The Party Girl's Invitation (18 page)

Phil was driving. He was currently at the wheel of the tour car, it was the only thing big enough to get everyone in. He had every intention of staying sober tonight. The evening he had planned with Crystal later, didn’t accommodate drunken fumblings in the back seat of the company car. He’d booked the honeymoon suite at the posh hotel in Bath, the one by the waterfall, right in the centre, and told the night porter to lay on champagne and roses and he and his lady would be in late tonight. He’d engaged a personal limousine, to collect Saskia and Carrie and anyone else that she chose to take back to the pub with her, at considerable personal expense, it had to be said. He’d also arranged for his room in the pub to be loaned out to anyone else that might need it, he wouldn’t step foot over the threshold there tonight.

He scratched absently at his groin as he negotiated a particularly tricky bend in the road, and grasped a handful of furious pink net and little else. This outfit he was wearing was a little bit strange, but he’d read about the British tradition of pantomime and knew that the dame was always a guy, so he guessed that all of the other partygoers would get the gag too. He hoped so, otherwise he just might look like the biggest prat on the planet, and he really hoped that wasn’t the case. He wondered if it was usual for the dame to go ‘commando’, only it had always tickled his fancy, the thought of going out in a dress, and now he had an unexpected opportunity to put his wildest fantasies into practise. He just hoped that Crystal appreciated the gesture, when he did get her alone tonight.

In the back of the car, Saskia and Carrie were holding their own conversation. He couldn’t quite catch what they were twittering on about, but every now and then a high pitched squeal of girlish laughter would drift in his direction and he tried not to worry what they were laughing about. He had his own personal fantasy going on, right here in the front, and he didn’t need either of them to spoil it for him now.

Mark had drawn the short straw. He’d been nominated not only to pick up gran tonight, but to deliver Norma safely to her sister’s in Devizes on the way in. So he and Ruth had needed to leave at five o’clock in the afternoon, just to make the round trip in time to turn up at the venue on time tonight. He’d also had a bit of trouble with the lime green netting that bordered his dress, but Ruth had come up with the perfect solution to the problem and now he wore a pair of red silky ‘long johns’ under his outfit. Like Phil, and countless men before him, he really appreciated the feel of liberation, that his unusual party garb afforded his previously otherwise sheltered upbringing. More men should wear silk, he resolved, as he reaped the rewards of a wife who, quite unexpectedly, showed renewed interest in his personal affairs.

Ruth had never seen her straight-laced and serious husband quite so animated, ever before. If all it took was a dress and some silk underwear, to relieve the pressures of the boardroom, then she’d surely uncovered the secret to unwavering marital bliss. She made a mental note to visit an online website in the near future, she’d heard that you could buy all kinds of things, discreetly by mail order, these days. One of her girlfriends had purchased some very interesting things from Ann Summers, and her husband had not been in the least offended by the items that had arrived for them in the post. Privately, she couldn’t wait to get Mark home, and into the bedroom tonight.

Inside the marquee, the vicar looked up from his place at the table. They’d already been shown to their seats by a smartly dressed waiter and he too was enjoying being incognito tonight. He and his wife had made their own costumes, out of recycled paper and some of the things left over from the parish jumble sale the other week. He was very proudly ‘the tin man’ from the Wizard of Oz, complete with silver face paint and an oil can full of brandy, which he was discreetly swigging straight out of the nozzle on the end of the can. It was for medicinal purposes only, he told himself, as he took just one more nip. It warded off the cold, and his arthritis had been playing up of late. He was already feeling pleasantly relaxed. He couldn’t remember a time when he’d had quite so much fun.

His wife was also enjoying herself enormously. Her husband rarely let his hair down and really relaxed, it seemed like his job dogged their every step these days. Even when he arranged a few days off something or other always cropped up, he was never off duty, not really. At least in his costume most people wouldn’t know who he was, and he could have a good time away from the censure and restrictions that went hand in hand with the job. She’d raided the ragbag too, and she was dressed as scarecrow, complete with straw hands, collars and cuffs. It was a bit itchy this straw, she realised. She was beginning to wish that she’d gone with the beige leather gloves and moth-eaten lamb’s wool scarf option now, it might have been just a little more practical, after all.

