The Perfect Family (42 page)

A longer silence. “I was at Laura Simpson’s apartment.”

“Your assistant?” Maggie fell back into the pillow. “Oh, God, are you having an affair?”

Sitting up, he switched on the night table light, leaned over her and braced his arms on either side of her. “No. I’m not having an affair. She made an overture. I rejected it.”

“What were you doing there?”

“I don’t know.” His gaze was dark and direct. “Maybe I was tempted.”

“I see.”

“But I’d decided not to let the situation go further with her before I got your call.”

She stared up into the bloodshot eyes and unshaven face of her husband. A man she’d loved for more than twenty years. “I believe you. And I hope you’ll believe me when I tell you what I did tonight.”

His expression grew more serious. “It’s about Kane, isn’t it?”

She nodded.

“What happened?”

“We went out to dinner and things got out of hand.”

“How out of hand?”

“Not very. I stopped it, too.”

A few moments passed, the whirring of the overhead fan the only sound in the room.

“All right. It makes me sick to think about you with him, but I can’t, as they say, cast a stone. We will have to deal with this, though.”

“Will you reconsider counseling?”

“I’ll reconsider a lot of things now.”

He switched the light off and lay down. His body was stiff next to hers. Unable to bear the loneliness she was feeling, Maggie inched over and turned her back to him. After a moment, he slid his arms around her waist. As they had so many times—but not much in the last two months—they fell asleep spoon-fashion.

*

Jamie lay on his bed in the dark, alone. He was shaking all over. His mom and dad had made him feel better, but now, in the silence of his own room, terror washed over him.

Luke had tried to off himself. Jamie had known about the pills, that at least once before, Luke had considered suicide as a way out. Now Jamie was overwhelmed by guilt. He heard Anabelle’s voice:
Jamie, don’t take this on. It’s the worst you can do for yourself or Luke or your family. You’re not at fault.
He’d believed her then. But nothing was clear when you were alone in a room at three a.m. He wished he was five and could crawl into bed with his parents.

His door creaked open. Jamie could make out his brother’s silhouette in the doorway. Without speaking, Brian crept inside. Jamie heard a thud from what Brian dropped to the floor. It was his sleeping bag. They’d always slept in the same room when one of them was hurting or afraid. Choked up, Jamie whispered, “I’m awake.”

A hesitation. “This is okay, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I want you to.”

Silence, as Brian stretched out. After a few minutes, he said, “I’m sorry about Luke. Really sorry about how all this went down.”

“It’s okay, Bri.”

“We’ll talk tomorrow, like Mom said. But Jame, I gotta know, you aren’t…” Jamie heard sniffles. “God, I can’t even think about it. You aren’t gonna hurt yourself, are you?”

“No, Bri, I’m not.”

“Promise?”

Jamie smiled into the darkness. “I promise.”

“Okay, ’cuz the rest of it can be fixed.”

Minutes earlier, Jamie hadn’t believed that. But now with his brother on the floor next to him, the room didn’t seem so dark and he didn’t feel as alone. “Night, Bri.”

“Night, Jame.”

The church was filled with the smell of flowers and candle wax when Mike stepped inside three days after Luke Crane’s suicide attempt. He slid into a pew in the back and knelt down. First, he prayed for Luke and his parents. The boy had been released from the hospital. Mike let Jamie miss two days of school to be with Luke. Erin Crane had kept Jamie’s visits from Dr. Crane, who went back to work once they knew their son was going to be all right. Jamie said Luke’s suicide attempt had only exacerbated his father’s negative attitude toward his sexual orientation.

Bowing his head, Mike spoke to God.
Please let Jamie be safe. Don’t let anything bad happen to my son.
He’d talked to Jamie about that, too. Jamie had assured Mike he was not suicidal.
And give Maggie and me the strength to work through our problems.
His inadequacies as a father and a husband swamped him; he was deluged by a flood of failure.

When Mike glanced up, Father Pete was on the altar. The light behind him cast the priest in an ethereal glow. Mike watched the man he admired, in the church he loved surrounded by a God he adored. He rose and made his way down the aisle.

Perhaps sensing his presence, Father Pete turned around. “Mike, hello. I haven’t seen you in a few days.”

“How are you, Father Pete?”

The priest seemed troubled. “I’ve been concerned about you. And your family.”

Mike sat in the front pew. Father Pete came down from the altar and joined him.

“We’ve been through some bad times.” He recounted what happened with Luke.

“I am so sorry. This often occurs with gay teens. It’s why I’ve been worried. The child can’t tolerate himself and how he’s behaving.”

Mike thought about Jamie and how good he was, how well he handled the ordeal with Luke, how he loved deeply.

“I have to protect my son, Father Pete.”

“Of course you do and I want to help. But we
must
act within the parameters of the church.”

“My father gave me some information on the organization DIGNITY. I’ve been thinking maybe they can help me find a way to stay within our church and accept my son’s sexual orientation.”

Father Pete shifted in the pew. He seemed older today, a bit worn. Standing up for Catholicism couldn’t be easy. “What did the information say about that group?”

“They believe it’s not wrong in the eyes of God to ignore tenets of the Catholic Church that you can’t abide by.”

“Some would say that’s heresy.”

“They believe that the Catholic Church encourages a person to think for himself and decide his own morality on issues.”

The priest frowned deeply. “The Catholic Church does not recognize DIGNITY. At first, we had dialogues with them about homosexuality, but when we discovered they weren’t advocating celibacy, the church refused to let them meet in our buildings.”

“It doesn’t seem right.”

Like a comforting parent dealing with a wayward child, Father Pete touched his shoulder. “I think it’s important you don’t stray from your beliefs now, son.”

“I have to take care of my family.”

