Authors: Frances Watts
A wind in the trees
Scatters flames from the branches
Embers float to earth
Goro was beside me in seconds.
âWhat is it? What's wrong?'
Raising a trembling hand, I pointed to my futon.
Holding up the lantern, he observed, âThat's been run through with a sword, that has.' He sounded almost wondering. âWho would do such a thing? And to you?' Then: âIt couldn't have been directed at you,' he answered his own question. âYou're nobody.'
He didn't mean it as an insult and I didn't take it as one. He was right. I was nobody: certainly not worth killing.
âMaybe a thief,' he speculated. âHe was surprised when I called out, and thought that whoever was in the bed would be woken so he struck first.'
âWhat is it? Who screamed?' Ishi looked dishevelled, and in the lamplight her plump face was creased with sleep.
Goro indicated my ruined bed. âA thief. A
rÅnin
probably. Luckily Kasumi was in the garden.'
I shivered as I recalled the shadow fleeing the house. That shadow had just tried to kill me!
Ishi put a warm arm around my waist. âYou can't stay here alone. Come sleep with us in the servants' quarters.'
âThere's nothing to fear,' Goro assured me as he escorted us to the small house near the gate. âThe thief won't be back.'
Despite his attempts to reassure me, my heart was still pounding as I crawled into Ishi's bed. When I closed my eyes I saw the flash of the blade piercing my futon and had to smother my gasp of terror. It was an act so violent, so deadly â surely more calculated than the panicked act of a thief surprised. A
rÅnin
, the night guard had speculated: like the
rÅnin
who had attacked Shimizu's meetings . . . Perhaps the attack was targeted, but had hit the wrong target. Someone had been trying to get to Shimizu. And they were prepared to go into his house.
Despite the comforting warmth of Ishi beside me, I couldn't stop shaking.
The next morning I sat in the reception room, trying to capture the cool beauty of a moon-washed hydrangea bush, but for once the act of painting failed to transport me. The familiar noises of Ishi in the kitchen, of Otami sweeping the
tatami
, should have been soothing, but
every unexpected sound made me jump and I kept seeing shadows out of the corner of my eye. The light of day had done nothing to dispel the terrors of the night.
Around midday Lord Shimizu arrived home. I could tell by the serious look on his face as he entered that he'd already had a report from Goro.
âKasumi, are you all right?' he demanded as I touched my forehead to the
tatami
.
âI wasn't in bed; I was moon-viewing,' I explained, aware of how ridiculous that sounded. Despite my attempt to sound matter-of-fact, my voice came out high and frightened. âGoro said it was probably a random attack, a thief, but I wondered if . . .'
Shimizu nodded his understanding of my unspoken question. âI'm afraid that sword was most likely meant for me.'
I felt a shaft of cold run through my body. âSo you think it's connected to the other attacks?'
He rubbed his chin with a thumb and forefinger. âI can't be sure, but I have to assume it is. I'm going to double the guard at the gate and have some men from the domain patrol the perimeter. But it's not my own safety I'm concerned about.' He was looking directly at me. âKasumi, I'm sorry you've been placed in such danger. I never would have invited you here if I'd known something like this would happen. If you'd like to return home, I'll make arrangements at once â but you mean so much to Misaki, she would be devastated to see you go. Is there any way I can convince you to stay?'
Only hours before I had been thinking that Misaki didn't need me, but I saw now that this wasn't true. Her
husband was in danger. If something should happen to him, I was her only confidante in Edo; her only friend. She didn't even have a mother to comfort her should the worst happen. I couldn't leave her alone.
I looked up to see Shimizu still watching me intently.
âI'll stay,' I said.
âI'd rather you didn't tell Misaki what happened. She's anxious enough about my safety already.'
âShe won't find out from me,' I promised. Another secret to keep . . .
Misaki returned from Hakone that afternoon in high spirits.