Her husband gave her a nudge. “Here comes Crystal, and her young man. Over there, at the door, look. Hetty’s already here, dressed as the fairy godmother, she is. I saw Mark helping her in through the door earlier. He’s one of the ugly sisters and Ruth is Cinderella, so what does that make Crystal then?”

“She’s Cinderella too, by the looks of it. Before she goes to the ball, I reckon. Who is her young man then? I’m not sure that I recognise him.”

“No idea. Look, there’s Jeremy and his girlfriend, he’s dressed up as the other ugly sister, his costume is just the same as Mark’s, except his is pink. That must be his young lady friend with him, she’s dressed up as a cat, with furry ears and tail. Can you see?”

“Mmm. Who do you suppose that is, with them then? The one in the elf or the pixie costume? I don’t recognise her at all.”

“No idea. Yes, that’s definitely Jeremy alright. It’s just like him to turn up dressed as the dame. I bet he’s on a very strict warning to behave himself tonight, especially considering his behaviour last year. Where are they sitting then? With Crystal and Hetty, I’ll bet?”

“Over there, on the one big round table at the front. The waiter is showing them to their seats now. We will have to wait until after the meal, when the music starts, to catch up with everyone else. We’ve got the Major, The Colonel and the Headmaster with us, so at least we’re on a good table this year. I only hope that the Major doesn’t start sounding off, Jonathan can be so prickly when people get a bit loud with drink.”

“It’ll be fine, Peter, you’re off duty today, remember? Just leave them all to sort their own selves out. Relax, we’re here to have a good time tonight.”Mary patted his knee reassuringly.

Saskia was gratified to be placed on the head table. Until she realised that some old bag and her family had made it there ahead of them and they were already sitting in the best seats. She scowled at Carrie and Phil, it was all their fault, for spending so long in the ante-room, guzzling all of the free champagne. It was only cheap imitation anyway, nothing like the stuff she was used to drinking on a regular basis. Not that they could tell the difference anyway, going by the goofy expressions on both of their faces. The waiter showed them to their places politely enough, it had to be said.

She picked up the small white place card, carefully hand scribed in thick black ink, and tossed it aside with disdain. he bloody stupid bitch couldn’t even get her name right. She was listed as Sheila and Phil’s place marker said Peter. Poor Carrie had been a last minute addition and her card was made out to Guest One, how rude was that, after all of the money she’d paid. At least there was one ticket they hadn’t messed up, she looked around for the fourth marker, but couldn’t see it here on this table. Good. She didn’t want that slimeball too close to her.

She cast a swift eye over the other names on the table as the others attempted to take their places. No, that wasn’t good enough. That would never do at all.

She raised an imperious hand. “No, sorry this table arrangement isn’t good enough. It will have to be changed,” she insisted, loudly and with conviction.

“Phil, you’re not sitting there. You will have to change places with me.”

Phil’s card was positioned right next to Crystal. He wasn’t giving up that seat without a fight.

“My name is on this seat here. This suits me fine,” he attempted to contradict.

“I don’t care what the place name says, I want that seat,” Saskia instructed.

She stared at the waiter. “Move it now,” she demanded.

The other diners were beginning to stare.

Hetty stopped her conversation with Mark and looked askance at the newcomers. Who were these people? Were they Lolly’s mystery guests? Where was the child anyhow? She should be here to escort her visitors. Such bad manners, the young.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve been introduced.”She accosted the young lady who was about to take the seat next to her. “I’m Hetty, pleased to meet you. And who might you be?” she asked.

Carrie took the outstretched hand of the elderly lady seated to her left. Her own good manners outweighed her employers shocking lack of tact.

