The Oyster Catchers (40 page)

‘Eline!’ he called, pausing as he drew close to her. ‘I’ve just heard about Joe, I’m so sorry.’

Eline stood silently, looking down at her feet, unable even now to believe that Joe was dead.

Suddenly she was crying, great gulping sobs that shook her small frame, she was wracked with guilt; here she was newly widowed and longing to be in another man’s arms.

‘Leave me alone!’ She was aware that her voice was rising hysterically. ‘I never want to see you again, do you understand that?’

‘Eline, what are you talking about?’ Will was bewildered by her rebuff, reaching out his hand as if to touch her.

‘I was such a bad wife,’ she said harshly, rubbing her eyes with her fingers. ‘I should have been with him and instead I was thinking only of myself.’ She hit out at Will as he lifted his arm to comfort her.

‘Can’t you see, I can never be with you now, there would always be the ghost of my husband between us. It’s my fault he died, my fault! No wonder the villagers despise me.’

‘No,’ Will said, ‘of course they don’t despise you, you worked to support your husband. How could anyone blame you for that?’

‘Go away, don’t keep on about it.’ Eline cried in anguish. ‘Just leave me alone, can’t you? I don’t want you around me, don’t you understand? I’ll never forgive myself for leaving Joe when he most needed me.’

‘He preferred Nina to be with him, face facts,’ Will said and it was clear he was growing angry. ‘They were comfortable together, he was in love with her in a way he had never been with you.’

‘How do you know that?’ Eline said furiously. ‘How could anyone know how Joe felt, least of all you?’

‘You were his obsession,’ Will insisted, ‘his dream. Joe wanted you on a pedestal, not tending to a sick man’s needs, you didn’t fit into that picture at all.’

‘What makes you think you understood my husband?’ Eline felt as though her head was about to explode. ‘You only wanted to take his wife away from him, didn’t you?’

Will looked stricken and Eline felt the need to lash out at him, to hurt him as she was hurting.

‘How do you know that your actions didn’t contribute to his death?’

Once the words were spoken, Eline was appalled at what she had said, but it was too late, far too late to take the hurtful words back.

Will stared at her for a long moment and then turning on his heel, strode away, his back straight, his shoulders set, revealing the depths of his anger.

Eline moved in a daze and found herself on the beach, staring out to sea. She could not think straight and for the moment she was content to let her mind drift away from stark reality to some dream world where it was always summer and where she did not have to face the heavy burden of guilt that would always be with her. Only one thing was clear, she and Will were finished, it was all over between them before it had really ever begun.

Fon and Jamie were just finishing the books for the week and Jamie sank back in his chair and sighed, rubbing his hand through his hair.

‘There we can go to bed now, Katherine?’ he said and then colour suffused his cheeks. ‘I called you Katherine, how could I, Fon?’

Then, slowly Jamie began to smile, a rueful, diffident smile. ‘How she would laugh if she could hear me, dim wit that I am.’ He leaned forward and took Fon’s hand, kissing the palm gently.

‘I don’t know what I would have done without you in these past months,’ he continued, ‘what a wise woman my wife was to plan our futures for us the way she did, she was right, wasn’t she Fon?’

Fon felt a little frightened; this was the first time Jamie had looked at her, really looked at her as a woman and it was unnerving.

‘We’ll see, Jamie,’ she said softly, ‘just give it time, be patient.’

He stroked her hair gently. ‘I know you are an innocent, sweet girl,’ he murmured, ‘isn’t that why Katherine was so fond of you, so sure you were the right one?’

‘I can’t ever take her place, Jamie,’ Fon said earnestly, ‘and I wouldn’t want to, but in time perhaps everything will sort itself out.’

Fon resisted the urge to throw herself into Jamie’s arms; she knew in her heart that she loved him as she would love no other man, her place was at Honey’s Farm by his side, it was pre-ordained, she was sure of it. She sighed heavily then.

‘You know I have to go down to Oystermouth for a few days, don’t you, Jamie?’

He nodded. ‘Aye, with your mam still grieving over Joe Harries and him dead these past months I suppose you have no choice. Got to take your turn in keeping her company.’

Fon shook back her hair. ‘Our Sal has been marvellous, mind, full of common sense that girl and then Gwyneth does more than her share; living with Mam like she does, she carries all the responsibilities.’

