The Perfect Family (26 page)

“There weren’t antidepressants then, Caro. She’s on some now, you know. Patrick talked her into taking them.”

“Oh, good. But I didn’t mean with pills. Mags, she had a nervous breakdown before you were born.”

“I never knew that.”

“Dad and I kept it a secret because of the stigma. She went to a mental hospital about two hours away for six months.”

Maggie clapped a hand on her chest. “Oh, no, Caroline. In the fifties those places were so backward.”

“They did their best, but yes, the treatments weren’t as advanced as what we have now. She had electric shock therapy, and it was a lot different from the gentler method used today.”

Maggie felt a sudden, acute sense of sadness for her mother. She must have been terrified. “How was she when she came home?”

“Better, for a while at least. Then day-to-day life wore her down. Part of that was Dad’s fault. He was never home.” She scowled. “I remember like it was yesterday how his brother and sister-in-law would come to pick him up to go to the race track after he got out of work and Ma standing on the grass, watching the car full of people go out for the night while she stayed back with the kids. It happened a couple of times a week, at least.”

Maggie’s stomach cramped. “I never knew any of that, either.”

“Would it have mattered?”

“In understanding her, yes.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t around to tell you, kiddo.”

Maggie decided to get it out in the open. “You could have been around, Caroline, when we were both adults, at least. I tried to find you when I was in college, then later on when I married Mike. Why didn’t you ever call me? You knew where we were.”

Caroline blew out a heavy breath. “I guess it’s time to confess all this. Promise me it won’t make you think less of me.”

“Nothing could.”

“After we got married, Derek put me through college and I got my degree, then taught for a few years. I was doing okay with Ma and Dad disowning me until Derek wanted to have a baby. I panicked. I had a kind of meltdown, too, and needed a lot of help.”

“Oh, Caro.”

“After the counseling, I decided to have a child and concentrate on my own family, to live like the rest of you never existed. It was my way of coping and a hell of a lot easier than facing the loss. For what it’s worth, I missed you so much. And now, seeing you again, I wish I’d done it differently.”

Forcefully, Maggie tamped down her disappointment. “I understand. And, like you said, we should concentrate on the present. We have each other again. That’s what matters.”

“You’ve become a lovely person, Maggie Davidson. And a wonderful wife and mother.”

Now Maggie scowled. Because of the upheaval of Jamie’s coming out, she questioned how well she fulfilled both those roles every day.

*

Jamie whipped off his red T-shirt with the golden dragon on the front and pulled a long-sleeved black shirt out of the closet. No, too hot for today. He checked out his jeans. Should he put on shorts?

Once again he was obsessing over clothes, over his looks, which never mattered too much to him. He laughed out loud and turned up the CD by a gay boy band, which was playing a song about loving your first guy. And for Jamie, that guy was coming to dinner. His mom had been enthusiastic, his father
said
the right things, and Brian had pretended he was cool with it. But in his heart, Jamie knew this was a big deal for his whole family. He was beginning to feel better, though. After Kenny’s death, they were all trying to work their problems out, so he decided to enjoy tonight. As a safety net, he’d asked Aunt Caroline to come. He thought maybe she’d keep things light. He liked her a lot—she reminded him of Ms. Carson.

Pulling on the T-shirt again, he checked his appearance in the mirror and left his room. Brian’s door was still closed, so Jamie trundled down the steps and out to the back of the house. Aunt Caroline was on the deck with his mom. “Hey. I didn’t hear the bell.”

“Your mother said I don’t have to use it. I’m family.”

Oh, good, she was upbeat today, too.

“Hey, buddy.” His mom’s expression was serene. That expression had calmed him when he was five and broke his leg, when he was ten and his dad had a car accident, and when Brian was caught with alcohol. Jamie breathed easier.

He noticed a white plastic bag on the glass table. “What’s that?”

His aunt smiled. “The last time I was here, I noticed you had a Wii. This is their new game that just came out.”

“Turbo Jet?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Sweet. Brian and I have been saving to go in on it.”

“I thought we might play after dinner. With your friend Luke.”

Grinning, Jamie said, “He’s awesome at games, Aunt Caroline.”

She sniffed. “So am I. My students were always dead meat when we played.”

“You played those kinds of games with your kids?”

“Uh-huh. Our high school has alcohol free after-prom parties and other carnival-like events and we bring in all sorts of entertainment.”

They were still talking about Aunt Caroline’s teaching experiences when someone came around from the side walkway to the back of the house. Luke. He was wearing jeans, like Jamie, and a T-shirt that showed off his wide shoulders. Jamie’s heart stuttered in his chest and he got turned on by just looking at Luke, which happened all the time now.

Luke stopped at the bottom of the stairs. “Hey. I rang the bell out front but nobody answered.”

Jamie jogged down the steps. He would have hugged Luke, but he knew Luke would be embarrassed. Instead, he squeezed his arm. “Hey, you. Come on up.”

His mother stood and when they climbed the steps, she went right up to Luke. Taking his hand between both of hers, she said softly, “Hi, Luke. We met before the Valentine’s Ball, but didn’t have a chance to talk. I’m looking forward to getting to know you better.” She sounded like she meant it.

“Thanks, Mrs. Davidson.”

His mom’s smile bloomed brighter than the sun. “And this is my sister, Caroline Dean.”

“Hi, Mrs. Dean. Jamie talks about you a lot.”

“Hello, Luke.”

“She bought Turbo Jet for us.”

“Shut up! I didn’t know it was out.”

Jamie socked him on the shoulder. “Good, so we stand a decent shot of beating you.”

Luke blushed. Jamie loved it when he did that.

From inside, the door to the garage slammed and Jamie tensed. His dad was home. Again, Jamie’s heart began to gallop in his chest but for a different reason.