“Good evening. Nice to meet you too. I’m Carrie,” she supplied as she grasped the elderly lady’ warm palm, the skin soft and papery, but the grip surprisingly strong, for one who looked so frail.

“Well?”Saskia demanded of both the waiter and Phil. Not wishing to be outdone.

The waiter abruptly switched the cards with a sheepish shrug. He wasn’t paid enough to deal with family disputes. He backed off rapidly, he’d leave them to sort their own problems out.

Phil switched seats, with bad grace. There would be plenty of time later, to spend with Crystal. He supposed he could wait just a couple more hours.

Mark ceased his conversation abruptly. Who was that with Jeremy, and why was she being so rude? There was something wrong here .He stared at his brother, hard, and frowned.

Phil wondered why the other guy, in the dress like his, was staring at him. It did leave him feeling slightly less conspicuous though, at least he wasn’t the only one here with a dodgy costume. The grumpy guy had the exact same costume on, except his was lurid lime green, it must’ve come from the same hire place. He looked a bit severe, though, and the looks he was giving him were not altogether welcoming. He gave him the thumbs up, and smiled. It was nice to see a bit of solidarity, between men, even if the guy was a bit rude.

The guy looked a bit confused, but thankfully he’d stopped glaring at him, for the moment at least. The thick white paint which had come with the costume was starting to melt in the heat of the tent, and Phil picked up his napkin to wipe at his face.

Crystal and Brad were already on their way to the table, when Aunt Vera intercepted them. Lolly had locked herself in the downstairs loo and was refusing to come out, the caterers were running nearly half an hour late and they were short of wine, for the hot punch. It was proving to be a roaring success. What should she do?

Crystal turned to Brad. “Sorry, domestic issues. Can you find your own way to the table, while I go and quickly sort this out?” she asked sweetly.

“No problems, don’t be too long though, I’ll get lonely,” he replied, as she disappeared off, with her aunt.

Right, Crystal decided, Lolly first. “Where is she, Aunt Vera, and who upset her?” she asked, without preamble.

“No idea. She wanted us to meet her new boyfriend. But now she’s locked herself in the downstairs loo and he’s outside the door, trying to persuade her to come out.”

Crystal smirked. Yes, that sounded like Lolly, alright.

“Lead on then, and let’s see what we can do.”

As they walked past the door to the catering tent, she called out to the head chef, “Chris, we have several spare cases of port, that will double up as wine for the punch, just water it down a bit, tell the boys to use that. I’ll delay the meal for you by fifteen minutes, can you cope with that?”

Chris looked up from his task of decorating the salmon for the table and gave her the thumbs up. “Thanks darlin’, port, you say? OK, sure. Fifteen minutes? I’ll do me best.”

Crystal turned to her aunt. “Please can I trouble you to do me a favour? Can you go and tell the leader of the hunt to delay speeches by fifteen minutes please? He’s over there, dressed as a teddy bear, standing beside the nun and the guy with the box on his head. What do you suppose he’s supposed to be?”

“That’s Jonathan, the headmaster. He’s some boring thing about children watching too much TV.I think he’s making a political statement of some kind. I didn’t talk to him for too long, he’s enough to make paint want to dry quickly, just to get rid of him, don’t you think?”

Crystal smiled.

“Yes, I can see the teddy bear. No problem. I’ll go and speak to him for you. Please get my daughter out of the loo. We’ve guests staying over tonight, she can’t stay in there forever,” her aunt worried, as she made her way over to speak to the person Crystal had indicated.

Happy that one disaster had been diverted, Crystal started off along the path to the main house alone. Not for the first time, tonight, she wished that she’d thought to bring a coat with her, it was perishingly cold. She sauntered in through the back door of the farmhouse and headed for the downstairs loo.

The sight that greeted her, could not have been more bizarre. There was a pirate having a stand up slanging match with a mermaid, at one end of the corridor, he was waving a cutlass about dangerously and she was picking sequins from her bosom and throwing them in his face. And to their right, a vampire stood, resting his head against the closed bathroom door attempting to cajole someone into opening the door.