The Perfect Emotion (28 page)

“You’re freaking me out, Mags. There is nothing that I could be mad at you for… unless, unless… God, does it have to do with Reed?” Swallowing past the razor sharp lump in my throat I brace myself against the door and slide to the floor.

“God, no!  I would never.  I love you and I love Reed for you.  I’ve wanted anything more than you two together.”  Her voice is screeching and practically pierces my ears, but my anxiety subsides.  I didn’t really think it could be anything with Reed, but that is truly the only thing that could hurt me right now. 

“Well, then that is the only thing that could possibly hurt me right now. Please just tell me. You know I would never judge you.” I pause for a moment and then tell her like she tells me, “Spill it, girlfriend.” Her laugh vibrates through the solid structure.

“Something happened on spring break.” Finally, her words drift across solidly into my space.

“Okay.” I reassure her that I’m listening.

“I-I have always had a little thing for Marco, but I never told you or really anyone.  Well, he came on the trip too and one night we stayed up later than my brother and everyone else.  I, God, this is hard.  I… I kissed him, Kate.”  My eyes spread wide in shock.  I’m not sure what to say or how to feel, but I never thought I would hear this from her. Thinking back to Marco I remember his handsome smile and a brief vision of his lips approaching mine flit across my eyes. I hadn’t really thought of him since I broke it all off. Not that there was really much to break off. Then I think back to when Reed kissed me on the front porch where Marco had and how he tried to erase that memory. I snicker louder than I intend to, lost in my thoughts. Maggie flies the door open and I fall into the bathroom with a smile on my face. She looks down at me like I’ve lost my mind and then starts to laugh too.

“What are you laughing at?” I ask her.

“I don’t know, but I’m just relieved that you don’t seem pissed at me.”  She laughs some more and then calms herself down.  Resting her head on her knees with her chest rising and falling more rapidly she clenches her jaw and then grits out, “Fuck”. 

“No, I’m not pissed at you. I’m confused though. You never told me you had a thing for Marco. Why did you let me go out with him then?”

“I’m confused myself.  I grew up with him always around and as I got older we would flirt, but it never crossed any line.  There was a noticeable age gape between us for years, but now its not so noticeable.  To be honest, I never thought he really would ever like me at all like he had liked other girls, including you.  That’s why I never said anything when he took an interest in you, plus there was Brandon.”  She swallowed hard with worry stretched across her brows and moisture beginning to pool in her eyes.  I scooted myself upright and encased her shoulders with my arm and held her hand with my other.

“Of course, he would see you like that.  You are beautiful, fun, witty and full of sass.  Most guys like you, Mags.  They just don’t think they have a chance with you is all.  I wish I would have known because regardless of Brandon I would have never gone out with him.  Mags, you were so supportive that night too.  I feel like an idiot.”  We roll our heads and look at each other and I all I can see is the desperation in Maggie’s eyes. 

“Don’t feel like that, it’s my fault. I wanted you two to go out. I love you both and thought Marco would be a good change for you… from Kyle. I was wrong though Reed is the perfect change for you,” delicacy flows from her tone and settles into a small smile on her lips. She couldn’t be more right. Looking back I know that Reed was the one all along. While I wish that it didn’t take me quite so long to figure it out I know that it has made us closer. When I see Reed later I need to tell him just how happy I am that he waited for me or better yet maybe I’ll show him. “I’m scared. I don’t know what to do now,” Maggie continues.

“Did you just kiss one time?” I ask her out of pure curiosity and to gage what direction this is going. Her head drops low hanging with a pregnant pause giving me the answer without having to speak. Questions linger on my tongue, but I wait for Maggie to tell me. Instead I rub her back reassuringly.

“It happened the whole trip.  Well, the first time was our first night at the condo on the balcony over looking the ocean.  Then the rest of the trip we would find ourselves sneaking off alone to kiss so no one else would see us.  He didn’t want my brother to find out.  It never went beyond kissing, but it could have.”  Nervously, she looks at me and I cringe a little thinking of Brandon.  While their relationship has always been a little rocky and free-spirited I know he cares about her.  I’m positive that he’ll consider this cheating. I saw his face before we left for break when she was ignoring him and it spoke volumes about the way he feels for her. “He’s moving back here in two weeks. He got a job up in Mequon. I-I think this may be something bigger and I-I want to give it a try,” she stammers out.

“So, what does that mean then?  Are you breaking up with Brandon?  I mean, shit, this is a big deal Mags.  Are you sure this is more than just a young crush?”  I can only imagine how scrambled her brain must be because mine is all over the place thinking of everything she has just revealed. 

“I haven’t told Brandon anything, but he knows something is up because I’ve ignored his calls and kept my texts short.”  She pulls her fingers over her long black hair again and again causing her neck to lash back each time.  I find myself stretching my own neck each time and finally grab her hand back holding it tightly in mine.  “I really like him, Kate.  A lot.  This is something more than just a crush on my older brothers best friend.  I have to see where it will go.  My heart is torn and cares about Brandon, but not like this.  I’ve never felt this way about Brandon.”