âThe other ladies were so kind,' she said as we took tea in the garden. âI always thought they'd be standoffish because I wasn't from their domain, but I couldn't have been more wrong. Rin really went out of her way to make me feel welcome. She's the daimyo's sister-in-law, you know.' Misaki sounded awed by the circle she now found herself in, and no wonder. âShe showed such an interest in me.'
I'll bet she did, I thought. Aloud I said, âAnd you don't think that anyone suspected that you . . . you know . . . weren't really one of them?'
âOf course not.' The look she gave me was wounded, as if she had forgotten herself that she wasn't a samurai and it was unkind of me to remind her of it. And perhaps it was â but she hadn't heard what I had. Rin's kindness shouldn't be taken at face value.
âTell me about Hakone,' I urged.
Her expression became rapturous. âIt was so beautiful, Kasumi â I wish you could have seen it.' She described the blazing autumn colours of the forested hills, the view across the lake to the sacred peak of Mount Fuji. âOh, and I brought you a present. Where's my basket?' She left the room and returned a minute later with something wrapped in a knotted cloth.
I untied the cloth and stared.
âIt's an egg,' Misaki prompted.
âBut it's black!'
She giggled. âI know. They boil it in the hot springs and it turns the shell black. But eating it will bring you seven years of good luck.'
âThank you.' I cradled the egg in my palm, touched that Misaki had thought of me on her travels. What would seven years of good luck mean for me? Marriage into the family of the
waki-honjin
, my father would say. Seven years painting, I thought. I gazed at the egg again, at the mottled shell. Perhaps I would paint it before I ate it.
âIt's not only eggs that get to enjoy the hot springs,' Misaki was saying. âWe bathed in a pool overlooking the â'
Her words were interrupted by a crash as the gardener dropped a pot nearby, the sound making me shriek.
Misaki looked at me curiously. âWhat is it, Kasumi? You're not usually so jumpy.'
âNothing.' I forced myself to smile. âI was just so focused on your description of the springs that the noise startled me.'
âYou
were
nervous alone here last night, weren't you? Next time I'm invited somewhere I'll insist on bringing you with me.'
As I went to bed that night, I had to admit that it was reassuring to know that Misaki and her husband were across the corridor. Someone â Shimizu, or perhaps Ishi â must have arranged to have my slashed quilt removed and replaced, for there was no sign of it. Shimizu had assured me that the attack had been meant for him, but it occurred to me that whether the blade had been intended for me or not, if it had sliced through me as I lay beneath my quilt the result would have been the same.
The branch nearly bare
A single flag fluttering:
A scrap of red silk
The next morning's
ikebana
lesson was an autumn theme; we were to arrange maple branches in tall vases.
Misaki was humming happily as she worked. Her contentment was in stark contrast to my own tumultuous thoughts. I was still worried about Rin, about her motive for inviting Misaki on the excursion to Hakone, and unsettled by the attack on the house. But Misaki knew nothing of the currents swirling around our feet, and I was glad of it.
As if in reflection of my disordered thoughts (though, to be honest, it would have happened anyway), my arrangement quickly went awry. The
shin
was telling me in no uncertain terms that it wanted to slant, while the
soe
was determined to stand tall.
The master grumbled under his breath as he considered my arrangement but said nothing. He seemed to have decided I was a hopeless cause.
When the
ikebana
lesson was over, Misaki agreed that we might spend some time painting. âTo restore your good humour, Kasumi,' she teased. âI've never known anyone to be left so out of sorts by arranging flowers.'
We had just gone outside to gather leaves to paint when a cloud passed over the sun, causing the temperature to drop suddenly.
âI'll get our jackets,' I volunteered.
I went first to my alcove for my own jacket, then to Misaki's room, where I was startled to see Isamu standing by the dressing table. In his hand was the red comb that had been missing.
âYou found it! Misaki will be so glad. Where was it?'
He spun around at the sound of my voice and looked so guilty I knew at once.
âYou took it in the first place,' I said slowly, as the flush creeping up his neck confirmed my suspicion.
âI just borrowed it for a while.'