‘Still, your mam is well set up. I’ll give the man that much credit, he paid his dues to the one who cared for him while he was sick.’

‘I know,’ Fon said, ‘I think everyone was surprised when Joe’s letter was read by a proper solicitor naming Mam as the one who inherited his house. Mam must feel very strange owning her own home and her living in a rented cottage all her life.’

Fon took a deep breath. ‘Fair play to Eline, mind, she didn’t make any fuss about it, said Joe’s word was law and that Mam deserved to be rewarded for all she’d done. It’s a wonder she’s not bitter about it all, her going out to work to support him and that.’

‘Well, love, those problems you must leave to other folk to sort out, all you have to do is visit your mother, show her that you care. If you like, you can bring her up here for a few days – perhaps a change of air will do her good.’

‘We’ll see,’ Fon smiled, ‘I don’t think she’ll leave Oystermouth, but thank you for the offer, it’s so kind of you to think of it.’

‘This is your home, Fon,’ Jamie said firmly, ‘if you want to invite your mam, then you have every right.’ He sighed. ‘I know I miss
my
mam and dad, I wish they were still alive.’ He looked up at Fon. ‘I’ve only you and Patrick to care for now.’

She looked at him, her face soft with love and wished
that he would say the words that would make her heart fly up with the birds. Until he actually spoke out she wouldn’t know if he loved her or was simply taking the easiest way out of his loneliness.

‘I’ll run you down to Oystermouth tomorrow,’ he broke the silence, ‘don’t stay away too long, will you, Fon? I don’t know what I’ll do without you.’

When she was in bed, Fon stared into the darkness, wondering what it would be like to lie in Jamie’s arms, to be his wife with all that implied. She was nervous, she had never gone out with followers, not like Sal and Gwyneth who had taken to courting as naturally as ducks swim on ponds.

Fon sighed and turned over on to her side, her face buried in the pillow wondering what it felt like to be loved by a man. Would she let Jamie down? After all, he had been married to Katherine for some time, he was an experienced man.

Fon felt her colour rise even though she was alone in the darkness. She pushed away the uncomfortable thoughts of failing to please Jamie and forced her eyes shut. And yet sleep wouldn’t come, she was worried and afraid, but perhaps it would help if she talked matters over with Mam tomorrow.

And yet, in her heart, Fon knew that when the time came to speak of such things, her tongue would cleave to the roof of her mouth with nerves and she would be unable to utter a word.

At last she slept and in her dreams she was in church with Jamie at her side and a Bible clutched in her hand. The vicar was offering a blessing on the union between Fon Parks and Jamie and everything was bathed in the light of romance and dreams, and there was no reality to spoil the moment.

Eline knew she must make up her mind what to do about Joe’s boat and that meant a trip into Oystermouth. She
had not set foot in the place since Joe had died, partly because she knew she wouldn’t be welcome and partly because she was riddled with guilt that she had not been with Joe at the end.

But, she had to be practical, she knew that the boat would deteriorate if she didn’t decide what to do with it and, after all, the
Emmeline
had been Joe’s pride and joy. Hopefully, she could sell the boat, get it off her hands and then perhaps she could begin to come to terms with her guilt.

On top of the train, looking out over the sea, Eline clasped her hands together and tried to suppress the nervousness that seemed to grip her. She feared the hostility of the villagers but, perhaps even more, she feared coming face to face with Will Davies. Her heart thudded at the thought of the row they’d had and she immediately felt ashamed; she shouldn’t have hurt him, but it had been imperative that he realized it was all over between them.

And yet how she wanted him! She rubbed at her face self-consciously and stared more intently at the ebbing waves without really seeing them.

When Eline alighted from the train, she walked briskly along the road towards the small cottage where she had gone on her wedding day. The door was open, the house deserted and, after a moment’s hesitation, Eline went inside.

There was no sign of Nina, but Eline knew she must talk to her, ask her advice about the boat. In a way, it would hurt to dispose of it, it was all Eline had left of her life with Joe. And yet what would she do with an oyster skiff? She could scarcely take it out to sea herself.

She sat in the small kitchen and stared down at the slate floor that she had scrubbed to within an inch of its life and wondered what had happened to all those weeks and months of her life when she had been married to Joe. Was it all wasted now?

