’”

“What
should
I do, Luke? Tell her I’ve decided she can’t go back to New York? Tell her she has to stay in a relationship with me even though she doesn’t want one?” He stalked over to his board. “Come on, let’s go back to the car.”

“Dude, I’m sorry.” Luke went to get his board. “I know that really sucks.”

“I’ll be fine.” He wasn’t so sure. It felt as if a knife thrower was practicing with his heart as the target.

“Did you tell her how you felt?”

Zac glared at him. “Who made you my therapist?”

“Did you tell her you love her?”

“She doesn’t want to
be
with me, Luke. What good will that do? I might as well cut off my balls and have them gift wrapped.”

Luke cringed. “
Oh
, bad image, bro.”

“Give me a year off to save my ego and my dignity.”

“Okay, okay.” Luke held up his hands. “I hear you. I get it.”

They trudged up the steep hillside path toward Zac’s car. It was overcast and the air was cool but thick with humidity, which didn’t help Zac’s mood. But he might as well face it—nothing was going to help his mood. Including being a jerk to his brother.

“Sorry, Luke,” he mumbled.

“Whatever. Today sucks. End of story.”

“Yeah? What’s going on with you?”

“Summer.” He adjusted his hold on the board. “She’s not that into me, either.”

Zac laughed bitterly. “This was all so much easier in grade school, wasn’t it.”

“Yeah.” Luke snorted. “Remember that girl from boarding school who had the crush on you, Sylvia or something?”

“You remember that?” Zac turned in amazement. “You were barely in kindergarten.”

“Dad told me about her. He said she called you every day until he told her to get lost.”

“Uh-huh.” Zac smiled wryly, putting his board down next to the car. “He told her
nice
girls don’t chase after guys.”

“Like you were only
nice
if you stayed home hoping the phone would ring.”

“I don’t know, maybe it was easier when everyone knew what to expect.” Zac hoisted his board onto the Prius’s roof rack. “Boys did the chasing, girls got chased.”

“Elephant seals still do it that way.” Luke put his board on top of Zac’s and flashed a smile at his brother’s expression. “Summer took me to the rookery.”

“That’s a cool place.” He retrieved the straps to tie down the boards from the back of the car. “So what’s going on with her?”

“She’s too good for me.”

“Hey,
I
could have told you that.” He fastened the strap to one side of the rack, grinning to show he was teasing. “What makes you think so?”

“She’s got her life all figured out. College, graduate school, career.”

“Summer?” He was surprised, and then he wasn’t. Not at all. She was smart, a hard worker and a great listener with a good heart. “Good for her.”

“I don’t think she’s that into dating a dropout who sells bagels.”

Zac threw him a look. “So get a life, dude.”

“I
have
a life.”

“Selling bagels.”

“That’s a life if it’s what you want to do.”

“I agree.” Zac tossed the strap across the top of the surfboards for Luke to secure the other side. “But I don’t think it’s what you want to do.”

Luke sighed. Sounded as if Zac had scored a point there. “Maybe not. Thing is, you know, she wants to do all this stuff and she has no money. I have no ambition but tons of money. I wish there was some way I could help her.”

Zac secured the second strap. “Marry her and pay her tuition.”

“Yeah, right.” Luke burst out laughing. Harder than the joke warranted. Much harder. Almost maniacally. “Yeah,
right
.”

“You’ve thought about it.” Zac stared at him, frozen in the act of throwing the second strap over. “You’re in love with her.”

Luke stopped laughing. His face flushed. He looked slightly sick. “I think I might be.”

“Yeah, well, there’s this thing about love.” Zac threw over the second strap, then walked around the car, since Luke showed no signs of being helpful. “You aren’t one hundred percent invested in what you want anymore. It becomes at least half about the other person.”

“Yeah. That’s how it feels.” Luke stepped back. “I dunno, maybe I’m growing up.”

“You decide what’s best for you, and what’s best for her. If you’re lucky, they turn out to be the same thing.”

Luke ran his finger back and forth along the top of the car window, then his face suddenly cleared.

“You know? I’m not sure how you stumbled onto that, but it actually might make sense.” Luke punched Zac on the shoulder, beaming, the age-old guy method of avoiding a hug. “And now let me teach
you
something about love, big brother.”

“Oh, no.” Zac rolled his eyes, yanking the strap tight. “Here it comes. Go ahead.”

“You see...” Luke put his arm around Zac’s shoulders and gestured grandly into the air. “Love is like a tree falling in a forest with no one around.”

“Uh-huh.” Zac rolled his eyes. “How does that work?”

“Funny you should ask. I was just going to tell you.”

“Luke...”

“If Chris doesn’t hear that you’re in love with her, dude, then as far as she’s concerned, you’re not.”

* * *

S
UMMER
SAT
ON
Zac’s front stoop, clutching a Slow Pour bag containing assorted muffins, Suja juices and coffee, feeling stupid. Coming here this morning to bring Luke breakfast on Valentine’s Day had seemed like a great idea. She didn’t have to work until one—Chris’s event started at three—so she and Luke could have breakfast and hang out, the way they’d done the day they went to see the elephant seals.