Why had he wanted Misaki's comb? The answer was all too clear. Hadn't I known it all along? He loved her; he loved her and wanted something of hers to keep and so had taken the comb, but when he found out she missed it he'd decided to put it back.
âKasumi, I can explain.' He looked so anxious that, despite my own misery, my first thought was to reassure him.
Taking the jacket from the clothes stand, I said, âShe's in the garden, she'll be happy to see you.'
âKasumi â'
âDon't worry. I won't say anything.'
I led the way outside.
âHere's your jacket,' I said to Misaki. âAnd here's Isamu too.' My voice, I was pleased to note, was light and steady. âAnd I have good news: I found your red comb. It was under the rack against the wall. Probably we couldn't see it because it was in shadow.'
Misaki frowned. âI'm sure I looked under the rack.' Then she shrugged. âBut that
is
good news.'
Isamu shot me a grateful look.
But I didn't want his gratitude. I wanted . . . I wanted him not to be in love with his uncle's wife.
Isamu helped us to gather leaves, then the three of us went inside for tea. All the time Isamu was watching me closely, clearly worried that I would give away his secret.
As he was leaving, he said to me quietly, âKasumi, it's not what you think . . .'
âI told you: your secret is safe with me.' Who knew better about secret love? I left the room, too wretched to stay in his company any longer.
âI'm going to have a good long soak in the bath now,' Misaki declared when we were alone again. âI'm still sore from riding in the palanquin.'
The square tub made of cypress wood sat in a small room behind the kitchen. I carried buckets of water heated on the stove from the kitchen until the tub was full, then Misaki relaxed into it with a sigh.
âI'm so glad you found my comb. It's not just because it's beautiful that I love it. It's because it reminds me of the night when you arrived in Edo . . . with Isamu.'
I didn't know how to respond. I was sure it wasn't really my arrival she wished to remember, that it was her husband's nephew she was thinking about.
âI'd been so alone before, but since then . . . well, it's like I have a family around me again.'
I felt tears prick my eyes. My thoughts had been so uncharitable, thinking only of Isamu and my jealousy, while she was so open and affectionate.
I said abruptly, âI'm going to sort out your dressing table so we don't lose anything else.'
Alone in the dressing room, I felt calmer. I sorted the combs from the hairpins, arranging them neatly in the drawers of the dressing table. Holding the red comb in my hand, I paused. Like Misaki, it made me think of Isamu, of how he had blushed when I caught him returning it. He was without honour, I told myself: mooning after his uncle's wife.
I would get my misery out in the best way I knew how, I decided. We had left the leaves in the reception room, ready to paint. I took an ink stick and ground some ink, then I took up a brush and let my hand move without thinking, allowing my black thoughts to empty onto the page. But when I looked at what I had done I saw that my brush had not sought the calm of nature, as I had expected. I had drawn a face: Misaki. I had accurately rendered her fine features and large almond-shaped eyes, but there, prominent on her cheek, was a horrible disfiguring scar, much more hideous in my painting than it was in reality.
I gazed at the picture in horror. It was not Misaki who was ugly; it was me. Inside. I put the brush down
with a tremulous hand, frightened by what I had done. Snatching up the paper, I tore it into small pieces.
Until now, the brush had been my solace, but for the first time I wondered if it was a curse.
As if to emphasise just how undeserving she was of my horrid portrait, in the days that followed Misaki grew ever more kind and generous towards me. Lord Shimizu, too, was at pains to show me how much he appreciated my remaining in Edo after the attack that had nearly ended my life.
One morning, before Shimizu left the house, he and Misaki presented me with a gift.
Misaki was holding a tray on which sat a box covered in a velvet cloth embroidered with coloured thread.
âWhat's this for?' I gasped. âIt's not Ochugen or Oseibo.' Midsummer and midwinter were the usual seasons for gift-giving.
Misaki merely smiled and proffered the tray.
I lifted the cloth to reveal a lacquered box.
âOpen it,' Misaki urged.