She forced herself to think of other things, her grief and guilt were almost intolerable, but returning to the village brought all her memories flooding back, the early days with Joe when she had looked up to him, grateful for his protection.

The money for the boat, she told herself briskly, she would plough back into the business. Not that it needed it, between the design work and the portraits she was called on increasingly to paint, she scarcely had time to do any window dressing.

She would never be rich and famous, not like Hari Grenfell but what did it matter? What did anything matter any more?

‘Pull yourself together!’ she said aloud, forcing herself to think about her business. She had wondered for some time which way she should go, aware that she must begin to construct her life into more ordered lines. She needed to specialize in only one field to make any real impact. But what should she devote herself to – design, window dressing or portraits? She just wasn’t clear about it at all, her thoughts were so chaotic these days.

‘
Bore da
, Eline, what a surprise to see you. How are you this morning?’ Carys was standing in the doorway, she was smiling in her usual good-natured way and yet she looked a little peaky. Startled from her thoughts, Eline looked up quickly.

‘Carys, I was waiting for Nina but perhaps I’d better come back another day.’

‘Come into my house and wait,’ Carys said, ‘the baby is sleeping so we’ll have some peace, at least for a little while.’

Gratefully, Eline followed Carys into the warm homeliness of the next-door kitchen. The fire burned up cheerfully and the wooden table was spread with a bright, checked cloth upon which stood a bowl of flowers.

‘Sit you down, Eline, you look pale and tired, not still beating yourself with the stick of guilt, are you?’

Eline wondered at Carys’s perception, homely she might be, but Carys was kindness itself. ‘How can I help it? I left my husband and went off selfishly to follow my own plans. What sort of wife is that?’

‘Now come on,’ Carys made the tea deftly and quickly, swirling the hot water around the brown china pot before carefully adding the tea leaves, ‘if my Sam had taken up with Nina Parks I might have walked out too, but,’ she smiled, ‘I don’t think I’d have had the guts.’

‘I can’t pretend I was being unselfish or self-sacrificing,’ Eline said, ‘I
was
thinking of myself, I was glad to get away from Oystermouth and I can’t forget I wasn’t here to look after Joe when he died.’

‘And could you have prevented what happened if you
were
here?’ Carys reasoned. ‘Of course not, no one could. Get on with your life, Eline, forget the past, it’s the only way.’

‘I know you’re right,’ Eline said softly. ‘What have I really to keep me tied to Oystermouth except a few friends like you and Sam?’

There’s Will Davies. For a moment, Eline wondered if she’d spoken then aloud but Carys was handing her a cup without changing the expression on her kindly face.

‘Drink up, love, give yourself a breathing space, think things over and then make up your mind what to do when you’re sure what you want.’

‘Will I ever be sure of what I want?’ Eline said. ‘I seem to be at sixes and sevens with myself, I can’t seem to think clearly any more.’

‘It’s not really surprising,’ Carys said, easing herself stiffly into the rocking-chair, ‘you have suffered a lot of worries lately, as I said, you
must
give yourself time to get over the shock of poor Joe’s death, then you will be able to think straight, you’ll see.’

Eline leaned forward, suddenly concerned; Carys was definitely not herself, there were lines of worry around her eyes and mouth.

‘Here’s me going on about my troubles,’ Eline said, ‘what’s wrong with you?’ Aware that her words might sound abrupt Eline qualified her question. ‘I mean is anything troubling you? You look, I don’t know, anxious I suppose is the word.’

‘It’s the oysters, the supply is drying up,’ Carys seemed happy to talk, ‘everyone is feeling the pinch, some of the village folks are so bad off they’re not even eating the oysters themselves but keeping the catch to sell.’

Eline was shocked, she had been so wrapped up in herself that she hadn’t noticed what was going on in the village.

‘The authorities may even stop the men fishing in the Swansea Bay if the situation gets any worse,’ Carys sighed. ‘I don’t know what things are coming to.’

‘But you and Sam are all right, aren’t you?’ Eline asked anxiously and Carys smiled ruefully.

‘Aye, all right for now but the beds have been over dredged, the oysters haven’t been allowed to breed properly.’ Her voice grew unusually angry.