One problem: it had never occurred to her that Luke might not be home. She’d taken it for granted that at 9:00 a.m. on a Saturday he’d still be asleep. Zac hadn’t answered the door, either, and Luke wasn’t answering his phone. He wasn’t supposed to start his new job until Monday, so that couldn’t be it...

Since Eva had made her comments last night, Summer had been thinking a lot about Luke. About how even she had sensed that for all his outer cockiness, inside, Luke was shaken and unsure. Still, she’d lumped him into the trouble category along with her previous disastrous relationships, had made assumptions based on assumptions and then used those to talk herself out of her feelings for him.

After spending too many hours awake, she’d finally decided she owed it to him to start over in her approach, to stop making assumptions and really listen to what he had to say.

Luke deserved that. But where the hell was he, because she was anxious to talk things out with him and see how he reacted, try to figure out what his real feelings were for her. Maybe he’d go back to school someday, maybe he wouldn’t, but she couldn’t penalize him for not being there now.

And speaking of where he was, why wasn’t he home?

She was nearly ready to give up when Zac’s blue car rounded the corner with two surfboards mounted on top. Had Zac and Luke been surfing? She didn’t think Luke knew how. Or had Zac gone with someone else?

“Hey, Summer!” A dark head popped out of the passenger-side window. It was Luke and he was grinning at her. Summer’s heart jumped and her mouth spread in an answering smile. She’d never been that happy to see anyone in her life.

Clearly it had been a waste of time to fight falling for him. She’d fallen so hard she’d landed flat on her face.

“What are you doing here?” He jumped out of the car and strode up the front walk, his hair wet.

“Were you catching some waves this morning?”

“Nah. I don’t know how to surf.” He rolled his eyes sheepishly. “I did, however, spend a lot of time wiping out.”

“Sounds about right for a first time.”

“What is that?” He pointed to the Slow Pour bag.

“Breakfast.” She lifted it. “And an apology.”

“That sounds strangely familiar.” He squatted in front of her, searching her face. “But I have no idea what you’d want to apologize for.”

She focused over his shoulder on Zac, who’d locked the car and was coming toward them, looking about as miserable as Chris had the night before. It was Valentine’s Day morning; he and Chris should be together.

“Hey, Summer.”

“Hi, Zac. How were the waves this morning?”

“Not bad. I figured if Luke here wants to be a California boy he’s got to learn, so I dragged him out of bed.”

“Yeah, I think I’m fine being from Connecticut, thanks.”

“Aw, you’ll learn.” Zac glanced at Summer, then at the Slow Pour bag in her lap, then at his watch. “You know, I have some errands to do. I think I’ll just unload the boards and go. Should take me at least a couple of hours.”

Summer grinned up at him; he winked and strode back to the car.

Zac was the best.

“Want to come inside?” Luke stood and held out a hand to help her up. “I’m going to shower quick and get into some warmer clothes.”

“Sure.” She could have cheered. Her plan was working out perfectly.

While Luke showered, she roamed Zac’s kitchen, finding plates, napkins and most important—a vase. She’d just put the finishing touches on the table when Luke reappeared, wearing a long-sleeved shirt and jeans, his hair still wet but combed now. He’d gotten a little sun at the beach, and the fresh color in his face brought out the vivid blue of his eyes even more strongly.

“Hey, what’s this?”

Summer gestured proudly to the flowers, two white tulips and two purple hyacinths. “I couldn’t afford as many as I wanted to get you.”

“Summer, you shouldn’t have done this for me.” He came to stand next to her, smelling of spicy soap and shampoo. She wanted to taste him. “You’re saving your money.”

“I know, but—” Summer shrugged “—this was important.”

“This was incredibly sweet.” He put his hands on her shoulders and turned her toward him. “Now apologize for whatever you think you did so I can forgive you, because I’m starving. And then we have other stuff to talk about, too.”

“Okay.” She made herself look at him while she spoke, though it would’ve been much easier to apologize to the floor. “I’m sorry that I haven’t been more understanding about what you’ve been through. I’m sorry that I keep pushing college on you. The truth is...”

Deep breath. This was the hard part.

“I have come to— That is, I have started— The reason I’ve been—” She let out an exasperated growl and decided talking to the floor would be just fine. “I kept wanting you to be the guy I’ve always fantasized about. In so many ways you are. But it’s not fair to expect you to become something that’s important only to me, and not to you. So I’m sorry.”

She peeked up to see his reaction. He looked stunned, and not necessarily in a good way. Her heart sank. Had she blown it? At least she’d finally been honest, with herself and with him. That was more important than what happened next, right?

Maybe. She hoped so.

“Are you saying that I’m not your ultimate fantasy?” He clutched his chest. “I can’t
believe
it.”

“Luke.”
She put her hands on her hips. For probably the hundredth time since she’d known him, she was outraged and also about to burst out laughing. “That was really hard to do, and now you’re making fun of me?”