Like a little kid, hoping for approval, Jamie looked to his dad as he came to the doorway of the porch. He smiled genuinely, clapped a hand on Jamie’s shoulder and faced Luke, his other hand extended. “Hi, Luke. I didn’t have much of a chance to talk to you the last time you were here, but I’ve seen you on the ball field a lot. You’re a hell of a pitcher.”

Jamie wanted to cry with relief at his father’s overture.

“Thanks, Mr. Davidson. Good to meet you.”

“Welcome to my home, Luke.” He glanced over and smiled at Jamie’s mom. “Hi, honey.”

“Hi, Mike. Work go okay?”

They were trying to be normal, Jamie realized. Blessedly normal.

“Uh-huh.” He touched Caroline’s shoulder. “And here’s my sister-in-law. I didn’t know you were coming tonight.”

“Last-minute decision. It’s okay, isn’t it?”

“Of course. Let’s have a drink?”

Jamie stood. “I’ll get sodas for us.”

“No, I’ll do it. Enjoy your friend. Caroline? Mag?”

They asked for wine and his dad started through the porch just as Brian came into it from the kitchen. Jamie saw his father speak to Brian, clap a hand on his shoulder, then Brian came to the doorway. “Hey, everybody.” His smile was phony, but he zeroed in on Luke. “Nice to see you, Luke.”

“Hey, Bri.”

“Good practice today, huh?”

“Yeah. You hit really well.”

“That’s right, you guys play baseball together.” Caroline smiled at Maggie. “Did you know I taught your mom to hit a ball when she was little?”

His Mom’s laughter rang out through the yard.

And Jamie thought maybe, just maybe, this was going to go okay.

*

Later that night, Maggie was washing her face in their bathroom. As she lathered her cheeks with soap, she felt good about the way the evening had gone. Caroline had beaten the pants off all three guys in Turbo Jet and they’d been stunned.

“I thought that went well with Luke,” she called out to Mike.

Her husband sat on the cedar chest at the end of their bed. He’d taken off his shirt and belt and wore blue jeans. He’d removed one shoe and was holding it. “He’s a nice boy.”

“I feel bad for him having to deal with a father like the one he has.”

No confirmation. No response at all.

“We need to talk about Lucas Crane asking to see you.”

A pause, then, “I already met with him.” He rushed on to say, “I didn’t want to tell you before because you were upset about Darcy.”

Her good mood fizzled like the mist off her in-laws’ lake in the morning. “I thought we decided you wouldn’t meet with Luke’s father unless we discussed it with Jamie first.”

“No, you decided that all on your own.”

Drying her face slowly, Maggie tried to summon patience. She wanted that feeling of closeness they’d had just a few hours ago when, by tacit agreement, they bonded to make the night go smoothly. So she said, “Oh, honey, I think that was a mistake.”

A size twelve shoe hit the floor with a thud. “I don’t. I’m trying to support Jamie as best I can in all this. I welcomed Luke into our home. But there are still a lot of problems we have to address. Lucas Crane and I discussed some options.”

“Options?”

Now his face showed guilt. “We both think we should to try to get the boys to change.”

Maggie walked into the bedroom and sat beside Mike. “Even if Jamie could change, which you know I don’t think is a possibility, Jamie doesn’t
want
to.”

“He says that now. But if he could be shown the right path…”

“Haven’t you been listening to him? He doesn’t see his being gay as a problem to be solved. As a matter of fact, he’s celebrating who he is. I think that’s all good.”

“His being gay certainly has
caused
a lot of problems in our lives.”

“It’s not Jamie’s sexual orientation that’s created the stress around here, Mike.” An edge crept into her voice. “It’s because he came out, and now that’s an issue for you.”

“I can’t help how I feel about this or what my church teaches!”

“And Jamie sees your conflict. He sees that you believe he has an illness and it can be cured.”

“Nobody’s putting it that way.”

“Those were Judy Johnson’s exact words.”

“Is that why she hasn’t been around?” He scowled. “Have you alienated her, too?”

“You’d have to ask her that. All I know is that it’s too hard to hear her preach sentiments I think are harmful, murderous, really. Hate crimes against gay people are
not
a thing of the past.”

Mike studied her as if deciding whether to go further. “Father Pete gave me some brochures on reparative therapy camps where Christian parents send their children to be deprogrammed.”

“Oh, my God, Mike. Those camps do unconscionable harm to teens. Their experiences at places like that can damage them irreparably
and
take thousands of dollars from misled parents.” Her voice ratcheted up a notch. “And it doesn’t even work! Gay people who undergo the process just suppress their homosexual behaviors. The therapy doesn’t actually change them into heterosexuals.”

“Father Pete says otherwise. He’s seen some real successes with the camps.”

“Kids coming out of places like that have been known to commit suicide because they’re trying to be what they aren’t. Christ, Mike, suicide rates are high among gay teens as it is.”

A muscle in his jaw pulsed. “Do you have reason to think Jamie’s suicidal?”

“No, and I discussed it with Melissa. She doesn’t think so either. But those camps could push anybody over the brink. Even adults.”

“Or they could help Jamie get out of a bad situation he’s in.”

“Most psychologists wouldn’t agree. The AMA and the APA declared decades ago that homosexuality is not a psychosis.”

He shook off her hand. “I
hate
when you do that.”

“Do what?”

“Use your psychology degree to win an argument.”

“Psychology is important in this discussion.”

“Faith and spirituality are more important.”

“To you maybe.”

He bolted up and towered over her. “That’s at the crux of this, isn’t it? You’re using Jamie as an excuse to leave the Catholic Church.”

“I don’t need to look for additional reasons to leave that institution. I made all this clear when I started checking out other churches. I can’t ignore the doctrines I don’t believe in.”