Inside were half a dozen paintbrushes of various sizes. âOh.' I was shocked speechless. I picked up the largest brush, the polished wood of the handle smooth in my hand, and ran a finger along the coarse tip.
âThat's made of pig bristles,' Shimizu said. âThis one â' he indicated a long slender brush with a fine tapered tip ââ uses cat hair.'
âDaiki
sensei
told my husband what brushes to buy,' Misaki explained.
I didn't know whether to feel embarrassed or proud that the painting master had been consulted. Would he think it presumptuous of me to have my own utensils? I was neither a lady nor an artist, though I longed to be both.
As I arranged Misaki's hair that morning, I stammered out my thanks for the painting set.
âI wanted to thank you for your friendship, and my husband wants to support your talent. You really are talented, you know,' Misaki said. âIt's not just we who think so. Daiki told my husband you are the best student he has ever had.'
The best student he has ever had
. . . As I met Misaki's eyes in the mirror, saw the love and admiration there, it was as if the clouds had parted and a radiant sun was pouring over me.
Then my gaze moved to my own reflection. With what I had discovered about my own character on the day Isamu had returned the red comb, I should have looked in the mirror and seen a demon â the jealous Hannya, perhaps. But I looked much as I always had. A little more pale, perhaps, from the time spent indoors since I came to Edo, but otherwise unchanged. Outwardly.
âAnd I have another surprise for you later,' said Misaki, drawing my eyes back to her.
âWhat is it?'
âIf I tell you, it won't be a surprise. You'll see soon enough.'
When Isamu arrived midway through the morning Misaki greeted him as if she had been expecting him, then rose to whisper something in his ear.
Over her shoulder, his gaze met mine then darted away. Would we never be comfortable with each other again?
Misaki seemed oblivious to our discomfort. Turning to me, she said, âAre you ready for your surprise?'
I raised my eyebrows at her. What did Isamu have to do with my surprise?
Then he held out his arms and I noticed he was holding something covered in a cloth. âThis is for you, Kasumi.'
For the second time that day I lifted a cloth to uncover a gift, this time a scroll. I looked up, puzzled, to see Misaki and Isamu watching me eagerly. I unrolled the scroll and saw to my astonishment one of my own paintings framed by silk. It was of a tree in the forest where I had once walked every day, the thin mist of early autumn drifting through its branches.
âWhere did you . . .? How . . .?' I glanced from one to the other.
Misaki smiled. âI saved it after one of our lessons. I didn't think you'd mind.'
In a corner of the painting characters were inscribed in elegant calligraphy.
âWhat does it say?'
â
Mist drapes the valley
Closing its hand on each branch
Stroking ev'ry leaf
,' Misaki recited.
âThat's my grandmother's poem!'
âIt was so beautiful it stuck in my head, and this picture of yours made me think of it. Isamu did the calligraphy.'
I felt a catch in my throat to see my grandmother's words alongside my own picture and had to blink back the tears.
âOh no, it was a bad idea, wasn't it? We've made you homesick.'
âNo, it's not that. It's . . .' I cleared my throat. âYou couldn't have given me anything I would love better.'
That night I unrolled the scroll again. It wasn't for me to declare the picture worthy of being made into a scroll, but I did know it was successful in one respect. When I looked at it I felt what it was like to stand in the forest with the mist swirling around the trees, the cold cloak of it touching my skin. I had my valley here with me. I didn't need to miss it because I carried it inside myself and I could return there with my brush. I had captured the feeling of the forest in my painting, just as Grandmother had captured the feeling with her words.
Reverently I placed the scroll in the small chest in my alcove alongside the book in which Grandfather had written Grandmother's poems. My treasured possessions: my grandmother's poems in my grandfather's hand, and now the work of my own hand with my grandmother's poem inscribed by Isamu.
Grandfather had thought I was special. Was this what he meant? I had found a use for my eyes and my hands, a
gift with which I could express myself without the words that got me into trouble. Then I thought of the portrait I had painted of Misaki and remembered that not all gifts were benign.