“You
have
to do God’s will.”

“I’m sorry, Father, I’ll never accept that caring for my family isn’t God’s will.”

Father Pete’s expression was full of pity. “Then
I’m
sorry I have to tell you this now, with all you’re going through, but since it’s imminent I have no choice. In light of your decisions regarding Jamie, you won’t be allowed to lead the last three Contemporary Issues groups.”

“The last three?” He could feel fear seeping into him. “Perhaps I’m not the best leader for the homosexuality study, but why the others?”

“Because you aren’t in line with us anymore, Mike. What’s happened with your son has pulled you away from our strongest doctrines.”

“On homosexuality, maybe.” But lately, he’d been thinking about the other issues Maggie kept bringing up and was seeing them in a new light.

“I’ve put Craig Johnson in charge. You’re still welcome to attend. I think it would do you good.”

“Did Craig agree to do this?”

“Yes.”

Mike stared at him blankly.

“I’ll pray for you. And for Maggie.”

Swallowing hard, feeling like he’d just lost a piece of himself, he said only, “Thank you, Father.”

The priest shook his hand. “Don’t let the church down, Mike.”

Mike glanced at the altar. “I won’t let God down.”

*

Side by side, Jamie and Luke entered Sherwood High a week after Luke’s suicide attempt. Both were worried about Luke’s return to school, though Jamie hadn’t encountered any negative reaction from his classmates in the three days
he’d
been back. As a matter of fact, some of the kids had sought him out, asked about Luke, and seemed concerned about him. Even Tony Simonetti, Brian’s friend, confessed he felt bad about how he’d treated Luke.

Through it all, Jamie’s parents had been great. He’d taken his mom’s advice and he and Luke had gone to a couple of meetings at the Gay Alliance. The counselors were cool but the support group was the best. Jamie’s dad had encouraged Luke to spend time at their house so they could get to know him better. Not much more had been said about the Catholic Church, or the one he and his mom had been going to.

Dressed in jeans and a cool light blue shirt his mother bought him when he got out of the hospital, Luke stopped short three feet in front of his locker. “Ms. Carson?”

Their favorite teacher pushed off the wall. Her smile was broad. “Hi, Luke.” She squeezed Jamie’s shoulder. “Jamie.”

Luke swallowed hard. “Hi.”

“Hey, Ms. C.”

Red-faced, Luke said, “I-I’m embarrassed.”

“Which is why I’m here.” Ms. Carson hugged Luke, then stood back. “I want you to know that the school has been affected by what happened to you. Kids have been encouraged to talk to teachers.”

Luke swallowed hard. “About me?”

“About the issues of tolerance and prejudice.”

“No kidding? That’s great.” He shot a glance at Jamie. He did that a lot lately, looked to Jamie for support. “Right, Jame?”

“You bet.”

“That’s all I wanted you to know. Enjoy the day, guys.”

After Ms. Carson walked away, Luke leaned into Jamie. Since the suicide attempt, Luke had been more affectionate, more intimate with his thoughts and feelings. He was seeing a private counselor in addition to the support groups, but his father didn’t know about it. Luke was bummed about the secrecy, and so was Jamie. Unfortunately, Dr. Crane still hadn’t budged on his position, and Luke believed he never would. His mother, though, was trying to be there for her son.

Nick and Paul came down the hall.

Paul socked Luke’s arm gently. “Great to have you back, Luke.”

Though he’d been uncomfortable around Jamie’s friends before, Luke smiled. “Thanks, Paul.”

“Sorry about all the trouble,” Nick added.

Jamie and Luke got their books from the locker and started down the hall together. They hadn’t made it five feet when Jamie saw Eric Cummings headed in their direction. Simultaneously, Jamie and Luke slowed their pace. Cummings stopped, gave them a disgusted look and went the other way to avoid them.

“Guess not everybody’s into tolerance and acceptance around here,” Luke said quietly.

“Guess not.”

They were walking by a poster advertising the Junior Prom just two weeks away. Luke halted at it and faced Jamie. “So, we still on for this?”

“I didn’t think you’d want to go after all that’s happened.”

Again the cute half-grin. “What? And miss slow dancin’ with you in public? Yeah, I wanna go.”

Jamie felt like somebody had given him a gift. “Then we’re on.”

“What kind of tuxes should we get?”

And, for the first time in ages, Jamie felt like an ordinary kid.

*

Brian was in his room on the computer, looking at Ithaca College’s Web site, trying to do normal stuff again. He was okay with everything that had gone down, but he still worried about Jamie. Brian couldn’t get it out of his head that it could have been his brother in that hospital bed. Jamie was spending most of his time with Luke. And Luke was at their house a lot, too, which was cool. Brian always thought he was a nice guy and had forgotten that.

There was a knock on his door.

“Yeah, enter.”

His mom came inside dressed in jeans and white blouse. She had her hair pulled up. She took a seat on the bed, where Buck was snoring softly. “What are you doing?”

“Cruising Ithaca’s Web site.”

“We haven’t made much of a fuss about college, have we?”

“What, in between Jamie telling us he’s gay, Aunt Caroline coming, the baseball team falling apart, and Luke’s suicide attempt?”

She smiled at his dry humor. “I’m going to miss you, buddy.”

“Are you, Mom?”

Buck woke up and nuzzled into her lap, so she petted him. “Of course I am. Why would you even ask?”

Turning back to his computer screen, he just shrugged.

“Bri?”

He didn’t face her and could barely say the words. “Maybe you’ll be glad to see me go after how I behaved.”

There was a rustle, then Brian felt his mother’s arms encircle him from behind. Close to his ear, she whispered, “It will be like losing a piece of my soul when you go. Our family will be incomplete without you. Never doubt that.”