“Okay then. You have to tell Brandon and break up with him when he gets back.” This I get. I wish I could have been straight forward with Kyle when we got back together. My heart wasn’t in it and I should have listened to it and ended things. I know Maggie is not like me and will address this with Brandon. Maggie is a force to be met with in all aspects of her life. She doesn’t avoid and distract herself with the obvious. Envy spreads through me, but I remind myself that I am moving in that direction and have the capability to be forward, honest and direct in my life too.

I knock on Kate’s dorm door to pick up her up for tennis and find that my chest feels jittery. A rush of energy spikes up all the way from toes into my head and then when she opens the door and smiles it peaks. She looks beautiful with her hair tied back, her high cheek-bones emphasized by the curve of her lips. Every damn time it catches me off guard as if I’m seeing her for the first time at that party a year and a half ago. This time though I know what I’m feeling and it’s not so foreign. I welcome it and long for it. I barely get a chance to rake my eyes over her and take in her new tennis skirt when she throws herself at me stumbling us back into the side of the door. Her arms link around my neck and I pick her up effortlessly off the floor. Her lips graze my neck and then she whispers, “Reed” against my ear. It sounds amazing and makes me feel lightheaded. I slide her down my chest and take her face in my hands to look into her eyes.

“I missed you, beautiful.”  I know I sound crazy, but it’s the truth.  It’s only been a matter of a few hours, but … fuck… I swear she has managed to climb into and settle herself in the center of my heart.

“I missed you too, handsome.”  Her voice is light and smooth as it drifts between us.  She reaches up and latches her hands onto my wrists breaking past my hold on her face to kiss my lips tenderly.  They are soft and full, but she resists my attempt to break past them and join our tongues.  “Thank you, thank you so much for waiting for me.  I know I don’t always address things, but I’m trying and I just want you to know that I’m so glad that I have you now.  I still think you are too good for me, but I want this more than anything. I’m happy and feeling all sorts of things that I haven’t felt… ever before. I know it is because of you.”

Her words hang in between us and I find myself speechless knowing that this is a major break through for her.  I could tell her all sorts of things right now about how much I care about her and that it was worth the wait and worth the heart break and that I’d do anything for her, but I don’t because I realize that I’ve still been waiting.  I’ve been waiting for her to put herself out there for me, to take a leap forward with me.

C
HAPTER 21

“Pleeease,” Reed begs, yet he manages to hold his self-assured tone that is almost always evident.

“Are you begging me?  Wow, who would have thought that the infamous Reed Harper would be begging?  And for me at that?”  I playfully tease him as I run my hands up into his thick dark hair pulling all the loose strands away from his eyes.  His hair is damp from the quick shower he had after tennis.  He laughs against my lips and grabs my hips to push me up along the wall of the hallway down to my dorm room.

“Only for you.  Don’t let it get to your head though.”  Our lips touch lightly and then he nips at my bottom lip causing me to yelp softly.  “Mmmmm,” he murmurs into my mouth.  “I’m just going to miss these so much tonight.”

“I promise tomorrow night you won’t have to miss them, okay?”

“Mmmm, hmmm,” he says pressing into them more forcefully and then his tongue slips between our lips and slides against mine exploring every open space leaving me breathless. 

When we break apart Reed places sweet kisses along my forehead and hugs me tightly.  It’s easy for me to form myself against his long taut body.  I feel like I fit as if he’s the missing photo to the bigger picture.  As much as I’d like to follow him back to his place I know Maggie needs me.  I didn’t explain to Reed everything that is going on with Maggie, Brandon and Marco now coming into the picture because Maggie asked me not to say anything.  However, when I did tell him that she’s having problems with Brandon the look of concern he had for her warmed me.  Reed and Maggie have bonded in a unique way.  I know it was out of concern for me at first, but now I see that they have become friends aside from me.  Reed’s fingers rub across my pinky finger and then we part ways. 

Walking down the hall towards my dorm I see Derek, Kelly, Quinn, Jenna and Lynn in the hall. I glance down at my wrist with the bracelet from Reed sparkling and smile with a surge of sensation spreading over me. I swallow past the emotions and look up at the group realizing that Maggie and Brandon are not out in the hallway.

“Hey girl, who put that dreamy-like smile on your face?  Reed?”  Jenna giggles and comes over to hug me.  Lynn and Kelly follow suit.

“Yes, Reed.  Look,” I pull back the sleeve of my jacket to show them the tennis bracelet.  They “ooo” and “ahhh” over it while running their finger across it.  I notice Derek’s eyes scrutinizing and his face showing unsure acceptance, but once he sees me furrowing my brow at him he straightens and smiles at me while he shakes his head back and forth.  Kelly moves over to him and Derek drapes his arms around her from behind and then kisses her cheek.